The Blue Moon

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The Blue Moon

Postby ZiP » Mon Jul 19, 2004 5:33 pm

This is my story, I just started today and chapter one's not over yet.

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The Blue Moon

Chapter one: Seraph

Seraph broke into a clearing in the woods.
He pulled his hood of and looked around; seeing a tree he sprang forward and climbed up it very fast.
It was a stubbly tree, and not very tall, like most trees in these woods.
He reached the top very quickly and looked out over the surroundings. There they were; a host of hundreds of Orcs were nearing the mountains, and up far above him, Seraph saw it. The moon. It’s was glowing a light sort of blue. It would soon be bright enough for the Elves to come, but by that time, the Orcs would be ready; Seraph knew what he had to do but didn’t know how he would do it. The Orc troop halted. Seraph’s eyebrows narrowed. This was his chance. He scrambled down the tree, put his cloak on, and vanished into the trees. Meanwhile at the head of the Orc line the leader had ordered halt, and plopped down to feast on a dead animal carcass. Seraph looked out from behind a tree. This was his chance, and at the rate of the Orcs consumption, he didn’t have long to do it. He moved on.
Far, far, far away from the Orcs, but still beside the path, Seraph stopped. He created a fire using a small amount of some powder, lit a torch which was about half the size of a normal one, and set the trees on fire on both sides. He threw the torch in one of the trees, and ran, this time along the path; he had to make it to the edge of the wood, and the beginning of the mountain. He looked behind him. The fire had spread very far in a very short amount of time.

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Let me know what you think!

ZiP
--To Write Love on Her Arms

"That time and absence proves - Rather helps than hurts to love."

"Feelings, emotions, they are good, but they cannot be Love's foundation. When of Love, these things last. When of romance, these things end."

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
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Postby martinloyola » Mon Jul 19, 2004 11:07 pm

hey Zip!, i enjoyed reading it so far, just keep plugging away!!
Vash: In the end...he just couldn't kill a man in cold blood. His daughter's murder goes unpunished. Call him weak, but...it saved both of us.

want to tell your fantasy or science fiction story and need help, try here :cool:

Headbangers United :rock:
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Postby ZiP » Wed Jul 21, 2004 8:25 am

Well there's one fan! :)

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Seraph sat down on a large rock, and drank from his flask. He couldn’t believe he had just set fire to the Elvin woods. He looked up the mountain, put his flask away, and started climbing. The moon was glowing
a bright blue. H had made it up halfway before he looked back at the forest; the Orcs were no where to be seen, but Seraph suspected they had made it to safety, at least, most of them would have. It started to rain.
Seraph looked about for a place to keep dry; there was a cave a little higher above him. He climbed up and into the cave, it was very cold, but nevertheless, dry. He lay down, took his cloak off, and put it over himself like a blanket…
He woke up at the crack of dawn, put his cloak back on, and stepped out of the cave. The fire had been put out by the rain, Seraph had forgotten about the power of the forest, it was enchanted, so it must have caused the heavy rain. The Orcs were still in the forest, scattered. Seraph suspected it would be several hours before they reached the bottom of the cave. He ate a little bread from his satchel and started climbing again.
He spent the greater part of the day on that side of the mountain. By the time he reached the top he could’ve collapsed from exhaustion; he walked over to the edge and looked down into a large canyon, it would not be long now, the sun was setting and the moon was close to follow. He had no time to waste; he started down the mountain towards the canyon. He was three four fifths of the way there when the sun set, and almost halfway there by the time the moon shown through the clouds. Seraph looked at the moon, then at the canyon, a great mist was covering it; he watched for minute, the mist started to disappear, leaving a large city with glowing lights. Seraph was filled with great joy at the site; he ran down the mountain the rest of the way. Once at the bottom he ran into a guard of Elves armed to the teeth, and not to friendly either. “A human?â€
--To Write Love on Her Arms

"That time and absence proves - Rather helps than hurts to love."

"Feelings, emotions, they are good, but they cannot be Love's foundation. When of Love, these things last. When of romance, these things end."

"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get, it's what you are expected to give -- which is everything."
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ZiP
 
Posts: 1205
Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2003 10:00 am
Location: I could be anywhere, even Indiana

Postby martinloyola » Wed Jul 21, 2004 10:21 pm

ok!!! well, first off, as you might guess, a little spelling error here and there, but actually nothing too bad {compared with the atrocious forum sp ;) } now that you've finished one part try going back and refining it add a little thought in the character's head, describe him physically going down the mountain, that is to say...his arms ached from strain and the sweat on his forehead stung a small scratch from pine branches on his way down... does that make since, whenever i write, i always go back and take some and give some, you don't have to rewrite everything, just make minor adjustments, add a word take one out, and you'll be suprised with the results XD i cant wait to read the next chapter!!
{ill be gone for a few days, but when im back i expect to see some results lol hahahaha :thumb: }
oh, by the way, always remember, you have an audience of One, who is Three persons, so that brings your tally to four fans, but God has a host of angels and principalities and powers, so hey, you're already practically at rockstar status, even if noone else down here notices, {i have to remind myself of that whenever i feel left out or ignored :) }
Vash: In the end...he just couldn't kill a man in cold blood. His daughter's murder goes unpunished. Call him weak, but...it saved both of us.

want to tell your fantasy or science fiction story and need help, try here :cool:

Headbangers United :rock:
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Posts: 287
Joined: Wed Mar 03, 2004 8:08 pm
Location: Plainview TX


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