Some things have been on my mind tonight. It's my last night at my boyfriend's, and that's hard for the both of us. He's at work and I'm here and my mind is still on the future. After going about with him, talking to jewelers, and creating the design for my ring, I wonder how the engagement ring will turn out. I wonder how long it will be until that day (knowing it is several months out)... I wonder how much effort will be put into patience...
[edit](Do note we've been talking MUCH longer than we've been dating and have known one another for seven years!)
He helped me the other day after something triggered a panicked flashback and I dove under a blanket for protection - he got on the bed with me, coaxed me from the blanket a little, and held me until I stopped crying and could talk it through. I am blessed with someone who cares about my mental health...
[/edit]Then there are the other levels of thought. I'm almost out of money. I need to apply for SSI and soon and get that process started because I'm still in a place mentally where I cannot work. I'm probably going to have to defer my student loans come next month because I won't be able to make payments. I had another flashback recently where something set me off and I dove under a blanket to protect myself... thankfully my boyfriend was there and able to hold me while I cried as it settled, not allowing any harm to come of it.
Otherwise there's tomorrow, my next psychiatry appointment. I plan on asking to be taken off the Lithium as after trying one more dose bump, I'm not seeing significant changes to my side effects...plus I want to have caffeine and normal pain medications again, as well as the possibility of alcohol - though I definitely cheated on that this weekend. Just a couple drinks, but I'm not supposed to drink with the meds.
Just kind of....praying for a miracle.
