The decision not to have kids(a rant).

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I'm disturbed by the child-hating too. It's not cool. Yes, children can absolutely be annoying and horrible at times, but if we're realistic, so can teenagers and adults. Maybe you guys just don't get along well with them and don't like how unpredictable they can be?

[teigeki_calesa]

Maybe you guys just don't get along well with them and don't like how unpredictable they can be?

That brings me to this thought. Uhm....not to be judgmental or anything, but I'm saying this as a personal observation: People who refuse to have kids because they hate how unpredictable they can be ("what if we raise them well and they turn out to be *censored*s anyway?") and prefer being "dog (or cat) mamas" kinda strikes me as them having control issues. Like they want to be in the company of domesticated animals because they don't have the human sapience or free will to consciously do something you don't want them to, or to turn against you. Which actually gives Lynna's post a LOT of sense.

[Yuki-Anne]

kids > dogs

Sorry, but dogs are really irritating.

I actually fell in love with adoption even more last night. I was researching foster care and adoption here in Japan, and what I read was apalling. The orphanages are full to capacity, and foster parenting is pretty rare. Family bonds are so important that people don't want to adopt someone who isn't part of the family, and families that do adopt often meet with opposition from their relatives. Isn't that awful?

So I decided. If I'm going to live in Japan for the rest of my life, I'm going to do my best to adopt a Japanese kid. It's not possible now, but I think this is something God might be laying on my heart for the future. I'm going to be praying a lot about, and maybe someday it will become possible.

[Sammy Boy]

Interesting post, thanks for your thoughts.

My own thoughts are that children are a huge responsibility requiring much wisdom and love. I am neither against nor for having kids. I am just trying to take things as they come. Currently my wife and I are kinda busy with work and commitments at church though.

One thing which I find odd is that it seems some of the recently married couples around us are going through a "kids-obsessed" phase in which all thoughts inevitably turn to the topic of having and raising kids.

Personally I do not understand this mentality, as there is a lot more to life than having and raising kids (even for married couples).

[Atria35]

I can understand about the 'dogs over kids'. What if I raised a kid and they turned out to be a serial killer? I would hate myself because something I did probably contributed to that. A dog, though, probably isn't going to do that, though there are dangerous ones out there.

[ashfire]

I am in my 50's and have never had children. I guess I never found the woman of my dreams unless someone in their late 20's and up is will to be my lady and would want children which could be ify because they say a man in their 50's could have children with mental or physical problems.
My niece is in her 30's and feels she want to have nothing but fun and her pets are her children. She does not want to be tied down and keeps moving from place to place and different men. My nephew has one child from a woman who has children from different men and started in her teens. My nephew now lives with a woman older than him and has children in their teens and 20's.
Maybe are problems is the style of life we live in the free world and today.
Work and fun is important compared to what generations before us had to live with. Personal computers, intrenet, electronics, transportation, money have become the birth control of today for some meaning "Don't Take Away My Fun and The Way I Live" I have seen in my own family the separation because some have stop talking to each other and then there is separation, divorce, remarriage or living with someone without marriage.
Children can be affected by things like this so maybe not having children for some is the right thing.

[shooraijin]

In fairness, I don't think people here are actually saying that they truly do hate children. Dramatic hyperbole has a long and storied history here at CAA.

Mental note: don't name kid Cujo or Old Yeller.

[Nate]

When I say I hate kids, I don't mean like I look at kids and go "GRRRR I HATE YOU I WISH YOU WERE DEAD OR SOMETHING." I just find kids annoying and too frustrating to deal with. At least cats can be trained. :p I just don't like kids. I still treat them nicely if I'm forced to be around them (this happened a lot when I used to go to church). When some of the kids of the other members wanted to talk to me or something, I didn't ignore them or tell them to go away, I forced myself to smile and did my best to treat them nicely and tolerate their presence. But I didn't like them being around me. I didn't want them to be around me. I wanted them to go away. I still acted pleasant to them. But I don't like being forced to act differently than how I feel.

If that annoys you and you think less of me because of that, then that's your business. I can't help how I feel, that's just how I am.

[Yamamaya]

In fairness, I don't think people here are actually saying that they truly do hate children. Dramatic hyperbole has a long and storied history here at CAA.

Mental note: don't name kid Cujo or Old Yeller.

This. No one here is saying that they absolutely despise children. They are just saying that they aren't fond of them.

I don't really dislike kids. I actually do kinda like kids to a certain extent. I just can't see myself being around them 24/7.

And to be honest, if people really really dislike children, then they probably shouldn't be going around having kids, both for the good of the child and the parent .

[ShiroiHikari]

I dislike bratty kids and their lazy, pushover parents.

I kind of agree with Bill Cosby though. Those people who say "I just LOOOOVE children" clearly don't have any of their own. XD

[ADXC]

Those people who say "I just LOOOOVE children" clearly don't have any of their own. XD

Sorry, but the "I just LOOOOOVE children" statement reminded me of this. lol


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi3GA0nbCtQ&feature=related

[soul alive]

This is a very interesting topic, and one I'm glad to see being discussed here. I feel that having children, or not, is a very personal decision that is all-too-often not given the due consideration it deserves. I myself am 25, single for the foreseeable future, and childfree (CF).

A variety of factors have gone into my decision to be CF. For one, I have various medical conditions that would make pregnancy extremely difficult and dangerous for me, and that would not be something that I would want to pass along to a child, and that's not taking into consideration any issues contributed by a future husband. (There are other issues which I won't include at this point, but am willing to discuss here or in PM.)

I am also very tokophobic (fear of pregnancy and/or giving birth), and have been from a young age, and for a while had plans on adopting if I ever were to have children; I have since decided that I do not want any, either way. I am all for adoption, though, and wish more people would consider it as an option.

I am a very introspective person, and many, many hours over the course of several years have been spent in personal examination, contemplation, and prayer about my decision to be CF. This is my own decision, and not one I would ever press on anyone else. When I am done with my educational process, established in my career, and finally have time to date and eventually marry, this decision will also affect my choice in future husband, as I have no desire to have a relationship with someone be or become unhappy with resentment toward me for not giving him children or trying to.

That being said, I love children. I have a future membership in the group of aunts/uncles who will take the children of friends and family out for the day, have fun, get them all sugared up, and send them back home to mum and dad. I will totally do Sunday School classes, arts and crafts, storytime, and whatever else.

I will find almost any excuse not to go to social functions when I visit my folks at home. I come from a small, rural community, where I am seen as more or less a freak for not being married(or not) with multiple children and living within a short drive of my 'rents; that I want to have a professional career in architecture is almost unheard of.

Thankfully, right now, I'm still getting away with going, "Oh, haha ....... um," and never answering properly when neighbors start asking when I'm going to start giving my mother grandchildren (note, my community is one of those with an inordinate number of single mothers around my age; more often than not, they don't even ask when I'm going to get married before asking when I'll have children).

--

Some resources:

Christian Childfree blogs/forums/communities:
http://twiga92.wordpress.com/on-being-christian-and-childfree/
http://cf-christians.livejournal.com/

Secular forum:
http://www.thechildfreelife.com/forum/index.php