Different-Good or Bad?

[haru_bay_nay]

I have a pretty good-sized family. Everyone is always around everyone else. And everyone enjoys everyone else's company-except me. I am the only introvert in my family. Out of the family members who I'm around most often, (my mother, father, brother, step-father, grandmother, and 4 cousins) I am the most unsocial. Everyone always asks me what I'm doing reading or writing in my room instead of in the living room watching a movie with them. I just prefer my own thoughts instead of their incessant blabbing. I do love them, of course, but I can only stand them in small doses. When I try to explain what an introvert is, they just call me a shut-in.

My favorite place after-school isn't the mall, it's my room. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't have to do with laziness, I go to cross-country meets every Saturday and basketball practice/games. I like to hang out with my friends, just not all the time.

Don't get me wrong, this thread isn't for you to have to listen to me talk about my mundane life, or for you to think I'm depressed, because I'm honestly not. My question is- Can anyone relate to my dilemma?

[Danyasaur]

. . . . <.< yeah, I'm kinda' inbetween though, I'm totaly social with my famlie, and people I've know for a long time, or people online *cuz' hey, they don't really know me in real life, might as well be yourself, eh? X3* but anything else, I'm pretty much an introvert, which can be kinda' bad I guess, but I can't really help it, and yeah, I tipically hate the mall *too much noise* I also prefer to stay in my room ^_^ so yeah, you aint alone girl X3

[ShiroiHikari]

being introverted isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm that way myself. I'd rather be alone in my room reading with the door shut or something than out with the rest of the family. I used to get yelled at by my dad for "not being a part of the family". I get griped at a little now because I don't like to spend a lot of time with my fiance's(sp?) family .___.

I wish I had a suggestion for you. heh, I could use some suggestions myself I guess.

[RoyalWing]

[Debitt]

I'm an introvert in every way, shape and form. It's difficult for me to be around people, and it's equally as hard for me to open up to people. (it took years of work on the part of my family and friends to get me to open up to them) I don't like big parties with lots of people, and crowded places make me uncomfortable. If I have to be with others, I prefer being with only one or two at a time. I'm much happier alone in my room or at my computer, writing or reading or drawing. So yes, I can completely relate.

I think it takes some time and effort to get your family to understand that you're a more quiet person, especially when the rest of them are so extroverted like your family seems to be. Try to aim for a compromise - spend time with your family, but let them know that you want time to yourself, too. When you're with them, be happy and act natural - let them know that you like to be around them, just not all the time. (I'm still working on this one. ) It'll work out for the best though, trust me.

[Staci]

I'm the same way as yourself and Kokoro, Haru. Twenty-three years on this planet has not changed me much, and it probably won't change anyone else beit introvert or extrovert.

The main difference between introverts and extroverts are not how they act, it is how they recharge energy. Extroverts gain stamina from being around others whereas introverts rest by reading/writing/listening to music and tuning out the world.

I remember after coming home from play practice, locking myself in my room and crankin' up broadway music while I worked on Chemistry notes or Spanish homework. After a bad day - instead of going to a bar like most people - I go home and take a bath, play video games, watch anime, put on some good music, write my woes out on paper, or read a book. To be blunt, the only human who does not drain my energy is Ben, my husband. (Thankfully, we're both introvets.)

So, the next time your family is pestering you about being "anti-social" (yeesh, how many times have I heard that one!? LOL), you should say this, "My apologies. I mean no offense by being alone. It's just that being around too many people for long periods of time is incredibly draining on my energy - both physical and emotional."

[Swordguy]

i am an exstrely extroverted person but i can understand a little i need time to myself now and again.

[shooraijin]

I think a lot of us here will empathize with you, haru. I like to go out occasionally, and watch movies now and then, but I strongly need my "me" time to work on my projects and enjoy the solitude in my own space. It gives me the reputation of a hermit, but I need the space, and I need the company of my own thoughts on a regular basis. I don't think there's anything wrong about that, but it's my experience that most people socialize differently and build their life entirely around social encounters, and just doesn't understand why that minority needs time away, either for their own projects and pursuits, or just to hear themselves think for a change. It's a good thing that most of the people here do understand.

[PumpkinKoRn52]

I know what your saying. Your different from your family. So am I. I am the only one in my family that isn't the exact same copy of the others. I am the only one in my family that has a real sense of self. They all just try to be the same. I'm kinda shunned by my family because of it.

[termyt]

I'm definitely an introvert, much to my mother's dismay. It's nothing to be ashamed of. I believe we are called by our Lord to interact with others, but to do that effectively, we must be in the right frame of mind. I spend the vast majority of my free time alone. I enjoy being alone and I use that time to relax and prepare myself for the times when I am not alone. It looks to me like you are not a total hermit, so you seem to have an appropriate balance there. So I say wear you're "shut-in" label like a badge of honor. I don't care what people label me, it is not my concern.

I used to wish I was an extrovert, but I eventually realized that all that served to do was to drive more into seclusion because I was hopeless trying to be the cool guy or the fun guy in social situations. Now that I have embraced my intovertedness, social situations have become much easier. I have a better understanding of how I fit into social groups and have an easier time expressing myself since I no longer think I need to be expressing myself all of the time.

[Spirit_Wolf8356]

I know how you feel, haru. My family is very extended and all are very loud and outgoing. I'm like that too, to an extent, but I very much like being alone without all the commotion. When my family has a get-together for a holiday, I'm usually the one alone upstairs with the basement door shut to keep out most of the noise. I've got a pen and paper or a book with me and possibly my disc man. Even my own parents immediately assume I'm grumpy or angry at them for something, and when I tell them nothing is wrong, they get angry at me. My parents also try to get me to go out and do things with people, even people that I hardly know or talk to, and then they don't understand when I don't want to. So usually, I end up doing it anyway, being mostly bored, and wishing I was home in my room the entire time. *shrugs* I try not to let it bother me too much, because I like the person I am. I'm not always like that, and there are people I would hang out with at the drop of a hat. ^_^

[kaji]

haru_bay_nay ,

I know how you feel. I was once nearly a complete introvert. I never really went out, unless by my self. I never went to a party, or to just hang out with people. I can remember just sitting up in my room during the summer and looking out my window. Some times for hours. I wasn’t bored, I would just sit there, watching, listening, and thinking. My family was never really a ‘family’ family. (Did that make sense?) Most of the members of my family just liked to have their own space. Even now, we don’t really spend much time with one another. Its not that we don’t like each other, we just don’t have anything to say, so we don’t.

Sad? Maybe. But none of us try to pretend that we want to spend time together or we have some reason to, we are all perfectly honest with one another and so have little problems.

One thing I cannot stand is ‘hanging out.’ If I am going to visit someone or some place, I want to do something. Play a game, watch a movie, or have a real conversation. So many times I find my self surrounded by my friends, while they just try to ‘one-up’ the next person with jokes or inane banter. I almost always end up leaving early.

Sorry, back on topic: Have you ever noticed how people can be fake? People will often try very hard to be something or some one they are inherently not. This fakeness can manifest its self for any number of reasons (or in any number of ways); to win the affection of another, or acquire something. Give someone a sense of power, or allow someone to escape unharmed. This fakeness is the most common reason I don’t like large social events. People, by them selves, can be perfectly normal (non-fake), but put them in a large group and it all goes down hill, every one seams to have something to prove to some one else.

Anyway, despite all this, I do think that we should interact with other people. Thought we need to have our space, we should never be alone. Building relationships is an important part of life. I would suggest that you give you family a try, once in a while. Maybe you will have a little fun, and maybe, after a while, the mask will fall off and you will see who they really are or better yet, help them see them selves.

For me, it was just learning the balance between the two. But there is definitely a ‘To little’ and ‘to much’ social contact. If you are a social butterfly (fluttering from event to event, group to group) you will lose track of your self. You may begin to do or say things that you would have not normally do/say and become sucked in by the ‘hive mentality.’ On the other hand, if you never go out, and never interact with people, you will never be able to develop those social skills that are necessary in life. Both are important, but in moderation.

I could just ramble on and on about this, but I don’t want to bother to much.
I hope I have, in some way, helped.

-kaji

[Ssjjvash]

I'm an introvert too, but I've also got a bit of extrovert too.
When I was younger, I wanted to be left alone a lot and it didn't happen. So, I understand where you're coming from. I don't really think it's wrong at all.


for me it has totally changed now and I would rather not be alone! Ah, go figure...

[sunet]

i totally know how you feel. i've always been an introvert. i'm really shy around other people and it happens a lot that people are like 'why are you so quiet?' 'say something' stuff like that. i just can't help it. usually when we get visitors and stuff i just shut myself in my room and read/write/draw. my parents get really annoyed when i do stuff like that. but i believe that God made everyone unique & he loves us all no matter what.

[Ssjjvash]

Amen! ^_^

[Esoteric]

Hmmm, I wonder why there are so many introverts here... perhaps because we all seem to communicate better in the written word, than in person.

I have a huge family and growing up, we had social get togethers all the time. Problem was, I never much enjoyed them from when I was about 12 on. I just couldn't relate to anyone or talk about a common interest. I would sometimes go find a quiet place for a while when it got to be too much. Never had many close friends either...got along with everyone, but I just didn't have any connections. I had no courage when it came to talking to people. Used to wonder what was wrong with me.
I'm 24 now and while I'm not an extrovert, several years of college, a deeper relationship with God and a good amount of spiritual maturing have done wonders.
While I still don't have much to talk about at family gatherings, I have confidence now. It's okay. We weren't all brought together because we like the same things or have the same personality. We're family...people who are each different but will do whatever they can to help you.

Hang in there haru_bay_bay and it will get better.

[Ssjjvash]

Hmmm, I wonder why there are so many introverts here... perhaps because we all seem to communicate better in the written word, than in person.

...I actually can communicate better in writing! strange...that's one reason I hate talking on the phone.

[Solid Ronin]

I have a pretty good-sized family. Everyone is always around everyone else. And everyone enjoys everyone else's company-except me. I am the only introvert in my family. Out of the family members who I'm around most often, (my mother, father, brother, step-father, grandmother, and 4 cousins) I am the most unsocial. Everyone always asks me what I'm doing reading or writing in my room instead of in the living room watching a movie with them. I just prefer my own thoughts instead of their incessant blabbing. I do love them, of course, but I can only stand them in small doses. When I try to explain what an introvert is, they just call me a shut-in.

My favorite place after-school isn't the mall, it's my room. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't have to do with laziness, I go to cross-country meets every Saturday and basketball practice/games. I like to hang out with my friends, just not all the time.

Don't get me wrong, this thread isn't for you to have to listen to me talk about my mundane life, or for you to think I'm depressed, because I'm honestly not. My question is- Can anyone relate to my dilemma?

YES! I can relate to your situation. Only im far worse than you..At least your Family dosent MAKE you go out with them or friends.

[Mylares]

I understand whatcha mean. The only times that are best for me are to myself. Maybe it's just because I always imagine myself in far off places. That's reason I love to write because it transcends me to a different time. Personally though it's more around other people that I'm an invert, it's kinda like I've been stabbed in the back so many times that I only have one really close friend. I'm always scared tha I'm going to hurt someone else that it's become a habit to just be alone with my Bible, anime, writing and you guys! When I first came here though I really liked the company here! Ya'll are kind of like my virtual family!

[Mangafanatic]

I have a pretty good-sized family. Everyone is always around everyone else. And everyone enjoys everyone else's company-except me. I am the only introvert in my family. Out of the family members who I'm around most often, (my mother, father, brother, step-father, grandmother, and 4 cousins) I am the most unsocial. Everyone always asks me what I'm doing reading or writing in my room instead of in the living room watching a movie with them. I just prefer my own thoughts instead of their incessant blabbing. I do love them, of course, but I can only stand them in small doses. When I try to explain what an introvert is, they just call me a shut-in.

My favorite place after-school isn't the mall, it's my room. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't have to do with laziness, I go to cross-country meets every Saturday and basketball practice/games. I like to hang out with my friends, just not all the time.

Don't get me wrong, this thread isn't for you to have to listen to me talk about my mundane life, or for you to think I'm depressed, because I'm honestly not. My question is- Can anyone relate to my dilemma?

Oh, girl, you have no idea how much I can associate with you. Or arleast, how much I did associate with your feeling once. When I was your age, I would rather have stayed home than go to a party.

My dad made comments to the effect of "Are you a hermit" (although he was a little more beat around the bush about it). I wasn't a hermit, I just liked to be at home because I felt totally comfortable there. Whenever I was around people I didn't know it made me uncomfortable. I wasn't despressed, and I certainly don't think you are. But I also can't say that the condition that the both of us suffered from is entirely benign, either.

God made us for fellowship. I couldn't really see why. I thought I could just as well learn by myself. I wanted to think I was self-sufficent, but you know what? In the end I figured out why I stayed away from people. I think I was scared of feeling awkard. I was scared of getting hurt by people. My problem was selfishness in the end.

Please don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that you're just like me, and I'm not saying that your problem is what mine ultimately was. I just want to suggest that you mill over exactly why you stand off from others. It's probably not a question you'll be able to answer instantly. It took me more than a year to figure it out. But be sure, there's a reason. Perhaps your family is in social overload (even now I don't do some things my family does-- because they do something like five social events a week. ), and you have things in proper balance, but, just for the sake of perspective, I would just use some of that alone time to think it out. Pray about it. Seek God and his will in that solitude.

If you want to ever talk or further discuss what I said-- just PM me. I totally sympathize with you, and I know how tough it is to feel like you're the odd ball.

[panegryst]

I'm an introvert too. I like to go places, and make jokes and laugh, but if I am with more than two or three people it isn't very fun anymore. I simply don't like doing the things others like - going to the mall, or Cedar Point, or out to eat, nor do I like being in a group. But I appreciate the fact that my time is valuable to my family members, so I oblige them and usually go with them to movies, etc. even though I don't really like it. I can enjoy my time (at least a little) because I know that being with them makes them happy, and that is a good feeling.


So if you have that attitude, you should be able to enjoy yourself a little more when you have to go do something with your family. Another thing you could do is try to spend time with just one or two family members at a time, like going to the mall with your mom or to a movie with your sister or brother.

[Jaltus-bot]

Hi there! I'm an introverted extrovert! Ok, actually, I'm just confused. When I was really little, I was definately an extrovert. Maybe it was the fact that I was homeschooled or how all my friends were 40 minutes away and I couldn't drive, but in high school, my means of separation from my parents and having a life apart from them came through hiding in my room. Then I lived at college for two school years, met litterally several hundred people-I kid you not. I came to wish I had a couple more close friendships, but I often just enjoyed doing my own thing. I am now living at home while attending a community college and I kind of like being quiet-although some things will never leave ( !). I like getting lost in something so that I just forget about the world around me, and then someone comes to my bedroom door and totally startles me. I need to be a little more outgoing at school, but I kind of like my life. I'm working on what's important to me. (btw, this is my third week at a new school.)

I don't think one needs a gazillion friends as long as they have a few close ones and in my case make a few more at school who become good friends. I don't it's wrong to not always be around people as long as long as you spend some time interacting with those round you-physically, not electronically, and you don't actually hide from people. After that, it's ok. Introversion has it's place, like when studying and homework and not talking while pretending to do that. *wonders off into her lair*

[Madeline]

I understand what you're saying. Fortunately, my mom grew up in a situation like that and understands my need to be alone...
I like people. I just prefer to have some time to myself.
Jesus told us to get away and spend some time with him...so as long as we're not living as hermits, I think it's fine. ^_^
She's sitting over my shoulder right now, actually...
Yup, this is an honest answer, not just because she's sitting here.^^

[Mr. SmartyPants]

i like people like you ^_^

yeah, anyway i can relate. I like playing videogames, and being alone many times. Especially on the computer. Or just lying in bed, reading a book. I never go to parties, unless it's my friends house with a few clsoe friends who share the same interest as me. I don't do too well in social gatherings. And I just don't understand sports and highschool rivalries, I think it's stupid. But I care about things other wouldn't give a thought to. My interest are totally different than those around me. So in the end I have a few, but good friends. And I'm fine with that

[haru_bay_nay]

WOW! So many posts!!! Sorry it took me so long to reply, but I have trouble finding time for the computer since school started, and you guys all posted on the same day! ^_^; But I'm so glad! I had no idea there were so many of us! And yes, I took the time to read every last post, because you all had something to say. You give such great advice!

I completely get what you all meant about communicating better with writing than with words. I seem to get tongue-tied a lot. I hate talking on the phone to someone who isn't a really good friend or close family member. I never talk for more than 5 minutes. ^.^; Anyway, I realized something since I made this thread. I'm a very reserved person. I only open up to my closest friends, which I guess I should have figured out by now, being introverted and all. But I just never really thought about it until my dad mentioned it to me.

On a different subject, all of my family members are here this weekend because of a weird coincidence with birthdays (my mom's is the 4th, my dad's is the 5th, and mine is the 6th.) Of course, instead of having a party, we all just watch football and movies, and eat all day long. So, it's another time for me to retreat to my lair. I already got attacked and forcefully dragged from my room by my brother and cousin to be "social". O.O Please send help!!!!

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I already got attacked and forcefully dragged from my room by my brother and cousin to be "social". O.O Please send help!!!!

RUFUS! take this note to mr. bunbuns in the other side of town and he will know what to do!

(Rufus is a carrier pidgeon, you can count on him!)

[Kawaiikneko]

I'm like that too. I think alot of people who spend their time online are ^-^
My lil bros and sisters are very loud so I really just perfer staying in my room. I like going to malls and to movies and stuff with my friends and being around alot of people don't bother me, but sometimes I just perfer to be alone.

Funny thing is, I am much more outgoing online. Anyone else?

Edit: Oh I've been dragged from my room by my friend before. She wanted me to go mini golfing with her family and mine. My friends always joke that I'm non-social and not fun. I just agree with them. ^_^;

[Mr. SmartyPants]

i an outgoing online, when playing counter-strike or other fps's i tend to talk excessively and act all stupid and try to be funny with the mic and stuff

[Fsiphskilm]

that's because you

[Kawaiikneko]

Mr Smartypants! I LOVE your avatar! *hugs the bunny*

Another funny thing about me: I'm not good at expressing myself through writing either. I'm a little better speaking my thoughts, but not to a big group. I HATE speaking in front of a group. I can do it, but even if I'm not scared and my voice is smooth and everything, my body starts shaking. It's just not fun. (And I have to take a speech class this year! >< class of '08 and on are now required to take a speech class at my school. TT_TT)

Anyways, the only real place I can express myself is to myself in my mind. Most of my life goes on within my mind (well duh I guess, but thats not what I mean) meaning most of the time I'm alone and only thinking to myself. I have to be more careful of what I'm thinking than other people, because to me thinking something in my mind is pretty much the same to me as saying it outloud.