Dear Diary: Silly girl, you and your love.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

It's hard for me to talk about this, mostly because I'm 17.

Which makes me feel just... plain stupid for even bringing up this subject, just because I'm not even out of high school.
I totally realize that I'm "young" and such, but bear with me.

I've been in a relationship with this guy for about a year and a half. Things are great, we've been totally committed to each other since day one, and have known each other for a while. We've never had issues of cheating, or breaking up, everything has been great. About 3 or 4 months into the relationship, he told me he loved me, and a couple weeks later I was confident in telling him I loved him.
Anyway, he's very serious about this relationship. He's had other girlfriends before me, none of which he loved. And for a while we've talked about getting married when we're 20, 21-ish. Most of my friends were very "o.o Married? Bee... he's your FIRST boyfriend." And I was like "I know, but it feels right now, so I'm not going to make it a big deal."
Which I think is right. I don't think we're going to be breaking up anytime soon, and I do see myself with him for the rest of my life, but if something happens, something happens. I'm sure it won't though.
We haven't had sex yet, me being Christian and what not, so that's for marriage as well.

Anyway, we hang out a lot. Like, a lot a lot. During the summer he practically lived at my house, as he was in between homes. He gets along with my family really well- him and my dad work in the shop together, and have BBQ's together, and go tool shopping and fishing together... I've come home many times to see him just chilling with my brother playing XBOX, or doing some kind of work with my dad, or having supper with my mom, or playing cards with my sister, which is nice, since family is a huge deal to me.
He also doesn't isolate me from my friends. He gets along really well with my best girlfriend, and my other best guy friend and him and best friends.
But we do hang out every day for... I dunno, a good couple hours at least. Every day. And when we don't see each other, I miss him.

My problem is... well..
=\
I think the sparks are gone. I mean, I love him. I'm in love with him. All of that cheesy jazz. But when I see him, I don't get butterflies, and when we're holding each other, I don't get tingly, or when we're "doing stuff" I don't get as excited.
We're best friends, I mean, I know we are.
It's expected to happen to any relationship, but I didn't think it'd happen this fast. I mean, I already feel like we're an old married couple, who discuss and manage each others finances, and take turns paying the insurance on the vehicles we own.
I try to make things exciting again- like arranging for us to go to the city to go to a fancy restaurant, and dress up in formal clothes and dance. I write him love notes like when we first started dating, I do all that lame cheesy stuff, but it doesn't work the same magic.

So... ??
I don't know what to think.
I'm 17. I feel too young to be feeling like this. It isn't that "I'm still in high school" , because it IS a serious relationship, regardless of how old I am. It's just weird.
I know it all seems very "oh, you're just a googly eyed girl with puppy love, you'll have other loves, blah blah blah" but I don't know.
We're not planning on moving in together until I'm done 2 years of University, so that's 2 and a half years from now. I'm hoping time away from each other might be key, but I do feel guilty in hoping that "we live close enough together we can see each other if we must, but hopefully life will keep us busy".
Anything I can do to fix this feeling? Or is it... 100% normal? Or am I just over analyzing stuff?

Thanks,

B.

[Nia-chan]

Sounds like ya'll overdosed XD. Anyway, it's normal in the sense that since you two seem to spend so much time together, you're going to get used to doing stuff together, and you're not going to get as excited over it. What are his thoughts?

moving in together

but I do feel guilty in hoping that "we live close enough together we can see each other if we must, but hopefully life will keep us busy".

Oh man, what's wrong with that?

[xblack_x_rosesx]

XD

[[Moving in together, not in the sense that we'd have sex or whatever, but more-so cos we're all broke. The plan was that me and my BFF (we're living in rez together during University) and my bf, and maybe another friend of ours, would all move in together and split living costs, just because it's so freaking expensive to have a place where I live that it'd be a waste for everyone to have separate places.]]

[bakura_fan]

I'd say it's normal. That happened between me and my boyfriend(now husband). You're not always gonna have that spark. That's why a lot of people get married, is because of the spark. Then when the spark goes away, they think something wrong and decide to get a divorce, or have an affair because they found the spark elsewhere. Love is something completely different. You know the other person, through their faults and sucessess. You're willing to accept them for who they are. Pray about it. I mean, you are young. But years tend to go by fast. Don't rush into anything. Micah (swordguy) and I had it kinda easy from day one. God told us we would get married someday. So we used the time to get to know each other. Now, we've been married for two years. That spark comes and goes, but just be aware that if it goes it's not a bad thing, think of it as a good thing. You're comfortable enough with this person to not be anxious, or have adrenaline pumping through your system. You can be relaxed around them. You'll know when something's not right. There will be a little gut feeling. Keep getting to know each other, things will happen in their own time.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

What you're experiencing is the most perfectly normal thing in the entire process of love. You're not getting overdosed or anything like that at all. That spark? Those sensations of butterflies? That's infatuation. Not love. Love is what comes following that. Love is a choice that you make, more than a feeling. Now that you're over that period where you get giddy around him, now is when you guys get to make all the decisions about your relationship. This is actually, in my honest opinion, the fun part.

That's not to say you won't ever feel that again. Sometimes I look at Jen and just absolutely out of nowhere my stomach leaps. I can't explain it. Still, the fact that it's going is a good sign. The whole of the country takes those opening stages of infatuation to be all there is for love, and then we wonder why the divorce rate is so high. Chemically, that sensation is supposed to burn out after 2-4 years.

But do you want to know what real love is? Let me show you. My grand parents have been married for fifty five years this july (the day after Jen and I get married in fact). Every morning my grandfather, regardless of what problems they had last night, or how wonderful the previous night was, gets up, walks out to the kitchen and greets my grandmother with "good morning, pretty lady!"

Love is a choice you consciously make. I wish you both the best!

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Psychologist Robert Sternberg coined what is called the "Triangular Theory of Love" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love)

He says that there are many types of love, depending on what three categories are met in each relationship. He argues that the best kind of love to have is Consummate Love, which encompasses Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment.

Now I hope that your "passion" only goes as far as holding hands, kissing, that stuff. Regardless, consummate love isn't something that happens so fast. I imagine it'll take years and years to develop.

Romantic butterfly feelings may come and go, but if you love someone, then you will persevere through that. Love is a choice, not a feeling. =)

[That Dude]

I think the others have said what needed to be said really well. I just want to warn you to do as it says in Song Of Songs and guard your heart. The big problem with "christian" relationships is that though they may not be crossing physical boundaries, they most certainly cross emotional boundaries. Plus in most of the incidents when christian couples have sex before marriage is when they don't guard their hearts and don't set up those emotional boundaries. I'm glad to hear that things going well and that he's all these great things. Just remember to set and keep boundaries so that when it comes to marriage it's that much sweeter because you haven't already given your whole heart away before than.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

... Thanks guys =]
That really makes me feel better. And makes a whole lot of sense. I really appriciate everyone taking me seriously and putting up with it.

Thanks so much ^^

[Prince Asbel]

Yeah... The whole spark thing going away kind of made me wonder about my family members. Yes, I love them, but I'm not all lovey-dovey with them whenever I see them. I thought, "Does that mean I don't love them?" The obvious answer is no. So obviously, that doesn't make a difference in that area.

Just thought I'd chip in my two cents.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

... Thanks guys =]
That really makes me feel better. And makes a whole lot of sense. I really appriciate everyone taking me seriously and putting up with it.

Thanks so much ^^

Jen was the first time in my life I ever had a mature love for someone despite having had several girlfriends before (We're kind of like you two in that regard), so when this started going on when I was about 20 I started flipping out. My mother and my cousin/BFFOEVA both talked to me about the stuff I just told you. Best. people. ever.

[Azier the Swordsman]

What most people in this day and age fail to understand is that it's a choice we have to make every day.

I already understand and accept that when God finally introduces me to my soulmate, if one does exist, that I'm not going to always feel butterflies, some days I may even be ticked as heck with her, we will have passionate days, we will have horrible days. Maybe we will go through a really dark period of time and it will seem as if our once "perfect" marriage is on the course of a train wreck, but I do know this.

I will choose to stay beside her always, and FIGHT to make it work. I sincerely hope she would do the same for me. That is the way true love is supposed to work.

Jesus had every reason to not care about us. We humans are selfish, insolent, greedy, proud, wicked in every inconceivable way. But yet, he FOUGHT for us to be able to enter the kingdom of heaven. And he fought brutally and endured torture that we will never know of.

He chose not to divorce us. And THAT is true love.

[That Dude]

Amen Azier!