Confidence and social skills...

[TrigunX89]

First, I'd like to say 'thank you' in advance if you take the time to read this. If not, that's okay too.

I've got problems... I'm hoping that maybe someone could help. Here goes...

I'm typically a quiet person. I don't usually talk too much, and I usually don't talk very loud. (I don't even know how to scream... But that's not really the point.) Anyway, I've been this way for a long time. I think I'm just not very confident in myself. I'm always worried about what people might think of me. It's easier around friends, or even strangers. It's hardest around family, whom I most want to please. I can be myself around my friends without worrying about pleasing them or feeling like they will criticize me. When I'm around family though, I just have a very hard time communicating, or expressing myself. It may be because I'm afraid of criticism, or it may be that I'm worried of what they'll think of me. I already don't really like who I am, and how I act... I just feel like I've dug myself into a pit, after years of low self-esteem, and I'd really like to get out of it. I know my family loves me dearly, and I love them a whole lot too. They would never do anything to hurt me. I just feel sorta intimidated sometimes or feel I'm not good enough for them. I don't want to disappoint them I guess. It's gotten so bad, I have trouble even showing emotion around some family members. I'm not even comfortable laughing around certain people, because it's like a big deal to them and it's like they laugh at me for laughing... When I was little, I would wear a bandana to cover my mouth, kinda like a criminal in a western, so they wouldn't see me laugh or whatever. I see now that was utterly stupid. Anyways, I ditched the bandana (lol) but the feelings remain. My birthday is coming up, and I would hate it if I couldn't express my joy and thanks after they have spent all the time/effort/money to try and make me happy. Sorry for the long post. Thanks again for your time!

[_Sin_]

First, I'd like to say 'thank you' in advance if you take the time to read this. If not, that's okay too.

I've got problems... I'm hoping that maybe someone could help. Here goes...

Oh, an interesting thread! I'll try to help if I can but I were never in a situation like you I guess. Let's see:

When I'm around family though, I just have a very hard time communicating, or expressing myself. It may be because I'm afraid of criticism, or it may be that I'm worried of what they'll think of me. I already don't really like who I am, and how I act...

I gather that the main problem is that you want to a) please your family and b) please yourself. But you think that if a) and b) do not overlap you need to choose to prioritize your family and how they might think about you over your needs - which is wrong (you agree here if I haven't misread your post)! I'm of the opinion that you can and have to stay true to your feelings and be able to not get into conflict with your family at the same time. Family is also there to prepare you for the real life and if you don't develop an own character and become strong-willed, you might have trouble getting your point across in your job or similar things. I'm not saying to go all rebellious against your parents but to set some priorities because if you continue acting like that you are not living for yourself but for your family which can't be the purpose of your life .

And well, to get back to your problem, did you actually try speaking with your family about how you think and feel? If they ought to love you, they will surely understand and will not make fun of you like you feared. Then explain them you have your own needs and see how they respond. Usually this problem can be discussed and things will look better for you.

I hope this helps. Remember: Show respect to your family and expect some from them, meaning that you mustn't hold back your own needs.

[Mr. Rogers]

i have this same problem. only for me, it's opposite. im alright around my family, but anyone else gives me alot of trouble. but still, i know how frusterating it is. it's becoming a real hinderance lately. maybe i should talk to my pastor or something about it, i dunno. im not sure if i can give much advice, but ill pray for ya.

[_Sin_]

i have this same problem. only for me, it's opposite. im alright around my family, but anyone else gives me alot of trouble. but still, i know how frusterating it is. it's becoming a real hinderance lately. maybe i should talk to my pastor or something about it, i dunno. im not sure if i can give much advice, but ill pray for ya.

This "version" of the I'm-shy-syndrom is much more common anyways .

I had the same problem as you but I realized that people will not bite you if you talk to them or joke with them. There is little bad that can come of it if you are a bit more talkative, and much good to be gained from. It's always funny too see 2 or 3 people sitting on the same table at work staring into the air because both of them are too shy to speak, while they might have a better time doing so, don't you think?

[Scribs]

It sounds like your family really loves you and cares about you. Do you have any particular member of your family thaqt you do feel comfortable around? If so talking to them about this could be a big help. If not, just laugh when you feel like laughing and when they laugh back remember that they may not be laughing at you but instead laughing with you.

They are your family and they love you very much, and I am sure that they would never do anything that they thought would make you uncomfortable, so perhaps telling them that what they do makes you uncomfortable would help the situation.

I hope this helps. I will be praying for you.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

what piloswine said, talk to one member of the family. Try talking to your dad, because youre a guy, and hes a guy. So he may udnerstand you the most

[TrigunX89]

Thanks, everyone!

I haven't tried speaking with my family about it... Well, now that I think about it, I sorta talked to my brother about it once, but I kinda missed the opportunity I guess. Maybe I'll try to talk to him about it next time I get a chance. He is always encouraging.

I wish I could talk more and joke around more... I'm not talking about rebelling. I just want to have better relationships with people I guess. I'll do my best, and maybe I'll talk to someone about it when I get a chance.

Thanks again for all your time!

[Jeikobu]

I know how you feel TrigunX89. In most aspects I can usually be open and speak my mind and be myself around my brother and sister, and I'm not afraid to talk to my parents if I have problems, etc., but outside my family I'm not as close to people. I don't really have any real friends IRL outside my family. And I get nervous and even shy often when trying to make friends. I don't know what to say and when to say it, and I'm afraid of saying the wrong things. I feel alot less nervous about it now than I would have several years ago for example, but I am still a quiet person fairly often. I can be more talkative and open when I want to be, but I have to feel comfortable with it. God willing, as time goes He will show me nice people to make friends with (there already seem to be some good people at my youth group). I hope it works out for you as well, TX89.