K. Ayato wrote:Good to know that you're beginning to see that some of your deep-set beliefs about yourself were based in lies. Not easy to deal with, but you've come a long way in just a short amount of time. I know you can do it.
Indeed. It's certainly not easy, as you said, but it's been worth it!
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Kentucky was awesome. I detail what all's been going on in that front on my blog. Went through counseling tonight - an interesting turn of events (I couldn't remember when I would go in for my session this week
) as today is my six-year anniversary of the day I began self-injuring. It allowed me to talk through some of what this day means to me before moving on to other things....which sadly did not include some things I really want to dive into. I'm realizing my hesitance isn't going to help me be open about those things....I know that comes from the fact that I've never talked about this stuff before (with the exception of in my ministry team) and I've never considered actually getting to understand why those things happened until now. I'm just praying for the strength to get in the mud my next appointment, because I can't keep beating around the bush, despite how good my life is right now. So....yeah, just pray in two weeks I would be open about those things.
).
By the end of therapy tonight, my counselor looked at me and asked, "Do you do hugs? Because you look like you need one." "Yeah..." and after hugging me said, "Be strong."
) so I'm praying that gives me some time to step back and consciously work on stopping my impulsiveness.
It's like, come on, you're better than this, Okami! But at the same time...this is where I am, doubtful and confused. *sigh*
And I'm rooting for you. Hang in there. I know I don't need to tell you this, but I'll say it anyway. God is good, and He's bigger than your problems. Hang in there.
Yet I know somewhere in this, God is there... People keep telling me how this could be a good thing, but right now, I just don't see it because I'm scared. 
