My mom makes me angry...

[animechica]

(this is a rant, so if you don't want to read a lot of whining and complaining... yeah, go somewhere else, lol)

Okay, soo.. basically my personality and my mom's just don't mix. She is the kind of person who spends hours hand-weeding the yard to get rid of the "ugly dandelions" whereas I think they're beautiful and love seeing them all in bloom. She works her butt off raking leaves, picking up sticks, etc., feels like everyone in town is secretly sneering at us for our "ugly" yard (because we have stuff lying around.. so what?) and she can't STAND clutter in the house. Our house is nearly ALWAYS a mess and I don't exactly like it but it's comfortable, you know?

My dad is a mechanic and he comes home from work in his blue Postal Service uniform, a lot of the times greasy and dirty. Once she remarked how nice he looked in some dressy outfit he was wearing (IIRC a polo or something) and I said "I like him better in his work clothes." She proceeded to pretty much beat my opinion into the ground like "NO I HATE THAT" and it almost made me cry because that's a familiar side of my dad that I love.

Another really annoying thing about my mom is that she's REALLY strict about time. She freaks out about being late and she, despite being pretty cool as far as dating restrictions go (Don't stay at a house where there are no parents/responsible adults, don't close the door when you're in your room together, no inappropriate touching) she's HORRIBLE about "curfew."

Tonight she chewed me out because my boyfriend went home at 10:40 instead of 10:30. She was like "He has to be OUT OF THE HOUSE BEFORE 10:30, not AT 10:30 or AFTER 10:30. I can't believe you are so irresponsible and I can't believe he's so irresponsible, it makes me VERY ANGRY. If you keep this up he's going to have to leave earlier! It's very inconsiderate of other people..." blah blah blah x_x And her reasoning that it's inconsiderate of others is that she wants to go to bed. However, it's not US that's keeping her up, it's what she's doing, like making my dad's lunches.

I mean, she gets SO angry over this little stuff. She went to BJU (which is known for its super strict standards on... well, EVERYTHING) and decided to insult me by saying "You wouldn't last a day at Bob Jones" or something to that degree. I was like "I wouldn't want to." ><

I don't know... She's a cool person but she gets in these moods and just goes crazy about nothing. I have a suspicion that for some reason, she either doesn't like my boyfriend (which is probably more out of ignorance if so, because he's a very sweet guy but doesn't open up to a lot of people) or is jealous of me. One time, when my parents were making me stay home and do some really frustrating ACT-prep stuff that only served to stress me out, I sobbed in front of the computer because I had just gotten out of school and wanted to see my boyfriend, who is my best friend and now really my only very close friend. My mom was like "Don't even complain.. you have more at your age than I ever had" really resentfully.

...gahh.. I just had to get that off my chest.
My mom has been really good to me in some aspects, like encouraging me to be artistic and stuff... but she's so mean to me sometimes and it hurts...

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Your mom seems to be rather J... I'm going to guess she's an ESFJ... (Extroverted, Uses sense to gather information as opposed to thinking abstractly, acts on feeling rather than thought/rationality, and is more self-thought-centered and thinks in terms of black and white)
http://www.personalitypage.com/ESFJ.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensing#The_four_dichotomies

Depending on your adaptability, I'd say that the best thing to do is to simply learn to cope and positively adapt to your environment. If many attempts to calmly rationally speak to her one-on-one have ended with failure, then there may simply be inability for meeting a middle ground.

If that's the case, you got some options. Move out (which I recommend against XD), try to be sneaky, or just deal with it. If you can learn about her personality well enough, I think that it's very possible for you to know what her thought processes and underlying motives are, which could potentially prevent any future drama.

[Robin Firedrake]

Wow! This sounds almost EXACTLY like my mom! And Smarty, you can't talk to my mom about her problems. She'll yell at you. This probably goes the same way.

[animechica]

Your mom seems to be rather J... I'm going to guess she's an ESFJ... (Extroverted, Uses sense to gather information as opposed to thinking abstractly, acts on feeling rather than thought/rationality, and is more self-thought-centered and thinks in terms of black and white)
http://www.personalitypage.com/ESFJ.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensing#The_four_dichotomies

Ah... I believe I'm a ISFP type (the one they call "The Artist"). I guess I could be wrong, but when I read through it, that one sounded nearly exactly like me (and I *am* an artist, haha).

http://www.personalitypage.com/portraits.html
^ where I got my info

Wow! This
sounds almost EXACTLY like my mom! And Smarty, you can't talk to my mom about her problems. She'll yell at you. This probably goes the same way.

Yeah, my mom is the kind of person who will argue with you if you accuse her of doing something wrong, and it usually ends in some kind of a "I'm right because I'm older and more experienced than you."

And sometimes, if I say something, she will immediately contradict me like "No it isn't." or something to that effect, and if I try to defend my statement she tells me to quit arguing with her, when in reality it was she who started arguing with ME! ;____;

[Robin Firedrake]

Doncha just hate it when that happens? Now she's mad at me because I sa down at the computer when she got home from something. She's accused me of trying my hardest to avoid her when in reality it was pure coincidince T~T

[Roz]

I'm sorry you're having a hard time.

Okay, soo.. basically my personality and my mom's just don't mix. She is the kind of person who spends hours hand-weeding the yard to get rid of the "ugly dandelions" whereas I think they're beautiful and love seeing them all in bloom. She works her butt off raking leaves, picking up sticks, etc., feels like everyone in town is secretly sneering at us for our "ugly" yard (because we have stuff lying around.. so what?) and she can't STAND clutter in the house. Our house is nearly ALWAYS a mess and I don't exactly like it but it's comfortable, you know?

I know someone sorta like that. I think it's like they have their own little space that they can call their own and keeping it up is very important to them. Like, it's one of the few areas that they are able to control so they try to do it sometimes in an overboard fashion. That may be why she gets so upset about times and rules too. It may scare her if she thinks she doesn't have a lot of say so about when your boy-friend comes and goes and what y'all do together.

And sometimes, if I say something, she will immediately contradict me like "No it isn't." or something to that effect, and if I try to defend my statement she tells me to quit arguing with her, when in reality it was she who started arguing with ME! ;____;

Sometimes when I'm having a hard time communicating with a person and I feel myself getting really mad, I go to a quiet place for a while to calm down and get my thoughts straight, then I write them a note telling them what I was trying to say and give it to them and ask them to read it and to please respond with a note also. That way they have to take the time to write it down too so we hopefully get across what we were trying to say to each other and don't just argue for the sake of arguing.

I'm glad you think she's cool in several ways, that's awesome.

I'll pray for you guys.

Roz

[xblack_x_rosesx]

=[

Oye vey.
My moms really the exact opposite.
But my best friends parents are exactly like that, and since I spend a lot of time at their place I know what your talking about =\

Oye vey. I dunno... just... stand up to her? Tell her off? Or something.
It kinda seems like your getting pushed around. I imagine it'd be hard to stand up for yourself, because she IS resonable, and she IS being fair, she's just being harsh, so it might come off that you're being ungrateful, when in reality your just expressing how your feelings are getting hurt?

I dunt know. That does blow =\

[Radical Dreamer]

While I understand your frustrations, I think it'd be best to try to look at the situation from your mother's point of view, as well. I imagine that she has your best interest in mind when she makes rules like these, and after all, it's better to have a mother that cares for you enough to make tight rules than one who doesn't care for your well-being. Just looking in from a different perspective.

[Robin Firedrake]

^Answer me this: Is it reasonable to be so protective that I'm not allowed to be friends (ORDINARY friends) with many of the people at my church? I don't think so. I'm thirteen and have only ever had one friend at a time.

[Radical Dreamer]

^Answer me this: Is it reasonable to be so protective that I'm not allowed to be friends (ORDINARY friends) with many of the people at my church? I don't think so. I'm thirteen and have only ever had one friend at a time.

It's true that there can sometimes be a fine line between making good rules and being over-protective, but that's still no excuse to disrespect any parent or not make an effort to straighten things out between your parents and you. Just suggesting that the situation be looked at from more than one perspective, that's all.

[ShiroiHikari]

While I understand your frustrations, I think it'd be best to try to look at the situation from your mother's point of view, as well. I imagine that she has your best interest in mind when she makes rules like these, and after all, it's better to have a mother that cares for you enough to make tight rules than one who doesn't care for your well-being. Just looking in from a different perspective.

I agree with Corrie. Honestly, when a parent says 10:30, that's what they mean, and it's usually for a good reason (though admittedly it sometimes isn't-- adults aren't perfect just 'cuz they're older). Heck, 10:30 seems pretty reasonable to me-- a lot of other parents I've known set their kids' curfews a lot earlier than that.

I know it's hard being a teenager, and I'm not necessarily taking sides with your mom, but I wanted to try to provide a little bit of perspective as well. :]

[xblack_x_rosesx]

I agree with Corrie. Honestly, when a parent says 10:30, that's what they mean, and it's usually for a good reason (though admittedly it sometimes isn't-- adults aren't perfect just 'cuz they're older). Heck, 10:30 seems pretty reasonable to me-- a lot of other parents I've known set their kids' curfews a lot earlier than that.

I know it's hard being a teenager, and I'm not necessarily taking sides with your mom, but I wanted to try to provide a little bit of perspective as well. :]

I agree with the whole respecting parents and stuff.
But, if this info is correct, Sapphi is, like... 18.

18. If shes 18 her parents should respect her as an adult?
I dunno, thats just what my parents have pretty much outlined to me. When I turn 18, I'm allowed to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever I want- and they just need to trust that they taught me to make mature decisions.
Until then, we just debate rules and find a medium that makes us happy (ex. I want to go to a party and stay overnight, but because there are no parents there, they say I need to be home by three, but they'll pick me up. etc.etc).

BUT, on the flip side, I suppose as long as you're living with your parents you DO need to respect their rules.

-shrugs- I dunno. 18 just seems like you should be able to do what you want, and it's weird that you'd still have a "bedtime". =\ I hope it all works out though.

[LadyRushia]

Turning 18 doesn't magically change you into a responsible adult. If your parents don't have confidence in your maturity, they're not going to change their views until you prove you're mature. Maturity and responsibility have nothing to do with age (this paragraph isn't directed at anyone in particular, by the way).

So if you can't follow your mom's rules now, even if you think they're ridiculous, then that only proves to her that you can't handle her being more lenient and she won't relax them.

[Robin Firedrake]

It's true that there can sometimes be a fine line between making good rules and being over-protective, but that's still no excuse to disrespect any parent or not make an effort to straighten things out between your parents and you. Just suggesting that the situation be looked at from more than one perspective, that's all.

I'm not saying I disrespect her. And I'm certainly not saying I haven't tried to straighten things out (I don't try anymore because she just starts yelling and everyone in the house has a bad time afterward because she stays in a bad mood) I'm just saying I don't like being treated like a five year old.

[ich1990]

Turning 18 doesn't magically change you into a responsible adult. If your parents don't have confidence in your maturity, they're not going to change their views until you prove you're mature. Maturity and responsibility have nothing to do with age (this paragraph isn't directed at anyone in particular, by the way).

So if you can't follow your mom's rules now, even if you think they're ridiculous, then that only proves to her that you can't handle her being more lenient and she won't relax them.

I agree.

A lot of parents set up 18 as being the magic date on which they go from totally dictating your entire life to having no control whatsoever over their child. I think this is an unfortunate and fabricated dichotomy. A much better stance would be to work on developing relationship and life philosophy rather than rules.

The fact of the matter is we, as humans, will always have to live under authority no matter how old we are. Just look at this as practice for later in life, when the rules might be harsher. In the end, I think you will find that respecting her wishes for a while is a small price to pay for familial peace.

Also, as MSP pointed out, it might be wise to read up on your mom's personality type; it might shed some light on why she does what she does. That way you can understand her even if you don't agree with her.

I hope my advice doesn't sound "high and mighty". This is just my experience and nothing more.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

Look, not trying to belittle you. I understand the disagreements, but, yeah, I am gonna point out that you're 18. teen age girls and mothers NEVER get a long. EVER. It's a rule. They just have to fight.

[Robin Firedrake]

Wadda bout teenage guys that try to get along with their mothers but fail at every turn?

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Turning 18 doesn't magically change you into a responsible adult. If your parents don't have confidence in your maturity, they're not going to change their views until you prove you're mature. Maturity and responsibility have nothing to do with age (this paragraph isn't directed at anyone in particular, by the way).

So if you can't follow your mom's rules now, even if you think they're ridiculous, then that only proves to her that you can't handle her being more lenient and she won't relax them.

I'm not disagreeing.
Just speculating.

-shrugs-
Then again, I don't know ANYONE who is 18 and still lives at home. Apart from my boyfriend, who just turned 18, and he pays rent. He's never at home anyway because he works 12 hour days. All my 18+ friends definetely have their own places, and I even know a couple of 16, 17 year olds who have moved out already.
My parents also said that if I'm living at home after I'm 18 they'd appriciate it if I payed rent.
-shrugs yet again-
I dunt know. I think if shes 18, despite it not being a "magic number" she is still mature, and deserves compromise and respect from the rents as well.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Wadda bout teenage guys that try to get along with their mothers but fail at every turn?

You're 13. I mean, you've got at least half a decade to go before you move out. Making it unpleasant is just going to make the time pass a lot slower. Swimming against the current so long is going to make you have a poor relationship with the woman.
I dunno. My parents were super strict on me when I was 13 too. It wasn't until I was like, 16, when I bought a car, got my liscence, and paid insurance that they started to ease up, because they knew if they were too strict I'd just drive off and wouldn't come back for a very long time.
You just gotta be resonable and try and work a little bit at a time.

I guess.
I'm kinda wishy washy about this stuff, cos I used to complain a heck of a lot, but I had/have it SUPER good.

[Robin Firedrake]

Meh. I just don't like not being able to say anything to her except "I liked it." or "Let me clean that for you" =/

[ShiroiHikari]

I also don't think 18 is the magic number. Most people I know were totally not ready for life as an adult at 18. I sure wasn't. Some people are, but it doesn't mean that you have to be self-sufficient immediately. Living at home after you turn 18 is not a bad thing. XD

[Stephen]

I doubt this is going to be popular, but I am locking this. I don't want to come off as rude...but why is this even here? This sort of stuff is probably best suited for a blog. Myspace, LJ, Facebook, etc. I don't want to see this turn into another "criticize parents" thread. So yeah. If anyone else has anything to add, hit the OP up with a PM or something.