What jokes do you consider favorites? Or at least amusing enough to post for us all to enjoy?
To start, here's one that I like:
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.
He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. He yelled with surprising forcefulness "Who stole my horse?"
No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town. he bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"
The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"
Favorite jokes
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Favorite jokes
The cake used to be a lie like you, but then it took a portal to the deception core.
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Kaligraphic - Posts: 2002
- Joined: Wed Jul 21, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: The catbox of DOOM!
A doughnut shop owner wanted to take a vacation but he needed someone to run his shop for him. After about a week without any luck the shop owner was willing to take anybody he could get. He saw a hobo wandering in font of his shops door, dragged him in and convinced him to run the shop. "Alright. Let's practice so you know what to do." said the shop keeper. "I'll be the customer."
Owner: Hi! How much are your doughnuts?
Hobo: I dunno.
Owner: No, you're supposed to say "One for a nickle, two for a dime." next question. Are they fresh?
Hobo: I dunno.
Owner: No, you're supposed to say "Yeeeaah reeeaal fresh!" next question. Should I buy one?
Hobo: Uh...
Owner: Lemme just stop you there. You're supposed to say "Take a shot at it!" Next question. Are you sure I should buy one?
Hobo: Nope.
Owner: The correct answer would be "If you don't, somebody else will!"
So the owner says the hobo is ready, packs up and drives off. Four ours later a gang of robbers burst in. The leader points his gun at the hobo and says "Give us all your money!"
Hobo: One fore a nickle, two for a dime.
Robber: Are you being fresh with me?
Hobo: Yeeeaah reeeaal fresh!
Robber: I'm gonna shoot you if you don't shut up!
Hobo: Take a shot at it!
Robber: I really am going to shoot you!
Hobo: If you don't, somebody else will!
Owner: Hi! How much are your doughnuts?
Hobo: I dunno.
Owner: No, you're supposed to say "One for a nickle, two for a dime." next question. Are they fresh?
Hobo: I dunno.
Owner: No, you're supposed to say "Yeeeaah reeeaal fresh!" next question. Should I buy one?
Hobo: Uh...
Owner: Lemme just stop you there. You're supposed to say "Take a shot at it!" Next question. Are you sure I should buy one?
Hobo: Nope.
Owner: The correct answer would be "If you don't, somebody else will!"
So the owner says the hobo is ready, packs up and drives off. Four ours later a gang of robbers burst in. The leader points his gun at the hobo and says "Give us all your money!"
Hobo: One fore a nickle, two for a dime.
Robber: Are you being fresh with me?
Hobo: Yeeeaah reeeaal fresh!
Robber: I'm gonna shoot you if you don't shut up!
Hobo: Take a shot at it!
Robber: I really am going to shoot you!
Hobo: If you don't, somebody else will!
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Robin Firedrake - Posts: 569
- Joined: Tue Oct 28, 2008 5:42 pm
- Location: Greater Llewellynlland
A Harry Potter joke for everyone!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
You know...
You Know Who?
YES! Avada Kedavra!
XD XD XD
Knock Knock
Who's there?
You know...
You Know Who?
YES! Avada Kedavra!
XD XD XD
"They do exist, the places you can live renewed." -Nobuta wo Produce
[align=left]
[align=center]思い出せば遙か遙か 未来はどこまでも輝いてた きれいな青空の下で 僕らは少しだけ怯えていた
[align=left]
[align=center]思い出せば遙か遙か 未来はどこまでも輝いてた きれいな青空の下で 僕らは少しだけ怯えていた
[/align]
[/align]
[size=75]
[/SIZE]
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FukuokaGirl - Posts: 246
- Joined: Thu Jun 12, 2008 6:49 am
- Location: Sohma House
Two guys walk in to a bar. The third one ducks.
"I do not feel obliged to believe that that same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forego their use." - Galileo Galilei
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Etoh*the*Greato - Posts: 2618
- Joined: Tue Feb 20, 2007 12:46 pm
- Location: Missouri
Etoh*the*Greato (post: 1296601) wrote:Two guys walk in to a bar. The third one ducks.
Oh, man! You beat me to it. =( Oh, well! It made me laugh. =D
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve.
And the first thing He said to them was: "Don't."
"Don't what?" Adam asked.
"Don't eat the Forbidden Fruit." God replied.
"Forbidden fruit? We got Forbidden Fruit?
"Hey, Eve..we got Forbidden Fruit!"
"No way!"
"Where?"
"Don't eat that fruit!" said God.
"Why?"
"Because I am your Creator and I said so!" said God,
wondering why he hadn't stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry.
"Didn't I tell you not to eat that fruit?" the 'First Parent' asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?"
"I dunno," Eve answered.
"She started it!" Adam said.
"Did not!"
"DID so!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them,
God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own...
[color="Lime"]I[/color] ♥ [color="Lime"]You People![/color]
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Smile:) - Posts: 316
- Joined: Thu Nov 02, 2006 8:33 am
- Location: In wonderland having tea with the Mad Hatter, and the March Hare. It's our unbirthdays!
[font="Trebuchet MS"][SIZE="4"][color="RoyalBlue"]John went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a very secluded, rural area of Georgia.
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV the old man shouted ...
"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!"[/color][/SIZE][/font]
After spending a great evening chatting the night away, John's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. However, John noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "Are these plates clean?"
His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get them. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"
For lunch the old man made hamburgers. Again, John was concerned about the plates as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg and asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"
Without looking up the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret, I don't want to hear another word about it!"
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV the old man shouted ...
"COLDWATER, GO LAY DOWN!"[/color][/SIZE][/font]
Joshua: Hebrew -The LORD is Salvation
Check out my new anime review blog, "The Cajun Samurai"
http://thecajunsamurai.wordpress.com/
" wrote:RustyClaymore 11:27 - Ah yes, Socks is the single raindrop responsible for the flood. XD
Check out my new anime review blog, "The Cajun Samurai"
http://thecajunsamurai.wordpress.com/
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KhakiBlueSocks - Posts: 2675
- Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2005 8:32 pm
- Location: Louisiana
When is a door not a door? When it is a-jar.
This a joke my Precalculus teacher said.
A student in the class asks, "Have you been on the TV recently because I thought I saw you?"
Teacher replies, "Sure, but my wife yells at me to get down. And it sure is hard to get on top of those flatscreens." (This stuff was actually said in real conversation.)
Mitch Hedberg jokes.
When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself.
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufranes, party of two. Dufranes, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufranes, party of two, Dufranes, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes
I went to the store to buy a candle holder, but they didn't have one so i bought a cake.
People either loved us or they hated us, or they thought we were OK.
You know, you can't please all the people all the time, and last night, all those people were at my show.
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
When I grow up, I wanna be a racecar passenger! You know to annoy them alot. Mess with there radios. Say, "Why are you going in circles?" "Why do you always turn left?" "Why don't you slow down?!" "Man, you sure love Tide!"
This a joke my Precalculus teacher said.
A student in the class asks, "Have you been on the TV recently because I thought I saw you?"
Teacher replies, "Sure, but my wife yells at me to get down. And it sure is hard to get on top of those flatscreens." (This stuff was actually said in real conversation.)
Mitch Hedberg jokes.
When you buy a box of Ritz crackers, on the back of the box, they have all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. "Try it with turkey and cheese. Try it with peanut butter." But I like crackers man, that's why I bought it, 'cause I like crackers! I don't see a suggestion to put a Ritz on top of a Ritz. I didn't buy them because they're little edible plates! You've got no faith in the product itself.
When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufranes, party of two. Dufranes, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufranes, party of two, Dufranes, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing! You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry. That's a double whammy. Bush, search party of three, you can eat when you find the Dufranes
I went to the store to buy a candle holder, but they didn't have one so i bought a cake.
People either loved us or they hated us, or they thought we were OK.
You know, you can't please all the people all the time, and last night, all those people were at my show.
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
When I grow up, I wanna be a racecar passenger! You know to annoy them alot. Mess with there radios. Say, "Why are you going in circles?" "Why do you always turn left?" "Why don't you slow down?!" "Man, you sure love Tide!"
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ADXC - Posts: 2569
- Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:21 pm
- Location: ???
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Shao Feng-Li - Posts: 5187
- Joined: Sun Oct 12, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: Idaho
D:
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A♭m!
(...If you didn't get that, A flat minor)
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A♭m!
(...If you didn't get that, A flat minor)
"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
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PrincessZelda - Posts: 1855
- Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: New Mexico
What do you get when you put an elephant and a rhinosaurus together?
.
..
...
....
.....
ELEPHINO xD
(My freshman math teacher told us that XD)
.
..
...
....
.....
ELEPHINO xD
(My freshman math teacher told us that XD)
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Tsukuyomi - Posts: 8222
- Joined: Mon Aug 09, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: I am a figment of your imagination... I live only in your dreams... I haunt you ~(O_O)~
How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go off and on at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light bulb is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring a bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review the church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.
Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go off and on at predestined times.
Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light bulb is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring a bulb of your choice and a covered dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review the church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
CAA's Resident Starcraft Expert
goldenspines wrote:Its only stealing if you don't get caught.
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Peanut - Posts: 2432
- Joined: Sun Aug 29, 2004 5:39 pm
- Location: Definitely not behind you
Why did the white man hate the black man?
Because he was black.
If I must explain myself, I believe that racism is the worst, most tasteless and absurd joke in history. It's a non sequitur, a joke so bad that all you can do is laugh at it. In fact, probably the only worse joke than that is "socially conscious" people who insist upon walking on eggshells and would call me insensetive if I said something like this in front of them.
If you are one of those people, I sincerely apologize.
*snicker*
And now for something completely different:
Pyramid Head walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" . . . There were no survivors.
Because he was black.
If I must explain myself, I believe that racism is the worst, most tasteless and absurd joke in history. It's a non sequitur, a joke so bad that all you can do is laugh at it. In fact, probably the only worse joke than that is "socially conscious" people who insist upon walking on eggshells and would call me insensetive if I said something like this in front of them.
If you are one of those people, I sincerely apologize.
*snicker*
And now for something completely different:
Pyramid Head walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Why the long face?" . . . There were no survivors.
If this post seems too utterly absurd or ridiculous to be taken seriously, don't.
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Htom Sirveaux - Posts: 2429
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- Location: Camp Hill, PA
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ShiroiHikari - Posts: 7564
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- Location: Somewhere between 1983 and 1989
Kali, I totally LOL'd at that. Bwahahahahahaha.
My Websites:
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Join MOES today - Plant a SIG for your tomorrow!
Follow me on Twitter! http://twitter.com/caamithrandir
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My Final Fantasy VII Walkthrough (FF7 Walkthrough)
My Final Fantasy VIII Walkthrough (FF8 Walkthrough)
My Final Fantasy IX Walkthrough (FF9 Walkthrough)
My Final Fantasy X Walkthrough (FFX Walkthrough)
Join MOES today - Plant a SIG for your tomorrow!
Follow me on Twitter! http://twitter.com/caamithrandir
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Mithrandir - Posts: 11071
- Joined: Fri Jun 27, 2003 12:00 pm
- Location: You will be baked. And then there will be cake.
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life was, of course, 'perfect'.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a SUV) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling **.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a accident.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a SUV) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling **.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a accident.
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Azier the Swordsman - Posts: 3109
- Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Earth
Two scientists were talking to God. One said, "We can make humans now, so we don't need you anymore."
God said, [color="Red"]"Okay then, let's have a man-making contest. We'll do it just like I did in Genesis."[/color]
So God got a clump of dirt and so did the scientists.
God said[color="Red"]"Oh no, you get your own dirt!"[/color]
I'll post more later, I got lots!
God said, [color="Red"]"Okay then, let's have a man-making contest. We'll do it just like I did in Genesis."[/color]
So God got a clump of dirt and so did the scientists.
God said[color="Red"]"Oh no, you get your own dirt!"[/color]
I'll post more later, I got lots!
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I appointed you to be a prophet of all nations."
--Jeremiah 1:5
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook
I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.
click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
--Jeremiah 1:5
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook
I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.
click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
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rocklobster - Posts: 8903
- Joined: Mon Dec 20, 2004 1:27 pm
- Location: Planet Claire
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
PrincessZelda (post: 1296649) wrote:D:
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A♭]
rofl! Ok, thats funny to me because I'm a pianist... XDAzier the Swordsman (post: 1297305) wrote:So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a accident.
"Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!" - Psalm 31:24
"MOES: Sig. Or sig not. There is no scroll."
My Fanfiction.net account
My DA account
My MAL
"An XD a post will keep humor at its most." - Goldenspines <3
"MOES: Sig. Or sig not. There is no scroll."
My Fanfiction.net account
My DA account
My MAL
"An XD a post will keep humor at its most." - Goldenspines <3
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Fantasy Dreamer - Posts: 1078
- Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2004 10:31 am
- Location: Behind You!
Mr. SmartyPants (post: 1297320) wrote:Fish, your joke was tasteless and sexist...
Just the way I like it. XD
Fish? lol
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Azier the Swordsman - Posts: 3109
- Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Earth
Azier the Swordsman (post: 1297305) wrote:So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a accident.
That reminds me of a joke...
I can't believe I'm telling this.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
BECAUSE SHE'S A WOMAN!
"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
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PrincessZelda - Posts: 1855
- Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: New Mexico
PrincessZelda (post: 1297339) wrote:That reminds me of a joke...
I can't believe I'm telling this.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
BECAUSE SHE'S A WOMAN!
SEXIST JOKE THREAD GO!!!
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Azier the Swordsman - Posts: 3109
- Joined: Sat Oct 11, 2003 10:00 am
- Location: Earth
Azier the Swordsman (post: 1297338) wrote:Fish? lol
XD I seriously just scrolled up and then back down this thread looking for Fish's post
"If you are allergic to a thing, it is best not to put that thing in your mouth, particularly if the thing is cats."
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PrincessZelda - Posts: 1855
- Joined: Sat Jul 10, 2004 10:00 am
- Location: New Mexico
A man came up to me and said "HEY! I haven't had ANYTHING TO EAT in THREE DAYS!" so [color="Red"]I BIT HIM![/color]
"To be a good listener, you must acquire a musical culture...you must be familiar with the history and development of music, you must listen...to receive music you have to open your ears and wait for the music, you must believe that it is something you need ...to listen is an effort, and just to hear has no merit. A duck hears also." - Igor Stravinsky
Are you hurting? Struggling with something? Need an ear? Check out The Hopeline! https://www.thehopeline.com/CSDefault.aspx
The Blog! http://kagayakiwashi.livejournal.com/
Are you hurting? Struggling with something? Need an ear? Check out The Hopeline! https://www.thehopeline.com/CSDefault.aspx
The Blog! http://kagayakiwashi.livejournal.com/
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KagayakiWashi - Posts: 800
- Joined: Sun Apr 20, 2008 8:04 pm
- Location: Constantly chasing the dragonfly of love....or something like that
PrincessZelda (post: 1297339) wrote:That reminds me of a joke...
I can't believe I'm telling this.
Why couldn't Helen Keller drive?
BECAUSE SHE'S A WOMAN!
Azier the Swordsman (post: 1297340) wrote:SEXIST JOKE THREAD GO!!!
Ok guys, you have forced me to do this.
How many feminists does it take change a light bulb?
No one knows because feminists can't change anything.
As for the always looked down upon Helen Keller jokes...
What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her when she did wrong?
They rearranged the furniture.
How can you confuse Helen Keller?
Ask her to read a basketball.
And one more offensive joke and I am banned.
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
She left her Head & Shoulders on the dashboard.
Good bye forever people! *ADXC has left the building of the CAA forum*
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ADXC - Posts: 2569
- Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2007 9:21 pm
- Location: ???
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!
XD I seriously can't believe I laughed at that one when it was told at church the other night, lol, but it got me good for whatever reason O.o
Fsh!
XD I seriously can't believe I laughed at that one when it was told at church the other night, lol, but it got me good for whatever reason O.o
[font="Lucida Console"][align=center]“The [color="Magenta"]best[/color] kind of [color="Magenta"]friend[/color] is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.â€
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christianfriend - Posts: 1251
- Joined: Wed Aug 04, 2004 12:54 pm
- Location: In The Dining Room.. With The Candlestick!
Two math professors are sitting in a pub.
"Isn't it disgusting", the first one complains, "how little the general public knows about mathematics?"
"Well", his colleague replies, "you're perhaps a bit too pessimistic."
"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the washroom now."
He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the pretty, blonde waitress to come over.
"When my friend comes back, I'll wave you over to our table, and I'll ask you a question. I would like you to answer: x to the third over three. Can you do that?"
"Sure." The girl giggles and repeats several times: "x to the third over three, x to the third over three, x to the third over three..."
When the first professor comes back from the washroom, his colleague says: "I still think, you're way too pessimistic. I'm sure the waitress knows a lot more about mathematics than you imagine."
He makes her come over and asks her: "Can you tell us what the integral of x squared is?"
She replies: "x to the third over three."
The other professor's mouth drops wide open, and his colleague grins smugly when the waitress adds: "...plus C."
"Isn't it disgusting", the first one complains, "how little the general public knows about mathematics?"
"Well", his colleague replies, "you're perhaps a bit too pessimistic."
"I don't think so", the first one replies. "And anyhow, I have to go to the washroom now."
He goes off, and the other professor decides to use this opportunity to play a prank on his colleague. He makes a sign to the pretty, blonde waitress to come over.
"When my friend comes back, I'll wave you over to our table, and I'll ask you a question. I would like you to answer: x to the third over three. Can you do that?"
"Sure." The girl giggles and repeats several times: "x to the third over three, x to the third over three, x to the third over three..."
When the first professor comes back from the washroom, his colleague says: "I still think, you're way too pessimistic. I'm sure the waitress knows a lot more about mathematics than you imagine."
He makes her come over and asks her: "Can you tell us what the integral of x squared is?"
She replies: "x to the third over three."
The other professor's mouth drops wide open, and his colleague grins smugly when the waitress adds: "...plus C."
Ezekiel 23:20
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Nate - Posts: 10725
- Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 12:00 pm
- Location: Oh right, like anyone actually cares.
Ricky walks into a bar on the second story of a building when he sees a burly man seated next to him. He and the burly man have a conversation.
"You know, the wind conditions are so good, I can practically jump out that window without touching the ground." the burly man says.
"Really?" Ricky asks.
The burly man nods and jumps out, flies around for a few seconds, then leaps back in.
Ricky gets to thinking he could probably do it too. He jumps out and falls right to the ground.
The bartender looks at the burly man and says "Superman, you can be really mean when you're drunk!"
"You know, the wind conditions are so good, I can practically jump out that window without touching the ground." the burly man says.
"Really?" Ricky asks.
The burly man nods and jumps out, flies around for a few seconds, then leaps back in.
Ricky gets to thinking he could probably do it too. He jumps out and falls right to the ground.
The bartender looks at the burly man and says "Superman, you can be really mean when you're drunk!"
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you. I appointed you to be a prophet of all nations."
--Jeremiah 1:5
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook
I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.
click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
--Jeremiah 1:5
Hit me up on social media!
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100007205508246<--Facebook
I'm also on Amino as Radical Edward, and on Reddit as Rocklobster as well.
click here for my playlist!
my last fm profile!
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rocklobster - Posts: 8903
- Joined: Mon Dec 20, 2004 1:27 pm
- Location: Planet Claire
Nate (post: 1298609) wrote:The other professor's mouth drops wide open, and his colleague grins smugly when the waitress adds: "...plus C."
You don't know how many times I have gotten points knocked off my homework for forgetting to add +C to my general anti-derivatives.
"A huge bridge collapsed, and the consultant engineer who designed it was arrested and charged with professional incompetence. At his trial he blamed everything and everybody except himself. He blamed the materials, he blamed the workmen and he blamed the supervisors. He even blamed the mathematicians who had produced the tables on which he had based his calculations. He said they were so ignorant that they spelled cos with an `h'."
Where an Eidolon, named night, on a black throne reigns upright.
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ich1990 - Posts: 1546
- Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2007 2:01 pm
- Location: The Land of Sona-Nyl
Azier the Swordsman (post: 1297338) wrote:Fish? lol
lol sorry. For some reason I thought Fish posted that. XD
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Mr. SmartyPants - Posts: 12541
- Joined: Sat Aug 21, 2004 9:00 am
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