Problems with cursing, any advice?

[TopazRaven]

[font="Century Gothic"]I've come to the conclusion that I curse way to much. When I was a kid in high school everyone seemed to curse. It was the 'cool' thing to do. I just got used to it. I'd like to think I've gotten better with not cursing since my teenage years though. I used to use the f-bomb after every other word it seemed. If I'm correct, isn't cursing listed as a sin? I'm not sure, but any other way I know its not tasteful and very disrespectful to others around who may overhear you. I find myself wincing when I hear others use the f-word and other hardcore curses so it would make me a hypocrite to continue talking in such ways myself. The problem is, sometimes I'm cursing before I even relize it! Usually b**** and d*** and s***. I also, often say things like my g** or for the love of g** without thinking most of the time as well. Anyone have any advice on how I can beat this habit? Goodness, I've had so many threads up in the past what, two days? You all are probably sick of seeing me. [/font]

[Nate]

Cursing is listed as a sin, yes. Or if not, it's listed many times to make sure what comes out of your mouth is edifying.

It's what IS cursing that is where the gray comes in.

In the Bible, Jesus says that anyone who says to his brother "You fool!" is in danger of the fires of Hell. Now, I don't think anyone here would classify "fool" as a curse word. It's not censored. You can say it on TV without being fined. You can even say it on a kids' show. But Jesus said that saying it will put you in danger of Hell.

From this, we can conclude that the meaning, the context, the way it's used, is more important than the word itself.

So, for example, if I see something awesome, I might say, "THAT'S F***ING AWESOME." The f-word there is merely used as a modifier, an adjective. I'm not using it to belittle or insult anyone. I'm not using it to harm others or in a bad way. To me, I do not consider this a sin. It's just colorful language.

Now, what if I am around a person who thinks using such language is inappropriate? Out of respect for that person, I will not use that language when I am around them. That's just how I roll.

I also, often say things like my g** or for the love of g**

I don't see this as inappropriate or swearing at all. I know people do it because of the commandment about using God's name in vain, but saying God's name is God is like saying the President's name is President. Also, and maybe Peanut will come back me up, that commandment does not mean what most people think it means. It is actually a response to a cultural practice at that time of using a god's name to force them to act according to an individual's will, not saying something like "Oh my God." (Yes, I copied that from your comment on my LJ, Peanut. XD) But again, I'll leave that explanation to him.

[TopazRaven]

Interesting view on it, thanks for the advice. xD

[DangoDaikazoku]

I am in High School right now, and I find one of the best ways to stop curse words from infiltrating my vocabulary is to look at who I hang out with. What kind of language I surround myself with is a major factor to how I speak in the long run. When I do make friends who have your habit I politely ask them to refrain. One way I have seen many of my friends get a grip on their potty mouth is to apologize every time they curse. Or they often will replace the word with something a lot less hateful. God turns into gosh, or goodness. Although just changing the word will not stop the problem (context matters more than words) it makes them more aware of when and how much they actually curse. It's hard to change a habit, but stick to it for a month or so and the habit will fade (it's been proven it takes thirty days to develop a habit and about forty to get rid of it... unless it jumped upon as soon as those forty days end (which is what happens in most cases of drug addiction). Just some helpful tips from a person going through a similar issue. Ultimately, asking God for help is one major key, the other is your own effort and will power. Good Luck

[TopazRaven]

I do often try and use other words. My most often used are sweet love of potatoes or oh snickerdoodle. For I am strange.

[Doubleshadow]

I picked it up from my coworkers. I made a conscious effort to change my thoughts and swap up similar sounds. Shoot, nuts, and such. I also try to come up with an adjective instead of an insult.

[armeck]

you can "cuss" without "cursing" i cuss a lot, but i am trying to stop because i have a hard time not cussing aorund people who don't like it, so i am trying my best to quit, it's hard to quit all together, but i can keep my language pretty clean

[Tsukuyomi]

Hearing the f-bomb after every other word would be really annoying.. Sorry xDDD; Yeah, it did seem to be the cool thing to do back then, huh xD? I think I remember someone doing that back in high school... It was really really annoying (lol) T_T

I guess you can try substituting words ^^ Fudge seems to be a good one for the f-word. What? It sounds funny, you say? You don't want to say the actual word, and you don't want to say fudge and sound silly, so you have no choice but to say another word entirely ^__^

Maybe, that's easier said then done, but it can be done ^^

[Lynna]

In The bible it commands us to keep our speach clean, and honestly, I don't like it when people cuss. Especially in music, F-bombing after every word. I just don't believe we're honouring God when we use that kind of language, although I'm being a little hypcritical because I use the word "sucks" all the time (as in ", when something bad happens "That sucks") and my friend says it has sexual connotations or something. I'm still looking for a word to replace it. Today, I got an Idea to use "Endokusen" (It means "What a bother" in Japanese) because some people I know are offended when I say "darnit"

[Edward]

Although I don't really take offense at swearing, even the f-word, to a degree, excessive cursing can get very annoying, very quickly. And it just makes you look dumb too, like you only know a handfull of adjectives, half of which are vulgar. However, I believe that it is definitly wrong to say things like omg, and especially omfg or gd, or using Jesus' name as a cuss word, which I find highly offensive. On the other hand, I'm not all that comfortable swearing myself. You never know who you may offend, and you could be a stumbling block to other Christians or potential witnesses, something no Christian would want to do. You could also be called out as a hypocrite if you call yourself a Christian and cuss just like everyone else, furthering the stereotype that all Christians are hypocrites.

[Dante]

I don't really care about swearing that much either, but my parents sure seem to. This gets interesting when I end up getting hurt, I usually yell "itai", or just clench my teeth and hold for a few seconds until the pain starts to go down a little. I never quite understood how a word that didn't even exist in Biblical times was considered a sin, especially when languages like Japanese found curse words to be an alien concept. I think English should declare that no such words exist too, it would leave people a lot less flustered. I mean think about it, a distinct set of vocal frequencies causes people to fly off the handle, while no other combination will provoke the same response and it only happens on one part of the planet. What's really hilarious is that they are never used in a context that has anything to with the original meaning of the word.

Overall though, if you're looking to be formal like that, start catching yourself when you say them and try to continue the sentence without them, or if that seems too difficult, use kiddy replacements like "darn", "heck", "frick", "shoot", "Son of a gun", "gosh darn" (you know the list)... For some reason, these are considered "toned down" words and so people won't get as offended (at least it looks like you're making an effort to tone it down, which most people will accept as sufficient). With time, as you catch yourself, you'll just stop using them. They're really not that necessary and people blow up in a stupid and ultimately childish way when they hear other people use them.

Best of luck,
Pascal

[Edward]

To add to my previous post, I also don't understand why the KJV gets away with using words that are considered 'bad' today. For example, there is a passage where it uses the other word for pee, which, IMO, is not a swear word at all. If truth is universal, and does not change, then why is that word, which has kept its meaning, considered vulgar today?

[Dante]

To add to my previous post, I also don't understand why the KJV gets away with using words that are considered 'bad' today. For example, there is a passage where it uses the other word for pee, which, IMO, is not a swear word at all. If truth is universal, and does not change, then why is that word, which has kept its meaning, considered vulgar today?

Because it's written by King James! Would you want to tell him his version of the Bible was "vulgar"? I personally, prefer to keep my head...

[Midori]

It seems to me the primary reason people curse nowadays is to be shocking. Yet if people do it all the time, it's not shocking anymore. I made a reputation in high school for being the guy who never swore. And so the one time I told someone to "shut up", they were so shocked that they did. That's how I prefer to roll.

[Tsukuyomi]

It seems to me the primary reason people curse nowadays is to be shocking. Yet if people do it all the time, it's not shocking anymore. I made a reputation in high school for being the guy who never swore. And so the one time I told someone to "shut up", they were so shocked that they did. That's how I prefer to roll.

Hahaha, same here lol Everyone gasp when I do.. I only when I'm mad.. It takes alot to get/make me mad xD

[Syreth]

I don't think that it's the Bible's intention to outlaw a list of taboo words. I think it's the context of the words that are important. Cursing can be considered saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.

[Nate]

You could also be called out as a hypocrite if you call yourself a Christian and cuss just like everyone else

But...if I believe that using those words isn't wrong, how is that being hypocritical? Being a hypocrite means telling others not to do something, but then doing that same thing yourself. If I never tell anyone not to use that language, it can't possibly make me a hypocrite.

I also don't understand why the KJV gets away with using words that are considered 'bad' today.

I thought you'd go for the obvious ones, like the KJV Genesis 22:3, or Genesis 42:26, or Genesis 44:13...you get the idea.

The reason why they "get away with it" is as I stated before. It isn't the word, it's how you use it. In all those verses in the KJV, the word is referring to the animal. It didn't have the same usage that it does today, meaning that when the KJV uses it, it isn't bad. Because it's being used in an acceptable way.

Which, again, is why I don't care that I use the language I do. When I'm using it harmlessly, it doesn't matter because it's just a word, and when I'm using it badly, well, as far as God's concerned it doesn't matter what word I use, it's still wrong, even if I use "replacement" words.

[Falx]

Cursing is listed as a sin, yes. Or if not, it's listed many times to make sure what comes out of your mouth is edifying.

It's what IS cursing that is where the gray comes in.

In the Bible, Jesus says that anyone who says to his brother "You fool!" is in danger of the fires of Hell. Now, I don't think anyone here would classify "fool" as a curse word. It's not censored. You can say it on TV without being fined. You can even say it on a kids' show. But Jesus said that saying it will put you in danger of Hell.

From this, we can conclude that the meaning, the context, the way it's used, is more important than the word itself.

So, for example, if I see something awesome, I might say, "THAT'S F***ING AWESOME." The f-word there is merely used as a modifier, an adjective. I'm not using it to belittle or insult anyone. I'm not using it to harm others or in a bad way. To me, I do not consider this a sin. It's just colorful language.

Now, what if I am around a person who thinks using such language is inappropriate? Out of respect for that person, I will not use that language when I am around them. That's just how I roll.

I don't see this as inappropriate or swearing at all. I know people do it because of the commandment about using God's name in vain, but saying God's name is God is like saying the President's name is President. Also, and maybe Peanut will come back me up, that commandment does not mean what most people think it means. It is actually a response to a cultural practice at that time of using a god's name to force them to act according to an individual's will, not saying something like "Oh my God." (Yes, I copied that from your comment on my LJ, Peanut. XD) But again, I'll leave that explanation to him.

This page is pretty informative on the subject, IMO.

My personal belief is: if it's listed in the dictionary as "vulgar, obscene, not used in polite conversation" then I should try not to speak it.

[TopazRaven]

Wow, so many responses over night! 0.o

Thanks everyone! Any other way I am going to try and be more polite and respectful. I honestly do find cursing distasteful for the most part it seems. Yet, I do like some songs that have an occusinal curse. Is listening to it just as bad as saying it yourself? What about reading it when you're reading something and there is a curse?

[ShiroiHikari]

We seem to only have this problem in English. Japanese doesn't have the same concept of "bad words" as we do. It's more a matter of being polite or being impolite, being formal or informal.

You don't just walk up to some dude on the street and say "Hey [curseword]!" because that's a thing you do with people you're very familiar with, not because saying certain words is an incantation that will send you to hell if you say it enough times.

If certain words offend people then don't say them in their presence. But if you're just BSing around with your close friends then who cares? Words like that are just an informal way of speaking, in my eyes.

"Vulgar" can mean "coarse" but it also means "of the common people".

[Mr. Rogers]

"Vulgar" can mean "coarse" but it also means "of the common people".

I'm not sure it's really used that way anymore, though. Maybe only in linguistic circles.

[Edward]

But...if I believe that using those words isn't wrong, how is that being hypocritical? Being a hypocrite means telling others not to do something, but then doing that same thing yourself. If I never tell anyone not to use that language, it can't possibly make me a hypocrite.

What I meant by that was, is that some non-Christians like to call out individuals who call themselves Christians, but do things that the church, in general, dissaproves of or considers a sin, like drinking, smoking, and using cuss words, even though they personally had never said anything about swearing being a sin.

[Edward]

But...if I believe that using those words isn't wrong, how is that being hypocritical? Being a hypocrite means telling others not to do something, but then doing that same thing yourself. If I never tell anyone not to use that language, it can't possibly make me a hypocrite.

What I meant by that was, is that some non-Christians like to call out individuals who call themselves Christians, but do things that the church, in general, dissaproves of or considers a sin, like drinking, smoking, and using cuss words, even though they personally had never said anything about swearing being a sin. It has more to do with the proposed Christian 'acting just like everyone else', when they are a Christian, and are supposedly not supposed to drink, smoke, or cuss. Even if you never say that you believe imbibing alchohol, smoking, or cussing to be a sin, when you say you are a Christian, to some people, it implies those things. That is why, to some, it might reinforce the stereotype that all Christians are hypocrites.

[ShiroiHikari]

And people wonder why I don't go to church. >_> There are all these arbitrary rules they have that aren't in the Bible. The Bible doesn't explicitly say drinking and smoking and using rough language are sins.

Getting drunk and hurting people, yeah, I'd consider that a sinful thing. But knocking back a couple of beers with your friends? Not too sure about that one.

Cigarettes probably didn't exist in their modern form during Biblical times, but I still don't necessarily think smoking is a sin. Is it a bad idea? Yes, most of the time. It's addictive for most people and addictions can control you if you let them, which is obviously not a good thing. And it can make you sick given enough time, but so can anything else you put in your body. The actual act of smoking doesn't really impair your judgment or make you violent like alcohol can. (Maybe the withdrawals will though. ) And if you smoke outside where it doesn't bother anybody, then...is it really a sin? I don't know. I'm getting off-topic here.

My point is, Christians shouldn't be so darn quick to judge others.

[TheSubtleDoctor]

This is an interesting topic to me. Two issues are at play here: the morality of cursing and authority of your conscience.

I do not believe that cursing, as such, is morally wrong or un-Christian. If one guy shouts an expletive when he stubs his toe or is suddenly startled, and another guy calls someone a "filthy piece of garbage" with malice in his heart, I believe that only the later commits sin. Of course, there are certain circumstances in which the toe-stubber sins, such as influencing a young child with his language. I personally do not feel that the words themselves are sinful divorced from any kind of context ior intention.

But, regardless of what arguments I give, your conscience might still bother you. Uttering a curse word may best express how you feel, or make people laugh or whatever. Such things, however, are not worth offending your conscience over if you still believe (epistemically believe, not necessarily just emotionally feel) that it would be wrong to curse.

The truly tricky scenario obtains when you believe, heck when you know, that something is permissible but, for whatever reason, you still have guilt feelings. Not everything ppl feel guilty about is actually sinful. I myself possess a conscience that is over-sensitive in certain areas...this is something that I am working on with proper guidance. The Holy Spirit can assist us, but sometimes our consciences can be ill-formed or distorted (relative to the healthy way that God intended for them to be) based on the way we were raised or various other influences. Should you fall into this category (knowing it's OK but still feeling guilty), then, sure, you can probably allow yourself to curse, but you will need to pray and meditate a lot; sharing your sturggle with someone you trust always helps too. Reshaping one's conscience to be more Christ-like can take time and be quite difficult...might not even be worth the effort whne it comes to this particular issue =).

[Midori]

My personal position on swearing is that it's not necessarily a sin, but when someone says the word, I do imagine what the word represents. A lot of other people do too, and they don't necessarily want to be thinking about excrement and such all the time. That's why it's considered inappropriate in certain situations, like church. It isn't a sin in itself to say the words, but if you know it will make people uncomfortable, you probably shouldn't.

And of course, language is so firmly embedded in our brains that if you're used to speaking a particular way, it can be really hard to stop. That makes it sort of like an addiction, but I wouldn't call it that; just a habit. If you can control your words and only use cursing around the people who are okay with it, that's fine. But if you aren't good at adjusting your speech to fit the situation (like me) you're probably better off giving it up altogether.

Of course it's true that some Christians believe it's just always sinful and it makes you burn in hell. Some Christians say that about everything that makes them uncomfortable. Like rap music (in the old days it'd be jazz music). Or trick-or-treating. Or anime. You can't always pander to the strictest minority, or you'd end up Amish (no offense to them).

[K. Ayato]

I used to really hate it when I was around people who would swear excessively. It came down to where I'd ask (okay, it was more of a demand) them not to use it so heavily when I was around. After a while, I learned (more or less the hard way) that a better approach would be to just quietly leave.

Now that I'm married, I do use a few words myself. But it's only around certain people. Mostly my husband or mother-in-law, and maybe certain friends and my sister. When I'm at church or hanging out with people at the Bible studies, I know to switch off the swearing.

[Nate]

What I meant by that was, is that some non-Christians like to call out individuals who call themselves Christians, but do things that the church, in general, dissaproves of or considers a sin, like drinking, smoking, and using cuss words, even though they personally had never said anything about swearing being a sin.

Okay, but the church does not equal Christianity. Also, "the church" is a pretty vague concept in general. Do you mean the Roman Catholic Church? A Baptist church? A Methodist church? If you're raised in the south, where Southern Baptists are prominent, dancing is seen as a sin. So if you're jamming to a tune in your car, you might be seen as committing a sin. Watching a Disney movie would be considered a sin. So on, so forth.

Once you start living by the rules of an organization than the rules of God, isn't that falling into the same rut as the Pharisees in the New Testament? They were so concerned about regulations and technicalities that they couldn't see the Son of God right in front of them. They were too busy accusing Jesus of sinning by healing the sick on the Sabbath to understand things.

I'll drink what I want, say what I want, do what I want, and stand only to God. What do I care what others think of me? I answer to God, not a church, not random strangers on the street.

It has more to do with the proposed Christian 'acting just like everyone else', when they are a Christian, and are supposedly not supposed to drink, smoke, or cuss.

Then isn't that a good time to dispel rumors and untrue statements about Christianity? "Hey, aren't you Christian? I thought you couldn't drink alcohol." Then that's the perfect time to say, "Drinking is not a sin according to the Bible. Only getting drunk is. You can be a Christian and still drink." Then it could turn to other misconceptions and you could educate and inform a person. That's actually pretty cool, huh?

Jesus gave us some words to live by. Jesus didn't say "They will know you are my followers because you don't drink or smoke or swear" or "They will know you are my followers because you don't dance or go to R-rated movies." Jesus said simply,

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." - John 13:34-35

Jesus said people will know we are Christians by our love. The fact that "the church" (whatever that means exactly) is not seen as loving by our modern society, I think, means that we have failed a bit in carrying out that command. That most Christians have become so wrapped up in what rules to follow, what clothes to wear, what music to listen to, that we forget to just say "The important thing is to LOVE OTHERS."

Just how I feel. Swearing, drinking, smoking, whatever...love others. That's what's important.

[K. Ayato]

Amen to that, Nate!

[Furen]

I try so diligentlly to not do any of that as much as possible (sometimes it will slip being in highschool with over exposure -.-).
My main way to stop myself would be to think of witty retorts at people, for example
when people say "Oh my God" and not in a glorifying way I usually think or say "He's not just your God" people hate it but afte I started using that they limit themselfs as much as possible so they don't have to listen to that. Another example is when someone screams Jesus' name I'll usually jump in with 'WHERE I wanna meet him!" These are little things but made a huge difference to me. This also applies with stuff like the F-bomb, if it is used in the correct way, I find there to be no problem as that is the correct meaning of it, if explicit. The origin of the words help me to censor this as well like F-bomb was made up because you had to get the consent of the king to do such, slang got the best of it and now it's a vulger word. Like the "B" word is the correct name for dog of the female gender.

So I learned how to use English to my benifet. I hope this helped, even a bit