[Mature] Views On Sexuality

[Etoh*the*Greato]

moral is something you don't do because it is a sin, ethical is something you don't do because it is socially wrong, or culturally wrong, like some places it is considered rude to point your foot at someone, i would consider that ethics. my definition of ethics really is rules that are not based of of faith, this may be a wrong definition but it is what i mean, i want to wait because i don't want my relationship with the wife i may or may not have (i'm still single and all) to be about sex, i want it to be based off of who we are as people, rather than sex, and i think waiting until marriage is one of many ways we can achieve that. just my thoughts anyway

Fair enough. Thank you for answering my question.

Also, Nate, yay! Dinosaur comics!

[Doubleshadow]

We had a very general sex ed day in the fourth grade. They took all the boys out of the class. We girls got a pamphlet, and the boys got condoms.

[Nate]

Now all I can think of is that MST3K short "Why Study Industrial Arts?"

"This was the film the boys had to watch and the girls had to go to the gym and watch the other film."

[TopazRaven]

Edit: Depending on US state, depending on the age of those participating, one can legally have sex as young as thirteen. You can also be married younger than 16 in many states with parental or judicial consent.

*Winces* 13? I could never imagine having done it when I was 13 let alone now. That seems so young. Why the rush?

[Doubleshadow]

*Winces* 13? I could never imagine having done it when I was 13 let alone now. That seems so young. Why the rush?

Culture. My youth pastor was telling us about one of the early grads who had been called to work in the inner city in LA. She taught eight year olds. They asked them how many of them were virgins. None of them were. I had classmate in the eighth grade who had a two year old son.

[Nate]

It's probably so if two 13 year olds want to have sex, they can't be charged with a crime. That's really the only reason why. All age of consent laws in regards to sex have stipulations such as it's still illegal for a 25 year old to have sex with a 13 year old, even if 13 is the age of consent in that state. Other states allow for a 2 or 3 year age difference so that a guy who turns 18 can't be arrested for having sex with his 16 or 17 year old girlfriend.

[ich1990]

Answer me this now, how do you all feel when while watching a TV show or anime or whilst reading a book, how do you feel personally when the characters engage in random sex or when a couple partakes in premarital sex? Do you get upset, stop following this series perhaps?

Of course. I hate spoilers, and spoiling sex? Major fail. I would rather read the book from beginning to end in proper sequence, the way the author wrote it to be read, before I find out who the murderer is (so to speak).

[Ante Bellum]

Now all I can think of is that MST3K short "Why Study Industrial Arts?"

"This was the film the boys had to watch and the girls had to go to the gym and watch the other film."

Hey, I remember that!
Finally, something I can relate to in this thread!

[Atria35]

Of course. I hate spoilers, and spoiling sex? Major fail. I would rather read the book from beginning to end in proper sequence, the way the author wrote it to be read, before I find out who the murderer is (so to speak).

Wait, so does that mean that you would rather not even learn the basics about tab A and slot B?

My Dad didn't know even that. He hurt mom physically pretty badly on their wedding night because of his lack of knowledge. She hasn't gotten over it, and they've been married for 40 years now.

[Lynna]

In Our School, theres a condom vender in the girls washroom (and boys too probablly)
I don't know what the age limits for sex are in my province in Canada, but I do know that your not alowed to have sex with someone over 18 if you're under 16 (or something like that)
I'm waiting till I'm married. I find it annoying that all the kids in my class talk about sex like it's nothing.

[Nate]

In the US, as far as I know, you only find those in seedy gas station bathrooms.

Putting them in the school bathrooms makes sense though. Then people can't complain about the school giving away free condoms and teens can get them from a decent source. And I guess the school collects the money? I assume? Anyway everybody wins in that scenario.

[Ante Bellum]

My brother saw a store in Japan called Condomania. Of course, you can tell its main product. All I could say was, "At least it's promoting safe sex?"

[TopazRaven]

Hm, well this has certainly been an interesting day, but I'm off to bed now. Good night everyone.

[armeck]

Culture. My youth pastor was telling us about one of the early grads who had been called to work in the inner city in LA. She taught eight year olds. They asked them how many of them were virgins. None of them were. I had classmate in the eighth grade who had a two year old son.

gosh, people really should wait (i think anywa8) i mean really, eight year olds!?

[Sheenar]

A teenager could also purchase condoms online. They'd be mailed to their house in a discreet package (contents not labeled). Also, they are free from many clinics.

I personally feel that premarital sex is harmful in most cases. Like that old demonstration they used to do for youth group --you take 2 sheets of construction paper and glue them together, then you rip them apart. Each piece of paper leaves pieces of itself on the other.
Sex is meant to be a deeply bonding experience --the most intimate experience a human being can experience with another human being. To have sex casually or without a lifelong committed relationship (and breaking up with the person afterward) can leave lasting emotional scars even if no disease or pregnancy results.
So I'm choosing to wait until marriage.

I also want to second what someone said earlier. I know I'm not bad-looking, but am still somewhat self-conscious of my body. I'd only want to be naked and intimate with a man who I trust deeply and know is committed to me.

In response to something Shiroi said, I know having a sex drive is normal. And I accept that about myself. And I don't beat myself up for having one. I just want sex to be something special --reserved for my future husband. So I am working to retain my purity so that I can have that whole gift to give him --and not have my mind be elsewhere. I don't want to do anything that could impede or hamper my sex life with my future husband. I would go more into this, but I think that'll be all for now.

[Dante]

My Dad didn't know even that. He hurt mom physically pretty badly on their wedding night because of his lack of knowledge. She hasn't gotten over it, and they've been married for 40 years now.

I didn't even realize you could hurt somebody THAT bad by having sex O_o. Learn something new every day I guess :| .

[Sheenar]

I didn't even realize you could hurt somebody THAT bad by having sex O_o. Learn something new every day I guess :| .

Well, first-time sex can be painful for women. Even if their hymen has already been broken (exercise, etc.) If she's not properly, um, lubricated, it is likely to hurt a good bit. A man can't just rush in and go at it --he needs to be sensitive to the woman and make sure she isn't in pain --go at the pace that is comfortable for her.

[airichan623]

My brother saw a store in Japan called Condomania. Of course, you can tell its main product. All I could say was, "At least it's promoting safe sex?"

to quote nate:
PFFFFFFFFFFT> :lol:

I didn't have sex ed either. I went to a private Christian school, and then was home-schooled throughout High School. Neither of my parents ever brought up sex.

Though, in Jr High, at the private school, we did have a day in which they separated the boys and girls so that they could "talk about sex". Unfortunately, it turned out to be many speakers repeating the same things we had heard all of our lives:

1) Sex outside of marriage is bad.
2) Sex feels so great.
3) But seriously, don't do it outside of marriage.
4) All of you boys are evil little perverts.
5) Did we say that it's not something you should do outside of marriage?
6) If you do end up having it outside of marriage, it's always the boy's fault.
7) Seriously, you guys are little perverts and you should feel bad.

There was no talk about the real dangers of sex outside of "She is going to get pregnant." They even went as far as to tell us, "Condoms don't work."

Honestly, it's a wonder that I ever figured out how sex works without developing some real issues.

Sounds like my school! the boys always end up sounding like evil perverts--- case in point, my youth pastor's wife always gave the modesty talk EVERY SINGLE YEAR- and always made the boys sound just plain evil. a couple girls explained what she told us and they all went "oh yeah cuz we are ALL such pigs, :eh: but then again, nobody really trusted her anyway since her clothes always looked like she fell outta the 80s [complete w/ purple eyeshadow and scrunchies].

but in christian nowadays, we get people who get REALLY in depth in front of EVERYONE about STDs ESPECIALLY the ones like chlamydia where you cant see it on girls until they find out they cant have kids anymore. In my opinion, if you wanna have sex, GET MARRIED. little wedding if u have to- just make it official with dime store rings or somethin. to me, purity is key. I've seen too many messed up people who gave their virginity away and later regret.

but i also think sometimes christians get too uptight on dating. its a date, not rape on the go or whatever. im gonna just shuddup now.

[ich1990]

Wait, so does that mean that you would rather not even learn the basics about tab A and slot B?

My Dad didn't know even that. He hurt mom physically pretty badly on their wedding night because of his lack of knowledge. She hasn't gotten over it, and they've been married for 40 years now.

Well, I think it is a safe bet that anyone living in modern American society has learned that much. If not, well, what is the harm in learning together? It just adds another personal experience and level of intimacy to a marriage.

[steenajack]

This is a very interesting thread. I would love to post some views on here.

I have been told a few times now that, because I have a few different beliefs, that I am not a real Christian and have brought God's wrath upon me. I love God, I believe Jesus Christ died on the cross to cover our sins and that he is our savior and I study the bible. Plan to read it every day. Just started in Genesis yesterday. Do not these things make me a Christian? Yes, perhaps not a real Christian, but I would still like to think of myself as one.

Okay, this is something I would like to say RIGHT off the bat! I'd say that as long as you recieved Jesus into your heart, you ARE a real Christian. I'm sorry if someone said that God's wrath is on you or whatever, whoever said that were wrong to say that. God literally loves the h*** out of you! All it takes is Jesus's gift of grace. There is nothing you can do to make Him love you more or less. It really ticks me off when people say very hurtful and untrue things to people who have different beliefs than them. I believe God loves you reguardless of what "other" beliefs you may have about certain things.

Now on to the actual topic of the thread:

Sex is supposed to be a beautiful thing. It's a natural desire that God gave us, an expression of love. Now, I will say that sex isn't "love" itself, but rather an extension or a symbolism of it. At least that was how God originally intended it. In society nowadays it has been twisted into something gross and horrible, which to me is actually pretty sad. Why take a beautiful expression of love, and turn it into some sort of lie.
Lies have been made about sex, just like everything else in this world. The world now believes that certain things are "okay" when really they are not. It's a distortion of truth!
Now I would like to go on and say that I WILL NOT, and REFUSE to SHUN or HATE on people who do these things. I will love them, like God loves them. If they are my friend I will be there for them. Heck, I know people who have done some of these things, and I don't love them any less.
Whether sex outside of marriage is a sin or not, we should not judge people who do it. Love on them like God does, at least that's what I believe.
I personally want to save sex for my husband. It's a decision I have made for my life. I want to "make love" to someone who I actually am "in love" with. I want to be one with him and only him, nobody else. I want to "give it" to some one I'm going to be with forever.
Those are my thoughts on the subject. Sex can beautiful, it's just been twisted in our society.

[Nate]

the ones like chlamydia where you cant see it on girls until they find out they cant have kids anymore.

Er, that's not exactly true. In about 25% of women, chlamydia infections can cause them to have difficulty becoming pregnant, and it can cause birth problems, such as miscarriages and premature births. But it can't make you completely barren (as far as I know, though I suppose there are always rare cases), and the disease is treatable with antibiotics. It also likes to lay dormant and can be undetectable to an extent, but there are occasionally symptoms that can be a big hint to its presence.

just make it official with dime store rings or somethin.

I don't see why rings are necessary to make a wedding official. I'd be willing to bet marriages in the days of the Old Testament didn't use rings. Rings have no magical power, and they don't create a marriage. In other words, marriage is not dependent on any of the following: priests, ceremonies, dresses, cakes, rings, churches, papers, or cans tied to a car.

Saying that any of those things are required for a marriage to exist cheapens marriage, it makes marriage a hostage to physical items. Marriage goes beyond physical objects or legal documents. It is a commitment. All that is required for marriage is commitment. Not rings or anything else.

Now to be fair, rings are a good way of showing others your commitment. And legal documents are kind of useful for exercising rights such as hospital visitation, power of attorney, inheritance, and so on. But none of those things are required for just a marriage. Again, to do so cheapens marriage, or causes marriage to be held hostage to institutions or objects, when it in fact transcends those things.

what is the harm in learning together?

The answer was literally right in the post you quoted.

He hurt mom physically pretty badly on their wedding night because of his lack of knowledge.

Unless you don't regard physical pain as "harm."

[Etoh*the*Greato]

I didn't even realize you could hurt somebody THAT bad by having sex O_o. Learn something new every day I guess :| .

You can hurt the lady pretty badly the first time. You're basically ripping something apart the first time or three you do the deed, which is why there is blood. Think of it this way: Someone sewed your nostril shut, and now a dude is trying to stick a banana through it - it'll get in there eventually, but not without blood. Like Sheenar said: Take it slow and take care. Listen to her, and if she says ease up the you better ease up.

[Atria35]

A teenager could also purchase condoms online. They'd be mailed to their house in a discreet package (contents not labeled). Also, they are free from many clinics.

I personally feel that premarital sex is harmful in most cases. Like that old demonstration they used to do for youth group --you take 2 sheets of construction paper and glue them together, then you rip them apart. Each piece of paper leaves pieces of itself on the other.
Sex is meant to be a deeply bonding experience --the most intimate experience a human being can experience with another human being. To have sex casually or without a lifelong committed relationship (and breaking up with the person afterward) can leave lasting emotional scars even if no disease or pregnancy results.
So I'm choosing to wait until marriage.

I loathe that excercize. It implies that you only have so much love to give, like you need to dole it out carefully because you might not have enough for the next person. All I could think when they did it was "gosh, they'd better watch how many kids they have. They might not have enough love for the next one!"

It's also implying that there's no other way that we leave little bits of ourselves with others. I would say that I had my heart broken badly not by a boyfriend, but a best friend who took her boyfriend's side over mine. Did I have sex with her? No. But I had enough emotional investment. So according to that excercize, the next man I date might be the last one because I won't have any of my love left to give after that.

It also deosn't take into account that some people don't really care who they sleep with. How much of your heart do you leave behind in a one-night stand? They would say 'none', because there was no emotional investment.

Well, first-time sex can be painful for women. Even if their hymen has already been broken (exercise, etc.) If she's not properly, um, lubricated, it is likely to hurt a good bit. A man can't just rush in and go at it --he needs to be sensitive to the woman and make sure she isn't in pain --go at the pace that is comfortable for her.

To make things worse, my mom had a condition where her hymen wouldn't stretch (They don't really 'break'- that's a misconception formed because occasionally there is some bleeding. But the hymen is ususally perforated, and that stretches during intercourse). As I was saying, mom had a condition where it didn't stretch like for a normal person, and my dad just kept going, completely oblivious to her pain. She had to go into the gyno to get the hymen snipped so it wouldn't happen again.

[ich1990]

The answer was literally right in the post you quoted.

Unless you don't regard physical pain as "harm."

No, I just don't regard jumping right into sex with out any idea what you are doing as "learning together".

[Kunoichi]

Well considering I've had pre-marital sex, I can say that for me, it was emotionally and mentally harmful when the relationship didn't last. Maybe for others, sex is just sex, but for me there are a lot of emotions involved. Unfortunately it can really take its toll on you when it doesn't work out. In my opinion, I won't have sex again until I am married because I believe that is the healthiest decision. That's my beliefs though.

And making a note on the porn, being a woman...there is porn designated towards women. That being said, ANY porn is watchable by either gender depending on the woman's interest. Anyways, just my 2 cents.

[shooraijin]

We've let this thread get pretty deep in the weeds so far, but I think the mechanical/medical aspects have been adequately discussed.

[TopazRaven]

In my opinion, if you wanna have sex, GET MARRIED.

I don't think that's quite right either though. People shouldn't get married just because they want to have sex. They should get married because they love each other and want to spend their lives together. Getting married to early in a relationship or getting married just to have sex can lead to early divorce and as you all know God does not like divorce.

[TopazRaven]

We've let this thread get pretty deep in the weeds so far, but I think the mechanical/medical aspects have been adequately discussed.

I'm honestly surprised I was aloud to post this thread at all. xD

[ShiroiHikari]

I think the idea of "learning together" is pretty naive. It will suffice to say that it hasn't worked AT ALL, IN THE SLIGHTEST for my husband and I. I'm not saying to go find a sex buddy so that when you get married you'll know what you're doing, but...don't go in totally blind, either. :\

[ich1990]

I think the idea of "learning together" is pretty naive. It will suffice to say that it hasn't worked AT ALL, IN THE SLIGHTEST for my husband and I. I'm not saying to go find a sex buddy so that when you get married you'll know what you're doing, but...don't go in totally blind, either. :\

Alright, that is your prerogative as a married person. I can't argue with personal experience.

However, I don't see your point. Does it really hurt you to wait and gain basic knowledge about the subject with your spouse rather than by yourself? Ideally, this knowledge will all be theory until then anyways.