A brand spankin' new poem

Unleash your creative writing skills here.

A brand spankin' new poem

Postby Rachel » Sun Oct 17, 2004 4:17 pm

Okay, so yeah, if you read the title of this thread then you can probably guess what it contains. That's right, my friends, a brand spankin' new poem! I finished it today. Enjoy.

The Fourth of July

Fireflies dance in the moonlight
while the silence screams
for her to admit
the way she truly feels
has been unvoiced all these years
covered by her greatest fear
paralyzing thoughts of what could be
racing behind pain filled eyes
that watch the night sky
ablaze with brilliant lights
each brighter than the one before
heart laid bare on sheets of paper
poems and letters end
"I miss you"
:rock: I mourn for those who never knew you



Click here for kick booty music!!

American by birth, Texan by the grace of God


This is where you can find me if I'm not on for a while
User avatar
Rachel
 
Posts: 1056
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:00 am
Location: Wichita Falls, Texas

Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Oct 17, 2004 5:32 pm

I have no idea if it was written properly or anything, since you know I know nothing about poetry - I just like it. XDXD

Rachel, A little something for you. ~_^

Yo, homefry
It's no lie
I love this poem
'bout the Fourth of July

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
User avatar
true_noir_chloe
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^

Postby Jaltus-bot » Sun Oct 17, 2004 5:56 pm

I love that.

(Yay! Rachel posted another poem!)
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
User avatar
Jaltus-bot
 
Posts: 1822
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:00 am
Location: Almost there.

Postby Magekind » Tue Oct 19, 2004 6:04 pm

true_noir_chloe, if you liked it, it was a good poem. Generally, the point is to express up to three things: philosophy, visual, and emotional expressions. It becomes a poem, now I'm moving into opinions, when it does this with a meter and/or rhyme. This is a truly legitimate poem, even though it does not have rhyme, because, first, of its meter, although I must confess it is a bit hard to catch. Secondly, because of the slightly dismembered way it approaches the subject matter, more as does the human mind than a straightforward representation...


Did I just type all that out? Goodness, I am seriously starting to sound like some boring teacher.
Take it like you gave it; what else matters in the end? To be honest, it's all a one-shot test; that leaves plenty of places to go wrong, but how will you ever know? There's a pointer, I will admit. Turn it on, listen to it, feel it burn.

At-Close Paren-Right inclusive bracket-Tilde. Thanks to CAA mods. Taken from Jaden Mental's sig.
Magekind
 
Posts: 292
Joined: Mon Aug 02, 2004 6:55 pm
Location: Lost somewhere between here and reality. Help?

Postby Ssjjvash » Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:39 pm

^_^ Good poem, Rachel! neat-o-la! :-B
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling


Satan, bite the dust!Image

"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
User avatar
Ssjjvash
 
Posts: 1073
Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 3:16 pm
Location: I abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Postby Kura Ookami » Wed Oct 20, 2004 2:56 pm

Great poem rachel,! I'll have to read more of your poetry. :)
Absence is to love as wind is to a flame. It extinguishes the little, it ignites the great.

Life is a test. It is only a test. Had this been real life you would have have been instructed where to go and what to do.

When i argue with reality I lose.....But only 100% of the time.

Once you've decided on a course of action, only you can finish it. As long as you remember that, there's nothing you can't accomplish.
User avatar
Kura Ookami
 
Posts: 766
Joined: Thu Sep 23, 2004 10:00 am
Location: United Kingdom

Postby Anna Mae » Fri Oct 22, 2004 5:36 am

Great!
Magekind wrote:Generally, the point is to express up to three things: philosophy, visual, and emotional expressions. It becomes a poem, now I'm moving into opinions, when it does this with a meter and/or rhyme. This is a truly legitimate poem, even though it does not have rhyme, because, first, of its meter, although I must confess it is a bit hard to catch. Secondly, because of the slightly dismembered way it approaches the subject matter, more as does the human mind than a straightforward representation...

Whoa. I write lots of poetry, but I didn't know any of that until now. Oops.
[SIZE="4"][color="DarkSlateBlue"]God has called me to mission work in Paraguay and Brazil. I may return to CAA someday. God bless all of you![/color][/SIZE]

[i]Two vast and trunk-less legs of stone stand in the desert. Near them, on the sand, half sunk, a shattered visage lies. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare the lone and level sands stretch far away. On the pedestal these words are inscribed:

“My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!â€
User avatar
Anna Mae
 
Posts: 1663
Joined: Fri Aug 27, 2004 5:43 am
Location: Brazil

Postby Rachel » Wed Oct 27, 2004 4:37 am

true_noir_chloe wrote:Yo, homefry
It's no lie
I love this poem
'bout the Fourth of July

This made me so happy. Although it's really not about the Fourth of July. Homefry, hehe. Thanks everyone for reading my poem. I'll try to write another one today. Later peeps!
:rock: I mourn for those who never knew you



Click here for kick booty music!!

American by birth, Texan by the grace of God


This is where you can find me if I'm not on for a while
User avatar
Rachel
 
Posts: 1056
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:00 am
Location: Wichita Falls, Texas

Postby Jaltus-bot » Wed Oct 27, 2004 10:46 am

Rachel wrote:I'll try to write another one today.

:jump:
When I feel blue, I start breathing again.

Asdvadz hedut ullah! (W. Armenian, "May God bless you!")

It's cosplay, get used to it.

"A hero need not speak. For when he is gone, the world will speak for him."

"One of the nice things about diseases of the brain is they tend to slip your mind." Colbert
User avatar
Jaltus-bot
 
Posts: 1822
Joined: Mon Jun 14, 2004 4:00 am
Location: Almost there.

Postby Rachel » Wed Oct 27, 2004 2:41 pm

Edit- stupid computer! I spit upon thee! :comp:
:rock: I mourn for those who never knew you



Click here for kick booty music!!

American by birth, Texan by the grace of God


This is where you can find me if I'm not on for a while
User avatar
Rachel
 
Posts: 1056
Joined: Tue Nov 18, 2003 10:00 am
Location: Wichita Falls, Texas

Postby Ssjjvash » Thu Oct 28, 2004 11:05 am

:lol: >> "I spit upon thee!" <<

:lol: too funny!
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone
And so hold on when there is nothing left in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!' ...you'll be a Man, my son!

Rudyard Kipling


Satan, bite the dust!Image

"You are not who your mistakes say you are; you are not the sum of your failures!"---Rev. Billy Miller

Proverbs 18:24
User avatar
Ssjjvash
 
Posts: 1073
Joined: Sat Aug 07, 2004 3:16 pm
Location: I abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

Postby true_noir_chloe » Sun Oct 31, 2004 8:11 pm

I shall wait till the homeflies come home, until you bless us with another poem, dear Rachel. ~_^ I'm so corny.
stupid computer! I spit upon thee! :comp:

LOL ^____^

[size=84][color=seagreen]YOU SEE


You see into the deepest part of me ---

beyond the fog I hide behind.

You cast your light upon the shadows

that stretch like cobwebs in my mind.

You ease the pain when I am hurting,

and morbid visions from my past

pierce into the realm of Reason

as though I danced on blades of glass.

You grant me strength when I have fallen

and, once again, I've lost my way.

You take my hand in Yours and lead me

into the promise of a brand new day.

You bring order to all my chaos,

yet set my well-laid plans awry.

You place me on a firm foundation ---

then give me wings so I can fly.

You sand away my roughened edges

and polish all the dullest parts

until I stand before Your presence...

a newly-sculpted work of art.

You see into the heart within me,

right through my motives and selfish will.

And yet, in spite of all You see

You say You love me even still.


~by D.M.~

[/color][/size]
User avatar
true_noir_chloe
 
Posts: 3091
Joined: Wed Sep 10, 2003 12:00 pm
Location: Where Tex-Mex is the best! ^_____^


Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 195 guests