Family or love?

[Tsukuyomi]

No no, not at all ^__^ It's understandable

Frustration is a frustrating thing <_> It's really hard to tell with this type of thing u_u

You're not trying to be other then yourself are you? I'm not trying to accuse you of do that, but there are those who try to be someone who they are not.. I'm pretty sure others can sense when others do that.

[Bobtheduck]

No no, not at all ^__^ It's understandable

Frustration is a frustrating thing <_> It's really hard to tell with this type of thing u_u

You're not trying to be other then yourself are you? I'm not trying to accuse you of do that, but there are those who try to be someone who they are not.. I'm pretty sure others can sense when others do that.

It's funny, I've had people say this to me, but "myself" can vary from time to time... I act differently when I like someone than when I am just in a room of people, ya know? I act differently online than I do when I'm out with friends. I act differently when I'm with my Family Guy and Grand Theft Auto loving friend than I do when I'm with my parents, but that's ALL me...

Everytime I have done something where I live with people for a few months (summer of Service or DTS or SMPD or staff) people say I "break out of my shell" by the end of it, but in my shell or out, it's still me. Does "me" have to be defined so narrowly. So, I believe many people may think I'm NOT acting "like me" You know, I like acting, have since I was a child (not that I'm particularly good at it) but when I wanted an acting role when I was on the program team for a camp, I was told to stop trying to be like this other guy... You know, being me means staying quiet and in the background and never doing anything big or out there...

There's a lot more to "me" than what people see when I'm uncomfortable and not sure of what to do.

[Tsukuyomi]

It's funny, I've had people say this to me, but "myself" can vary from time to time... I act differently when I like someone than when I am just in a room of people, ya know? I act differently online than I do when I'm out with friends. I act differently when I'm with my Family Guy and Grand Theft Auto loving friend than I do when I'm with my parents, but that's ALL me...

Everytime I have done something where I live with people for a few months (summer of Service or DTS or SMPD or staff) people say I "break out of my shell" by the end of it, but in my shell or out, it's still me. Does "me" have to be defined so narrowly. So, I believe many people may think I'm NOT acting "like me" You know, I like acting, have since I was a child (not that I'm particularly good at it) but when I wanted an acting role when I was on the program team for a camp, I was told to stop trying to be like this other guy... You know, being me means staying quiet and in the background and never doing anything big or out there...

There's a lot more to "me" than what people see when I'm uncomfortable and not sure of what to do.

That's understandable. There's many sides to me as well, but they are all me ^_^ What I meant was not to be a totally different person. It'll be better for the both of you ^__^

[Chrysolite]

I agree that there are certain things about romance that do (or at least should) apply to everyone. Things such as: don't date until you're wise enough to understand what a romantic relationship entails, only date a person who shares your fundamental beliefs (but not your gender), and don't marry someone until you know them well enough to be sure that you can spend the rest of your life with them (in other words, pretty darn well). Still, beyond such base elements, there is really quite a bit of variety in how to properly handle relationships. Saying "girls like being pursued" is kind of like saying "Girls like flowers." It's definitely not untrue, and for perhaps over 90% of girls, it might very well be true, but because all people are uniquely created, such generalities (while not unreasonable) simply do not apply to everyone. And that's without even scratching the surface of tree-branch details like whether she likes certain things from certain people and not others because of yada yada yada, the list goes on.

I think the overall key to this is to know the person before you start dating them. Even if you sense a mutual attraction, stay friends long enough to know what kind of things they like and dislike so that if and when you actually start dating, there will already be a foundation for your relationship, and it will therefore be much stronger in the long run. My little sister who is wise far beyond her years holds to her position that she will not start dating anyone until she is reasonably sure that that person is the one she will marry. "Dating is for marriage." she says, "It's not a game." and she's disgusted by people who act like it is. And I kid you not, she has a variety of nice guy friends at church who are aware of and respect her standing, though I'm sure at least some of them are interested in her. She loves hanging out with her friends and is sensitive of their feelings, but she is sold on doing what God wants her to do, and she pours her whole heart into it, working and practicing whenever she can. She is my role model in this area. I don't necessarily think you need to be 100% ready for marriage before you even ask someone out, but the fundamental relationship should absolutely be there! As for how long you should let it blossom before you start thinking about dating/marriage, that depends of the couple and their situation, but I think the longer you wait, the better (within reason, of course). Personally, I wouldn't want to date a guy I'd known for less than 2 years, even if I was attracted to him. In many girl's minds, including mine, the thinking is, "If I'm worth dating for, I'm worth waiting for." Pardon the pun.

Being a bit of an oddball myself, I certainly can't speak for the female population, but my advice to guys is this: First, know your girl before you even try to make her 'your girl.' She may be totally wrong for you, and it's best to figure that out before broadcasting to the world that you're no longer available. Second, remember that women (in general) think in much smaller terms in much larger quantities than men. I think that the most dreaded phrase from a girl for most guys is, "We can still be friends." Don't be so devastated by this! Of course it depends on the girl, but just because she's not ready for a relationship doesn't mean there's no hope for you in the future. The one time I was ever asked out by a guy I turned him down, not because I didn't like him (in all honesty, he was probably pretty much my type) but because I flat-out wasn't ready for a relationship. He could've been Mr. Wonderful come to sweep me off my feet, and I would've responded the same. I didn't understand romantic love enough to even attempt it, and I'm sooo glad I was at least wise enough to recognize that. Lastly, try your best to be a prince, and only want a girl who deserves a prince. Back me up on this, girls, don't you just HATE it when some nice, sweet, one-in-a-million guy falls for some delicate, pretty thing with half a brain in her head and no beliefs and/or personality? Trust me, guys, if you succeed in becoming a true gentleman, ladies of strong character will be harder to find than to win over. Of course a lady of character isn't likely to 'fall out of the sky into your lap,' but she won't be slow in recognizing a quality man, especially since she's probably surrounded by 'typical' men, and sick to her stomach of them. Rather than spend your time looking for a woman, instead think of the type of woman you want to be with, and then try to become the type of man she would want to be with. I'm not at all suggesting that you try to become a different person, but I strongly believe that it is not 'acting' to try to change yourself for the batter for the sake of someone you love. A line in a certain Relient K song says this, "I'm on the up and up. Yeah, there's nothing left to prove. 'Cause I'm just trying to be a better version of me for you."

And of course, the bottom line of all these complexities is simply, let God run things. He's one parent whose blessing you definitely want!

[RFC]

The question "What is love?" was asked at one point. I would like to answer this question. Don't worry, my answer is quite simple. And, yet, it is so deep that you can live a hundred lifetimes and it will still amaze you.

God is love.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

The question "What is love?" was asked at one point. I would like to answer this question. Don't worry, my answer is quite simple. And, yet, it is so deep that you can live a hundred lifetimes and it will still amaze you.

God is love.

That's pretty much right, but at the same time I can't help that it can sooooort of be a cop-out (no offense to anybody XD).

But go further. Please expound. =) How do you Project the love of God to others? What is the core foundation of love? (In terms of a more human definition or attribute)

[RFC]

That's pretty much right, but at the same time I can't help that it can sooooort of be a cop-out (no offense to anybody XD).

But go further. Please expound. =) How do you Project the love of God to others? What is the core foundation of love? (In terms of a more human definition or attribute)

lol. I tried to keep my post short and to the point so as not to overwhelm, but you asked for it! (I'll still try to make this simple)
Projecting God's love toward others and the core foundation of love all begin in the same place in my mind: Following God's will. Sounds confusing, but it's not. Really!
You just do things that bring glory to God. See that teacher that always goes the extra mile for her students; staying after hours to help them and whatnot? Give her a thank you card or a smile everyday. Simple kindness is something that is in short supply these days and it makes a far larger wave than many realize. Showing God's love to others starts with seeing every person as someone created and loved by God. Don't complicate things. Doing God's will can be as big as going to another country or as simple as telling the cash register that Jesus loves them before leaving Walmart.

[ShiroiHikari]

Also, loving people doesn't always mean liking them. Loving people doesn't always mean being nicey-nicey to them all the time either. The best way to show someone the love of Christ is to treat them the way you would want to be treated, regardless of how they treat you or have treated you in the past.

Don't forget that there are several different kinds of love. The love that Christ has for us is what you'd call unconditional love and it's really difficult to do. Then there's romantic love (not the same thing as infatuation!), platonic love, brotherly love, familial love.

I feel like I just blathered on and didn't really say anything relevant. @_@ That's what I get for posting so late at night. Carry on.

[RFC]

Also, loving people doesn't always mean liking them. Loving people doesn't always mean being nicey-nicey to them all the time either. The best way to show someone the love of Christ is to treat them the way you would want to be treated, regardless of how they treat you or have treated you in the past.

Don't forget that there are several different kinds of love. The love that Christ has for us is what you'd call unconditional love and it's really difficult to do. Then there's romantic love (not the same thing as infatuation!), platonic love, brotherly love, familial love.

I feel like I just blathered on and didn't really say anything relevant. @_@ That's what I get for posting so late at night. Carry on.

Nope, you made sense Shiroi. I try to be really simplistic, but that sometimes leaves stuff out
If you really want to show God's love see every person as someone created and loved by God. If you really care, than you won't want them to get hurt. And if you don't want them to get hurt then you will be honest (example: Not letting your classmate cheat off your homework because it would only come back to bite them later during the test. And it's plain wrong. lol)
You might say that loving someone means doing what is best for them, whether it be a hug or a strong reprimand.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

Also, loving people doesn't always mean liking them. Loving people doesn't always mean being nicey-nicey to them all the time either. The best way to show someone the love of Christ is to treat them the way you would want to be treated, regardless of how they treat you or have treated you in the past.

Don't forget that there are several different kinds of love. The love that Christ has for us is what you'd call unconditional love and it's really difficult to do. Then there's romantic love (not the same thing as infatuation!), platonic love, brotherly love, familial love.

I feel like I just blathered on and didn't really say anything relevant. @_@ That's what I get for posting so late at night. Carry on.

I can't seem to see the head of this nail. You really buried it when you hit that nail on the head.

[Roxas2210]

I love all my friends (in a platonic and brotherly sence). They are some of the best people in the world. And when they are being hurt or bruised, i want to rush to their side and help them out of that situation. My mom calls it "overly compassionate". I call it being the friend i have promised myself i would be. That kind of love (i feel) goes deeper than any romantic or sexual love. You guys helped me realize something in these last few weeks that really hit the perverbial nail on the head. Love is not two sided. Its not just romantic or unconditional. Love has sooo many sides to it. You guys have helped me see that and it has helped a bunch in my life just in the past 1 or 2 weeks. Thank you all again.

[Nate]

My little sister who is wise far beyond her years holds to her position that she will not start dating anyone until she is reasonably sure that that person is the one she will marry. "Dating is for marriage." she says, "It's not a game." and she's disgusted by people who act like it is.

I disagree with the first part of this (not the second). Saying you won't date anyone until you know you'll marry someone is like if you had ten plates of food in front of you and said "I won't eat any of these until I know which one tastes the best." Well, if you don't eat a little bit of all of them, how will you know which one tastes the best?

Okay, that's not a very good analogy. I'm just hungry. But you see my point yes? How are you going to know if a person is the right one to marry until you go out with them? Now I agree dating isn't a game, and I agree that it is for marriage, and not just to have a good time.

You can say that God will lead you to the right person, but let me ask you this. How often did God immediately lead people to where He wanted them to go? Did Moses and the Israelites immediately get to the Promised Land? Nope, they wandered in the desert for forty years. Did Abraham have children in the prime of his life? Nope, he was an old man before he got the kids he desired.

God may lead you to the WRONG person too, for reasons that are solely His own. I was led to the wrong person, and at the time I was dating her, I fully intended to marry her, and was sure God had rewarded my patience for trusting in Him. But it was the wrong relationship, and God brought me into it for a reason. Now, sometimes people DO end up marrying the first person they date, and that's awesome too! It's great! But people shouldn't be so arrogant as to assume that the ONLY person they date is their future spouse, is what I'm saying. We should never claim to know more than God, and like I said, often times God takes us in the opposite direction we want to go, in order to help us grow.

The question "What is love?" was asked at one point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE2p15ZbRcE

[K. Ayato]

Amen to that, Nate!

[ShiroiHikari]

I agree. Marrying the first person you date can cause some serious problems in life, especially if you don't "believe in" divorce. If I had married the first man that I went steady with, my life would be a living hell right now.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

As for our differences in what dating is, I think it's wise to expound on our definitions of dating.

For me, you can date someone that you're not dating. "Going on a date" with somebody is NOT the same as being in a relationship with them (i.e. dating). For me, I would date somebody who I have feelings for and would like to pursue in marriage (the other must feel the same way too).

As for what love is, I'm a proponent of that love, at the very core in terms of human emotion and behavior, is selflessness. Of course, the limit of selflessness is when you start to sacrifice God in you.

[Nate]

For me, you can date someone that you're not dating. "Going on a date" with somebody is NOT the same as being in a relationship with them (i.e. dating).

Try explaining that to a girlfriend or wife. "Oh honey, I just took her out to dinner and a movie! I'm not in a relationship with them!"

Going on a date = dating. If you're not dating the person, it's not a date. If I went out to dinner with you I wouldn't say "I went on a date with Ryan."

[minakichan]

My little sister who is wise far beyond her years holds to her position that she will not start dating anyone until she is reasonably sure that that person is the one she will marry.

I don't agree with this part, but I do agree with "don't dating flippantly, date someone that you are serious enough about that you could possibly marry that person." Dating is like a trial period; if you don't like it, you don't have to keep it, you can return it =D. And then my analogy falls apart =(

But I think people can still call it "a date" without it being "dating," depending on the person. WHY ELSE IS THIS SUCH A POINT OF CONFUSION FOR SHOUJO MANGA OHOHOHOHO.

[Radical Dreamer]

Try explaining that to a girlfriend or wife. "Oh honey, I just took her out to dinner and a movie! I'm not in a relationship with her!"

Going on a date = dating.

Mmm, I think it's a bit different than that. Once you're officially in a relationship, then of course you don't "date" people at random; you'd only date the person you're in a relationship with. But going on a date with someone doesn't mean you're in any kind of relationship. I recently went "on a date" with a guy I met at school, but we were not then nor are we now (nor will we be XD) in a relationship of any kind other than "hey you're that guy I know from that group and we hung out once." So yeah, dating does not ALWAYS = in a relationship. XD

[Cognitive Gear]

[quote="Radical Dreamer (post: 1264049)"]Mmm, I think it's a bit different than that. Once you're officially in a relationship, then of course you don't "date" people at random]

Exactly. However, everyone should be careful in these kinds of situations to ensure that both parties understand what kind of a "date" it is.

Basically, I tend to break things down this way:

Dates: Two people, most notably of oppositte genders getting together to enjoy each other's company. Non romantic in nature.

Dating: Two people, most notably of oppositte genders getting together to enjoy each other's company. Depending on the parties involved, kissing and other physical interactions may be involved. Tends to have some romance.

Relationship: Essentially, exclusive dating. This brings with it a larger responsibility towards each other.

Serious Relationship: A relationship in which the goal involves the word "marriage". This could either be working towards, or it could simply be finding out if a marriage between you would work out.

Now, I do understand that a whole lot of people here would not even date if it weren't working towards marriage, and I'm not saying that you shouldn't be doing that. This is just how I tend to work in relationships, and I'm pretty flexible with it, as according to the needs of the girl.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Try explaining that to a girlfriend or wife. "Oh honey, I just took her out to dinner and a movie! I'm not in a relationship with them!"

Going on a date = dating. If you're not dating the person, it's not a date. If I went out to dinner with you I wouldn't say "I went on a date with Ryan."

XD Basically what Corrie and Phil said.

[Gabriel 9.0]

I've never been on a date with a female yet XD. But I figure going out on a date with a lady is getting to know them better, then other things later occur like a relationship develop if its God's will.

I feel its just wise to let God guide me/ and other guys to the right woman to marry, even if its after countless dates and whatnot.

[Chrysolite]

In response to Nate and minakichan about my sister, I understand what you're saying, but I didn't mean that she's not going to date until she's ready for the alter and if that relationship doesn't work out she'll adopt a bunch of cats and be an old maid all her life. (^-^) I just meant that she won't date until she knows that person well enough to know she could marry him and they would both be happy and sharpen each other for God. Plus, right now she's pursuing her calling, and she needs to be able to devote her whole heart to it, and she knows that it would be totally unfair for her to be dating someone while she's pouring her whole heart into something else. She reminds me of the song "Barlow Girl" by Superchick, in particular one line where it talks about how these girls won't date because they want to see 'how they're gonna grow, who they're gonna be.' The Bible sort of talks about this in 1 Corinthians 7, verses 25-28and 32-35

[Prince Asbel]

I think something needs to be brought up here. I think men enjoy being pursued A LOT if not as much as girls. I think if a girl I knew for a while (Who wasn't just a pretty, empty-headed numbskull) came up to me and asked me if I would be interested in pursuing a deeper relationship with me, I'm not sure I would refuse, provided it was understood that I'm not going to marry for another four years plus. It would probably thrill me to no end that a girl would be interested in me, and I might (While very unlikely) even make a mistake in judgment about the two of us.

Just thought I should mention that.

[Wind]

NO matter how you feel Roxas, homosexuality is a sin

[Fish and Chips]

So is lying.

[Roxas2210]

Indeed. LOL Fish!

[Stephen]

Well...this thread had a good run.