Progressive Poetry 5: the compilation!

[TheMelodyMaker]

I started a little tradition a long time ago at Anime Angels, and I take it with me to every message board that I frequent. That tradition is to have a thread called "Progressive Poetry" run for a little while in which each person posts part of a poem, one line at a time per post -- and if no one replies to it in a really long time and the thread gets long enough, I compile the results into a single post in a new thread for easier reading. Of all the places I've started it at, this one is number five. This is the poem that you wrote, CAA! ^___^ (Slightly edited for spelling and punctuation.)


McCloud's eyes did sparkle while tying his shoe.
Then a penguin popped out and squealed, "Boo!"
Then the penguin got creamed by a dude named Lu Bu!
"Poor Robert the Great," mused McCloud with a sigh.
Then a lion came out with a pie --
(Not the lion from Dantean lore, mind you -- )
And dropped it upon poor McCloud's big red shoe!
"My Italian loafers!" he squealed with a high-pitched voice.
When my mind had reeled, there was but one choice.

I pulled out an intergalactic slingshot
But it was empty. So, like Link, I picked up a pot
And chucked it at Lu Bu, right upside the head
And many tears did that large, loafing bully then shed.
But then the feds burst in
And I gave a guilty grin.
They looked at me like I was a suspicious criminal,
So I started to sing from my really old hyminal.
Then the pots all around shattered like glass
And the feds held their ears, mumbling something quite crass.

I took my chance and tried to take my leave
When someone told teammate McCloud: "'Ey, Steve!"
Quite confused by this quite random statement, I stood pond'ring
When lo! and behold, did a gypsy come wand'ring.
A Texan did she most viciously mock
And behold, she was wearing thick socks
And the Texan pulled out a giant bazooka
While Fozzie Bear said, "Wooka wooka wooka!"

While approaching the playing field, our good friend McCloud
Played his boombox and cranked it up loud
Till the neighbors yelled, and said, "Turn it down!"
McCloud turned it up for his whole town
Until the sheriff started to dance.
Then Fozzie played music while they all decided to prance,
At which the sheriff cried to Lance:
"The stones, they breathe! The shadows dance!"
Then bubbles blew and [the] tortoise had cramps
And Freddy-boy entered his victory stance!
In victory he just kept his dancing pace
Wishing, as it were, for a can of blue mace.
"Help," he then cried, "for I can't cease to run!"
And someone in the crowd yelled, "Stupid puns!"

And after the toys marched a fortnight or two
They ended up marching right into the zoo
And danced and cavorted with pangolins
While strumming their four-string'd mandolins.
A marching band in a zoo? How quaint:
But stopping at the zoo, they ain't --
For they decided to go to Wal-Mart instead,
Where they immediately stole their mascot's head.
"Right," said Fred. "Drop dead, Fred!"
Was the cry he received from someone
As he wondered aloud, "Who made THAT stupid pun?!"

Then came a reply: "It was only I, hun."
"Hun," you say? Let's go this way.
But refusing to stay but one more day,
He left underneath the sun's shining rays
And entered the storm with a flare in his eyes:
"That's it, I'm leaving. I've had it with you guys."
And with that he left with his cape flying,
But with eyes 'hind his head he just couldn't help spying.
He snooked and sneaked upon his feet and couldn't help but hear:
"I'll buy me a copy of Psychoteers!"

And, may I ask, what's that?
I'd tell you, then kill you, but hey! can't do that.
And then, out of nowhere, a bug went ker-splat!
"Send this letter to my sister," said the bug with his final breath,
Leaving me an unwanted task upon his death.
As I then was despairing a voice called from yonder:
And then that gypsy again did wander.
And teammate McCloud, of what did he ponder?
Of bugs and death and the wild blue yonder.
"Of bugs, you say? Throw them away!"
"Yes, get rid of them: It's their unlucky day."

But then -- o, alas! -- poor McCloud's eyes did water,
Then McCloud saw in the distance a happy otter!
The two of them danced such a fine little jig
Until they tripped over a smelly pig.
"Oink," said the pig in a terrible shriek,
"For you know seven days without food makes one weak!"
The piggy looked up and couldn't believe what it heard:
A large flying thing overhead -- a plane and a bird!
"Make bacon from me? Don't be absurd!"
I said, "Why not? You are rather tasty!
"So let's go and not be hasty!"

But once a deaf policeman heard,
McCloud said, "No way -- that's absurd!"
But he began to think, and then changed his mind
So he sat in the frying pan, on his behind.
"Youch!" he cried in a terrible shock.
I hurt so bad, he could hardly talk.
Then a weasel went "Pop!"
It said, "Hi!" and started to hop.
Then McCloud joined in with the fun
And a voice said, "How's it goin', hun?"

The voice turned out to be McCloud's mother!
She said, "McCloud! Why are you dressed like your brother?"
He answered, "Because he dresses nice -- I like his pants."
She shrugged her shoulders and started to dance.
He danced and danced and danced all night,
When he stopped with a terrible fright!
The ice cream-eating cat named Fred
Requests that one mod lock this thread.