Right off the bat I apologize if I get a little hard to follow because I'm not sure as to how to word this etc.
Over the course of several months I managed to become overwhelmed by school and home, including those I come into contact with in those places. My mom has had medical issues just as she has over the past few years, at school I've dealt with some thorns in my side. It even feels a little off when I go to my youth group on Wednesdays or at Church on Sundays. I've just felt dragged down by everything eventually and I've said some stuff I would have never let pass my lips if it were maybe last year. At some point last month I somehow thought that cutting myself would do something since I felt like giving up. Even though it didn't do anything effective, recently I was contemplating on doing that again since things just felt worse to the point I felt hollow and wouldn't really react to much. I've had to basically force smiles and laughter whenever it's an 'appropriate' situation for that. I've kept this basically to myself for quite a while and I'm not proud of it by any means. I don't really want to come out and say it to anyone at church because I don't know what their reactions would be and I certainly don't want anyone thinking it's their fault or that they have to make the world revolve around me for a bit to see if that makes me feel better. If I said anything at school it's the same somewhat with the addition of I don't want a teacher to send me to the office to talk to a counselor just for my parents to find out and be offended I didn't come to them in the first place. My parents have been a bit stressed out with work and stuff lately and I don't want to add onto it, though I honestly think I sound like I'm being too stubborn to ask for help. I've tried to talk to some people about this, but at the most they'll half listen.
I'm trying to get over myself with this. I've been praying about it a bit and I know God works in his own timing. It just seems like it's getting harder and harder to stick to who I know myself as, and what I've learned from experiences I've been through. I know I shouldn't be complaining about small stuff when there are many out there who have it way worse. I feel like that flame I've had that encourages to do something good and enjoy what God's given me while sharing it with others is slowly burning out. I can't take it anymore and I guess this is my way of finally asking for a prayer request. This is probably the best I can explain it. Anyways if you read through this post thank you, and prayers are very appreciated.