Still not feeling accepted around others...

[Atria35]

So yeah, it's confirmed. Quility time and physical touch are what I need to not be depressed. Looks like since God was the one that told what I need, he provided for me. Basically, I didn't force hugs on people but they just decided to give them to me. Then after church I was able to hang with a couple girls and a guy after chruch. Well, that's the short version of it.

I'm going to come out and say it: God didn't provide it, you not being a creeper did. When you're not forcing hugs on people, it makes you infinitely more likeable. People know when you're forcing touch (it's called 'harassment' in the legal world, and if people were utterly clueless we wouldn't need laws against it), and definitely don't want to be around people who do it - let alone *touch* them. The moment you changed your approach and attitude (not forcing hugs on people) it changes the whole ball game.

Moral of the story: Do not ever force hugs on people. You might get slapped with a lawsuit.

[dothackzero]

Moral of the story: Do not ever force hugs on people. You might get slapped with a lawsuit.

I think you took that a little too literaly.

[Xeno]

So yeah, it's confirmed. Quility time and physical touch are what I need to not be depressed. Looks like since God was the one that told what I need, he provided for me. Basically, I didn't force hugs on people but they just decided to give them to me. Then after church I was able to hang with a couple girls and a guy after chruch. Well, that's the short version of it.

I'm going to come out and say it: God didn't provide it, you not being a creeper did.

I'd just like to focus on this a little bit. I find it kind of odd that some people have a tendency to use god a a justification for acting terrible. You've been going on about neuroscience, brain chemicals, and the like, but that's not what's driving anything going on with you, no siree bob, you got your direction from the big man himself. How does that work exactly?

It all seems a bit out of sync.


In the science world, that thing you were trying to use on the last page, what you're doing can be explained a number of ways. Now clearly I'm not a psychologist, a psychiatrist, or anything of that sort, but you certainly seem to have a number of issues that you need intense therapy to have resolved, possibly even medication to get some things straightened out. You're lonely, yeah I get that, but things are clearly much deeper than that for you. You need help, and just praying isn't going to fix it. You're going to have to put in some towards this, and acknowledge you have real issues that stem from beyond your roneriness. The sooner you do that, the sooner everything in your life will take an upward swing for sub-average, where most internet dwellers live.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

For the love of Pete! You're not helping yourself and you're annoying the stuffing out of those trying to help. Grow a pair. People have given you advice, now go and do something productive (not focused on self but others and God). Your moping reminds me of someone on a Christian chat room/forum I visit.

[armeck]

part of your problem too is insisting that it has to be girls that you hug. I mean, I have plenty of guy friends that I hug

[K. Ayato]

Have you ever considered fasting for a period of time? What you decide to deny yourself during the process is ultimately your decision, but I'm sure it'd do well to hone in your "spiritual senses" (as my pastor puts it) and better determine if what you're hearing is indeed God's voice and not your own selfish desires.

[dothackzero]

part of your problem too is insisting that it has to be girls that you hug. I mean, I have plenty of guy friends that I hug

Actually, the hugs from guys do help too.

[Atria35]

Moral of the story: Do not ever force hugs on people. You might get slapped with a lawsuit.

I think you took that a little too literaly.

Moral of the story: That wasn't the moral of the story >.> It was everything else that I wrote. Seriously, trying to get people to hug you when they don't feel like it is what drives them away. It's when you just go with it and let it happen (or not) that people feel okay with doing it. People can sense when there's a motive, and your motives are... creepy. There is no other way of putting it. Normally you're forcing it because you feel you have to have it to feel better, and that's what makes people not want to do it. So if you just chilled - like you did at church - then people will feel safer and more comfortable doing it.

[Yuki-Anne]

Personally, I think you are making some small bits of progress. I'm glad you discovered that relaxing and letting others come to you works. Please continue to do that.

And I TOTALLY understand the physical touch thing, I really do. When I graduated high school I went from a youth group where everybody hugged and high-fived to a Bible college campus where hugging a guy was considered creepy and stalkerish. I was only 17 and freshly out of being homeschooled; I had no way of knowing that giving a dude a side hug on the way out of class would get his whole dorm floor freaking out about how creepy I was. Having come from a family where I had close relationships with my two older brothers and my two male cousins the same age as my brothers, it was super hard for me to realize that I naturally had to draw a line between the way I acted with my real brothers and the way I acted with my Christian "brothers." It was difficult and I felt very depressed until I got used to it. So I can sympathize. Looking back I realize how creepy I must have been, but those lessons come with growing up. It was a painful lesson to learn but I'm glad I learned it, and I'm glad you're learning it, hopefully in a less awkward and embarrassing manner.

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

My story, Dot.
I shared this on another forum I visit.

I don't know what to say. My main love language is physical touch and things like hugs from family and friends do wonders to help with my general health and well-being. I love to hug and be hugged but I always ask before initiating and I've never hugged anyone I'm interested in. It does get difficult because my family and friends aren't always around, especially when I was teaching interstate. I've never before had a girlfriend and in my early 20's that really bothered me because my friends and peers were finding their special guy/girl, getting engaged and married. Since then, I still get lonely every now and then but I've grown in my spiritual maturity and have learned to better accept my identity in Christ. Dot, I suggest you do likewise. No-ones likes someone that mops around all the time and complains about this and that. If that's all people know you for, how are they expected to feel drawn to you (for friendship, let alone a relationship?) I understand something of what you're going through, I really do. But you need to learn to surrender your desires to God and then He can lead you in His Will for you.

[dothackzero]

So yeah, I'm gonna try asking one of the girls from chruch to hang out. I kinda had my eye on her for a little while, but seems like now's the time make a move and hopefully be able to get know her better. btw, this was one of the girls I hugged from a few days ago(1st time too). I just hope the hug was because she too tired to think since she just got back from a missions trip.(Basically it was 4:30AM in her mind when it happened.)

[Xeno]

I just hope the hug was because she too tired to think since she just got back from a missions trip.(Basically it was 4:30AM in her mind when it happened.)

Did you misphrase that by any chance?

[K. Ayato]

I hug, even when I'm exhausted. This makes no sense whatsoever.

[dothackzero]

I hug, even when I'm exhausted. This makes no sense whatsoever.

I know, but I was talking about being the 1st time she hugged me. And I didn't gas her either like xeno implied.

[K. Ayato]

So why the hoping she hugged you just 'cause she was exhausted? Are you saying if she were fully awake she'd recoil in horror?

Dude, just accept the fact that you got a hug. From a girl. No further need for guesses and wishful interpretations.

[dothackzero]

So why the hoping she hugged you just 'cause she was exhausted? Are you saying if she were fully awake she'd recoil in horror?

Dude, just accept the fact that you got a hug. From a girl. No further need for guesses and wishful interpretations.

That was just a typo, I meant that I hope it wasn't that she was too tired to think when she gave me the hug.

[Xeno]

I hug, even when I'm exhausted. This makes no sense whatsoever.

I know, but I was talking about being the 1st time she hugged me. And I didn't gas her either like xeno implied.

I also edited my post to remove the meme I'd posted and asked a legitimate question instead after I realized you may have left a word out of your post. But as K. Ayato said, don't read into things every time someone hugs you, even if it is the first time they do.

[dothackzero]

So why the hoping she hugged you just 'cause she was exhausted? Are you saying if she were fully awake she'd recoil in horror?

Dude, just accept the fact that you got a hug. From a girl. No further need for guesses and wishful interpretations.

Actually, you're probably right. She probably just noticed that I was a hugger when I hugged a girl just met in front of her.(I was just asking for a hand shake, but she wanted a hug so I just went with it.)

But yeah any advice/tips for asking her to hang out?

[K. Ayato]

Don't beat yourself up if she'd rather not give you a hug when it's time to go home. Maintain eye contact. Don't dominate the conversation. Actively listen to what she says. Show signs of maturity and respect (holding the door open for her, pulling out her chair, etc.).

Basically everything we've been telling you to do (and not do) in the entirety of this thread. Do yourself a favor and spare yourself future bummer time by going back and actually reading our posts again.

[dothackzero]

I didn't have the chance to ask her last thrusday. She was depressed since her grampa died, so I figured it wouldn't be the right time.

[Atria35]

^ Good intuition. You would be entirely correct about that.

[Xeno]

Hey dot, I think you've become famous http://dothackzero.ytmnd.com

[Ally-Ann]

*Emerges from lurk-shadows of thread* Would you believe that when I clicked on that link, an ad for wedding rings popped up in the corner? That was funny. Just sayin'.


And I'm happy that you're improving on social skills, dot. (^ ^)/ Congrats.

[dothackzero]

Hey dot, I think you've become famous http://dothackzero.ytmnd.com

lol, Yeah this was back when I was in the sonic hacking community(It was community that was searching for beta sercets in sonic games.) Looks like that one was made back in 2006, though I do gotta admit that this is pretty funny to me now.

Anyways, looks like you didn't find the other one.

http://theshadowplushie.ytmnd.com/

[Yuki-Anne]

lol, that first ytmnd was hilarious.

The second one... I just... huh?

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

*Grooving along to your first ytmnd song*

[dothackzero]

Yeah, I really will have to get a massage(The non-code word type). What I'm getting from from church and other places really isn't enough(Though I do get enough my from my family) and it's ending up depressing me.

[SilverToast]

Yeah, I really will have to get a massage(The non-code word type). What I'm getting from from church and other places really isn't enough(Though I do get enough my from my family) and it's ending up depressing me.

I'm confused about what you are trying to say. Is not getting a massage what makes you feel depressed?

[Xeno]

Dot talked about this on that christianchat site (yeah, I be snoopin'), and he thinks that he's so "touch starved" that having a random stranger give him a massage will some how help with his social issues. Which it won't, a good therapist might though. And by the way, I've read some other threads on that site, wooooooooooow what a bunch of crackpots.

[SilverToast]

^ oh okay. Well I have nothing to say on the topic of being touched. By the way congratulations on your improved social skill of sensitivity to others feelings Dot!