The Christian Self-Esteem Movement.

[aliveinHim]

I've been thinking a lot about two things, 1.) TWLOHA and 2.) Operation Beautiful. I came to the realization this is nothing but Christian self esteem. TWLOHA fails to present the consequences of cutting and suicide and Operation Beautiful just tells girls they're pretty no matter what. Not all girls are physically attractive, but that's OK. God looks at the heart and not the outside. Ugly people get married as well as pretty ones. Any thoughts? In the homeschool community, I'm evil for speaking against TWLOHA. When dealing with serious issues like that, the consequences for sins need to be presented.

[Atria35]

I think that you should expand on those acronyms since I've never heard of TWLOHA.

Could you perhaps give more info on how TWLOHA fails to prevent the consequences of cutting and suicide?

[Mr. Hat'n'Clogs]

I think that you should expand on those acronyms since I've never heard of TWLOHA.

Could you perhaps give more info on how TWLOHA fails to prevent the consequences of cutting and suicide?

TWLOHA stands for To Write Love On Her Arms, which is a movement to write the word 'love' on your arms, to try and speak out about suicide awareness, aiming to give a hope to people struggling with depression, addiction, or those contemplating suicide by showing that you care about them.

It's also not a Christian event.

[Dante]

TWLOHA stands for To Write Love On Her Arms, which is a movement to write the word 'love' on your arms, to try and speak out about suicide awareness, aiming to give a hope to people struggling with depression, addiction, or those contemplating suicide by showing that you care about them.

Ha, that's funny, I would have no clue what someone would mean by having the word "love" written on their arm - and I had quite a dark depression there. The bumper stickers that say "you are loved" made more sense - but love in and of itself seems to be kinda... unconnected? I mean, it could just as well mean that they love their boyfriend, or like the concept of true love or what not. I guess I learn more every day though.

[Okami]

As a major supporter of To Write Love on Her Arms, I can say that, yes, TWLOHA does present the consequences of self-mutilation through presenting the triggers to the behavior. They explain the phenomenon of the issue as well as point to resources of help, S.A.F.E Alternatives being one of the larger organizations. (See their Facts page)

The organization is not Christian with reason (they don't want to make it feel at all inclusive, but would rather maintain acceptance to all people struggling with self-harm), but it is obvious that their over-arching purpose is showing love in a Godly fashion.

The organization began as an attempts to help Renee Yohe, to get her into treatment, and Jamie writes,

We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

This is ultimately what the organization is about. They show the destruction of drug addiction and self-harm and alcohol within the Story (Renee's book, "Purpose for the Pain", details this further) and also show that there is redemption from addiction, that there is more to life - like conversation, community, hope, love...all of these things ultimately point to reality, to God, when put in the proper prospective.

I'm a moderator for TWLOHA's street team, so having a little more inside knowledge, I'm ready to answer questions if anyone has anything...that's what I'm here for...part of my volunteer job description

[Atria35]

Since I've seen one person who purposely carved the word 'love' into their arms (I was watching), and later attempted suicide, I also feel that it could be taken superficially or the wrong way.

[ShiroiHikari]

I don't understand why we're not okay with trying to raise peoples' self-esteem...?

[Davidizer13]

I don't understand why we're not okay with trying to raise peoples' self-esteem...?

That's kinda my thought, especially since TWLOHA is trying to target the people who would need it the most. There's a time to point out someone's sins and the mistakes they've made, but when they're suicidal isn't that time.

[Nate]

Especially since truly suicidal people don't care if they might go to Hell. As far as they're concerned, their life is already Hell, so what would it matter? You can try and reason with them ("Hell is way worse than anything that could happen to you here") but a truly suicidal person wouldn't care. In that sense, trying to tell them about "the consequences of sin" would be pointless and perhaps even dangerous.

I don't see what's so bad about Christian self-esteem anyway. You know how many people I get on here saying I need to love myself more? I've frustrated all sorts of people with my self-hatred, I bet they wish I had a lot more self-esteem (fat chance though).

[Okami]

That's kinda my thought, especially since TWLOHA is trying to target the people who would need it the most. There's a time to point out someone's sins and the mistakes they've made, but when they're suicidal isn't that time.

Yes. Back when I was suicidal I had a thread here and it basically turned into a huge debate fest of 'suicides go to hell'...(another topic for another time) ...just showing that a person is cared when they are dealing with these issues can be one of the biggest blessings for that person.

When I was dealing with self-harm, a friend of mine directed me to TWLOHA, and while at first I spited the organization (carving 'love' to my wrist in suicide attempt) it eventually came to be one of the dearest organizations to my heart and helped me to get back in step with my Christian walk and find hope and healing for my struggles and addictions.

[Yamamaya]

The Golden Rule is "Love your neighbor as yourself." This implies that it is good to have a love for oneself. You have to love yourself and accept yourself before you can love others.

In addition, Romans 12:3
For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

In other words, don't think too much of yourself but be self confident. View yourself with sober judgment.

[Rusty Claymore]

To add to yama, it's about knowing your limits and who you are really. So basically what he said only worded a little differently: Know what you can do and be confident in it.
This has been presented to you be the department of redundancy department. XD

[Mangafanatic]

I wonder if the greater issue isn't how we accomplish our "self-esteem" training, but the obsession with the idea of self-esteem in the first place. I had a professor in college once who said that low self-esteem is a reincarnation of vanity. I thought that was an interesting idea. The more I thought about it, the more I could see his point. Both of these two extremes vanity and self-deprecation are ultimately modes of a self-absorption. Whether a person is consumed with how hot they are or how horrible they look, we're turning ourselves inward. An individual focused on the beauty of Christ isn't going to be concerned with his own self-perception. Now, is that a struggle? --HECK TO THE YES. But I wonder if focusing the resolution of "self-perception" issues on the revelation of Jesus wouldn't be more true than simply trying to explain to people why they're pretty even when they don't think they're pretty. I'm not sure I'm right about this, and I hope this doesn't sound condemning--because I truly do respect the work of organizations like TWLOHA. But it's a thought.

[Okami]

I had a professor in college once who said that low self-esteem is a reincarnation of vanity. I thought that was an interesting idea. The more I thought about it, the more I could see his point.

I've had a similar discussion with my mentor, that being negative in that sense is the same as being vain through "obsessing" over self, when we really ought to be focusing on helping others while also keeping a healthy check over ourselves. (After all, how can we really love others without first loving our God and loving ourselves?) Much of it comes down to obedience to God and patience with self. It's so easy to get frustrated, either being the recovering self-injurer, or the helping friend/parent/professional.

Actually, that conversation came about because I was doing a mirror fast to help gain a more positive self-image and help clear up my skin. I had mentioned that all too often I was messing with my acne and obsessing over the flaws of my skin, and in that negativity was really being selfish by only focusing on my issues. But in the time that I cut by not being in front of a mirror (which was a lot more than I realized) I was able to focus on helping others and getting things that needed to be done, done.

It all seems backwards, that low self-esteem could equal vanity, but it makes a lot of sense. I'm a generally negative person, but for Lent I gave up negativity and replaced it with positivity, and in doing so I feel like I am focusing more outside of me all the time.

That is why I love TWLOHA's community - it is one of hope, healing, and recovery - positivity for the betterment of others. The people I work with are quirky, fun, and creative, always looking for ways to encourage others. They are such a blessing to my life!

[aliveinHim]

I was taking a look at Operation Beautiful last summer and I at first thought it was a good idea but if you really think about it, it's a false sense of beauty. Instead of telling girls and women beauty is from the inside, they tell everyone they're beautiful. The truth is, not everyone has a pretty face but that's ok. The beauty will pass away anyway. Operation Beautiful has other young women leave sticky notes in dieting books, bathroom mirrors, dressing rooms, etc. They say things like "forget the makeup, you look stunning." "You are beautiful, don't change." In my opinion, telling a not so pretty girl that is making fun of her because it's nothing but a lie.

[K. Ayato]

I guess you don't watch What Not to Wear. Even without the makeup and pretty clothes, Stacy and Clinton both want the lady they're working with to believe she is beautiful on the inside. They're all for great personality and such, but if she's not comfortable with who she is, nothing she wears is gonna matter if she has such a low opinion of herself. Heck, even Carmindy emphasizes that all she does is enhance a woman's natural features. She's not out to change appearances.

[Kaori]

The Golden Rule is "Love your neighbor as yourself." This implies that it is good to have a love for oneself. You have to love yourself and accept yourself before you can love others.

I understand this verse to mean that we should care for others’ well-being just as much as for our own. With the exception of cases like severe depression, almost everyone will take care of their own physical needs like getting food and sleep, even if they hate themselves or have a very low opinion of themselves. So, I think it means that we should be just as deeply committed to our neighbor’s well-being as our own, regardless of whether or not we have any feelings of affection for them. The majority of people (again, with notable exceptions, people who struggle with depression or self-harm or eating disorders) do not need to be commanded to make sure to eat food every day (loving yourself in the sense of taking care of yourself)--but we do need to be commanded to feed our neighbor who is hungry.

I like what C.S. Lewis has to say about loving oneself and loving one’s neighbor:

he may hope when he has truly learned (which will hardly be in this life) to love his neighbour as himself, he may then be able to love himself as his neighbour: that is, with charity instead of partiality (God in the Dock 194)

The last point, that we should in the end love ourselves with charity (doing what is best) and not with partiality (doing what we want or what is enjoyable) is particularly well-taken.

I had a professor in college once who said that low self-esteem is a reincarnation of vanity. I thought that was an interesting idea. The more I thought about it, the more I could see his point. Both of these two extremes vanity and self-deprecation are ultimately modes of a self-absorption. Whether a person is consumed with how hot they are or how horrible they look, we're turning ourselves inward. An individual focused on the beauty of Christ isn't going to be concerned with his own self-perception.

I agree with this: self-deprecation and pride/vanity are two sides of the same coin. As you said, the problem with both is focusing excessively on the self. I think that what solves both problems is taking one’s eyes off of oneself and fixing them on Christ.

From a purely human standpoint, I think the focus on self-esteem becomes problematical when the things that are being said to people are hollow and unsubstantiated. As aliveinHim said, if you tell someone something that is patently false, or the opposite of what they themselves believe, it isn't going to help them, and they might very possibly just be annoyed with you. It's also meaningless to make vague statements intended to boost the ego to someone you don't actually know--if someone who has never seen what you look like says, "You look stunning," or if someone who has never talked to you says, "You are a cool person," what meaning does that have? Instead of repeating fluffy statements that don't have any meaning, there needs to be some sort of solid foundation for self-worth. If you want to compliment someone, base it on actual knowledge of who they are as a person. If you work with children, give them real skills that they can use in their lives so that they have the tools they need to succeed in life. Then they have something real on which to build their sense of value and self-worth.

But most of all, as Christians, our worth should be based on God's love for us, and our focus should be on Jesus rather than on ourselves.

[Nami]

Actually, that conversation came about because I was doing a mirror fast to help gain a more positive self-image and help clear up my skin. I had mentioned that all too often I was messing with my acne and obsessing over the flaws of my skin, and in that negativity was really being selfish by only focusing on my issues. But in the time that I cut by not being in front of a mirror (which was a lot more than I realized) I was able to focus on helping others and getting things that needed to be done, done.

It all seems backwards, that low self-esteem could equal vanity, but it makes a lot of sense. I'm a generally negative person, but for Lent I gave up negativity and replaced it with positivity, and in doing so I feel like I am focusing more outside of me all the time.

That is why I love TWLOHA's community - it is one of hope, healing, and recovery - positivity for the betterment of others. The people I work with are quirky, fun, and creative, always looking for ways to encourage others. They are such a blessing to my life!

You know, Oka-Oka, you always inspire me. When you speak, its hard not to read what you have written. I love hearing it. You inspire me to do better. Because, I am a negative person as well. I tend to be negative about myself all the time. But I am slowly recovering of that. I think Christian Self-esteem is great, because, unfortunately, a lot of Christians don't have the guts to speak the truth, and the ones that speak loudly, are usually very obnoxious, making it a bad example for the people who don't know Christ. TWLOHA sounds like a good organization. ^_^

I was taking a look at Operation Beautiful last summer and I at first thought it was a good idea but if you really think about it, it's a false sense of beauty. Instead of telling girls and women beauty is from the inside, they tell everyone they're beautiful. The truth is, not everyone has a pretty face but that's ok. The beauty will pass away anyway. Operation Beautiful has other young women leave sticky notes in dieting books, bathroom mirrors, dressing rooms, etc. They say things like "forget the makeup, you look stunning." "You are beautiful, don't change." In my opinion, telling a not so pretty girl that is making fun of her because it's nothing but a lie.

Now, that's not really fair is it? I think that all woman are beautiful, its how you are on the inside. Just because you don't find someone to be attractive or beautiful, doesn't mean that someone else won't find them beautiful/attractive. And saying "ugly" is a harsh and rude and very, very mean word to use against someone whom you've never met. You may find them unattractive, but if they are good people on the inside, who are you to call them anything less than Beautiful? Remember, God loves them. And so should you.

[aliveinHim]

I don't look down on people who are not attractive. I mean, I know this one couple and they're both very unattractive but they love each other sooooo much. Actually, I think that they're the ones who win the cutest couple award in my book. God doesn't look at your outside. That's my point. But making a man centered type thing and lying to people telling that they shouldn't wear makeup because they're already stunning is not going to cut it. I'm sorry if I came across as rude. I didn't mean for it to be that way . I have friend who are both beautiful and not so beautiful but I in no way shape or form favor my prettier friends over my not pretty friends.

[Okami]

I would personally beg to say that what Operation Beautiful is helping to do is raise self-esteem through suggestion (which can be an extremely powerful influencer.) It may not be the "best" way to go about it, but it can be a pick-me-up.

Take my compulsive mirror habits, for example. If I were to enter a bathroom and instantly begin to 'attack' myself whenever I looked into the mirror, seeing a positive reminder that I'm beautiful (although I may not recognize or feel it, myself) may not make me feel any better about my body, but it would certainly make me think twice before making the decision of whether or not I would go about messing with my acne (or whatever) and would then leave me accountable to my actions. (Which I would be otherwise, as well, but in this sense it would be at the forefront of my mind)

So many people are insecure about their bodies and their appearance, which can lead to guilt and shame. Eating disorders and over-exercising become over-abundant because people hold such a negative view of themselves, that they have to do something about it, but don't know how to react in a healthy manner. Stress and anxiety become risk factors for self-destructive tendencies.

Just having that one little anonymous something could be the ultimate factor between life and death for someone struggling with suicide. It brings a feeling of hope and connectedness, and a showing that they aren't alone in those struggles. We as females struggle with this kind of thing all the time, and the media pressures us more by the day that we aren't the way we ought to be. (Not to say men don't also struggle with this thing, because male eating disorders are becoming increasingly more known, but it is dominated primarily by women's self image) Mixed messages are confusing, and ultimately, it's up to us as a community to bring about positive change within the community.

Having a healthy attitude towards self ultimately brings us to a healthy attitude of others, and a more ready willingness to serve and help others, take care of self, all the while being obedient to God when He tells us to love Him and love others. We can often miss this because of secular media, which is why it is so critical to be in the Scriptures constantly!

[PrincessZelda]

I don't look down on people who are not attractive. I mean, I know this one couple and they're both very unattractive but they love each other sooooo much. Actually, I think that they're the ones who win the cutest couple award in my book. God doesn't look at your outside. That's my point. But making a man centered type thing and lying to people telling that they shouldn't wear makeup because they're already stunning is not going to cut it. I'm sorry if I came across as rude. I didn't mean for it to be that way . I have friend who are both beautiful and not so beautiful but I in no way shape or form favor my prettier friends over my not pretty friends.

Okay, first of all, I really don't believe that God doesn't only think people are beautiful on the inside. I think he truly sees everyone as beautiful, physically, in their own way. Also, I think beauty is a really subjective term, and I really don't think you can label who is and isn't pretty. Yes, they may not appeal to you, but that doesn't mean that everyone out there thinks that about them.

But I think when God creates us he is very intentional in what he makes us look like. I always think of God as being an artist, creating a work of art. Not everyone may like that work of art, but He still thinks it's beautiful, and there are probably some people out there who agree. Everyone's idea of beauty is slightly different.

[Nami]

What Oka-Oka and Zelly said! XD

I don't look down on people who are not attractive. I mean, I know this one couple and they're both very unattractive but they love each other sooooo much. Actually, I think that they're the ones who win the cutest couple award in my book. God doesn't look at your outside. That's my point. But making a man centered type thing and lying to people telling that they shouldn't wear makeup because they're already stunning is not going to cut it. I'm sorry if I came across as rude. I didn't mean for it to be that way . I have friend who are both beautiful and not so beautiful but I in no way shape or form favor my prettier friends over my not pretty friends.

I understand you weren't trying to be mean. But please consider for a moment, that a slip like that just saying it around a friend/person with self-esteem issues can make a spark and then it will grow. That person may start thinking themselves even more ugly, because you used it. You may not have meant it directly, but it still hits home because its a big deal for that person. Its just something to think about, kind words should be considered around others, especially ones who don't find themselves attractive. Calling a shirt ugly is different entirely. ^_^ But I understand you weren't trying to be mean, just letting you know, its damaging even if you didn't mean it.

[K. Ayato]

Another thing to keep in mind is that appearance says a whole lot more about a person than we actually give credit for. Even if it's not 100% true, seeing someone dressed haphazardly speaks volumes, given others the impression that this person doesn't care to make the effort to at least look presentable, makeup or no makeup.

[aliveinHim]

Well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm also used to being called ugly so I guess I get a little carried away.

[Nate]

Beauty is in the eye of the Beholder?



I think that the Beholder would kill you before you could get close enough to its eye...also depends on which eye, I guess...the big one on the middle I'm assuming. All the other eyes shoot magic.

[mechana2015]

The middle eye shoots magic too.

[Nate]

So if beauty is in the eye of the Beholder and all a Beholder's eyes shoot magic then magic = beauty?

Now I understand why all female wizards are totally hot.

[Maledicte]

I've found that people are their most attractive and beautiful when they are confident and smiling. If telling them that they're beautiful will boost their confidence and make them a bit happier, I'm all for it.

So if beauty is in the eye of the Beholder and all a Beholder's eyes shoot magic then magic = beauty?

Now I understand why all female wizards are totally hot.

Then why isn't the reverse true?

[Nate]

Then why isn't the reverse true?

Because men can't be beautiful, they can only be handsome. :p Unless they cross-dress. But wizards don't cross-dress. Because then they'd have to shave their awesome wizard beards.

Also, say what you will about these organizations, but they can't possibly be as cheesy and stupid and hokey as this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o50_ZlMnjqY

[ShiroiHikari]

So women can be "beautiful" but men can't? Sexism!