Will God give me a wife that will look good to me?

[dothackzero]

Basically I'm just worried that I'll get a girl that's overweight or something that I'd find really unattractive in a girl. Basically, the only reason I'm asking this is because the only girl that I know that's into the stuff that I am in real life isn't that attractive to me.

[Crossfire]

Hate to say it, but I'm in the same boat as you. However, knowing God, I believe that he will work something out.

[Radical Dreamer]

I don't think that God forces us to marry (or even be attracted to) anyone. If you're not attracted to someone, then you're not attracted to them, and having a mindset that makes you think you should be attracted to them just because you think God has brought them into your life for a romantic purpose (especially when He clearly hasn't) isn't wise. In fact, if you act out that line of thought, it's only going to lead to hurting that person, and probably yourself, too.

PS: I wouldn't repeat what you said up there to your friend. Even if I wasn't interested in a person, I would feel pretty offended if he told me all of the reasons why he found me unattractive.

[ADXC]

I personally don't really judge too much on outward appearances and I think it's somewhat shallow if you do.

For me, I care more about what's on the inside of the person rather than the outside.

As it's been said before, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." Also for those who wonder why some people seem to marry unattractive people, you must remember "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."


I'm overweight so I know what rejection is like. People judge too much on what they see superficially rather than what's in the person's heart. 50 years from now, that person is probably not going to look attractive, but the love you find with them is hopefully not based on that but on the wonderful things about their personality that have lasted the years.


EDIT: Lastly, I just thought of this. The MOST important thing is that you are out to please God and not yourself. I would not have said anything if you did not include the "God" part. If you said, "Will I ever get a wife that will look good to me?", then I'd say most likely because your standards were low. However, when you include God into the equation, it drastically changes the outcome. First of all, as Corrie said, you may or may not even get married if you are going after what God wants. Secondly, God may change your mind to be focused on another area of a potential spouse (i.e. Personality and spirituality). Last, we cannot tell you what God will or will not do concerning your possible future spouse. God has a plan and it is perfect. If God wants to give you a spouse, then she will probably be attractive to you(I'm not saying "She will probably be beautiful" because everyone has different ideas on what beauty is. It's a subjective thing.). So don't worry about it.

Ultimately, when you get down to it, life is rather short and we may not have the time to do what we want(Even so most things in this life are fleeting.), but we most certainly have the time to do what God wants. Why waste your time on things that hold very little significance?

"There are two choices on the shelf - one glorifying God, and the other satisfying self."

[Makachop^^128]

I think you need to focus more on a girls personality, I think you should marry someone you think is attractive too. I personally think overweight people are fine, in fact most of them I've met are loving happy people, maybe thats because their self esteem is in their personality and not in looks. anyway I'd pray more that you find the right wife for you and I'm sure there is one out there for you
I'll be praying

[Jingo Jaden]

Wrong question and wrong reasons to ask said question.

You should not be in a rush to get married, why? Because the romance and honeymoon is likely to die out sooner rather than later, and if you don't have love after that, you frankly have nothing that will keep the relationship from imploding. Besides, God's probably not going to give you any girl in the sense that it will magically descend too your doorstep, regardless of her weight. The best guarantee for a good looking girl is firstly being good-looking oneself, having a good paycheck and overall being a good person. Sure, there are exceptions to this, but the *Will God give me* mentality is wrong 9/10 times.

Most likely you're going to have to do what other people do to get a wife. Which is search for it yourself. The positive with this is that you won't have to choose a wife you've got no idea how she looks, or what she likes. Meaning that, you won't have to get a wife you find unattractive, most people don't. And also, it kind of depends on what kind of stuff you are into as you did not specify. If it is anime, you still got a pretty broad horizon. If it is something that completely alienates the female population, sure, you're likely to narrow the options down.

[Atria35]

I'm with ADXC on that judging on looks is really shallow. You could have a wife that looks like a supermodel, but if she only has about 3 interests, none of which you have, then is that really okay?

You might discover that with the right personality, you'd be okay with someone who doesn't fit the normal mold of who you're attracted to. I myself have discovered that I have 'laughter goggles' (my version of beer goggles) in which a guy who seriously looked like a bear, overweight and hairy, became 1000x more attractive because he had me cracking up the entire time he was over.

But don't go looking for a rmantic relationship with everyone who crosses your path. This girl might be put here so that you have a good friend- I have that situation with a guy, myself, where he's really and truly just a friend that shares a ton of interests with me.

If feelings develop, then they develop. If they don't, they don't.

And I'm also with Jing. Even Christians must look a little. God doesn't drop wives/husbands in your lap- you have to be out there and being active and social.

[Syreth]

This is my take on it:

1) Attractiveness does matter. Why? Because I don't know if there's a woman out there who wouldn't at least want her husband to find her attractive. On the flip side of that coin, I'm sure men feel the same way, and if you're trying to find someone you consider attractive, you should try to be attractive too. That's not to say that attractiveness is the most important thing, because it certainly isn't. But to say that it's always shallow to take physical attractiveness into consideration when it comes to your romantic interests is like getting stung once by a bee and boycotting honey.

I think there's also an assumption that what a person finds attractive will remain the same. Tastes can change. You might find a person more physically attractive once you really get to know them. You might one day even decide that you don't find x, y, and z attractive any longer, but instead find a, b, and c attractive. You have some measure of control over what you find attractive and what you don't.

So, in response to the OP, I'd just say that you're not wrong in wanting to find an attractive person to marry. That's perfectly natural. We're born with a sense of what's attractive and what's not, and it's hardwired into our brains. But if attractiveness is the only thing you're worried about, or the thing that you're most worried about, I'd say that it might be time to reexamine your priorities. Finding someone willing to uncompromisingly commit to a Christian marriage is probably a more warranted concern. I'd echo what others have said, and suggest that it would be good to put your mind at ease about who God will bring into your life. Also, just because you have the option to pursue someone romantically, it doesn't mean that that person is God's choice (or the best choice, depending on how you interpret day-to-day life).

2) Having similar interests doesn't necessarily mean that this person is the right one for you. You've alluded to this idea in your post already, but I thought I'd mention this because I get the feeling there's an assumption that if two people share common interests, it means they should get together. There are lots of successful relationships that function because both parties have a commitment to the relationship, instead of a commitment to the things that they have in common. Having things in common is really great, but I'd just gently warn you that it's probably not a good idea to assume that common interests are all that foundational for a good relationship.

[Hiryu]

It's always a good idea to ask for guidance or to pray over it, but don't make God your personal genie. Not that you were doing so, but he wasn't exactly put here to give us a life that everything falls into our lap. He just makes it where you can lean on him.

[goldenspines]

Add me echoing what everyone else (mainly RD, ADXC, Jaden, and Atria) has posted here.


Honestly, Dothackzero, I found your post rather disturbing and offensive. But, be hopeful at least, you are still very young. There are "many fish in the sea", so to speak. I'm sure you will find a woman right for you.

[Xeno]

Wrong question and wrong reasons to ask said question.

You should not be in a rush to get married, why? Because the romance and honeymoon is likely to die out sooner rather than later, and if you don't have love after that, you frankly have nothing that will keep the relationship from imploding. Besides, God's probably not going to give you any girl in the sense that it will magically descend too your doorstep, regardless of her weight. The best guarantee for a good looking girl is firstly being good-looking oneself, having a good paycheck and overall being a good person. Sure, there are exceptions to this, but the *Will God give me* mentality is wrong 9/10 times.

Most likely you're going to have to do what other people do to get a wife. Which is search for it yourself. The positive with this is that you won't have to choose a wife you've got no idea how she looks, or what she likes. Meaning that, you won't have to get a wife you find unattractive, most people don't. And also, it kind of depends on what kind of stuff you are into as you did not specify. If it is anime, you still got a pretty broad horizon. If it is something that completely alienates the female population, sure, you're likely to narrow the options down.

I'm going to just repost what Jaden said, because if I were to craft my own response it would quickly enter troll-ville and it would get pretty offensive to everyone (I already tried, and I didn't post because it was that sarcastic and that offensive).

[Kaori]

I don't think that God forces us to marry (or even be attracted to) anyone. If you're not attracted to someone, then you're not attracted to them, and having a mindset that makes you think you should be attracted to them just because you think God has brought them into your life for a romantic purpose (especially when He clearly hasn't) isn't wise. In fact, if you act out that line of thought, it's only going to lead to hurting that person, and probably yourself, too.

PS: I wouldn't repeat what you said up there to your friend. Even if I wasn't interested in a person, I would feel pretty offended if he told me all of the reasons why he found me unattractive.

Every word QFT.

I’d also like to echo what Syreth said by positing that common interests may not be the most important thing to look for in a relationship. Is it really the end of the world if, for example, you like anime but your eventual spouse does not? I would imagine that things like whether the two of you are on a similar level spiritually, whether the other person has a good character (kindness, patience, etc.), and so on, are much more important. You probably also need to be able to agree on how to manage money, whether or not you want to raise kids, and so on—and especially if you do intend to raise children, you need someone with whom you can work together as a partner.

I’ve occasionally met people with whom I shared lots of common interests and with whom I got along perfectly well until we tried to work together towards a common goal—and then found out that are styles of doing things were so conflicting that working together on anything was a nightmare. I would hate to marry someone like that. So, while it’s nice to share common interests, I think it’s far more important to find someone whose personality meshes with yours in such a way that you are able to cooperate together as a team.

[K. Ayato]

Couldn't have said it better myself, Kaori . My husband and I have a lot of things in common, but there are a few things among our interests that we don't see on the same level (e.g. my love of West Side Story, which he is not fond of at all, for reasons he explained or how I hate pastrami while he absolutely loves it). Still, we're a lot alike and the key is to be open to try new things or give something that was hated a second chance. Another thing to keep in mind is knowing where you can compromise on certain things. It's a given that there are certain things where compromise doesn't help either one or both persons in the relationship, such as values and beliefs, but you can still find ways to satisfy both.

[ChristianKitsune]

You know, I'm really glad people in this thread are being so nice...it's given me a reason to hold back my tongue a bit.

Because to be honest, this sort of thing really bothers me.
As a supposedly "overweight and probably unattractive" person, I have to tell you that no matter what a person looks like, they are still LOVED and VALUED by God. So I guess to me, you're kind of saying "Sorry, Lord, but these girls that are bigger aren't worth it to me."

That may or may not be what you're saying, but that's certainly the implications of your statement. Its the whole, "Gotta be a super model to be considered worthwhile." mindset that our country is infatuated with.

Unfortunately beauty doesn't last, it fades over time, I hope you find someone who you can both love and cherish despite how they look...because honestly. That is what matters the most. And like others have pointed out it's a bit shallow to think that it will last.

I suppose weight is something I have struggled with all my life, and it is threads like this, that really hurt a great deal.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

[Radical Dreamer]

You know, I'm really glad people in this thread are being so nice...it's given me a reason to hold back my tongue a bit.

Because to be honest, this sort of thing really bothers me.
As an "overweight and probably unattractive" person, I have to tell you that no matter what a person looks like, they are still LOVED and VALUED by God. So I guess to me, you're kind of saying "Sorry, Lord, but these girls that are bigger aren't worth it to me."

That may or may not be what you're saying, but that's certainly the implications of your statement. Its the whole, "Gotta be a super model to be considered worthwhile." mindset that our country is infatuated with.

Unfortunately beauty doesn't last, it fades over time, I hope you find someone who you can both love and cherish despite how they look...because honestly. That is what matters the most. And like others have pointed out it's a bit shallow to think that it will last.

I suppose weight is something I have struggled with all my life, and it is threads like this, that really hurt a great deal.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

I'm actually really glad you made this post. When I read this last night, it kind of blew my mind and I wasn't sure how much I could say without sounding completely incredulous or rude. But this post really gets across how I feel about the whole thing from that standpoint, and does so in a way more tactful than what I would've come up with. XD Two thumbs up. XD

[Nate]

[K. Ayato]

^ That says it all, Nate .

[Shao Feng-Li]

Yeah, probably not the most tact in the OP... If you keep on like this, you'll never win any girl's heart.

I think that looks are important, but don't let them be so important that you miss out on the best things in a person. When you love a person, you can overlook any physical flaws. And you hope that she overlooks yours (and yes you have your share of physical flaws.)

[Yamamaya]

[K. Ayato]

I have some girlfriends that are married and don't fit the supermodel stereotype, and I'm overweight myself. I've also met the husbands of some of these lovely ladies, and I can tell you they love them for who they are and see them as beautiful.

[Yamamaya]

I like Rubenesque girls. Our society has simply tried to deem being skinny as being beautiful, which is truly a horrible thing to say to people who are overweight.

Not to mention our country's schizophrenic view when it comes to being overweight. One second we're saying it's fine to be who you are. The next, we're going on and on about diets.

It's bull crap, that's what it is!

[Maledicte]

Well why don't you post some pictures of yourself? Bet you're not a looker, either.*





*not serious, but imagine how a girl would feel if you said that

You have an immature and limited view of what can be physically attractive and what can't be. Not only that, you're discounting what's attractive spiritually and relationally, which are much more important to a lasting relationship. Once you learn how to embrace people and love them for who they are, inside and out, then you'll be ready to make that commitment to someone. You still have plenty of room to grow between now and meeting whoever-it-is-you'll-fall-in-love-with, and I think your time is much better spent on improving yourself and not moaning that the women in your life don't live up to your shallow standards.

[ChristianKitsune]

Well, to be honest, Yamamaya, it doesn't matter WHAT a person looks like, be they tall, short, fat, skinny, we are all made up of genetics and things that pretty much tell us how easy it is to lose or gain weight. (there is also some responsibility such as what you eat, and what sort of exercise you are doing)

I know some girls who eat way more than I do, and they are incredibly skinny. Where I just look at a small piece of cake and I gain 2 pounds XD.

I think no matter what a girl, (or guy) looks like they are beautiful because that's how God sees them. He did create all of us after all. And to say "Ah, Lord? You made a mistake with him or her..." Well, I just don't think that's our place, nor is it a very loving thing to say about our fellow men and women.

[dothackzero]

Let me put it this way. Looks aren't the number 1 thing I'm looking for in a girl. I am more interested that she a Christian, her relationship with God. Then obviously the the personalty and interests. But the looks gotta be their too, I'm not saying that I'm looking for a super model, just a girl that looks good to me.

[K. Ayato]

Why not ask God instead for a girl who loves Him, genuinely cares about other people around her, knows how to take care of herself, knows what she wants in life, and is overall fun to be around?

Seriously. Your obsession with looks is disgusting. If you focus on what I listed, the attraction factor just gets thrown into the mix.

[Xeno]

Okay, that's it. I'm going to restrain myself and not post what I want to, but still be on point here.

Why do you think God is going to "give" you a wife? That's not how this thing works. You don't just sit around and suddenly the sky opens up and down decends from heaven an helpmeet for you. Stop focusing on "she's gotta look good!" and focus on the important things. Physical attraction will undoubtedly be there, but if you GENUINELY are interested in someone for the right reasons, their physical "short-comings" (if you would choose to coin them as such, though I don't necessarily agree that they would be) will not matter. If she's overweight you won't notice or care BECAUSE THE TWO OF YOU FIT.

You might find a Jordana Brewster who likes everything you do and life will be peachy-keen, but seriously, striving for that is incredibly shallow.

[Maledicte]

Thing is, your criteria for "looks" may develop over time. Say you're friends with a chick, she doesn't send your "hotness radar" yelping, but the more you guys hang out with each other and learn more about each other, the more things you'll notice about her that you find attractive. And maybe she'll think the same thing about you. And then you'll go out and the rest will be history.

I'm glad I didn't go out with every guy I found attractive right off the bat. After getting to know them more, I realized that we didn't have the same priorities, I disagreed with their behavior or our personalities didn't mesh. So there's something to not making physical attraction a high priority. (plus, if you're really in love with someone, they'll become even hotter to you. Even if they put on a few pounds or wear dorky clothing.)

Or MAYBE, since looks are so important to you, you could try going out with those girls you find attractive who AREN'T into all the stuff you're into. Hey, maybe you can't have everything.

[Mouse2010]

On looking over the thread, I see that I really am just repeating what a bunch of people have already said. But I'll say it anyway, I guess. We learn by repetition, after all.

But the looks gotta be their too, I'm not saying that I'm looking for a super model, just a girl that looks good to me.

You shouldn't marry someone you aren't attracted to. I think we can all agree on that.

However, you seem to be overlooking the possibility that you might develop an attraction to someone despite not finding the person initially attractive. As my husband once put it, there are some people who stand out immediately as attractive, but there are other people who become attractive once you get to know them. It's like their personality comes to shine through their physical features or something (similar to what Atria was saying about the laughter goggles, I think).

So while you certainly shouldn't marry someone who you aren't physically attracted to, don't overlook the possibility that you might end up marrying someone who didn't initially seem attractive but who became attractive as you knew her. Obviously, you can't assume that will happen. If you aren't attracted to this female friend of yours, you probably shouldn't pursue a romantic relationship with her. But that's okay.

Finally, I just want to ditto all the people who said that God isn't going to just hand you a wife. That's just not how it works. It's not going to be like there's a sign on a girl's head saying "YOU MUST MARRY THIS ONE, WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT!" If you don't want to marry someone, that probably means you aren't being called to marry her.

[Kaligraphic]

Okay, I think we've got some misunderstandings going on here.

First, it's okay to be honest about physical attraction. How many people are you planning to marry, anyway? You're going to meet a lot of people in your life, and you're going to not marry most of them. Like Jingo Jaden said, you're going to have to find your own spouse. There is no "destined one" whom you must find and marry regardless of physical attraction in order to fulfill some cosmic plan.

Second, you don't need to get married right now. If you haven't met someone you want to marry, relax. Don't worry about it. Just get out there and meet people, and eventually you will meet someone you want to marry, but that doesn't mean you need to agonize about it right now.

Third, sorting by physical attraction is not "shallow" in a bad way, it's a valid way of avoiding a mutually unsatisfying relationship. Let's face it, marriage requires physical intimacy. If you don't want to be intimate with your spouse, you're essentially locking them into a relationship and then rejecting them. That's not fair to either of you. If you're only in the relationship for the looks, that's another thing, but I don't see any reason to believe that's the case here.

Fourth, not everybody is or should be attracted to the same things. One person may like rubenesque women, another may like sticks. They'll both find someone who is beautiful to them. Just because one person doesn't find someone attractive doesn't mean that nobody else will. Remember, you're probably only going to marry one person at a time, so it's not like you have to be attracted to everybody.

And fifth, let's not judge one another over what they do or don't find attractive. They're the ones who have to live with whoever they marry.

[Yamamaya]

Okay, I think we've got some misunderstandings going on here.

[snip]

I think you have a point. Physical attraction definitely needs to be something taken into consideration, especially when you're considering who you want to spend the rest of your life with. However it should not be the only thing you consider.

You wouldn't want to be with someone who made you go.

The problem most people have with this guy's post(and I still think it's a troll post) is that it's offensive to people who may not be sticks or may love people who are overweight.

And we can talk all we want about attraction, but someone says that a person of your race, hair color, weight, etc is unattractive it hurts.