Still not feeling accepted around others...

[dothackzero]

Anyways, over the past few days at work. It seems like God is telling me that I'm doing fine right now, and that I just need to keep going. You know, basically I just need to trust in Jesus, and just continue on with life(you know just pushing forward(You know looking for better job, work on social skills, just taking care of my self, learning more about marriage(And I have been listening to stuff to prepair me in this area.)), and waiting for God to make a move). But yeah, it seems like I'm gonna be the type of person were it looks like things are moving very slowly, but then suddenly take off in a wild way.(Like getting a programming, finding a girlfriend and getting married within a couple years.) It seems that the waiting for this happen is the hard part though.



Though, right now I just wish I could hear God's voice better... So I don't have to think I'm hearing, and actually know for sure when I'm hearing from him...

[Yuki-Anne]

Sounds like you're on the right track. And learning more about marriage and relationships before you get into one is a good idea.

[dothackzero]

You know, It also might help if I'm not depressed and desprete by the time I'm around the girls. :p

[dothackzero]

I'm lonely... And not just the want the girlfriend/wife type of thing. Really, I't more like a I'm just worried that I'll end up not having anyfriends. Not like a I freak them out and scare them away but more like things change, they have to live in other area's of the country. And just me not being able to make more friends...

[Xeno]

That very well might happen. It's happened to me before. The only people I talk to are co-workers and people I know online. Sometimes you're going to be lonely, it just happens.

[dothackzero]

heh, it's funny after giving my lonelyness to Jesus because it was just becoming to hard for me take anymore. I'm starting to learn about the roots that's actually the cause of my lonelyness. btw, the root isn't caused by me not close enough to God or feeling like I'm not close to God.

[Xeno]

Well that's very enlightening dot. It would have been more enlightening had you actually explained what you're starting to find out on your self-discovery, but either way, it's good to hear you're figuring yourself out.

[dothackzero]

oh right, basically the answer turns out to be touch deperation. I'm sure it's not the only reason people get lonely, but it's what I need to feel less lonely. Well there's a need of a real depth to a relationship, but I'd think one would lead to the other. But yeah, it basically goes back to the reason I started topic. Getting depressed over a fake unwanted hug.

Actually this one is a really good, though it's not exactly Christian...
http://www.opposingviews.com/i/are-you-touch-starved


http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/6-reas ... e-touched/
http://www.alt-4-health.com/communication.htm
http://www.amazingjoy.com/helpdailylivi ... lonely.htm
http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/for ... ger-61992/

I need some girl friends that are huggers...

[DaughterOfZion]

Half of those "sources" seem suspiciously new age-y.

Also, I really hope

I need some girl friends that are huggers...

was a poor attempt at a joke.

[dothackzero]

Yeah, I guess you're right... But there is science that backs this stuff up.

Anyway, this is the area where God pointed out what I needed.

"11. Don't overlook the benefits of touching. Lonely people should decide that they will be open to the appropriate touch of others and take the opportunity themselves to touch others as well--yes, even a traditional handshake can give a real lift and can be of encouragement like the lonely old man in Wal-Mart mentioned above.

A woman in California decided to visit a friend whose husband had recently died quite suddenly. The visitor didn't know what she would say, but when her friend opened the door, they fell into each other's arms and wept openly. Not much was said, but later the widow expressed how much it had meant to her to have her friend's arms around her at this crucial time. That touch of love and caring meant more than any words that could have been said!"

http://www.amazingjoy.com/helpdailylivi ... lonely.htm

It just doing research from there, I found out the hormones that actually shows scientificaly how this works.

[Atria35]

^ The problem with ALL of that is that you're looking for girls to touch you, specifically.

If you really needed all that, you'd get uplift from guys and girls equally. You never have posted anything that has that in it. You're just looking for girls to want to touch/hug/whatever willingly. So it's not that you're touch-starved, it's that you want it from girls and are looking for ways to justify this desire.

[dothackzero]

^ The problem with ALL of that is that you're looking for girls to touch you, specifically.

If you really needed all that, you'd get uplift from guys and girls equally. You never have posted anything that has that in it. You're just looking for girls to want to touch/hug/whatever willingly. So it's not that you're touch-starved, it's that you want it from girls and are looking for ways to justify this desire.

Actually, it turns out that I do get the uplift from hugging a guy. I'd just rather be hugging girls.

I mean, I can be touch starved and still have my perfrences.

[Okami]

Dot, not to be rude....but you're seriously starting to sound desperate and creepy. =/ I'm going to stick by my original statement in this thread.

[Xeno]

At this point Dot, you have essentially become the human embodiment of this song, and ultimately the cameraman in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pq-yP7mb8UE

The "science" behind all this touching stuff seems pretty "lolflaky" at best, and like downright malarky at worst. Yeah, can the touch of a loved one, or someone who cares about you lift your spirits? Sure. But having some random person shake your hand is not going pass along some kind of invisible energy that suddenly makes you feel better. It's not like you're siphoning off their life-force, gaining their experiences, becoming stronger and stronger, until eventually you've consumed their being and now you're Super Dothackzero!

It doesn't work like that.

This all seems rather hokey, and it's probably best you stop reading it. The solution is to stop being so needy constantly, and maybe actually just go do something about your situation. Yeah, I know we've been here already before. You have been doing things, but you need more/friends that hug/hold your hand/cuddle with you/[insert other asinine thing]. Point is, you're complaining about it. Stop. Just fix it or don't, at this point you're being one of those love-shy nerds who blame women for their own insecurities and failings, and in a couple of years you'll be advocating violence against women because your mother supposedly didn't love you enough when you a child or something.

Either way, I dunno, just get over it and stop being such a freaking creep.

[dothackzero]

Okay, then take a look at the more medical version of the hormon. But yeah, it probably would work a lot better if it was someone I know and love.

http://www.myhealthnewsdaily.com/607-11 ... tocin.html

Let's just say that I'm more or less trying this out a science experiment.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

You're SERIOUSLY reading too much into neuroscience to justify your desires for being touched right now...

We're not ignorant or uneducated. We know the effects of what neurotransmitters like oxytocin and dopamine have when it comes to physical contact and emotional connections. But being "touched deprived" does not create this severe of a level of social ineptitude nor will being touched by people make things better for you. It's all about your attitude which is really poor. You need to stop finding excuses for things and take control of your own life.

[Xeno]

Yes, oxytocin has also been used in drug trials as a "monogamy drug" because of how it is released and when it is released, and some early finds show that men who take it in the form of a nasal spray are possibly less likely to find persons who are not their significant other to be attractive, or at least to engage those they would typically find attractive less often.

It is not a chemical that is simply released ANY TIME someone touches another person, it is released in certain situations and under certain circumstances. Just because some random person hugs you, that doesn't release this. It's a hormone that is dependent upon a large number factors that you don't get to control and vary from person to person.

Seriously kid.

[dothackzero]

Like I said, I'm just trying it out... It's not like anything will change if I'm wrong.

btw, I'm not hugging random people I don't know. There are a few girls and some guys that I can hug.

[Xeno]

Let's just say that I'm more or less trying this out a science experiment.

Like I said, I'm just trying it out... It's not like anything will change if I'm wrong.

btw, I'm not hugging random people I don't know. There are a few girls and some guys that I can hug.

People aren't a science fair project. And what's worse, is that you're USING people that you know. And I mean that word in the sense of violating their trust in order to make yourself feel better. That's incredibly selfish.

It sounds like what you're looking for is a cat.

[dothackzero]

Let's just say that I'm more or less trying this out a science experiment.

Like I said, I'm just trying it out... It's not like anything will change if I'm wrong.

btw, I'm not hugging random people I don't know. There are a few girls and some guys that I can hug.

People aren't a science fair project. And what's worse, is that you're USING people that you know. And I mean that word in the sense of violating their trust in order to make yourself feel better. That's incredibly selfish.

It sounds like what you're looking for is a cat.

Okay, so that was a bad way to explain it. I'm doing it in hopes that'll help me make friends and become closer with the ones I have, I'm just thinking that becoming less lonely and depressed will be the end result.

[Xeno]

Hugging does not make people closer though. That literally does not make any sense. My closest friends and I rarely, if never, hug each other. It's just not something that we do. Trying to make excuses to touch girls is ultimately creepy. It will not make you less lonely or less depressed, it will just make you more creepy. Seriously, the best thing you can do is get a haircut if you haven't already, that picture you posted a while back...geez, start dressing more stylish (it will make you look more attractive and presentable), and stop complaining that your needs aren't being met. Get off the computer, make money, go hang out with your friends and do whatever it is you all do, and don't analyze everything they do.

"Herp derp, how do I dress better?"
You can start by looking at these places:
uniqlo
J.Crew
Yoox - Cheap sales on designer clothes.
Gap
Everlane

[Davidizer13]

Okay, so that was a bad way to explain it. I'm doing it in hopes that'll help me make friends and become closer with the ones I have, I'm just thinking that becoming less lonely and depressed will be the end result.

Really, dude? Really?

The way it's coming across, you're trying to abuse these girls' own neurochemistry to drug them into long-term relationships with you, and you're justifying it by saying you'll shrivel up and die if you don't. (Again, you're making this relationship all about you instead of all about the other person in it, but that's the least of the problems with this plan.) I shouldn't have to tell you that that's a bad thing to do, and yet...here I am. And what if one of these women you're creeping on finds out about your little psychological experiment? Good luck explaining your way your of that one, bucko.

[K. Ayato]

You have an addiction. GET HELP.

[goldenspines]

I suppose it can be noted here before people start beating up too much on Dot's obsession with hugs, that some people tend to feel more loved by physical touch than others. Thus, it's not really some foreign idea that someone says, "I feel less lonely when I get a hug."
Does this mean, "Ohmygosh, I will die if I don't get hugs!!!"? Not at all. But it also is not strange for a person to want to be hugged. They're not some weird creepy person because of that (lack of self control causes the creepy/potentially dangerous part).

Dot, your troubles may be with the fact that you've become a bit too obsessive with getting hugs specifically. Concerning your psych/social experiment, while I wouldn't say abandon the idea behind it, because it may help you understand yourself better and thus be able to relate to people better, try to take the technicality of neurons and hormones out of it. The best way to get to know a person is to spend time with them and learn more about them, to open your heart to them in order to listen to their own thoughts and feelings on things. Gather information that way and you'll probably have a lot easier time.
In regards to your obsession with hugs, it may help you out a bit to take the focus off of fulfilling your own needs and instead trying to discover the needs of others. The beauty of humans is that everyone feels love in a different way (I do NOT mean romantic love, just to make that clear, but rather the feeling that someone cares about you), and not always in one way, either.
Keep an open mind, at least. Not everyone will feel love the same way you do, and not everyone will show love the same way you do either.

[dothackzero]

Dot, your troubles may be with the fact that you've become a bit too obsessive with getting hugs specifically. Concerning your psych/social experiment, while I wouldn't say abandon the idea behind it, because it may help you understand yourself better and thus be able to relate to people better, try to take the technicality of neurons and hormones out of it. The best way to get to know a person is to spend time with them and learn more about them, to open your heart to them in order to listen to their own thoughts and feelings on things. Gather information that way and you'll probably have a lot easier time.

I know, quaility time with friends is very important to me. It just like right now that physical touch more of a need that I have right now. Besides, from what I've heard it sound like the non-sexual physical touch(not just hugging) could make things a little bit easier to get into getting to know other people together and spending time with them.

In regards to your obsession with hugs, it may help you out a bit to take the focus off of fulfilling your own needs and instead trying to discover the needs of others. The beauty of humans is that everyone feels love in a different way (I do NOT mean romantic love, just to make that clear, but rather the feeling that someone cares about you), and not always in one way, either.
Keep an open mind, at least. Not everyone will feel love the same way you do, and not everyone will show love the same way you do either.

It's not really an obession with hugs, more like just the need for even casual touch. But yeah, I know that all people don't work that way.

Ever hear of the 5 love language?

This is where I fall... Maybe this will help you guys to understand.

10 - Physical Touch
9 - Quality Time
6 - Words of Affirmation
3 - Acts of Service
2 - Receiving Gifts


http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/

[K. Ayato]

Yeah, but you don't seem to understand that other people might NOT have the same "love language" as you. That's where a problem can come in.

[goldenspines]

Ah, I apologize if I missed the mark, Dot. I did actually have the 5 love language system in mind when I formulated my post to you, but apparently that did not come across the way I planned since you felt the need to bring it up more abruptly. Though, while the system is a good one, it's not perfect, thus why it's good to get to know people individually (I know quite a few people who can't be classified under the system that well, for example). Though I did mean my post to the rest of the thread as well, because people seemed to jump to conclusions that you somehow were some creeper for wanting hugs (or pats on the back/handshakes, etc.) in order to feel loved.
But it's also why I mentioned that the focus needs to come off of yourself in these types of situations. Something that may help explain love in a pretty simple way is 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (and beyond if you want to read more)

[Xeno]

I'd just like to point out that this was not used in the construction of any post in this thread:


I worked all the way through the 8 page maze that is this thread to come to where we are now.

[Davidizer13]

I like flowcharts. Do you like flowcharts? I love flowcharts.

[dothackzero]

So yeah, it's confirmed. Quility time and physical touch are what I need to not be depressed. Looks like since God was the one that told what I need, he provided for me. Basically, I didn't force hugs on people but they just decided to give them to me. Then after church I was able to hang with a couple girls and a guy after chruch. Well, that's the short version of it.