Closer to the Father

[Anystazya]

Well, I contemplated for a while on whether or not I should start a thread here, and asked God about if this was the right choice, but I decided, I've made reference to a couple things (like, talking about 'since February') and it might very well be a good idea to share a few things.

I won't go into too much detail about things that happened in the past few years. But, I have a very good friend. The person I shared practically all my secrets with, and she did the same for me. She's a very Christian, God-loving girl, and I have a lot of respect for her. However, there was a time when I would be hurt, physically and verbally, by her. She'd say things were just a joke, or that I had a good reaction to the things she did, but really, I went home and cried myself to sleep. So, finally, I had enough, and got really mad at her. Those times were brutal. But, we sorta cleared it up, and now, I know that she's truly sorry for what she did, and I've forgiven her. I still share a lot of personal things with her, and she knows how to keep a secret.

Fast forward a year or so. I have a lot of friends, life is going great. And, here, especially, I won't go into detail. I'll just say, that there was something that had been bugging me, and I didn't know who was doing it. I told my friends about it, and they all seemed to be just as curious about what was going on as well...a week or so later, they come up to me, laughing, saying it was them...later, one of them told me that I went white like a ghost, and she thought I was going to faint or something. Long story short, I trusted them with something that I thought of as very important, and they broke that trust. They thought I would laugh...but I was so heart broken. It may seem like a small thing, but it hurt me like crap. After that point, things got a little better. I forgave them, and things were looking up. However, I still wasn't...truly happy. I don't know what it was, but something was missing. That year, I know there was a battle going on in the spirits around me, and I think, the demons were doing a better job of convincing me of all the negative parts of life. And I knew that they were speaking ill into me. I knew there was a battle going on.

Fast forward again to the beginning of this school year. I was doing well, and getting better at spending time with God. I was learning more things, getting inspired by many things, getting a lot out of Sunday School, and I considered getting baptized at around the same time as my sister did (around Christmas-time). I didn't, though, and life continued normally and happily.

And then came that night in February. Oh, I'm happy it happened, but at the time, it freaked me out so bad.

It was a dream. I don't know how you feel about dreams in the modern day, and frankly, I don't care. I know this was a dream that was meant to show me something.

In this dream, I had been at church, and was walking home afterwards. There iss a shortcut path I was walking down, and on the grass beside it, I saw a young adult male...He looked maybe eighteen or twenty...older than me.

I didn't get a good feeling from him, so I walked by quickly. I knew something was wrong. I quickened my pace. When I looked back, I saw the guy had jumped out onto the path, eyes intently trained on me. I started running. I knew who he was. I don't know how I knew, but I knew. This man was Satan, in human form. I became afraid, and panicked as I ran down the path and onto the street that I lived on. My house was just a little ways down the road. I ran, hoping, praying, that he wouldn't catch up to me. I came up to my house, and looked up at the front porch step. And guess who was there? The very same devil I'd been running from, his eyes glowing red, perhaps to give a visual effect to the me in the dream.

I was scared. Frightened. And I felt the devil seeping into my spirit, seeking control over me. I knew what I had to do. I prayed. Asked God to protect me from this horror. And the devil went away.

I'm not sure what happened next, but I was at my school, and a couple of my friends were changing for gym. And I saw the devil, again, in human form. I cooled myself down, knowing that I couldn't be afraid, but I saw him go into the place where my friends were changing. And they didn't know. Because they couldn't see him. Basically, I was the only one who could see him.

Throughout this dream, I saw the devil try to control and get into the heads of other people, and when he was doing so, their eyes would turn red. There was nothing I could do to stop it from happening. I knew by then that the devil would try to do this to me-or anybody else-whenever I started to become afraid of him or start to doubt God.

When I woke up, I was weirded out, and a little scared. I ended up getting sick (again) that day, and I was certainly in no mood to be at school.

Shortly after that, I learned of my grandparents' accident, and how my grandpa was expected to die. My dad flew out to be with his family, and the days of bad news went by...things did eventually start looking up for my grandparents, luckily. Many prayers were being answered.

Anyway, at that time, I really started looking to the Lord. The dream showed me how I was doubting Him, and it improved my relationship a lot. Also, I read the book The Shack. Well, I know that did a lot to show me that God is truly there for me to have a relationship with. I grew closer to Him, started spending more time with Him, and listened for the little things He said more. I've gotten a lot better at hearing God now. ^^

I also noticed God was showing me many things to do with angels during that time period. They kept popping up everywhere! And, basically, with those, plus my dream, God has revealed the true reality of the spiritual realm. It's more complicated than that, but I won't go into very much detail here. It's not the place.

I've gotten a lot of little things like that, where God has shown me messages subtly, but truly, and I now know the Lord more closely. I've had to go through some hard things, but I've become closer to my Heavenly Father through it all. I always know that He is right there beside me, even in me, as we are His temple, and I go to Him for even the smallest little things. I talk to Him more frequently and openly, and I can truly say I love Him and mean it with all my heart, body, and soul. I've also been shown how much He really loves me, and love has become a very important thing for me.

I'm still quite young, and I know there are many things He has to show and teach me, but I thank Him so much for what He's done for me so far.

This was a brief telling of my testimony up to now. It's longer than I intended, but I had to include a lot of things Thank you for those who read through it all

I felt it was necessary to post this, because what happened is very important to me and my walk with God. There are many other things I could have included, but didn't.

That is all-for now.

[Reon]

It's really REALLY good to read you are getting in tune with God on that in depth of a level. I truly value the friends I have who constantly seek out God the way you are doing and I enjoyed reading your testimony. Dreams are amazing... I'll have to find a card of a pastor I know who does Christian dream interpretation so you can look into it and see if your at all interested - hes been doing it for years. Anyhoo I guess I'll actually have to get the thread I started about dreams off the ground once I message a GM.

Thanks for taking the time to type this =)

[Anystazya]

Thank you ^^ I also really like people who are true God Chasers. Like, they want more than to just believe in God and that Christ rose again, they want to have a relationship with the King, and to be filled with His Spirit. Those kind of people make me feel really happy ^^

Oh, that's cool. I suppose there would be people who'd interpret dreams nowadays, too...actually, before that dream, I used to never dream very often. Now, I'm pretty sure I have dreams every night...

It sounds interesting. I'll see about dream interpretations...also, I get sick to the stomach a lot, and while I'm having blood tests and such run, my Sunday School teacher thought that I might be a burden bearer. Her sister was one, who often got sick to the stomach as well...

Yes, I'm glad I typed this up. I saved it into my googledocs so that if I ever needed to use it again, I'd have it there

[Reon]

Very good idea! (googledocs) - I have saved a few posts to desktop for future use, but not nearly enough of the extended strenuous ones.

On Youtube there's something called "The Revival Hymn" (35min) in which it references is your life "worshiping" God or bringing you happiness? Happiness should be a byproduct and not a prime product (aka humanism). To be honest I really think I have been using God for my own happiness on a regular basis. Yes, I put time to honor and respect God strictly for who he is but my mentality toward life would eventually pull it back to me. How can I fix this? I'm determined to continue to study the word with the constant goal in mind to not "equip myself with wisdom and how to handle life" - but how to become closer to God. Just like John 17, verse 11 (the second half) "so that they may be one as we are one". I think that's going to be my own personal motivation/slogan toward God - the same way my effort up to this point was building a strong foundation in God for my faith.

It's hard staying consentrated and focused on God when you have worries and stress in your life... but time and time again what he meant when he said "For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matt 11:30

[Anystazya]

Yeah, googledocs is very wonderful ^^

I'll check out this Revival Hymn on Youtube. And...hm...are you asking me how to stay with God, through all the stresses and worries of everyday life? Well, to be honest, I'm just a little kid. Not young enough that I can't have an account here, of course, but still, I'm not the most experienced in life. And then I remember how Jesus, when he was just twelve, was teaching the adults in the temple in Jerusalem. So I shall do my best. ^^

The Lord wants us to dedicate our everything to Him, doesn't He? Everything we do, He wants us to do it for Him. Worries and stresses should be brought to the Father. I mean, he asks us to call Him Abba...We're His children, and He's our 'Daddy', who is always there to hold our backs. This is very often my mentality. I would try to ask for His help in everything, because, well, He's your Father, He wants to help you. If you simply ask with the earnest of your heart, He will provide for you. The Holy Spirit is here, with you, no matter where you are, or what you're doing. Even when your mind is elsewhere, He is with you. And, you should ask yourself: 'Is this really how I want to present myself when God Himself is right here?' That would probably help some people when dealing with temptations. ^_^

As for the relationship side, well, I like to set apart time for Him, which most people do. And He likes to hear things especially from you. He already knows it, but when you actually tell Him about it, He will listen, and He likes when you talk with Him. I like to talk with Him when I'm on walks. I have the joy of living in a small town with beautiful scenery, so sometimes I'll sit by the water, talking to Him, praising Him, bringing concerns to Him...

Or when I'm in the shower. I might sing a song dedicated to Him, or simple talk...I won't divulge myself in the topic of speaking in tongues, and I do not believe that speaking in tongues is the only sign of being filled with the Spirit, but it has become very precious for me and my time with God.

Hm...have you read The Shack? Personally, I really liked it, but I know there's a lot of controversy concerning the book...But for me, it showed a man who'd been broken and hurt, and how God came to Him to show He didn't want to give His sons and daughters a set of rules; he wants to simply be the Papa with wide, open arms that are always open.

And as a child, many of us (I'm saying this hesitantly, because I know not everybody grew up with a dad who was always there) looked up to our dad's and thought he was the best guy in the world. We always wanted to make him happy, and he too, just wants the best for his child (again, this is not the case for everyone...and I apologize....) This is how God is with us. He just wants the best for us. He doesn't want us to go to hell-He didn't make that place for His children. Would a dad want to send his beloved child to hell?

I think I went on a bit off topic there ^^ Point is, God wants to spend time with you. He wants you to know Him.

I'm not perfect in this area. Nobody can really say they are. But I know that I want to grow with Him and for Him. He's with me every step of the way, because we are all just simply children.

I know something I've gotten better at is picking up when He's trying to tell me something. (<--did I say something like this earlier? ^_^) There's one example that comes to mind especially...I'd been feeling a little depressed, and was questioning why I even bothered putting out myself for school and everything, basically. I ask God about it (lol, I was in gym class! I remember I was waiting my turn to go on the badminton court, and this sadness came into my mind), and well, the day continued pretty much normally. Then, later that day, I was sitting in the dining room, and there was a magazine on the table which I opened to a page that was telling about a certain Bible College, and right away, I was certain that I wanted to do that...it was like God was showing me, this, this is where you can focus your strength. Because you're doing it for the Father who loves you.

I base my relationship with God out of love. I worship Him because He is a King-not only that, but The King, I am amazed by Him because of what He's done, and I love Him because He is my Father.

I understand the distractions thing oh-so-much...but if you ask Him to help you, He will. ^^ It may not be a straight, black-and-white answer, but He loves you enough to die for you...to bear all the sins the world has and ever will know, no matter how small, which is more than we could ever imagine, and He knows the plans that are in store for you I'm sure many of these things you already know and have been told, but I felt it necessary to write this. Also, all things said here, are just my opinion. If anybody reading disagrees with something I said, please, I don't want to start an argument. If it's serious enough, you can PM me with your concern.

I hope that's what you wanted. ^^ (I didn't read it over before posting, so excuse any mistakes).

Edit: Woah, long post ^_^

[Anystazya]

Oh oh! I have something else that I wanted to add...when I'm sad, or anything like that, I'll imagine He's hugging me, real tight, comforting me just like my dad would when I was smaller. Or, when I need Him to, feel like He's holding my hand. (Like when I got my needles a week ago. I squeezed my other hand, imagining Jesus holding it tight ^^)

[Reon]

When I first started reading this I thought "I don't think I was asking for help or anything along those lines, might as well read it anyways" as if I couldn't have used the advice/help. Well I decided to read it anyways since I'm one who's always for positive reenforcement and sure enough that's exactly what your post did. On top of that I had shut down my laptop with your post up first as well as worship playing (http://www.delirious.co.uk/flash/ from the album Access D) - really made it a great start to the morning before work. A lot of things you mentioned above I have very similar examples or have used the same methods, for example when I first gave my life to God every time I would hug another Christian it felt as though I was receiving the hug from God, just a small portion of his compassion. It was really a mental thing because I would picture how much God loves us during the hug, think I need to start remembering that again =) Thanks for the post Anystazya - I think your posts have stolen the spotlight for my attention on the forum. Great stuff - keep it up.

[Anystazya]

Well, I felt that even if you weren't asking for anything (which I wasn't sure you were) I should write something out anyways. And, even if you yourself didn't need it especially, it may help others who happen to read this thread ^^ Honestly, I think God was using me to get a message out there.

Thank you very much! I'm happy to hear you say that ^^ I hope I'll be able to post more stuff like this, because I want to be able to be of use to the Father ^^

I gotta go right now, so I can't say much more than this, but thanks!

[Roz]

Not to interrupt the conversation but.....

And, even if you yourself didn't need it especially, it may help others who happen to read this thread

That would be me.

Anystazya, I don't know how old you are but you really amaze me. The two long post were so well put and well thought (as were the others, those two just stood out for me). I am amazed and envious of how close you seem to God. You have really challenged me to try harder and to keep on keeping on. You are a credit to your God.

[Anystazya]

I'm glad you found my posts amazing. But, well, I just wrote what God placed on my heart. Plus, with the well-put-ness of my posts, that would probably be due to the years I've spent on writing ^^

I know that the Lord has blessed me to know Him so well and be so close with Him this young. I pray that He'll give you-and everyone, for that matter-the chance to know Him in a deeper relationship. Thank you very much for the post, and thank God that I was able to write it down.

[rocklobster]

A couple things to think about, Anys.
1. the devil is only as strong as you let him be.
2. It's not us who find God. It's the other way around.

[Anystazya]

Hm...I know the first one, and there was actually something I was listening to recently (I don't know if it was a Sunday School class or one of my dad's sermons or something else) where the speaker was talking about how the devil is afraid of authority, and...he's the idiot who opposed God. And well, God is the Almighty, no one can defeat Him, and with the Lord on your side, nothing stands a chance I think, with my dream, that was a time when my whole view of life and God was becoming more real and changing, so it was something I needed at that time.

About the second one, that's interesting, and true. But I think, at least, rather than the word find He's the one guiding us to Him. He's always known and loved us. It's just that we sorta have to realize it first. It is our job to take His hand outstretched hand and accept Him. Well, that's my opinion of the issue, at least...