Once again I manage to offend my parents.

[Dante]

So. I'm 23, I live on my own... I have a pathetic and annoying beard that keeps growing in despite my inscesant attempts to shave it off every day... I am basically what one would call independent... Thus when my parents called today and told me that I could forget my plans of enjoying summer as a break from school and instead I was to come down to their house in boiling hot phoenix and wake up every morning at 5AM to do landscaping on their yard... I found the topic to be funny... Funny enough to laugh out loud.

This made them rather angry. They somehow were expecting that I'd jump for joy at the opportunity seeing as they said they'd pay me. The topic was supposed to suddenly become an instant economic decision they were blessing me with...

Tell me if I'm wrong but. (Oh and this is going to come off as a rant)

1) I have a B.S. in physics. I am paid a rather decent wage that is likely double, triple or even quadruple the hourly wage they likely are considering.

2) I enjoy... no LOVE my work and find it easy-going (I get paid to teach people how balls roll down hills and how electrons get stripped off pieces of plastic in a room with heating and a climate outside that has no need of AC). While they are offering me a job with no AC to wheelbarrel cartloads of rocks to accross their yard and then figure out just how to actually "landscape" them into the desired region. (Lots of hard manual labour that I really am not interested in.... no I don't often work out with my hours upon hours of school-work.

3) If they hired actual workers to do the job (but won't... mock my words because they wouldn't feel their asking price was fair), they wouldn't have to put up with the same level of perfectionism they would want out of me (because my father would have me tear the thing up three times until it looked just like the image in his mind).

To be totally honest... I think that they're slightly out of their minds. I might have done it out of love if I could feel it in my heart... but to be ordered from over a hundred miles away over a cell phone that I was going to do this... and then to insult me with minor wages that don't even come close to the value of the work for me?

My honest value for this type of work when requested for a physicist is $150 an hour, and double time for redos of the project beyond the initial installation. I don't enjoy the work and would rank it as eight times as hard as my current position due to lack of physical activity. Asking this type of work from me is a bad decision as asking your Medical Doctor to come to your house and scrub your floors or having your laywer come over to change the oil on your car. You'll get bad work for a high price because that is not what a medical doctor or a lawyer are trained to do. Neither am I trained to be a landscaper.

So the question is this. Maybe I should give them a call back and say I AM interested... would they feel better if they realized the price I was going to demand for the low quality work? They can even donate the money to charity when their done. But something tells me they wouldn't get that.

Okay, so maybe I should rephrase my question as this. How do I explain to my parents that they are wonderful parents... but they are horrible employers?

[ChristianKitsune]

Hmm toughie...

It really seems that you're kind of right, I mean most parents would love for their kids to have successful jobs! (Especially in this economy)

Maybe you should just simply say that you can't get off work for an entire summer? But maybe offer to come down sometime to help for a few days, (not the whole summer??)

Tell them that the way the economy is, you are blessed to have such a job, and that yoy don't feel like going away that long would be a good thing to keep it...

It certainly is a little unfair of them, buuut they are your parents so ample respect is needed... (I'm sure you know that! haha)

[Shao Feng-Li]

Maybe they ought to give the job to someone who would need the money? Maybe LOLing wasn't the right way to go, but telling them respectfully that you're not cut out for that type of work. Just don't say you don't want to because there's no A/C, as that sounds a but wimpy XD

[EricTheFred]

Let's back up and look at this for a second.

It is entirely possible they don't know your economic circumstances as well as you do. Frankly, I've personally never been in a position of being able to take an entire summer off. I've been working continuously, except for one to three week vacations, since I was seventeen. That's thirty-one years running at this point. Is it possible your father (or both) have similar life experience and it might not even occur to them that you are more fortunate?

That's just one possible example of how this is just a communication disconnect between you and your parents. Just make it clear you already have plans, and you appreciate that they wanted to pay you before paying a stranger, but someone else more in need of the pay is going to have to take it this time around.

[GundamFan]

Well Pascal all can say you were in tough position and while laughing wasn't a good idea this would have been messy no matter because the fact is your parents are use to calling the shots in your life. So you can expect several more similar agruements over the next few years before they realize and accept it's not there decisions to make. Although if they bring it up again don't make it about the money and in the future try to be more respectful but still always hold your position firm.
And hey life could always be worse try being unemployed and living with ones who crazier than anything you described so far endup broke nose, stiches and my knee is severely swollen and they expect me to be back out there tommrow helping them clearing brush.

[Htom Sirveaux]

Unless there's more to this situation than what I understand, it's possible that the money isn't the core of the issue from your parents' perspective. Maybe they just want to spend some time with their son.

[Paul]

How about offering to hire someone to do it for you? Just a thought.
Paul

[Lady Kenshin]

Well, you are an adult. You can say no. Kindly of course, but firmly.

[minakichan]

Lie to them and say you've broken your leg or something.

But seriously, respect is a 2 way street and parents are not gods. If they're not going to respect you, you're not really obliged to return what you've never been given in the first place.

[ShiroiHikari]

But seriously, respect is a 2 way street and parents are not gods. If they're not going to respect you, you're not really obliged to return what you've never been given in the first place.

I think I agree with this.

[Mithrandir]

Just make it clear you already have plans, and you appreciate that they wanted to pay you before paying a stranger, but someone else more in need of the pay is going to have to take it this time around.

You work in tech support, don't you? Or at least something which requires serious tact? That was *very* well stated.

You may want to add that you're trying to save up money to afford something (like a house, new car, whatever) and that their offer, while tempting (for the closeness - not the work), would set you back rather than advance your goals.

[Shao Feng-Li]

Lie to them and say you've broken your leg or something.

But seriously, respect is a 2 way street and parents are not gods. If they're not going to respect you, you're not really obliged to return what you've never been given in the first place.

Except that the Lord commands that we respect our parents and He doesn't follow that command with a "however", "but", or "unless." And the whole, "Treat others as you would have them do unto you."

[EricTheFred]

You work in tech support, don't you? Or at least something which requires serious tact?

Pretty much. I'm in semiconductor research and design. I have to deal with PhDs, VPs and other VIPS within one of the world's largest semiconductor companies. You have two choices in my line of work. Be a coward (and either stay silent or say things you don't believe), or learn how to state the truth without offending. The second way works better over the long run.

[Doubleshadow]

So. I'm 23, I live on my own... I found the topic to be funny... Funny enough to laugh out loud.

Ouch. I don't know about your folks, but laughing like that would have been hurtful to my parents. They do have feelings.

This made them rather angry. They somehow were expecting that I'd jump for joy at the opportunity seeing as they said they'd pay me. The topic was supposed to suddenly become an instant economic decision they were blessing me with...

Are you certain? Was it a veiled attempt to spend time together? Or do you really communicate so poorly about what your life is like? Or do they really care for your feelings so little?

1) I have a B.S. in physics. I am paid a rather decent wage that is likely double, triple or even quadruple the hourly wage they likely are considering.

They should know this, yes? Then has their been a miscommunication about your work schedule? It is likely the money was just a expression of concern for some compensation for time with family. If they wanted a professional landscaper they would have gotten one.

2) I enjoy... no LOVE my work and find it easy-going (I get paid to teach people how balls roll down hills and how electrons get stripped off pieces of plastic in a room with heating and a climate outside that has no need of AC). While they are offering me a job with no AC to wheelbarrel cartloads of rocks to accross their yard and then figure out just how to actually "landscape" them into the desired region. (Lots of hard manual labour that I really am not interested in.... no I don't often work out with my hours upon hours of school-work.

Then you are an exception to the rule. Do they know this? If so, it reinforces that its' not about cheap labor, but about seeing you, and the money was an attempt to be fair without treating you like help.

3) If they hired actual workers to do the job (but won't... mock my words because they wouldn't feel their asking price was fair), they wouldn't have to put up with the same level of perfectionism they would want out of me (because my father would have me tear the thing up three times until it looked just like the image in his mind).

Parents. But again, I think that isn't the point.

To be totally honest... I think that they're slightly out of their minds. I might have done it out of love if I could feel it in my heart... but to be ordered from over a hundred miles away over a cell phone that I was going to do this... and then to insult me with minor wages that don't even come close to the value of the work for me?

The wages weren't meant to be an insult. You are family, not client and service provider. They money was just to express they recognized that it would be a loss on your part to come without being so coldly direct about financials.

My honest value for this type of work when requested for a physicist is $150 an hour, and double time for redos of the project beyond the initial installation. I don't enjoy the work and would rank it as eight times as hard as my current position due to lack of physical activity. Asking this type of work from me is a bad decision as asking your Medical Doctor to come to your house and scrub your floors or having your laywer come over to change the oil on your car. You'll get bad work for a high price because that is not what a medical doctor or a lawyer are trained to do. Neither am I trained to be a landscaper.

They aren't asking a physicist to do their lawn. They are asking their son. You will always be that before anything else.

So the question is this. Maybe I should give them a call back and say I AM interested... would they feel better if they realized the price I was going to demand for the low quality work? They can even donate the money to charity when their done. But something tells me they wouldn't get that.

Again, it's not about the money. Your relationship is family, not business.

Okay, so maybe I should rephrase my question as this. How do I explain to my parents that they are wonderful parents... but they are horrible employers?

Go in with ErictheRed here. Mixing business and family is icky. I'd like to hope they don't view you as cheap labor but as their son whom they wanted to show they knew would be taking time out of his life to see them without being rude by throwing money into it.

[animaniac]

aquardness.......

[minakichan]

I'd like to hope they don't view you as cheap labor but as their son whom they wanted to show they knew would be taking time out of his life to see them without being rude by throwing money into it.

For centuries upon centuries, the point of bearing and raising children was to obtain a cheap source of labor. Only recently has this become so poor of a financial investment, but I think the mindset still exists, at least for some, even if it's not explicit.

Except that the Lord commands that we respect our parents and He doesn't follow that command with a "however", "but", or "unless." And the whole, "Treat others as you would have them do unto you."

Unfortunately, from a purely pragmatic standpoint, in some cases, it's in neither party's best interest to take this route. Parents are human and sometimes they just have Very Bad Ideas. Obviously, in most cases, the parents are right, but people who grow up completely obedient and unquestioning are less likely to become independent and, you know, learn to think for themselves. ex: My dad forbade me to go to church when I was a kid. If I had listened to him, I probably would still be an atheist.

I will take that verse as a part of the whole respect-all-living-things message; of course we should respect our parents. We should also respect starving orphans in Africa, stressed-out businessmen in Japan, and cute (and un-cute!) kittens-- this means overcharging your folks with murderously high interest, humiliating them in public, or waterboarding them is a big no-no.

In terms of the Golden Rule, well, I'm sure Pascal wouldn't try to get HIS kid to travel X hundred miles to landscape his lawn just because he didn't feel like paying that much for it.

[KumaruRockz]

My parents would completely understand if I explained it. I dont think they'd get angry about me laughing either But that's harsh dude. Try just explaining it.

[Mithrandir]

You have two choices in my line of work. Be a coward (and either stay silent or say things you don't believe), or learn how to state the truth without offending. The second way works better over the long run.

QFT! And on topic to boot!

[Shao Feng-Li]

[quote="minakichan (post: 1306264)"]For centuries upon centuries, the point of bearing and raising children was to obtain a cheap source of labor. Only recently has this become so poor of a financial investment, but I think the mindset still exists, at least for some, even if it's not explicit.



Unfortunately, from a purely pragmatic standpoint, in some cases, it's in neither party's best interest to take this route. Parents are human and sometimes they just have Very Bad Ideas. Obviously, in most cases, the parents are right, but people who grow up completely obedient and unquestioning are less likely to become independent and, you know, learn to think for themselves. ex: My dad forbade me to go to church when I was a kid. If I had listened to him, I probably would still be an atheist.

I will take that verse as a part of the whole respect-all-living-things message]

Well sure. Disagreeing doesn't mean there's to be any disrespect. You said he wasn't obliged to return respect, which isn't right- but he can by all means disagree with them and not do what they want since it's rather unreasonable; that's all I meant to say.

[Dante]

Thank you very much for the responces... I've finally managed to... somewhat... clear things up and they've decided to drop as something in the past. To answer questions other noted, I call my parents every night and I would be going down just to see them normally at the end of Summer, I think I partially realize that they were implying that doing the landscaping would pay for my visiting them for food ect... O_o So I guess its a negative way to say we don't really want me to come? Or do they want me to come? Sigh... I guess I'll just ask them directly when the time comes at the end of the semester.

That stated, I have to admit that I gave in and told them that I'd do it for free, but I didn't want any money for doing it, I wanted to do it for love. After that, they seemed irked by the topic and wouldn't LET me do it. :blinks: this time though I think its a matter of pride... my mother has a way of being "my way or the hiway to heck." sort of attitude on these topics. So I guess this should be expected.