My fantasy novel with no title :p

[musicaloddball]

Please be warned that:

1. This is a PG-13 novel for violence and possibly in the future some hints at a pre-marital relationship although I have not written that part yet.

2. This is a first draft that I barely read over twice. Translation: I know this editing but I'm too busy/lazy.

3. I am a recreational writer. I know my writing is not award-winning fiction, and I frankly don't care.

4. I have been working this story for years, and I will not finish it until at least next year, possibly longer. I do very little writing during college semesters because I get so busy.

However, constructive criticism and other comments are ALWAYS welcome. Even though I do this for fun, improvement is always good. I hope you like it!

Prologue

Once every century, a star would fall from the sky and spend the rest of its few days in life among the three kingdoms of men. The world of men was always eager for the visits from the stars, for the stars always gave gifts to men that filled their world with life and beauty and magic. But the coming of a star always preceded the death of a star, and the stars could never stay for long.

Then, a strange thing happened: the stars went to war against each other. A certain star led a rebellion against the King, the greatest star, whose light was too great to be borne by the eyes of any living creature. The rebellious star was hurled from the sky prematurely, and so came into the world of men, but he gave different gifts from the previous gifts of the celestial citizens.

To Falronia, the Kingdom of the Sky, he gave the gift of power, extraordinary power over fire and water, air and stone, light and even aether, the very material of which the stars were made. The Falron emperor came to believe they were superior to the other kingdoms, and alienated the other kingdoms with selfish and dastardly policies.

Finally, Falronia found herself at war with all of the other three kingdoms. The king of the Rillion, the Kingdom of Earth, united the world of men against the Falrons. It is now said that there will never again be a force so terrible as the union of those three kings, King Trellicus of Earth, King Inroco of the Sun, and King Chraitin of the Forest. They were so beloved by their people that that they were called, “The Heroes.â€

[samurai10]

murbs, you double posted. bad murbie.

[Midori]

This is very exciting! I can't wait to see what will happen when Danor gets home and sees Isinel. I wish I knew a little bit more about who Lord Racton is and why Danor is arresting him, but it's probably not necessary to know more than I'm told. Perhaps if this is intended to be a full novel, it'd benefit from a longer introduction (after the prologue), but I'm not certain of that either. Keep up the good work!

[musicaloddball]

Gee thanks! Hopefully, I can post more by the end of the week, but if not, then definitely next week during the holidays.

I think you're right about it needing a longer intro. I will keep that in mind.

[Yuki-Anne]

Hmm... I'm really like the mystery of this. If you don't mind a bit of critique, I kind of don't feel like the characters have discernible personalities, but then again, this is only the first chapter. I do feel quite drawn in to the mystery you've introduced, and I look forward to reading more.

[musicaloddball]

Thanks!

You have actually noticed what I consider is my biggest problem with this story. Danor is the main character but he's....just....so.....BLAND. >: ( Thank you for noticing. It's a good reminder of what I need to work on. When I post more, could you tell me if the other characters are any better?