jim's thoughts on dating

[Mr. Rogers]

This is just something I wrote in my xanga today that I was thinking about. Maybe if someone wants to add some comments, it would be helpful.
3 things im still thinking about:

1) what is a better definition of "the world's" way of dating?
-what is bad about this way?
-what, if anything, is alright about this way?
2) what kind of things does a non-christian guy cover a christian girl with?
3) what are the effects of a non-christian girl on a christian guy?

If this kind of post is not allowed, then I apologize in advance, and you can just close it. But here it is:
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We were talking a tiny bit about dating in youth group last night, and since I have't written anything in a while, I'll write my thoughts about that.
So I present to you: Jim's Theories on Dating.
First off, I sorta think dating is kinda dumb. By dating, I mean just meeting someone and not really knowing them very well, and then just suddenly becoming boyfriend and girlfriend and jumping right into that kind of relationship. That is kind of a bad definition, so I'll revise this post after I have had more time to think about it. If you just meet someone out of nowhere and then suddenly get into that kind of relationship with them, chances are pretty good that it is not going to work out. You really don't know each other that well, so you don't know all the important things you should know about that person before you get into that kind of relationship with them.
Sometimes, it seems, people also start dating for the wrong reasons. We shouldn't go into it with the attitude of, "I'll just be in this relationship for a few months, then go to someone else, then someone else, then...". If you do that, you might possibly just be trying to fill a void in your life, that is not being filled by God, but should be. We should look for someone we can spend the rest of our lives with, not just spend a couple of months together, then call it off.
I think the best way to go about this area of life, is first just have a good strong friendship with the person. Then you can truely get to know them; both the good and the bad. Then from there, you can choose what to do. And if you do it that way, with lots of prayer, I would think that it would have a better chance at working. That way, God can direct it all.
Another important thing is, "Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers: for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? or what communion hath light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14. God says this for a very good reason. I'm not saying that with the attitude of, "I'm so much better than you, 'cause I'm a Christian and your not." I'm not saying that at all. We are saved by God's mercy alone, and that's it. But a Christian and a non-Christian are as different as night and day. One person want to live for God, one person doesn't really care about God. One person wants to grow in their relationship with Jesus, serve Him, and tell others about Him. The other person thinks your nuts. That kind of thing just is not going to work. You will just be a hinderance to each other. There is nothing wrong with having non-Christian friends. Jesus never said to hate the rest of the world. But a romantic relationship with two opposites just isn't going to work. So follow that verse -- and you'll both save yourselves alot of trouble.
This next point sort of has to do with the one I just mentioned. According to the Bible, the man is in authority over the woman and he is supposed to cover her. If all he is covering her with is mocking, unbelief, apathy, and all those sorts of things, then I think it is safe to say that she is not in a very good position, is she? They have to be able to help each other in their walk with Jesus, and that isn't going to happen unless they both have faith in Jesus and are really living for Him.
Those are pretty much all my thoughts for now...I'll revise this later.
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[Mr. SmartyPants]

oh nice! I write God stuff in my xanga all the time too!

[Danyasaur]

that's good, I agree ^_^ I personally don't like the whole teen dating thing, too me when you're dating it means that you're looking for somone that you'd want to spend your life with, and I think it's pretty stupid to go looking when you're that young cuz' you're SO not ready for that type of relationship, it's better just to stay good friends untill you get old enough to the point that you're ready, I mean, you're talking about your "whole life" with a person, no need to rush I mean come on people o_o

anyways, that's my two shiny pennys ^_^

[Bunny]

*high-five* That's the way! I think I would describe the world's way of dating as getting into a romantic relationship with absolutely no intention of having a possible life-long commitment.
This is definitely something that I have a pretty passionate opinion on. Being a teenage girl in a high school full of people so eager to sell themselves short, I've been told that I am the craziest person alive because I don't want a boyfriend. Mostly those same people come back to me later and tell me they should have listened to me.
I've seen what it does to people and I hate every bit of it. It does nothing but set people up for pain and disappointment that they're likely to carry for a long while. An even worse reality than that is that the special someone in his/her future is likely to pay for it in one way or another.
My decision has been that if I'm interested in a guy, I'm going to be the best friend he's ever had and when it's right for both of us, we'll face a commitment together (not to say that I have to be interested in a guy to be his friend...definitely not).

[Jaltus-bot]

I agree. People growing up today rush into dating so quickly. This is something that I had written elsewhere:

My college pastor was talking marriage and being married to an unbeliever vs. another Christian not too long ago. Let’s say you are a believer and your spouse is not. Your spouse doesn’t want you to just go to church on Sunday, but neither does your spouse want to go with you. With a marriage being such a close relationship, you are going to want to please your spouse. This is going to create such a strong temptation to give in that most of us won’t really spiritually thrive under and would eventually start to little by little compromise our walk as Christians, maybe not going to church all the time, not insisting on saying a prayer before dinner, etc. When both are Christian, then they can support each other in growing as Christians and encourage each other in our Christian walks. I think that would work the same way in a serious relationship with someone who was not a Christian.

What do you consider dating to be for? Fun? Hanging out? All of the things that friendship is for but going further? A serious consideration of whether or not you will marry someone? I consider dating to be a way of getting to know a potential spouse better. This is why it is important to just sort of be friends first, to see if someone could fit in that category before getting serious. There is no need to go any further than friendship to know that if that person doesn’t become a Christian, then you won’t marry that person. So what if that person becomes a Christian while you’re dating, great, super. If that person doesn’t, heartbreak, waiting for years and maybe years and then at some point you end up breaking up with someone that you care so much about that if you take long enough, it will hurt to think you shouldn’t marry him/her. What if you are just friends with a person and he/she becomes a Christian, potential date? If that person doesn’t, hey friendships are cool and you still have a chance to witness to that person, without having to break up.

[Arbre]

1) what is a better definition of "the world's" way of dating?
-what is bad about this way?
-what, if anything, is alright about this way?

First, I'm currently feeling confused on what basically every relationship (with God, with family, with dating/marriage) is *supposed* to be, so if my thoughts are a little disjointed, vague, even wrong... Basically, these thoughts and opinions are not set in stone at all. More like super mushy mud. In the rain.

When you say "world", the first thing that comes to mind for me is dating and making that relationship the whole focus of life. If God isn't still the focus of a life, there will be problems. I realize now that I had a very, very difficult time keeping God first when I was in a dating relationship. That was a difficult thing to realize. It's not enough to mentally acknowledge God, or even to integrate the commandments into life.


A second thought that comes to mind with the phrase, "world's way of dating" is that it's immoral or just focused on selfish desires. I'm not saying that that is or isn't generally true, because I honestly have no idea.

I think the best way to go about this area of life, is first just have a good strong friendship with the person. Then you can truely get to know them; both the good and the bad. Then from there, you can choose what to do. And if you do it that way, with lots of prayer, I would think that it would have a better chance at working. That way, God can direct it all.

I agree with knowing the person as a friend first. If either person is trying to impress the other, it can lead to a slightly unrealistic portrayal. I'm not saying that will happen. If the way that they try to impress is by complete honesty, then maybe it's not such an issue. I don't know. Every person is different.
But I want to know the guy as a friend first. When someone is head over heels in love, they act differently. And eventually, that giddy, floating on a cloud feeling can fade. Is that person going to treat you the same then? If the person is intolerable as a friend, then I'd be afraid to commit to anything more just because of a sudden attitude change.

I'm very sure that if I marry (I hope... I have get myself sorted out before I can enter into that kind of relationship), it has to be to a strong Christian. If only one interest is shared, let it be a love of God. There'd have to be other shared interests, but compared to that, they're just icing on the cake, basically.




Just other rambling thoughts:

I know that I want a lot of exclusiveness in that kind of relationship. Maybe it's how I was raised. Maybe I'm wrong in expecting some things. I don't know. I'm trying to sort that all out. But what's going to set that relationship apart from other friendships?

I do view dating as a step towards marriage. You marry who you date. One of 'em, at least. It's like saying "I see a possibility of me spending my entire life with you."

I want my first kiss to be on my wedding day. There are a few reasons for that, but they're kinda personal, so yeah.

My family has a strict rule: no dating until 16, and even then, no serious dating until 18. From 16-18, only group dates. Because of that and being shy, I didn't have to deal with severe emotional stuff like that during high school. I really liked that "no dating until 16" rule. I really think that it kept me safe from things.