Confessions of a hypocritical slime. . .

[MillyFan]

I don't know if that's a good thread title, but I just want some help. I'm going through a serious spiritual desert at this time. . .

I'm not very good at praying. I can pray for 10 minutes, maybe 20 at most before I get distracted, before I want to do something else. I know you're supposed to sit and listen as well as talk too, but that is even more of an impossibility for me, because I go to sleep or my mind wanders.

As if that wasn't bad enough, I'm not a very good Bible reader either. Most I can usually accomplish (I'm in Isaiah now when everyone else reading through for a year is in the end of Jeremiah) is usually one, maybe two chapters, and then it's on to reading a short Psalm for the third. I can read other things for much longer, say a newspaper, a book, whatever. . .and I love to read, but Bible reading is like such hard work because I can't read the Bible as I would any other book-doing so would be wrong and a defilement of God's Holy Word. I have to study and attempt to know what each verse means, what I am being told. . .it's discouraging because I get little from such hard work and usually end up glancing over the chapter after attempting to devote myself to such thorough study for several minutes and giving up because it's too hard.

And yes, as many of you know, I read some shounen ai/yaoi pairings now, and occasionally hetero limes (although not too often, I think I've only read two)

I have many more issues than these, but these are the main ones. . .and please don't ban me for mentioning my shounen ai/yaoi habit. I'm only being honest.

[Ashley]

Oh, how my heart beats for you right now. I'll confess that I struggle with the exact same thing: becoming a faithful reader/prayer rather than just a go-with it Christian. And like you, I know that it's easy to plow through 200 pages of fiction and think nothing of it, but 10 minutes of the Bible can seem forever. Oh how I understand. I will most definately be praying...for both of us.

[shooraijin]

We *have* talked about this before!

I really believe that hopelessness over one's situation is the worst kind of void. I know you feel as if you're tainted for good, but the whole point of Christ's forgiveness is that it covers the whole issue. Why wallow? What happened to joy?

[uc pseudonym]

I've already been praying for you on the issue, so perhaps I just have a word of encouragement. Bible reading is difficult, unless you have a specific goal. In general, I spend only about three minutes in the Bible each day. On the other hand, when I'm actually looking up something or have a question, I spend a lot more.

In regard to prayer, I'd think 20 minutes is more than plenty. How much do you have to say that takes more than that? I think I could pray for every single thing in the entire world in under 15. Of course, time open to God is important, too, but still. I wouldn't worry about your prayer situation.

[Spiritsword]

MillyFan, I will pray for you.

Regarding prayer, I have heard that prayer is a conversation with God. You know conversations in real life can be quick or long. Sometimes I can have a much more meaningful prayer in 30 seconds than in 10 minutes. I just try to focus on the Lord. Sometimes I can talk with Him quickly, other times I'll go on for 10 or 20 minutes. Remember, the important thing about prayer is communion with God and opening your heart to Him, not how long it is, or how eloquent, or following a certain script. I too have difficulties with what you have mentioned, but I have prayed about it and just trusted in God and He is most definitely bringing me along in the right direction.

As for Bible reading, I read 1-2 chapters a day. I don't think that is a bad number. Try reading only one chapter a day, but really devoting that time to God. Include prayer with your reading time. Again, I think knowing His word is more important than the quantity of what you are reading.

Spiritsword

[Rashiir]

I have to study and attempt to know what each verse means, what I am being told. . .

Yes, that can be very frustrating, but you don't actually have to do that. My friend's grandma used to say this: "Eat the meat first, and save the bones for later." (She was Scottish or something...) Basically, read through, and if you come to something you don't understand, write it down, mark it, something like that, and if you have extra time, you can "gnaw" on the tough pieces later...

But the best and most important thing you can do before you start some Bible reading is to pray to God and ask Him to speak to you...

Other than that, I'll pray for you...

[Technomancer]

Of course, my prayers will be with you.

I can't add much to what others have said about Bible readings, other than to mention that it sometimes helps to read a good commentary on the book in question along with the book itself.

[Master Kenzo]

You know, the Isrealites went through a desert. There they turned from God repeadetly and even built an idol. I realize just now how much this can apply to our lives.

When God would make a sign, the Isrealites would be all "The Lord provides" and all that, but after a couple days, they would complain again.

"We want water!" "We want food!"

And when God supplied the manna,

"We want meat!"

They, like us, went through a "spiritual desert," as many of us are. AKA hard times.

But, if you stay faithful, then you will make it through the desert, and eventually into the Promised Land.

I feel that I am in the desert as well, and we all do turn from God again and again, but He does accept us back into Him with open arms, even if we do have a bad habit (don't think I'm singling you out, we all have them), He will help us if we would just surrender ourselves to Him.

"How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the sand on the shore
But every time you've taken me back
And now I ask you do it once more

Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength to give it away to you
Please take from me my life
When I don't have the strength to give it away to you Jesus

How many times have I turned away?
The number is the same as the stars in the sky
And every time you've taken me back
And now I pray you'll do it tonight"

PS: Try reading the New Testament first, then try the Old Testament.

[Rev. Doc]

Always remember it the quality of the time, not the quantity. I have never been a big proponent of the so called, "Read The Bible Through In A Year" campaigns. Usually, when I talk to people who do this, and I ask them what they have benefited from this the usual response is, "I've read the Bible through in a year." And of course many will say that the most important thing is that you are just reading your Bible. I would much rather encourage people to not just read the Bible but also to study it and make applications to your life from what you have learned. This of course takes much longer than a year. I'm am just like everyone else. There are so many distractions in my office (phone calls, appointments to keep, etc.) that it is hard to focus. And to me it appears that you need help in focusing, but also direction in your study. I would highly recommend that you look into a good devotional book that will guide you in your quiet time. There are many great devotionals and also Bible study books that cover a wide range of subjects and struggles that Christians face on a daily basis. They will also usually give you guidelines in focusing your prayers to specific areas of your life and the lives of those around you.

Just remember, Satan wants to do all he can to discourage you and talk you out of that precious time spent with your Lord. And as he succeeds in doing that, we are more apt to fall to those temptations. God will give you the strength to overcome, the Son will and has provided the forgiveness you need when you do fall short, and the Spirit will give you the wisdom you need to understand what the Father is sharing with you.
I will continue in my prayers for you.

[Turbocat]

MillyFan I will be praying for you as well...I too personally struggle with reading the Bible...have you considered joining a Bible Study or class? I find it helps me to have a structured study and to be held accountable for completing lessons/reading chapters. Here I am in my 30's and still needing external structure to read God's Word...but I'll do anything it takes to win the prize- knowing Christ.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. --Philippians 3:12

[Michael]

I'd recommend reading through Romans 8.

There was a point in my life when I was looking at Hentai.(I'm still tempted today too)

I tried to do my best to resist it. I found out I really didn't want to. Paul Felt the same way I do.
''What I don't want to do: That I do.''
It's God who'll get you to stop. Not yourself.
There still is a remnant of Sin in your Soul. But that remnant is very strong. And only God can destroy it.