"Virtual Reality" - A poem by Lluvia

[Lluvia]

Essentially, this poem was inspired by project .hack. I would appreciate expounding, firm, and sincere feedback. Thank you! ^^

[align=center]"Virtual Reality"

[size=75][I]Far past the twilight is a chastisement outlying the distant confusion;
concealed deep in a broken heart blazes the almighty tattered illusion.
Searching for hope in an infinite field of pain and thorn
emphasizes the bliss of thy confusion reborn.
Within this flight of imagination, integrity is but the snake of illusory lie,
hours of the day tears stream from within, thus the happiness cry.
Diminishing beneath this fiery blaze,
are seraphs of console and sorrow…
searching for love intertwining this maze.

The splendorous sobbing of seraphs outlines an ocean, of which inquiries flow.
Relinquishing pain upon others, questions drown, hark true love’s thunderous glow.
Can we endure the storm following the elation?
Concaving the psyche’s loss further tells us love is but our creation…
I’ve journeyed through the corridor of positive depression time after time,
and only externally past these walls lay the harmonious and sincere chime.
I cannot begin to question the movement of the terrestrial sphere,
hence not far past the science lays our tranquil spear.

My fresh cavern of knowledge questions itself before,
asking if my destination is only but ashore.
“Possibly so, but that love is no where to be seen,
an inexplicable emotion I’ve never felt so serene.â€

[Spiritsword]

I love the flow of your poetry, as well as some of the expressions you use and the way your words play off of each other, Lluvia. I'm going to have to go back and read your poem again, though. I saw pieces of themes emerging here and there, but for some reason it was difficult for me to grasp the overall message or theme you were attempting to convey. That may well be just me! I usually grasp the intricacies of prose more readily than those of poetry. But I did feel an overall emotional pull from your work. Plus, keep in mind that I've only watched the first 10 episodes of .Hack. I'm not sure how central .Hack is to the theme of your poem. But I really enjoyed it overall! Looking forward to more!

Spiritsword

(Disclaimer: Spiritsword could not even conceive of a poem this eloquent, so all critiques should be taken with the requisite grain of salt).

[Saint]

Nice.

[kaibrightwing]

i love it. i only have a question to ask you?

[Lluvia]

Go ahead.

[kaibrightwing]

can i have a copy please.

[Lluvia]

Of course you can. ^_^ Might I ask why?

[kaibrightwing]

i loved it.

[Master Kenzo]

Wow, that's pretty good. Bit hard to read for me (small font, old English) but it flows well. Unfortunately, I have little mind for understanding poetry, so sorry if I can't give a good critique. Nothing personal, and excellent work again.

[Whitephoenix]

Nicely written with a good fluidity to it.