My Adventure! Warning: Funny

[Mithrandir]

Hey All! It's time for Ethel the Ardvark Goes Quantity Surveying. No wait, that's someone else's deal. It's time for Adventures in Camping with OldPhilospher. As some of you know, the wolf and I went camping this last week. Whew! It was so, um... entertaining, I figured I'd let you all know about it! Here's how it went down:

A large group of us were going camping. Us, our friends with a small baby, another family of 3-4, a youth leader from LA and one of his teens. Oh yeah, and the wolf's good friend who has made a total of 1 appearances on this board.
The fun all started when the family of 3-4 decided not to come. We were sad, but undaunted, and planed for 7 people plus a baby. We were going to leave on a Sat and return the next Sat. We were going camping in northern CA where one of our group has property on a remote lake. On the Thursday before we were to leave, the baby caught the croup. The leave date was postponed until Sunday or Monday. By Sat, it was clear that the baby could not come. Understandably, his parents decided not to either. Remember the property guy? It was the baby. No, I'm just kidding. It was the father.
We were sad, but determined, so we planned for 5 plus no baby. I was able to reserve a spot for us at a state park closer to where we live. As it turns out, this was a very good thing. And there was evening, and there was morning on the first Saturday.
Now, as all of you who have ever tried to arrange for a reservation at a California State Park know, you have to get the reservations at least 48 hours in advance. Meaning I could only get us in on Monday. So on Monday morning we packed up our car & headed out to meet everyone else. When we got there, it turns out the wolf's friend was not going with us. We were sadder, but still undaunted. We loaded everything into the truck and trailer and headed out.
We arrived a few hours early, so we decided to stomp around the park near the camp ground. We walked for nearly a mile behind a group of ladies whose intelligence simply cannot be measured on a normal scale. While traipsing through the redwoods, we'd hear - every 2 minutes or so - "Look! A red tree!" Then one of the other ladies would reach down into her vast store of arboreal knowledge and declare with utter certainty, "That's a Redwood tree, that is." Having had a dangerous brush with the pigeon lady, I wisely decided not to attempt to communicate with these paragons of age.
We were able to pass them after a time, and eventually it was time to return to our vehicle. (For the benefit of the Texans, you aren't supposed to pronounce the Ve part of that word as a separate word.) We headed toward the camp ground and felt like we may have gone too far. But as soon as we voiced this opinion, we saw a sign saying, "State park: 1500 feet." What's the point of that sign? The turnout for the park was so easy to see, you couldn't help but turn there. With this sign, it made me want to turn right there. Into someone's driveway. Odd. Anyway, when we got there, we broke out the gear, set up camp, and laid out a strategy for what we would do that day. ("You guys hungry?" "Yeah." "How about sandwiches?" "OK.") About this time, one of our group members made an unsettling discovery. Evidently in his haste to pack the vehicle, he forgot a rather small inconsequential thing. His duffel. The one with all his clothes/toiletries. Being only 45 minutes from our starting point, he opted to return and retrieve it. He also picked up a few other things we had left (Essentials like S' Mores materials) while he was there. When he returned, we tried to decide what to do with the rest of the day.
When it started getting dark, we decided to eat. My new camping motto is, "Don't get hungry when it's dark. Only get hungry when it's light!" We sent one of our group down to the ranger station to get some firewood (you aren't allowed to gather in state parks) and broke out the grub. We figured we'd light a fire and have a good old fashioned weenie roast. When the firewood arrived, we tried to chop it into smaller pieces for kindling. It was difficult to cut, but we were determined to have a camp fire! My new fire starting motto is, 'sticks that bend will not burn.'
A sane person at his point would have said, 'So, how'ze about more sandwiches?" By now it was totally dark and we were having to try to build/light the fire by flash light. We were getting really hungry. I busted out the gas lantern, and we kept at it. Eventually, filled with disgust, we turned to the great American fire starting kit. A can of white gas. Children, do NOT try this at home. The man lighting the fire was a trained scout leader. At first, he poured a small amount of gas on one of the smaller sticks, and placed it under the other sticks. While that stick burned well, it didn't catch to any other wood. So he upped the ante. A half cup of gas got mixed looks from the rest of the campers, but they believed that we knew what we were doing. So did we. Incidentally, "I thought I knew what I was doing" is the leading cause of emergency room visits in the United States.
I suggested tossing the match in from a safe distance, after all these were hurricane matches. The scout guy (the youth leader of our group) believed his reactions were fast enough to allow him to get out of the way in time. He was right. Barely. He lit the match and reached down into the pit. Before he even got close to the wood, a massive fireball erupted from the pit. Everyone who saw it believed he was toast (sorry, no pun intended), but he was quick enough to pull away from the pit without 3rd degree burns or a missing beard. In fact, the match was still lit in his hand. Then the fire went out again, leaving char marks where the gas had burned. It smoked quite a bit.
Eventually, I busted out the gas camp stove and a pot full of water, and we boiled the dogs. We ate, and then -You will notice we are not quick to be daunted. Or to learn.- we attacked the fire again. We were splitting more kindling when we heard the sound every camper fears. "The loud undisciplined child." He showed up fairly frequently after that, running out into the street in front of cars and yelling a lot. It was obvious he didn't get disciplined, as any time he was told 'no' by his parents, they would listen to him whine for almost 15 whole seconds before giving in to his demands.
It was also obvious he didn't get out much, as every few minutes he would say, "Look, mom! A bird!" Or a squirrel, tree, bug, spider, other camper, trash can, etc. That got old very nearly before it began. We checked the date on their windshield though, and took heart. They would be leaving on the morrow. Have you ever noticed it's hard to sleep when you are listening to a whiny kid and a crying baby? Oh yeah, I forgot to mention him. They also had an infant with them. At least the infant had a reason to yell.

I'd keep going, but I'm bored with this.

[Michael]

[Ashley]

Wow, sounds like the vacation from below.

You know, my mom threw an old Off (y'know the bugspray?) can into a fire once. O.O It's a wonder I'm still here...

Oh, and that little quip about "ve-hicles" was not necessary. Funny, but unnecessary.

[Zal-Utaon III]

hum :rolls_eye

[Rashiir]

LOL. The ending was awesome.

[MillyFan]

LOL, that is funny. . .

[Mithrandir]

Oh, and that little quip about "ve-hicles" was not necessary. Funny, but unnecessary.

heh heh

[Zarn Ishtare]

Old Phils gonna get busted for ashlaylay jokes, me thinks.

(Runs away)

[uc pseudonym]

Well, this is gravedigging, but for once I am glad. I missed this story the first time around, and found it most amusing.

[true_noir_chloe]

I thought you digged this up because Old Phil and Eirewolf went camping last week. *hehe* It sounds like a similar time had by all.

So Old Phil or Eire, it'd be nice if you came by and told us your new camp fire story.

[kaji]

That was a great story. Since you were able to post, I can assume that the remainder of your ‘adventure’ went with out further incident (or accident).

You story reminds me of when I was in scouts. I hope you don’t mind if I share my story to. ^^

5 of us spent one weekend camping on some property just out side of our town. We were all able to make it there in one piece and as it was getting dark our Scout Master discovered he had left some piece of his gear behind.
Leaving us mature scouts behind to cook our own dinner, he took his leave home to pick up his forgotten articles.

Things were fine. It had gotten dark, and being the able, junior-woods-men we were, we had created a small fire and begun roasting some dogs for our supper.

Enter my beloved ADHD brother.

Evident from his expression, the ADHD perspective of a fire was obviously ill realized in our puny blaze. Shuffling through our scout masters left behind equipment, my brother soon produced the fuel for his kerosene lamp.

No one said a thing.

Detaching the small yellow funnel from the unit, my brother pranced merrily toward our sad fire. A look of excitement shown in his eyes as he imagined the wonderful spectacle this fuel would surely produce in our lowly camp fire.

Unscrewing the top, he held the little yellow funnel (that’s my favorite part of the story) over the fire, and began to pour…..

Immediately the flame raced up the trail of fuel, engulfing the funnel and streaming toward the can of kerosene. Instinctively, he threw the can away from him self, as it burst into flames hitting the ground a few yards away.

My brother’s attention was quickly redirected, as he realized his own arm and leg were also on fire. Screaming, he took off down the side of the hill we were camped on, a flaming beacon of light against the dark nights sky.

I would suppose it was at about half way down that grassy hill that his mind cleared, and the phrase ‘Stop-Drop-And Roll’ must have kicked him between the eyes.

We saw the fire drop, then slowly go out. Soon, my brother made his way back up the hill, with both his cloths and his pride smoldered, he plopped down around the fire again.

None of us said a word. You see, the field we were staying in was owned by one of the larger cattle farmers in our area. And, evident to all, my brother had rolled in his just reward.

Well, that’s my amusing campfire story.

-kaji

[true_noir_chloe]

LOL, I like your story Kaji.

[Kinkosami]

Hmmm, camping is just so fun, isn't it!? You guys' stories are just so funny!

When I went camping (the first and only time in my life) My uncle started the fire using gasoline. He dumped TONS of it all over the fire wood and then stood as far as he could from it with a lit match in his hand. He threw it and lurched back as quickly as possible as the fire wood burst into flames. He didn't get burnt, but probably because thats how he always lights fires.

[uc pseudonym]

An amusing story indeed, kaji.

I really have no good campout stories. My family was never too big on the campout thing. However, there was an early morning service held in a pasture that involved fire. Stories about fire are similar, right?

We managed to light the fire, but my youth pastor was becoming impatient because it needed to be larger before the service began. Or at least he wanted it to be. So he poured gasoline on a lit fire. This did very little, as the gas pretty much just went through the flames with a small amount of burning.

Not thinking at the moment, my youth pastor continued to put on more gasoline. Eventually he got fed up and was dumping the entire container over the fire. Still the same results, and the fire was burning only on the top layer of wood.

This was all well and fine... until the flames reached the gasoline drenched wood beneath. All of it exploded basically at once, and I was unfortunately downwind of the fire. The jacket I was wearing had polyester in it... and there were quite a few holes that had been melted through it.

[EireWolf]

Kaji, that's hilarious.

UC... was your youth pastor sufficiently terrified?

[mechana2015]

mmm... Boy Scouts.
One guy turns on the stove. Realizes he has no matches. Gos and gets then from tent, leaving stove on. Returns. Lights match. Loses eyebrows.

[Saint Kevin]

Great stories guys. Classic. Thank the Lord for gravedigging.

Wait! I didn't mean it that way. Um, thank God for thread digging, NOT grave digging.

[purplemoose]

im a pyro so i love these stories heh i burnt a dried orange leaf once and it smelled like oregano if ya know wat i mean

that and i was on this campout once with cubscouts (i wuz in 4th grade i think) on some old dudes farm and me an some kids went on a walk ufortunately there was this big dump on the farm (not realy a dump but i looked it) it look as if someones house burnt down and it all collapsed into a cellar somehow because all this burnt roofing and beer cans were down in a pit i look in it a bit walked in it a bit and then wandered off i found myself in the woods close to the dump not to far and i saw a old freaky house that looked a lil cinged i dare not go in tho cuz it looked if the first step in the hous u'd be in the cellar

[uc pseudonym]

:lol: Kaji, that's hilarious.

UC... was your youth pastor sufficiently terrified?

Nah. He did it again next year.

[Mithrandir]

Huh... Didn't think I'd see *this* one again. Well, I've gotta jet off to a youth activity (must corrupt the youth) so I won't tell you about my latest camping experience.

Actually, it wasn't all that funny. We just got rained out...

[EireWolf]

*sigh* Not funny at all. *mutters* ... stupid rain ...

Well, we had ONE good day, anyway.

[Mithrandir]

I did have another adventure, though. I just got back from a game of "bigger or better" which is a WONDERFUL game for a youthgroup to play (about once every 2 years, anyway). You start out with a penny, and go from door to door asking for something bigger or better than it. People give you all their old junk, but you can end up with some cool stuff by the end of the night. I'll give you the whole story, if anyone wants it.

Oh, and TheSilence was one of the people in my group. (I told her I'd mention it).

[The Silence]

yay!

[Saint Kevin]

Sounds like fun oldphil, but I'd probably get some ridiculous looks if I played that game at 20.