Wondering where I am is where I should be...

[HetalianKatana4]

Hi everyone This is kind of a big update to my last prayer request. People have been telling me that since I'm in my last year of high school, I should make it the best year ever and I should make it what I want it to be. All the other years were "test" years and this is THEE year. But here's the thing: I'm miserable where I am now. SO incredibly miserable. I am strongly concidering leaving the country around Christmas time to live with a host family in Japan and finishing my schooling there, including attending college. Now, I know this may sound rational, but hear me out. I have valid reasons for concidering this. They are as follows:

1. I don't feel as if I'm a part of my class. I know I am a student in the class, but I don't feel as if I matter. Either I'm "always wrong about something" or my voice isn't heard whenever I speak up no matter how loud I say it. I'm not new to this school. I have been attending since 4th grade, give or take two years in between then and now to homeschool mainly to get a break from social crud. When I began attending, I was treated alright...but then the girls in my class suddenly turned on me and began ignoring me. One girl hated me ever since I walked in the door, claiming to have stolen one of her friends when her friend wanted to have a friendship with me first. (BTW The hater girl was looking to form a clique with my friend and another girl but my friend split off completely because she is smart.) My point with her is that she may have spread some crud about me while I was gone those two years or something. I'm treated differently and I hate it.

2. My best friend (not the same friend) whom I have known for six years and best friends with for four (because of my leave of absence) is growing rapidly tsundere towards me. She's even become abusive when I tease her a little (and I rarely even do that!) or when she's "bored". When I say abusive, I mean giving my shoulder hard blows, kicking at my shins (I have had a few bruises), and digging her nails into the skin of my hands, wrists, and forearms (I have a couple of scars). She used to be more open toward me and laugh more and pay attention to what I'm saying more often. I used to get her into stuff like Owl City and whatnot. Everything changed when a friend of ours broke up with her boyfriend and started hanging out with us more. She's super immature despite being a junior, she treats me differently and strangely compared to my best friend, and she dislikes the majority of the stuff I like (Owl City, frozen foods, etc.). Yes, you read that right. She actually judges the foods I eat or used to! Suddenly, my best friend doesn't like Owl City and had quickly switched over to emo punk rock music and hardcore stuff. At first I thought it was all a phase and that her interests were simply changing but the "phase" is still going and I believe the girl influenced her. She's negative to almost whatever I only like. I say something about Owl City and she makes a face or says "I don't like Owl City". Hmm...I don't say the same to her about Black Veil Brides even though I don't like them. She doesn't support me is my point.

3. Lastly, I'm tired of schools in America (I attended one before this one and I was treated even more terribly there) plus I don't want to homeschool again. I get barely any interaction with others of my age or around it when I do plus I get lonely (I'm an only child). Also, I have been curious and wanting to experience schooling in Japan for a little while now. I want to go to Japan and live there one day so why not go and get a sample of a few years before doing so?

Last notes: Both schools I have attended so far have been Christian schools. It's still mind blowing that this social behavior is going on and hasn't been tackled yet. I think my current principal is just scared to take care of it. The last school was just...weird. I know that crud like this occurs at practically every school, but I also know that Japan is about honor and treating each other kindly as far as I know so it could be a breath a fresh air. Concerning my best friend and classmates, I have checked my attitude over so many times and I have smoothed everything out possible...but it's all the same. My parents say they may be jealous of me but I don't think there's anything to be jealous of. I am currently praying for God's help in deciding but I could use a little support from people I don't know as well. No one except my parents knows about this. My classmates and friend would freak out and treat me kindly for a brief amount of time if I told them. It's no use. I want whatever God wants and schooling in Japan sounds better and more exciting everyday. Basically, I have to decide between accomplishment (graduating with a class I've known since 4th grade) and experience (being fully satisfied for at least one school year before graduating). My mom is telling me it's not advisable to switch schools let alone countries in the middle of the year, but all that matters is what God wants.

[Xeno]

Okay, I can make a response to this thread, but before I do I'm going to ask if you want me to. As a fair warning it won't be a reply that will coddle you, it'll be direct (possibly harsh in a spot or two), probably have a moderate to heavy dose of sarcasm in some places, and be very very blunt. If you're okay with such a reply, then I'll give it to you. If you're just looking for some hugs and rainbows replies, then I won't.

[goldenspines]

EDIT: Xeno, you are a much better man than me, I didn't even ask. It's harsh reality from me. XD; You deserve mad respect for asking, though.


As simply FYI, bullying still exists in Japanese high schools (in fact, it's pretty bad, especially for foreign students. You feel lonely now? Culture shock + seclusion for being a foreigner = mega loneliness. It would take a lot more work to get over that then your current issues here in the US). High school is high school wherever you go. The only advantage would be that no one would know about your past, but you'd get that from going to a different school in the US.
Not only that, but entrances exams for universities in Japan are not only expensive (about $250 each) but MURDEROUS to pass. They have all year schools for studying for these exams and you only get to take the exams once a year.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but before you start shelling out money to go all the way to Japan (which is a huge thing, even if you have a fairly good grasp on the language and culture), it's best to consider all options before rashly acting.

Either way, your situation seems like a tough one, and I will be praying.

I'll be honest, high school is a really stupid time in one's life. I really can't think of anyone who looks back at high school and says "Those were the best days of my life." We're all learning about ourselves that age. We change dramatically, our friends often change as well, and we're left thinking, "What the crap is happening?"
Now that you probably dislike me for being negative, I'll try to be a bit less pessimistic in addressing your three troubling circumstances individually.

1. This could be one of a few things. But, it does seem like bullying, in which case, try to swallow your pride and talk to your parents and/or teachers about it. Otherwise, a lot of girls tend to be kind of jerks in high school (speaking as one), since they're insecure. I suggest not playing their game and getting upset by it, but be yourself and be confident in that. And maybe make friends with the guys or something? Unless the issue is the same with them.
But definitely don't give that one girl the time of day. If she insists on trying to dirty your name, she's not even worth your time to talk to.

2. Sorry, call me a cranky old women, but juniors in high school are the worst type. They're not quite seniors, but not still bright eyed and upbeat like freshmen and sophomores.
You are a underclassman, right? Along with your friend? if this is the case, you're friend could just feel that this upperclassman is somehow more interesting in regards to experiencing new things she never has before (emo or hardcore punk music, different way of dressing, etc.). Most likely, you are being viewed as "old news" and someone who's not up with the times because you're not trying these new things as well.
Of course, that's all lies. There's absolutely nothing wrong with you.
But the best thing you can do for your friend is be patient with her. If you want to keep her friendship, you can give her space if she wants it, but just continue being nice to her, ask her to do stuff with you (go see movie or whatever). I'm sure she'll shape up as she grows up a bit more.

3. This is a bit tricky, mostly because you're judging schools by two "minority" schools (private Christian schools are not in a majority). There are about 63,067 public and around 10,653 private schools in the United States. (source: http://nces.ed.gov/programs/digest/d07/tables/dt07_002.asp?referrer=list ) and you have gone to two privately owned schools (you can't even blame the state's education system for that).
That being said, Christian schools sadly have a bad reputation (even here) for not "being Christian".

Extra bit: Keep your humbleness and confidence in the woman God created you to be, you'll need it. I think this is probably what sparked the comment from your parents. Christians tend to be especially insecure about everything (it's bad enough being a teenager, but all the pressures from going to a "Christian" school can make it even worse), thus it's definitely a possibility that the girls are jealous of you, even for the smallest of reasons. While I sadly don't know you very well, you strike me as someone who has confidence in her she is and you don't constantly worry about whether you're good enough for something. That's a super desirable trait.


Indeed, follow where God leads you, not your heart. That sucks, I know, but from someone who knows loneliness all too well, following your heart will get you into worse trouble. Trust your entire life and self to God and wait for a path to open to you.


Oh goodness, long post. Kudos if you read the whole thing (I'd bake you some cookies too, if I could, since I was a bit harsh). Feel free to PM me if you have any questions. Otherwise, I'll be praying that things will look up for you very soon.

[DaughterOfZion]

Graduating high school doesn't work like that. You can't just go to a country and say "I took 11 years of american schooling, let me do a semester here and you give me a diploma".

Going for a semester with a study abroad group could be a great thing for you, but you'd still have to come back and finish here.

Going to college there is an entirely different matter, and could be possible, but you'd still have a ton of hoops to jump through. You'd have to get a visa to be in the country, if you haven't completed high school you have to take a nearly year long prep course before you can even try to gain admission to a college there, be considered proficient or fluent in Japanese, and take and pass whatever university you wish to get into's admissions exams, among other things.

Btw, here are two sites for prospective foreign students who wish to get into a Japanese college: http://www.g-studyinjapan.jasso.go.jp/en/ and http://www.studyjapan.go.jp/en/toj_stope.html

[HarleyQuinnOy]

I totally understand wanting to move away because of people and hating your school, I was more or less a loner in high school, and I had my share of problems with people (one situation very similar to yours with your best friend) but I found that dealing with those people and the situations I was in made me strong and God used the situations to teach me how to deal with people, and in a few situations I was able to really show those people the light of God. I can't say what God has planned for you of course, and I pray that the correct choice is revealed to you, but I know that sometimes when people are doing wrong things to us and we want them to change or we want to just get away from the situation at hand, God changes us instead so that we can grow, and our growth can spark a change in the lives of those around us.

On another note, I wouldn't worry about making your last year super special it is all way overrated, it may not seem like it now but I promise you it will mean nothing when it is over. Don't have expectations, and just go through it the best you can, you will always end of having more fun that way, also you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders so I really would not be worried

[HetalianKatana4]

Hey thanks for all your advice. Thanks to HarleyQuinnOy for understanding. I know that there are others out there like me but it's good to hear it once in a while. I do want to look into going to college in Japan at least. It sounds interesting and fun. Thanks again everyone

Also, I DO tend to forget that high school isn't everything. It feels like it, but when its all over, it doesn't matter. I guess that's also the issue with my classmates. They try everything they can to build themselves up in popularity, but it won't matter in college. We ARE practically going to a new school

[Xeno]

Please remember to use the edit button if you have something extra to add to a post rather than double posting.

[Atria35]

1. Everything Goldy said.

2. Try finding a new group of people to hand out with. There are those out there that do feel more secure about themselves and what's happening in their lives, even in Christian schools (very validly pointed out as being known for being not-so-great-places more often than not). Try looking at the girls that don't stand out in class. I fell into my group of friends by accident, because she and I were both quiet in class, but we turned out to have tons in common. It's easy to get distracted by the popular girls.

[goldenspines]

Hey thanks for all your advice. Thanks to HarleyQuinnOy for understanding. I know that there are others out there like me but it's good to hear it once in a while. I do want to look into going to college in Japan at least. It sounds interesting and fun. Thanks again everyone

Jumping to the future a bit, I know in some high schools they can do exchange programs (not mid semester, though, sorry. You'd have to wait until next semester), but definitely look it up when you are looking for a college.
For one, it's easier and less expensive to go to a college in the US, plus if you get one that has a direct exchange program to Japan (up to a year or two years), you usually will just have to pay your regular tuition fees plus room and board, but it's a ten times better alternative that trying to go over to Japan fresh out of high school.
Plus, to attend a college in Japan as not a foreign exchange student (but as a regular student from outside the country), you need to pass up to level 3 or 2 of the JLPT (Japanese Language Placement Test), which is about...4 years of formal Japanese study in college (400 level classes, so to speak, knowing complex sentences structures, speaking fluently, and knowing the meanings and readings for around 2500 Kanji as well).
BUT, if you go through a US college as an exchange student to Japan, you usually only have to take 101 and 102 in Japanese before and then when you get over there, they will give you Japanese courses to help you out (as well as courses in English).


But back to the present, because that's where your attention needs to be right now, I think. Take every day as it comes and take time to observe the world around you. Thus, I second what Atria said in regards to this. Widen your view of the world around you and you'll find it's much bigger and more fun than small "popular" groups.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

If you do college in Japan you probably want to do it as a study-abroad program where you still get credits at a school in the US.

I know you feel like Japan is a pretty ideal place, but honestly... it's not. For a million-and-one reasons. I have friends who moved to Japan and nearly all of them realize that they hate it. They all want to move back. Unless you have a specific reason to go, you're going to have far more opportunities in America.

Listen, your reasons for wanting to move out of the country aren't really that significant in the long run. Just finish your schooling and get a HS degree and apply to a college here. You'll make friends who don't care about stupid things and make drama over dumb things like "Oh I don't like Owl City anymore." By the same token however, you're kind of making a bigger deal of things than they should be too. Once you kind of get settled in and figure out want you want to do in life, then I would recommend seeing about visiting the world and stuff.

[K. Ayato]

There's more to life than Christian school drama. I'd encourage you to take time and branch out from your familiar zone (note I didn't say comfort) and finish high school knowing you don't have to hurry up and figure out who you are and where you're going in life. It's a process, so don't feel like you have to rush it.

And if you wanna go to Japan in the future, fine. Just be prepared for a ton of work to get there and any disappointment as Mr. Smartypants alluded to when you find it out it ain't all you dreamed it was gonna be.

[SilverToast]

I'll be praying for you.

I have to agree with goldenspines and Mr.Smartypants. It will be really hard to study in Japan and it's best to study there in a study-abroad program from a U.S college.

I'm with HarleyQuinn on this too.
I understand the feeling to move away because high school is bad too. I was a loner in high school. In my junior year, I actually moved away to another school in the U.S to the opposite side of where I lived.
Things got even worse. There were even more bullies there. Ignorant people judged me and made fun of me because of some stereotype associated with my nationality/ethnicity. What was worse was that it was the wrong stereotype (I wasn't even what they made fun of me for) and that I lived in the U.S for most of my life.
Those struggles were used to change me and I was able to show people that something was different about me which was God's light.

Just run to God during those times and try to overcome those struggles with God's help and his wisdom. God gives us these hard times to make us stronger and prepare us for greater things.

If you study in Japan you might possibly get judged and bullied because of where you come from. I'm not sure. Japan does have more than 90 percent of its population as Japanese. https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/ja.html

Don't worry once you go to college everything gets better. Although I suggest going to a community college the first two years to avoid social drama and to focus on your studies with great caring teachers. It is much cheaper too and the same education if you take the right classes that will transfer.

[Atria35]

Don't worry once you go to college everything gets better. Although I suggest going to a community college the first two years to avoid social drama and to focus on your studies with great caring teachers. It is much cheaper too and the same education if you take the right classes that will transfer.

As a warning, this is not all true. While I did go to an accredited community college where my credits did transfer to a larger university, it was well-known for having the some of the lowest educational standards in the state and it in no way on the same level of education as the classes I took at my 4-year. I also found that both had equal numbers of caring to jerkface teachers. And since it was a smaller school, the social drama was higher since you knew everyone, and there were no opportunities for after-school clubs or events since most people were working adults or stdents that had jobs that took up their time.

Going to a 2-year ended up being a waste of time and money for me. It does vary from school to school, though.

But! It was very true that going to college (when I finally went to the 4-year) changed *everything*. I was in a hard school situation in HS, and going to college opened up a whole new world of social events and students to mingle with, and I made some FANTASTIC friends that I really treasure.

[K. Ayato]

I started out with a community college after I got out of high school. At first the cost wasn't too bad ($11 per individual credit unit), but then they drove the price up to over twice as much. I transferred to a state university that costs a bit more, but was cheaper in the long run. Here's how. Students paid a flat rate depending on how many total units they were taking per quarter (x amount for up to 12 units, y amount for 12+).

Books and class material still cost a lot and was a bit of a pain, but that's how it worked.

Oh, and newsflash: You're gonna encounter "drama" no matter where you find yourself. Just a fact of life. How you choose to deal with it makes all the difference.

[SilverToast]

oh yeah good point Atria. I didn't consider that. I guess the experience really does vary by school.

Oh, and newsflash: You're gonna encounter "drama" no matter where you find yourself. Just a fact of life. How you choose to deal with it makes all the difference.

You're right K-chan. That was wrong of me to say that one can avoid it.

@hetaliakatana Read chapter 12 of Hebrews. It is really encouraging for hard times.
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Hebrews+12&version=NIV

[lenlicious]

This seems like a tough situation.
Just remember, do what God is calling you to do. For all you know, He could be encouraging you to face the drama and fix the friendship up. Don`t try and make excuses on why you want to go to Japan. You should have an open heart and listen to what God says. Easier said than done, right? Trust me, I know. But things like this might take time. Just be patient and calm, and have an open heart.
Remember Jeremiah 29:11
I`ll be praying over this tough situation. I hope you make the right choices c:

[MrKrillz0r]

Tough situation, remember though that Christ is with you wherever you go. So even if the whole world fails you He is still there, and in the end you need nothing else than Him. Pray, read and do everything you can to find out what God wants, and you'll be sure to end up in the right place!

[HetalianKatana4]

Sorry that I haven't responded. Thank you ALL for your prayers and advice. Don't worry. I am aware of the high prices and difficult exams. I wasn't aware of the foreign situation in Japan though. I am not just trying to get away from this place. I really thought the Lord was leading me there. If He was, I was ready and still am to do whatever He wants me to do. I am capable of whatever if He needs me to do. Xeno, I will take whatever advice you give me. I would like to hear whatever advice I can get. I need to hear it.

An update: Please pray for me as I deal with this weird relationship (if there is one) I have with my class and the one with my...friend. She has gotten better, but she is still super lazy and won't do anything for me or support me unless she feels like it. Remember the girl that changed my best friend? Yeah, she's more supportive than my own best friend right now. She may have realized the things she has done to me in the past and is trying to make up for it but I don't know. So weird. These people keep messing with my mind.

There IS one person who has been a stable friend for me for the past year at least. He's my rock on this earth and he doesn't even know it. Unfortunately he and I have only two classes together and he's a class younger than me. We don't talk a lot mainly because he has soccer practice after school. (NOTE: My best friend and I are Seniors. The other friend and my best guy friend are Juniors.) I won't deny that I have a crush on this guy. He's amazing. He's pretty much the only reason why I'm not going crazy there. Here's a good example why he is an amazing friend. I don't make conversation a lot with people because I don't have a lot to say. I'm a girl of few words. I can't keep a person around me if I don't say something every two minutes. He's different. He's the only one besides my best friend who would just sit with me on a bench after achool and not expect me to say anything. He would just sit with me and it's never awkward. We were in a play together last school year (him being a major role, me being a minor role) and I was getting my makeup done for the final rehearsal. I was the last one to get makeup done. He had other friends to talk to but he just came in and sat in a chair beside me. He knew I couldn't move my head to talk but I waved slightly to him and he waved back. He just sat with me. I guess thats when my crush began to develop. The pastor's wife (the head of the production) lightly joked that he's my bodyguard. I don't know if she was refering to that one moment or other moments. He wasn't embarrased by that statement and he didn't leave my side until he was called to rehearse a scene. He's not embarrased to tell his friends about me either. He's so sweet. I have always wanted a friend like him and through God's blessing, I have him.

[HarleyQuinnOy]

Aww that is a really cute story , and definitely praying for your relationship with your friend!!