Ladies... could u please help me with this??

[Zane]

Okay Girls, thanks for coming....

I dont like this girl in any way beside as an acquaintance/person-I-know.
She catches my bus every morning and we usually have this spaced-out conversation about 'stuff'. I know her from my primary school but we never did anything there and she went to a different high school. Shes not a christian and knows that i am. Theres the background info...

She offered to give me a lift to uni yesterday and she picked me up from my house this morning (she lives around the area) and while walking to our respective lectures she asked if I wanted to do anything over the 2 week break next week. I polietly said 'yeah sure' and exchanged phone numbers.

Walking to class I realised that she probably like me in 'that way', and u already know how I fell about her... ZIP.
So.... what from a womans pov should i say or do so that she dosn't think I leading her on ??... which ive not done consiously at all, (i dont see how cause im not attracted to her spiritually, physically, or mentally AT ALL).
And that I can tell her that I dont like her in that way without sounding like a puffed up ballon,... full of myself etc.

Any comments would be helpful. Thanks alot. Shes not a christian remember, and Ive already told her the gospel, i guess i could tell her again if we 'catch up'. Cheers again.

[Bokushi_Ash]

Okay, now it takes a lot to hurt my feelings, but if you kindly explain to her that you're not interested in her romantically, but as a friend (I'm assuming you would like to be her friend, otherwise you wouldn't have exchanged numbers) she would understand. Most women can handle honesty, and if she can't then she's probably not the most enjoyable person to be around.

Like I said though, I'm not easily hurt, but she might feel like you feel she's not worthy of you, in which case I can't help you there.

Hope I helped

[Staci]

Women are tricky creatures -- especially the "typical" female of the twenty-first century.

A huge amount of difference lie between the genders, this one centering around how they express interest in another being. Males are generally straightforward if they like and/or do not like someone. Furthermore, men either like a girl or don't within the first five minutes of meeting them. Normally, their views will not shift if given time to know the girl.

Females, on the other hand, alternate between liking and not liking a guy. She may not be attracted to one to begin with but after getting to know him she could be head-over-heels. However, that feeling may only last a week or even further if given the opportunity.

Just because she wants to hang out with you does not necessarily mean she likes you or wants to date you. Perhaps she's just lonely and is looking for a friend to hang out with.

Personally, to save both you and her some face, I would NOT confront her about this issue. This will also save the friendship if you wish it to continue. Instead, I would go in a round-about way and say something akin to, "I wish I could find a nice Christian girl to date. I feel sharing the same faith is key in building a lasting relationship." Since she knows you're Christian and she isn't, this is a sly way of letting her know you're not interested.

Again, use this method only if you want to salvage the friendship. If you don't want to keep her around on the pletonic level, go with the up-front method.

Either way, good luck!

[Lunis]

Well...I have never dated, so you can decide not to listen to me, if you want. I think you should wait until it's clear that she wants a boyfriend, not just a friend. If that becomes clear, just tell her that you like her, but not in that way, and that you can still be friends. If someone told me that, I would be disappointed, but not heartbroken. That's my advice.

[vorticon]

I'm not a girl, but have had this problem before. Just talk to her about some girl you like and ask her for advice. She'll get the message and might even become a closer friend in the process. Problem solved.

[Mangafanatic]

Dittos on the words of Staci. I don't think you should give her the boot (a.k.a I really don't wanna go out with you.) You've agreed to "do something" with her, and since you've already made that commitment, I think you should follow through with it. Honestly, I don't think much good would come of chasing her down and saying "After I said I'd do something with you the other day, I figured out that you're crushing on me, so-- um, can we call this off."

Furthermore, even we females occasionally seek platonic relationships. As perfectly absurd as this idea may be, it's possible (not likely, but possible). She very well might want to just hang out. Unless you feel that you would in some way be tempted by the situation, dont' pullout.

If the topic comes up after your rendez-vous (and you konw that she is really interested in you romantically), you might want to use Staci's "I'm a christian" method. It's better than the "let's just be friends" line any day.

[shooraijin]

The "let's just be friends" line should be outlawed from *either* gender. ^^ (Okay, I'll go back to lurking in this thread now.)

[JediSonic]

Well yeah dont say anything about it unless you're pretty sure she like likes you... I mean thing how embarrassing it would be if she actually hadnt been thinking on those lines at all! One of my favorite tv shows had a guy in it who got the wrong idea just like that and it was hilarious to watch, which is why it was in the script

[Lunis]

The "let's just be friends" line should be outlawed from *either* gender.

O_O Okay, so I'm bad with advice! *hides under a table*

[CDLviking]

The "let's just be friends" line should be outlawed from *either* gender. ^^ (Okay, I'll go back to lurking in this thread now.)

Quoted for truth.

The "let's just be friends" line is as bad as it gets for turning someone down. I'm also afraid that the "I want to date a Christian girl" line might lead her to think that he is interested, but can't do anything about it because she's not Christian, and further turn her off from the faith. I'm curious what the girls think of Vorticon's method. It seems subtle enough to get the point across without embarassing either party.

Or you could do what I did, become celebate.

[Lehn]

I agree, you might be putting the cart before the horse here, kido.
Personally, I have guy friends who I have no romantic interest in what-so-ever, and we hang out fine, without any of those 'awkward' moments.

[true_noir_chloe]

Having dated quite a bit before my Mister Right was given to me, I'd say Mangafan gave you the best advice with Staci's to fall back on. Other than that... pretty much they said what I was thinking. ^____^

[Solid Ronin]

The "let's just be friends" line should be outlawed from *either* gender. ^^ (Okay, I'll go back to lurking in this thread now.)

Why Shooraijin-sama? what about "I dont wanna kill you but I will" "I don't speak english"..all great Simpsons lines..

[Marie-Novelle]

Walking to class I realised that she probably like me in 'that way', and u already know how I fell about her... ZIP.

What gave you that impression?

[Kannaqueen14]

Ok, like alot of other people have already said "You dont know if she really likes you in "the way"." I dont really know what other to say *truthfully, becuase everyones pretty much said what I was going to say*. Sorry to down your idea "vorticon" but I dont really thing asking her about another girl you like, and her opinion about it, is tha best idea. Some gurls get really upset about that, if she really likes you that is. And I agery about the "lets just be firends" thing. So other than that I dont know what to say. Ill pray that all gos well.

[Lunis]

And I agery about the "lets just be firends" thing.

*beams* Yay!

[Yojimbo]

I hate the "let's be friends" thing so much!!! Don't anybody here ever say that to someone please.

[Lunis]

*deflates* *hides back under the table* o.o

[Yojimbo]

Yeah don't ever say that again. Nah I'm joking Lunis it's ok.

[desperado]

i agree that is one of the biggest heartbreakers is to hear that

[Sam*ron]

You mean head! *Smacks Yojimbo*

Oh, don't worry Zane I already turned down Jimbo, and it wasn't that hard!
(I just like cookies, okay!?)

Well all I can say right now is to pray and see what god wants. He might have something planned, like say.... to let her get to know you better and then see how you act as a Christian, and then you might set a good example. Or something...

I know I suck at giving advise. Just don't hit me.... -_-;;

Or you could just always go to the "Lets just be friends" thing.. ^_^;

[CDLviking]

Why Shooraijin-sama? what about "I dont wanna kill you but I will" "I don't speak english"..all great Simpsons lines..

How about Homer's, "Welcome to Dumpsville, population... you."

[Lunis]

*LOL* Yeah...that'll work real well on her.

[EireWolf]

I agree with Mangafanatic. Don't assume yet that she likes you "that way." If you're hanging out with her and you're getting strong "I like you" vibes from her, you might want to just be honest then and there. You could say something like, "So, are we just hangin' out here, or is this a date?" Depending on how she answers, you could explain to her that you enjoy hanging out with her, but are not interested in pursuing that kind of relationship with her. This would be a good time to apologize for being a clueless male and not realizing how she felt.

Of course, if you want to go the "prevention" route, you could ask her for advice about a girl you like. (I've used a similar tactic before -- If a guy was interested in me and I wanted him to keep his distance, I'd casually mention something my boyfriend did or said... now that I'm married I say husband and it works even better!)

[Zane]

Thanks ladies,... (and guys).

Sorry that I haven't gotten back that fast.. the Uni computers were SOOOO slow, its took me like seriously 30 mins to post this thread, okay...

Firstly, the vibe I got thinking that she might like me, was the way she left it question right till the end of our walk to our class's, it totally mirrored the exact same way that she asked me the day before if I wanted have have a lift to Uni.
Like... *walkes past the her class* "see ya later" (me), ... "umm.. Josh..(oh yeah thats my 1st name) do u wanna do something over the break?"... *stops and turns*.. "yeah.. sure" and then see got my number and walked off. Within 10secs of walking our separate ways I got the vibe tihnking over what had just happened.... Then.

Its like, (not too sound cocky or whatever) I can kinda tell when a girl likes me, body language and all, it just so happens that this kinda thing isn't a one off and Ive been right about my vibes before so.... by probability i think Im spot on.

SO cheers for all the replys. I wont use the "I just wanna be friends" line, and Ill wait and see what happens,.. maybe she'll get the hint without me saying anything. But I ask her for advice on a girl i like... because theres nothing on the radar here and that would be lying anyhow, to myself and the big guy upstairs. But cheers anyway, Ill let you know what happens on this same thread in about 2 weeks I reckon... God Bless you Ladies... and guys

[cbwing0]

I wont use the "I just wanna be friends" line

Let me just add my agreement to those who have said that this line is a bad idea (I'm glad to see that you don't plan on using it).

From my own experience, the last thing I would want to be to someone who I either liked, or just ended a relationship with, is their friend.

I understand the intent (to spare someone's feelings), but it doesn't accomplish that at all.

[shooraijin]

Well, I'd qualify that with that it's not that you wouldn't *want* to be their friend, but that the whole thing comes out sounding hollow since the point of the entire discussion is to *prevent* a relationship from growing closer. "Let's just be friends" therefore always rings very false to me, and I definitely agree with cbwing0's point that while it's usually said in the best intention of preventing someone from being hurt, those four words usually end up hurting worse than what caused them to be said.

[AsterlonKnight]

If it turns out she does like you that way, just say you're not interested in her in that way and leave it at that. There's no need to go into the reasons why. For all you know she might want to hang out with you because she wants to know more about Christ. And since you know eachother, and I presume are more or less comfortable together, you're the closest thing to "Christ" she's got for a model and she'd feel better asking you her questions than anyone else.

I can understand not wanting to get romantically involved with a non-Christian, but that doesn't mean you have to limit the people you get close to. You shouldn't.

[Yojimbo]

Oh, don't worry Zane I already turned down Jimbo, and it wasn't that hard!
(I just like cookies, okay!?)

Yeah...mkay.

[Destroyer2000]

I cannot give much helpful advice here, as I tend to avoid relationships before they have a chance to start.

Furthermore, men either like a girl or don't within the first five minutes of meeting them.

This is, sad to say, true. Many of the guys I know are just...how should I put this? Idiots. I do not judge others based on what I see on the outside. I will hang around them at a distance to find out their true nature. Of course, if a girl were to walk in with satanic symbols on her shirt, I would most likely dislike her and avoid her, except to witness to her.

Women are tricky creatures

On a more light-hearted note, creatures describes women quite well, I believe. Would it be wise to leave now?