Okami’s Mental Health Report

[Okami]

*** If you wish to be informed of major events in this thread without reading every message, please visit this post for a timeline. ***

Hey everyone! I decided it was time to create a thread of my own for prayer and encouragement over the diagnoses I’ve received over the years. My decision for finally creating this thread was my most recent diagnosis, which can be read on my blog here.

The thought of being given this diagnosis has terrified me for some time, and now that it's a reality, I must learn to live with it. In the same regard, I wanted a place where I could safely do brief updates that wouldn’t necessarily be my blog. CAA has been an internet home for me for many years, and I trust in the power of prayer coming from those I consider dear friends.

I know some might appreciate following the journey through to my recovery.

Thanks for taking the time to be a blessing; I truly appreciate it!

Grace and peace to you,
Okami

[ClaecElric4God]

Thanks for sharing, Okami. I'm glad you decided to make this thread, I think it's a great idea.
I know this diagnosis is a big deal for you, and it's something your not happy with. But really, it's more of a blessing than anything. Whether you knew you had it or not, you did, so now that you do know, the anxiety of wondering is off your mind, and it's out in the open air so you can face it and deal with it, and so we know what to pray for better. I thank God that He was gracious enough to share this knowledge with you, and I pray that He will give you the peace to leave it entirely in His hands. You're in my prayers daily, as always. God bless you.

[Sheenar]

Will be lifting you up in prayer as always, dear friend.

[MomentOfInertia]

Ouch.

Hang tough Okami, we're here for ya.

[Jingo Jaden]

Will defidently be supporting you through thick and thin Kady.

[Okami]

Thanks for sharing, Okami. I'm glad you decided to make this thread, I think it's a great idea.
I know this diagnosis is a big deal for you, and it's something your not happy with. But really, it's more of a blessing than anything. Whether you knew you had it or not, you did, so now that you do know, the anxiety of wondering is off your mind, and it's out in the open air so you can face it and deal with it, and so we know what to pray for better. I thank God that He was gracious enough to share this knowledge with you, and I pray that He will give you the peace to leave it entirely in His hands. You're in my prayers daily, as always. God bless you.

Thank you much, dear friend. You're absolutely right, now I can face it and deal with it.

Will be lifting you up in prayer as always, dear friend.

Thank you. <3

Ouch.

Hang tough Okami, we're here for ya.

I appreciate it!

Will defidently be supporting you through thick and thin Kady.

Thanks much, Nicklas.


---

So counseling last night went over very well (I found out the wolf is also a favorite animal of my counselor ) but aside from that, I also learned she is the homework-and-handout-giving type of counselor, which goes over quite well in my favor. She laughed, handed me one sheet at a time, and by the end of our meeting was like, "you might want to get a folder." So what did I do? Bought and decorated a folder, of course. Eight hours of drawing, alongside careful reading of Scripture and mindful reflection of song lyrics, and I got this image for my cover.



It ties together goals, strength, reminders, and safety all in one place for me.

My prayer would be that I am diligent with my studies of wellness and in actually doing the weekly work given to me and making DBT a practice so that I learn over time how to regulate my unstable emotions.

[AdriTan]

I'm praying. That is a beautiful drawing!

[Sheenar]

That is a beautiful drawing!!

I love the homework-giving counselors.

[ClaecElric4God]

AH! I love that drawing, Okami. Your art skills are amazing, and it's just incredibly cool. I think I love the smile more than anything.
Still praying for you, and so ridiculously glad to see things went well and God is bringing things together for you. Praise the Lord!

[Panda4christ:3]

That's an awesome drawing :3 (seriously, it's level of epic is blinding me)
I'll be praying ^-^

[Okami]

I'm praying. That is a beautiful drawing!

Thank you.

That is a beautiful drawing!!

I love the homework-giving counselors.

Thank you.

Me too, makes the work all the more beneficial in the end.

AH! I love that drawing, Okami. Your art skills are amazing, and it's just incredibly cool. I think I love the smile more than anything.
Still praying for you, and so ridiculously glad to see things went well and God is bringing things together for you. Praise the Lord!

Thank you. It's a collab between a best friend and I, a picture from years ago that I revamped and photoshopped. And amen to that, praise Him indeed!

That's an awesome drawing :3 (seriously, it's level of epic is blinding me)
I'll be praying ^-^

lol thank you.

---

After tonight's session, I am emotionally drained. The homework I was given has been upgraded a bit to specify my struggles and that's....kind of scary to be that raw, open, and honest on paper. I also now have to spend at least five minutes a day in pure observation of myself and surroundings (which is very difficult for me to do; she had me sample it in session.) I'm just so very tired....

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying for strength and support.

[Sheenar]

Praying, friend. Hang in there. *hugs*

[Okami]

Praying for strength and support.

Praying, friend. Hang in there. *hugs*

Thanks guys....today was a very, very hard day. What I would consider the worst since I began counseling. It got to the point where one of my best friends had to come get me because I just couldn't stand to be alone anymore. Counseling's presented more questions than answers and right now, it hurts and it's very difficult to sort through my mind to come to conclusions on those answers...

[K. Ayato]

Exercises that more or less force you to confront past issues you thought had been long dealt with are never easy. I experienced it during a personal growth seminar a few years ago and each time I was crying and sobbing like a baby. They are worth it in the long run, though. Praying you have the strength to keep at it. *Hugs*

[ClaecElric4God]

Praying, Okami. I won't pretend to know how hard this is, but know that I'm always praying for you, and I'm here if you need me.

[Okami]

Exercises that more or less force you to confront past issues you thought had been long dealt with are never easy. I experienced it during a personal growth seminar a few years ago and each time I was crying and sobbing like a baby. They are worth it in the long run, though. Praying you have the strength to keep at it. *Hugs*

Thanks, K. I'm glad you can understand in part how difficult this is. *hugs back*

Praying, Okami. I won't pretend to know how hard this is, but know that I'm always praying for you, and I'm here if you need me.

I truly appreciate it, Cece.

----

Tonight's session was as difficult as always. For the first time I cried in front of my counselor as I sat on the edge of the couch explaining my down affect, which was the first thing she picked up on. Not only is she now having me observe myself and environment (on top of written/paperwork homework) but she's also having me do descriptive work of the observations on a daily basis. It's a lot harder than it sounds. She asked me to describe the plant in her office I'd been observing for a good 5 minutes as if I were talking to a blind person and I just sat there silently, unable to give much of anything for an answer.

I'm starting to see the purpose of such activities though, to be able to sit between emotional and rational portions of the brain and tell without judgment what is going on inside. I am appreciative of the work, hard as it may be. I can only pray it makes me stronger in the long run.

[Yuki-Anne]

Praying.

[Okami]

Praying.

Thanks, Yuki.

---

Got yet another medication switch today. It's like playing musical chairs in the ABCs of mental health medications... I'm frustrated, but praying perhaps these new meds will be the ones to help me learn how to regulate and move on with my life.

[ClaecElric4God]

Ah, yeah. That sounds rough. Praying that they find the right meds and don't have to keep switching.

[Sheenar]

*hugs*
Praying, my friend.

[Sheenar]

How are things going?

[Okami]

How are things going?

To respond in music. I have peace. God has done great and mighty things in recent days, and I am happier than I have ever known myself to be!

[Okami]

Wanted to briefly update and say I'm still doing quite well! I have joy that words can't even describe. My counselor seems to be amazed with the sudden improvement... I am back on the job hunt and getting my priorities straightened. For the time being, I'm off my medications, and I feel great!

Last night we talked at length about anime and different ratings, genres, and fandoms which presented me with the opportunity to educate her, as she had a very closed and narrow view of Japanese media. I think I gave her much to think about, and by the end of the conversation, she seemed to realize that anime is just like any other media, but animated.

[ClaecElric4God]

Wanted to briefly update and say I'm still doing quite well! I have joy that words can't even describe. My counselor seems to be amazed with the sudden improvement... I am back on the job hunt and getting my priorities straightened. For the time being, I'm off my medications, and I feel great!

Praise the Lord! You're always in my prayers, and I'm so glad to hear you're still doing well. I still haven't gotten over this. It's so amazing to see God working so mightily. Thanks so much for your testimony, Okami. You're a true blessing.

[Sheenar]

I'm so happy for you, dear friend!

[Okami]

Praise the Lord! You're always in my prayers, and I'm so glad to hear you're still doing well. I still haven't gotten over this. It's so amazing to see God working so mightily. Thanks so much for your testimony, Okami. You're a true blessing.

I'm so happy for you, dear friend!

Praise Him, indeed! Thank you, friends! It's amazing to be able to share the (full) testimony with others....even though it's only been a couple weeks now. I'm completely blown away by it, myself. And now that I'll be returning to Kentucky* in a few weeks, I'm looking forward to what's in store!

* I realize this was never mentioned here, but the joy in the Lord that I've found is due to events that happened on my weekend trip to the south. God is good. He is so, so very good.

[Ella Edric]

Will be praying for you most certainly. Just remember, God always has a plan, and God is always in control. He WILL take care of you no matter what the circumstances. Trust him. Like it seems you already are, but I will pray for your continued strength. I understand what it's like to go thru some of that, and if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me about it. God bless you Okami! You are in my prayers. <3

[Okami]

Will be praying for you most certainly. Just remember, God always has a plan, and God is always in control. He WILL take care of you no matter what the circumstances. Trust him. Like it seems you already are, but I will pray for your continued strength. I understand what it's like to go thru some of that, and if you need someone to talk to feel free to PM me about it. God bless you Okami! You are in my prayers. <3

Thank you, Ella! It's much appreciated.

---

Counseling this week took an interesting turn of events. We dove back into the story of my Kentucky trip, as my counselor was curious as to some of the happenings there within the ministry to me. She wanted to dig into details regarding some of my past as it intertwines with what happened and working through significance and symbolism of those things. So we did!

While I know that's not exactly giving anything away, we came to find some core belief issues that have been present in my life in the form of lies. Because that door's been opened, I can now see myself digging down deeper into areas that I've not brought up in a counseling setting before...I'm simply praying for the timing to line itself up, because I know those things will be uncomfortable, but I also know it needs to happen for my continued healing.

I'm heading back to Kentucky this weekend for fellowship and worship. Super excited to be reunited with my ministry team!

[K. Ayato]

Good to know that you're beginning to see that some of your deep-set beliefs about yourself were based in lies. Not easy to deal with, but you've come a long way in just a short amount of time. I know you can do it .