Okami’s Mental Health Report

[Sheenar]

I'm sorry, my friend! Praying for you. <3

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying, Okami.

[Ryosuke]

I was doing my best to reassure my wolfy that her pdoc wouldn't force an alteration with meds or appointments. In actuality, he reduced the frequency of the appointments <3
All the prayers are appreciated along with the loving words. Thank you everyone =')

[Okami]

Your support makes even the hardships a little easier to bear, Ryosuke...Thank you, my love. That even in resulting arguments, stress, and chaos we communicate and work things through. It's a blessing.

An update for everyone else: I've been feeling lost and numb. "Unsafe", if you will. I need a place of my own to call home, so please pray for us as we search for an apartment. I have a feeling this will ease some of the weight of feeling like a burden and to be a little more settled, so my mind can have some peace again.

You're all rock stars for praying with me through this!

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying, Okami. *hug*

[Wolfsong]

Praying Okami. Hang in there!

[Sheenar]

Praying, dear friend!! I'm sorry I am late in responding to this --I am catching up on threads.

You are loved greatly! Praying you find a good apartment --I know well how that search goes and how stressful it can be.

I am always here via PM if you need to talk --I am a good listener (or I try to be).

[Okami]

MUST I ALWAYS REMEMBER ALL THAT I WANT TO FORGET?!

I had a panic attack almost instantaneously as I saw the clock transition to midnight an hour ago. It's been seven years since this hell began...since I...started cutting.

[Mullet Death]

Are you all right now? I happen to be up, so I'm here. May God hold you and give you what you need.

[Ryosuke]

I love you Kady! You give me hope I didn't have before, and I can be strong because I have you. You see all the cracks in me and for once I feel like I'm worth something... And I know I've been healing because of you and God's Grace. You are my physical reminder of God's love for me, and every day I want to cherish the gift of our love. Today will be about making new memories, and I hope we're off to a good start <3. I love you with all that I have, and I promise to hold you through the hard times. To care for your wounds and give you a safe place for your heart to rest, break down, and know we'll gently and lovingly piece back together. You do so much for me, and I am blessed to have you. I thank God every day for you, and I am excitedly and impatiently awaiting our wedding, and our life together from then on <3

[firestorm]

praying for you okami!

[Okami]

Since I didn't respond to messages prior to Tuesday - thank you Cece, Wolf, and Sheena. Your support and prayers mean a lot.

Mullet, I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner, but your willingness to be here for me is also very appreciated!
Thank you for your prayers, too, Firestorm!

And Joe, of course I have to respond to you entirely separately...As my fiance, you know more than words can speak the impact words have on me. I love you. I appreciate all you do for me, for us. I can't wait to see what God has in store for our future together, and I am blessed for the moments of healing and memories, as the last several days have been, as busy as they have also been. Wordswordswords.

What's there more to say? Because of the nature this time of year represents, September 30~October 2 or so is always difficult. Joe has done a tremendous job in keeping me safe these last few days, and I am grateful. I'm currently trying to assess and determine if my mental health is deteriorating or if it's still just stress. Just...thank you guys for praying for me over the last few days, for tolerating and loving me even in the midst of Tuesday's panic...Maybe someday the scars won't be so prominent. Until then, well, I guess we're along for the ride.

Please continue to keep our whole finding-living-arrangements thing in prayer; I'm anxious and it's driving me up a wall.

[Sheenar]

I'm so sorry I missed this! I haven't checked CAA since Sunday. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you were dealing with that on Tuesday.

Continuing to pray for you! You are loved!

[Wolfsong]

Still praying Okami. Hang in there!

[Okami]

Thank you, Sheena. Thank you, Wolf.
And it's okay, Sheena. Thank you for reminding me I am loved! <3
(I mean, I know my fiance reminds me many times in a day, but it's nice to hear it from others, too)

I'm pretty certain I'm hypomanic! The only difference is still having the self-loathing of Depression...

[Okami]

Last night I was so certain...now I'm not so sure... *sigh* I don't know what's going on...

[Ryosuke]

It happens. I'm here for you, good times and bad. All the prayer and support for you my love <3

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying, Okami. I'm so sorry I didn't get around to reading this sooner. You're always in my thoughts and prayers. And just to reiterate what Sheena said, you are desperately loved. I won't disregard you're problems, but I can only see a truly wonderful and lovely person in you. *hugs*
Praying. (often at unearthly hours of the night/morning)

[Okami]

Thank you, my friends. <3 I am grateful to have your love, support, friendship, and prayers! They are a blessing to me, truly!

I'm really trying to get a grasp at what's going on mentally. Anxious through the roof is definitely a thing, and I'm working with family now to see where that can be alleviated in terms of the wedding and whatever other future things. Lots of work, but it seems to be taking some pressure off.

That being said, Ryosuke and I may have found us a place to live. I don't want to get my hopes up (as with so many other places at this point ), but all the same I want to be able to say, "This is it. I have a home. We have a safe haven." and for it to be true. I know that will take off a HUGE burden, as well.

One thing at a time...I've got two and a half weeks until I see the psychiatrist, so I'm continuing to monitor myself. I praise God that though I feel myself "shifting", it is not unbearable! Some things are certainly uncomfortable, but I can live with them. One thing at a time...One thing at a time...

[ClaecElric4God]

Glad to hear some things are looking up. Praying that this works out with your apartment. I know how much you guys want/need that.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

How has your mindfulness and insight practices been going as of late?

[Okami]

There has been a lot of stress lately. Victories, disappointments, struggle...life.

Went to the psychiatrist on Monday. I wanted to discuss more than what got brought up, but forgot in the moment. He wanted to up my dose and I asked him to wait - as of right now, we are so close to the wedding, I am so sure the episodic moments and dissociations are due to the stress, and the last thing I want is to potentially increase side effects or it spark a further episode or to become zombified. I would rather deal with life as it is than chance the possibility of it getting that much worse! Next appointment is just before the wedding, and if he wants to change it up at that point, I won't fight it - simply wait until after that weekend to start the new routine!

How has your mindfulness and insight practices been going as of late?

I need to get back into the habit... It certainly takes being mindful to realize sometimes that I'm rushing about and forgetting to breathe.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Mindfulness practices never hurt. I try to get into the routine myself. Keep up the good work on the emotion regulation.

[Okami]

Mindfulness practices never hurt. I try to get into the routine myself. Keep up the good work on the emotion regulation.

Indeed! It's a good habit to keep up with. And thank you, MSP

---

Busybusybusy. Holy cow. Just slightly over a month to the wedding.
I'm doing all I can to keep myself grounded...I am stressed, and it's showing through the cracks.

A lot of my life is simply keeping watch over myself, tending towards my relationship (and that with God), and wedding planning.
The closer the date comes, the more I'm weighing the option of upping the dose of my meds. Time will tell.

I can't wait to slow down and breathe again.

[ClaecElric4God]

Still praying, Okami. If you ever just need someone to talk/vent to or anything, don't hesitate to let me know! You have like...16 ways to contact me. XD
I hope things calm down so you can enjoy the beauty of the event before you!

[Okami]

Still praying, Okami. If you ever just need someone to talk/vent to or anything, don't hesitate to let me know! You have like...16 ways to contact me. XD
I hope things calm down so you can enjoy the beauty of the event before you!

I think 16 is exaggerated.

But yes, thank you for everything, friend! I appreciate your prayers and encouragement, always.

[Okami]

Everything is chaotic...I am shattered...I've spent the majority of two days bawling.

Happy one month to go til the wedding.

[Sheenar]

Continuing to pray for you, dear friend!

[Ryosuke]

I feel like a bad fiance... I'm sorry I haven't been posting more here... Like with Okami, time has been stretched very thin.. I find even I have been needing time to just sit down or cry... It doesn't justify my neglect here, but I suppose it is what it is.

Every so often I've been reminding Okami of the need for mindfulness... Beyond disociations(mind you that they have been decreasing in duration and severity) are the rare panic attacks... Okami mentioned being shattered.... The panic attacks happened mostly around this time due to the thought that an important person may not even show to the wedding.... It was rough but the matter is thankfully settled.

Thank you for all the prayers. Please know our hearts go out to you as well.

[Sheenar]

Still keeping you guys in prayer. You are loved!