feeling like a failure.

[RoyalWing]

I just... I don't know if this topic belongs here, if you have to move it I'm really sorry.

Well, ever since august 2003 I've accepted, or tried really hard to, Jesus in my heart. And so each day I have said "I am a new person. I'm going to be nice to people as much as I can, and be tolerant and patient. I can do it, because God is with me now!"

Then something called "today" happened...

I was watching this show on television about asteroids and extra-terrestrial life. And then this thought just comes.. "You know, if they're finding aliens out there, God's been lying to you. Does God lie? No. So if they're saying God's lying, but He can't, because He is good, then what does that mean? That means God doesn't exist."
After this I just sat there thinking horrificly, and everything just came to me very fast... I realized that although I kept telling myself i was going to change, or I was changed, I didn't. I realized that I said mean things and acted obnoxious around some people, then turn around and act like goody two shoes to another. I am a two-faced person, or three, or four.... I don't even know which one is the right one! It wouldn't help too, because in religions class (I go to a CATHOLIC school) we have this book that tries to prove every miracle in the Bible by scientific fact... And this makes me doubt even more.
I feel again like such a failure, exactly like I did in august before. I'm a failure of a human being because I can't bring myself to believe in God, and so I'm going to die and stop existing. I just don't think I can do anything anymore, and that I've lied to so many people by acting like someone I'm not, including all the people here on these board. i don't know what to do. I would like someone to give advice or prayer or ANYTHING from someone who truly believes! Please!

[Mave]

First off, RoyalWing,

I'm glad that you're aware of yourself and your attitudes. I'm also happy that you sincerely desire to change for the better. That alone is a sign of the Spirit working in you.

I don't think you're alone. I've had difficulties in changing myself and always get frustrated when it doesn't work. I'm just here to remind you that God is there to help you change, He doesn't expect you to change by your own will. My prayers always include, "Dear Lord, pls help me become a better person for you."

About believing in God, few years back, I had to pray for God to help me believe alone. I struggled with doubts and was desperate to love and believe in God but just couldn't. I took comfort that someone in the Bible had the same problem.

Mark 9:24
Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"

The change didn't come overnight. I kept seeking Him, praying and never stop giving up on changing my habits. Persevere, RoyalWing!

If whatever I shared doesn't help, I'm sure my prayers for you, will. Be assured, you're in my prayer list.

[Shinja]

maves right on, we'll be praying for you

[ssj2gohan61]

Hi RoyalWing.. Mave is right it is a good thing for realizing you have a problem, i used to be exactly like you well sort of wondering about God and if anything in the Bible ever happend i got saved in 2001 i dont remember the month but i know it was in 2001 at my moms friends house even after that i still wasnt too exactly sure i also went to a catholic school and i hated it.. it was such a hard school and i failed my religion class i think it was just the teacher or something the highest grade in that class was like a 78 and that was barely a D i dont remember anything in that class.. i use to get in so many fights until i met a friend.. she was so nice some how she tollerated my anger and thick headed personality and she told me just smile.. laugh and keep pressing on, now i laugh uncontrollably lol ok enough with some of my past... what i would recomend doing is going to like TLC groups i dont know if anyone elses church has them but its just another saying for basically bible study.. i have so much fun at them i goto 2 of them, get involved with youth group and fcla if they have that at your school... something i wanted to know is there any scientific proof that aliens actually exist? but if you do not feel like doing any of that then pray it works.. i will remember you in my prayers, and read your signature!! that is like a inspirational quote i guess its a quote lol i dont know im not very smart

EDIT:never think of yourself as a failure none of Gods creations are failures no human being is a failure, please explain to me what exactly makes you feel like a failure

[PotBelliedCow]

Looks like you've got a lot of support already, royalwing^^

I'll be praying for you, my friend *thumbs up*

[Madeline]

I understand. I myself am subject to fear of revealing my true self...I am afraid of vulnerability. In fact, I do not know myself at all! But if I know anything, it is this:
Confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sins, and believe it with all of your heart...and you will be saved. It seems that you believe, otherwise you would not want to. Keep going! Be ready to die for what you believe, and let the courage and faith rise from your heart...even if you don't believe it's there.

[wiggins]

I'll pray

[Spiritsword]

Royal Wing, first of all I will pray for you.

Now to address a few of your points.

I don't want to start a theological discussion, but where in the Bible does God tell us that extraterrestrial life does not exist? Just because it's not mentioned in there doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Kangaroos are never mentioned in the Bible, nor are penguins, but they certainly exist. If God had recorded everything about His creation in the Bible we would never be able to read it in 1,000,000 lifetimes, let alone get to the part we need to read to be saved. God included what we need to klnow in order to be saved and live our lives for Him. He made us intelligent, creative, curious beings so we could enjoy discovering the rest in this life and the afterlife.

I also don't feel the Bible needs to be proven scientifically. It is accepted on faith, even amidst doubt, which you have done. I still experience a great deal of doubt, but I continue to trust in God and He erases them one by one. So don't put too much stock in that class--put your faith in God.

And as Mave pointed out, despite all those stories you hear of miraculous overnight conversions where a person's life does a 180 overnight after accepting Jesus Christ, a journey of faith is often just that--a journey. For me it has been a slow, gradual process. I've had revelations where the growth sped up, and plateaus where it stagnated for awhile. Just know that God is working in His time creating a good work in you, and He will change you as He wills. As long as you have taken the most important step and the only necessary step for true salvation, what Madeline mentioned about accepting Jesus Christ as your Savior and confessing you are a sinner and He died for your sins, then you are saved. God will lead you through the rest according to His plan. Trust in Him.

[Rogie]

Mave hit the nail on the head. I will be praying for you, RoyalWing.

[Destroyer2000]

Yes. I'm going through some hard times myself, right now, and Mave has been a great support.

[RoyalWing]

I can't say how much I would like to say "thank you"~ You all made me understand things further, and I know I'll get through it! I've done what Madeline said, and I also told God that it is my vow to continue seeking Him! I'm sorry, if I sound so 'hyper' right now! But I'm just so excited because I know I can do it, now that I've seen others have, it's like something else is starting! >w<;; But there will be hard times, but I've promised and I will keep on! Thankyou to everyone here. ^v^