Family or love?

[minakichan]

OHHH OK you ARE a guy... sorry, I made some assumptions based on your writing style and Kingdom Hearts fandom and stuff, hahaha.

Actually, I think the fact that this is actually a homoromantic relationship you're talking about brings up a good point-- I think most of us couldn't even tell after reading your post and replying;nevertheless, the consensus opinion was that it was generally a bad idea and you likely don't really "know what love is yet" or whatever. It had nothing to do with the genders of any parties involved, although your mom might have seen that as an issue.

Love is a beautiful thing, but romance is a temporary bout of insanity. You can say this is true love, but tooons of people get that chest-thumping feeling and that tingle in their gut that says "THIS IS MY SOULMATE, MY ONE AND ONLY WHOM I WILL SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH" and usually, they're WRONG. It's actually kind of arrogant on your part; what, you think that in a world in which the VAST majority can't get love right, you somehow know the meaning of life and THEIR gut feelings are all wrong, but you just KNOW that what you feel is real? What are you basing that on, decades of life experience? I don't believe that age has anything to do with anything, but the reason that old people can advise you about stuff like this is that hindsight is 20/20; a lot of them (us?) went through crap like this and know how idiotic they were, and unfortunately, you are no different.

Your mom's reaction sucks, and I'm sorry for that. Again, I'm not the whole "honor thy father and mother" type, but I think you should concede-- NOT because of what your parents say (heaven forbid!) but because it's the smart thing to do-- again, gender completely aside. Your "love" will fade with time til the point you won't even believe you were in that mess in the first place.

(Also, I for one totally 200% approve of homosexuals adopting orphans. Not to be hateful, but the idea of in-vitro fertilization creating tons of embryos that just get discarded doesn't sit too well with me. If you eventually end up going that route, yeah, go make someone's life better!)

[Lochaber Axe]

First off, genuine love is the definition of a lifetime commitment. Whether it be through a marriage or being a soldier in the battlefield, once true love is made it cannot be easily abolished. Love isn't a feeling... it isn't even a choice or an action... its a lifestyle and destiny.

To love the Lord your God is to sacrifice one's lifestyle and destiny for God's Will.

When I mean "lifestyle" I'm not attacking homosexuality, but am referencing all lifestyles... straight, gay, self-serving, giving, violent, peaceful, virtuous, et cetera; lifestyles are all matter of adjectives, verbs, and nouns. Our lifestyle and destiny are formed by our choices, background, and personality and they last our entire lives... and it is at first secretly subconscious. Even though it has the suffix "style" (which is vastly fitting) we sometimes don't even know we are creating it as we go about it. Humans only become aware of their own lifestyle after it matures enough to become obvious. That is when the despair or joy comes to the full front. The questions of why and the agony of knowing the failure are the inevitable consequences of bad choices and bad lifestyles.

That is why God's Laws are as they are... one it is a testament of what God's standards are, so we can't blame anyone but ourselves if we deny even attempting them. That is the main point of law (which opinion is of course debatable). Secondly, God knows where all decisions and actions lead to since there is theologically only two paths these decisions go. The law and the Holy Spirit is there to implore people to choose the path that follows the law and thus to God. God will not force a man to a decision unless it is an incredibly rare time of necessity. That is why there is the foundation of the law and the nudge of the Spirit... to insure that man keeps his free will but also guiding him to God's love and intimacy. God does not want to see anyone in agony, whether temporarily or eternally.

I implor you while you are still young that you think HARD on where your choices are leading you... visualize the end result and lifestyle and find out whether it is what you can be happy with. It is a difficult thing to ask a young(er) person to go beyond the here and now and into the possible future, but it will help you through a lot. I wish I had made a lifestyle of that.

I can truthfully tell you that I'm in a lifestyle that denies God. I do not mean His existance but His lordship that which would lead to intimate fellowship. I struggle with this lifestyle because I'm of two minds with it... I love it and yet hate it. I cannot truly love the Lord as long as I am thus double-minded. Don't become like this.

As Solomon implored... seek wisdom. Wisdom about the world, God, and most importantly, yourself. Never let even your most fleeting feelings go without wrestling them to the ground and prying open the secrets they inevitably hold.

I need to do the same with this present thought of, "why is it always easier to tell someone they should do something and much harder to do it yourself"? hmmm...

Forgive me if this seems to be rambling... its very much stream of consciousness.

[Roxas2210]

I see now that if I continue with this "lifestyle", then I will not only destroying many of my dreams and wishes, but I will be hurting the people i truely love (i.e. family and my dearest of friends), the people who matter in my life. I know that in a few weeks, I will be alot better about all of this, because I will be going back to public school >.< I wont be as lonely there. I still want to know if its ok to tell a really good friend I love them (but not mean it romanticly). And to see and accept that a really cute guy just walked by me in the mall, but not act or have any romantic or sexual meaning behind it.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I would say that it's certainly a better and healthier way to live and look at things. =)

[Lochaber Axe]

I still want to know if its ok to tell a really good friend I love them (but not mean it romanticly). And to see and accept that a really cute guy just walked by me in the mall, but not act or have any romantic or sexual meaning behind it.

Love both your friends and your enemies. Tell everyone that you love them and mean it with all your heart. That is the path that Christ commanded. That is what we are supposed to do. It is those who do not that deny Christ.

God does not play practical jokes on his children, but it is the fallen nature of this world that corrupts man. It is not from God that such feelings lie, but from human failure and Satan's engineering. However, all of man's weaknesses can still be used by God to His perfect will. One man's weaknesses transformed into strength by God can save even a nation.

Be forewarned however. If it is truly homosexuality that is your weakness then you will fight it for your entire life, but it is a good fight! You will have times where you look upon a man and the desires will spring up as of their own, many times overpowering. However, having made the decision to look ahead and reject that possible future you will have inside yourself a conquering will that stands against the desires and kills them! The greater the weakness, the greater the conquering if it is defeated!

Be a follower of Christ, not just an average Christian, and all the promises that God has given and that can never be revoked will be given to you.

John 10:28
I give eternal life to them. They will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.

[Bobtheduck]

And to see and accept that a really cute guy just walked by me in the mall, but not act or have any romantic or sexual meaning behind it.

I see good looking guys (or guys I guess are good looking) all the time. And women... The vast majority of women (I'll stab a guess at 80%) will talk about good looking girls. "She is sooo pretty." Acknowledging that a person is attractive doesn't have to be romantic. But "I love you", as a phrase, is a loaded one. Moreso for guys than for girls. It may just be a cultural thing, and in other cultures the words wouldn't have to be tied to romance for guys.

In general, there are ways to show a godly love without saying those words. You can use other words (encouragement) or simply do something nice for them (acts of service) or hang out with them (quality time) or even get them something (gift giving) that doesn't have any sort of romantic background to it (a burger or a bag of chips or a coke or something... or snappea crisps or hummus, if they're into that) Since you've been tempted by homosexuality, I'd argue against the 5th of the love languages, physical touch, in your relationships with your male friends. At most, maybe your physical touch can be restricted to handshakes and side hugs. Also, gift giving should be minimal, not paying too close attention to any one guy. And you should never monopolize a guy or become their slave or flirt. Any one of these things could be taken too far, so as long as you are careful, you should be fine.

[Roxas2210]

Thank you for the advice and for all of your help. I think that I now have a broader, less shallow understanding of love now. I am feeling so much better now. Thank you all again.

[Raiden no Kishi]

Thank you for the advice and for all of your help. I think that I now have a broader, less shallow understanding of love now. I am feeling so much better now. Thank you all again.

You're welcome. ^_^ We're here to help.

.rai//

[Gabriel 9.0]

Roxas its wise to finish HS, then at least some years in College before even considering a relationship like that even though true love can be found outside of that for anything is possible with God but its good to be financially secure. I myself turned 22 last month, and still wait on God to send me the right woman to get married to at the right timing. Just do your best to trust in God and all will come to pass.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I myself turned 22 last month, and still wait on God to send me the right woman to get married to at the right timing. Just do your best to trust in God and all will come to pass.

Just going to say this: You can wait all you want, but I think with most people you have to be somewhat proactive on this and make an effort to change your singleness.

Most girls like being pursued. =)

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Most girls like being pursued. =)

--
I must disagree with you there. All the girls I know just fall out of the sky into guys laps. =P



Ya, girls like being pursued. I don't think it's supposed to be as easy as one just flocking to you when the time is right. =P

[Bobtheduck]

Most girls like being pursued. =)

--
I must disagree with you there. All the girls I know just fall out of the sky into guys laps. =P



Ya, girls like being pursued. I don't think it's supposed to be as easy as one just flocking to you when the time is right. =P

Firstly, flocking is something a group does, not an individual. Secondly, I beg to differ... The response I typically get from a girl I pursue is

1. She becomes short with me.
2. She won't look at me.
3. She'll go the long way to avoid me.
4. She becomes rude to me.
5. She makes her myspace private and won't accept a friend request when she gets it (ok, so this was just once, and rather recent, and I wasn't really pursuing her, I just wanted to add her as a friend and said "hi this is Luke from such and such, in case you didn't remember me")

Pursuing has literally NEVER worked for me... The closest it came to working, I ended up sort of with her for about 2 days though she refused to ever say we were together, then she went off to take care of her grandma, came back with a new boyfriend and said she was never interested in me to begin with.

Besides her, the only girlfriends I've had did practically fall out of the sky into my lap.

1. First one was barely my friend and she cornered me in the classroom before lunch. We were together at lunch, broken up by lunch recess (this was elementary school, BTW)
2. Second one met in the hall at a hotel when we were at a youth convention... I suppose this was the SECOND most pursuing I did successfully, as I actually asked her out rather than it being the other way. We were together that day, then the next day she got caught by her Youth pastor, who gave me numerous evil eyes (and evil faces in general) and I never saw her again.
3. Third one cornered me at a camp, and I didn't so much as talk to her, she was just "around." We were together that day, broken up the next.
4. Fourth one had a friend spill the beans that she liked me, but she ended up confessing to me anyhow. We were sort of together from that point until we were separated physically, and then stayed together a few months.

Though none of these has ever been long term (one of them was a few months, but that's the longest) it seems letting one "fall out of the sky" worked best for me.

[ADXC]

Oh man Bob, you've just had a little bit of bad luck! You'll find the girl you want.


I agree with Gabriel 9.0, it's best to go to college, get a safe, stable job, and then date. But you can date anytime you want to date, it's just my opinion to just be single for a while and take it in. You may find that person sooner or later in life, but what you do till then is the key. You do not want to go out with a girl and not have any money. I realize that you can have dates without money, but it's best to hold out on those really expensive places untill you can afford it(Basically if you're going to date, either go dutch, go to somewhat cheap places, or save money for the date over a certain period of time.) . But as with the singleness, hopefully you won't be single for the rest of your life and if you follow God's will Im sure you won't be single for too long. But try to enjoy the time you have with yourself, because once you get with a girl while your doing some kind of job, you really won't have too much time to yourself.

If Ive said anything that is wrong in this post, then Im sorry because Ive yet to experience this stuff. So you're not alone.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

There is a lot to be said about how you pursue them and whether or not they actually want to be pursued by you. If you're getting that negative of a reaction they may be perceiving what you're doing more as stalking. Not saying you are, but sometimes you gotta be careful.

[Bobtheduck]

There is a lot to be said about how you pursue them and whether or not they actually want to be pursued by you. If you're getting that negative of a reaction they may be perceiving what you're doing more as stalking. Not saying you are, but sometimes you gotta be careful.

Here is the whole of my interactions with a girl recently that ended bad.

1. There's a girl I never really talked to who I ended up riding with to a party.
2. We talked a little in the car, and we played Rock Band together, and I think I smiled at her a couple times (usually a strong sign I like someone, because I don't normally smile) from across the room. I just thought she was interesting and good looking, nothing serious.
3. We talked on the way home, then I was wondering if we could keep talking afterward. I waited no more than half a minute, she said "Are you gonna go home?" I said "Yeah" and got out, seeing that as a hint we wouldn't be talking anymore that night
4. I found her on myspace through one of our mutual friends, and sent a friend request. I also sent a message to her to make sure she remembered who I was.
5. When she read my message, but didn't respond, I went back to her page (which was public before that) and she had made it private, and I never got a response. The non-response was one thing, but she made her page private right after reading my message... And I didn't do a (darned) thing...

I did not do anything crazy. In fact, I think anything I did could have been simply in the normal terms of wanting to be friends.

Previous examples are just of girls who I've been decent friends with. As soon as they find out I have a romantic interest, all hell breaks loose.

1. One girl changed routes so she wouldn't come across me.
2. One girl refused to talk to me, and would leave the room when I was in it.
3. One girl I'd become rather close to just got really short with me (as in only answering yes and no, or saying "huh" or "wow") and eventually got really rude to me, snapping at me and biting my head off

This happens so consistently, and no explanation is ever given... I guess I'm just that undesirable to the average girl. If the girls are honestly interpreting me as stalkerish, I have some CAA inappropraite things I'd say to them, because I don't pursue a girl who tells me not to. Stalkers just keep going. I don't. I can't afford it. I HAVE done it before... I chased one girl HARD for a long time, and it ended miserably, so as long as I have the stalker aura that just creeps out any girl I may find interesting, I'm not gonna be chasing anyone.

[Gabriel 9.0]

Just going to say this: You can wait all you want, but I think with most people you have to be somewhat proactive on this and make an effort to change your singleness.

Most girls like being pursued. =)

That doesn't work for everybody though. I was talking about true love, God guides you to the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with. I feel its just best to wait on him for that matter like anything else.

Btw sorry to hear Bobtheduck....

God will help you find the right woman, like he will with me and other guys planning to settle down one day.

I agree with Gabriel 9.0, it's best to go to college, get a safe, stable job, and then date. But you can date anytime you want to date, it's just my opinion to just be single for a while and take it in. You may find that person sooner or later in life, but what you do till then is the key. You do not want to go out with a girl and not have any money. I realize that you can have dates without money, but it's best to hold out on those really expensive places untill you can afford it(Basically if you're going to date, either go dutch, go to somewhat cheap places, or save money for the date over a certain period of time.) . But as with the singleness, hopefully you won't be single for the rest of your life and if you follow God's will Im sure you won't be single for too long. But try to enjoy the time you have with yourself, because once you get with a girl while your doing some kind of job, you really won't have too much time to yourself.

Thanks Animedude, it comes from the Holy Spirit. And that is very true which is why its wise to have guidance from God and a stable income for dating/eventually marriage, etc.

[AsianBlossom]

Most girls like being pursued. =)

. . . . .

...then I must be in that little percent of girls who DON'T. Seriously, just the thought creeps me out, at least for now. It's like, "OMGosh, stalker!!" you know?

But you probably mean a different type of pursuit, not the kind where the guy follows you around all day and then finally asks you out by the end, but by then you're already creeped out because the guy's been following you ALL DAY LONG.

[Wind]

[color="MediumTurquoise"]Roxas I chose love over family so my life went the other direction... I left home when I was barely eighteen and even though I am happy with the guy I am with, I have deep regrets about the way I did do it because I wasn't bending to God's will for my life. I made a pretty big jumble of it all... you may not think Christ is important or whatever you may believe I am not blaming you or faulting you for what you believe, but from my own personal experiences if God takes something out of your life it always means there is something soooo much better around the corner [/color]

[color="DarkOrchid"]I left home and now two years later I am with a man I love, I have a 10 day old son and me and my bf are going to get married soon and I am really blessed if you let him God will bless you too just be patient although I know as well that patience isn't the easiest thing you are always rewarded for it [/color]

[color="Plum"]Keep Strong in God and you will Be Rewarded[/color]

[color="DeepSkyBlue"]~Wind~[/color]

Here is the whole of my interactions with a girl recently that ended bad.

1. There's a girl I never really talked to who I ended up riding with to a party.
2. We talked a little in the car, and we played Rock Band together, and I think I smiled at her a couple times (usually a strong sign I like someone, because I don't normally smile) from across the room. I just thought she was interesting and good looking, nothing serious.
3. We talked on the way home, then I was wondering if we could keep talking afterward. I waited no more than half a minute, she said "Are you gonna go home?" I said "Yeah" and got out, seeing that as a hint we wouldn't be talking anymore that night
4. I found her on myspace through one of our mutual friends, and sent a friend request. I also sent a message to her to make sure she remembered who I was.
5. When she read my message, but didn't respond, I went back to her page (which was public before that) and she had made it private, and I never got a response. The non-response was one thing, but she made her page private right after reading my message... And I didn't do a (darned) thing...

I did not do anything crazy. In fact, I think anything I did could have been simply in the normal terms of wanting to be friends.

Previous examples are just of girls who I've been decent friends with. As soon as they find out I have a romantic interest, all hell breaks loose.

1. One girl changed routes so she wouldn't come across me.
2. One girl refused to talk to me, and would leave the room when I was in it.
3. One girl I'd become rather close to just got really short with me (as in only answering yes and no, or saying "huh" or "wow") and eventually got really rude to me, snapping at me and biting my head off

This happens so consistently, and no explanation is ever given... I guess I'm just that undesirable to the average girl. If the girls are honestly interpreting me as stalkerish, I have some CAA inappropraite things I'd say to them, because I don't pursue a girl who tells me not to. Stalkers just keep going. I don't. I can't afford it. I HAVE done it before... I chased one girl HARD for a long time, and it ended miserably, so as long as I have the stalker aura that just creeps out any girl I may find interesting, I'm not gonna be chasing anyone.

WOW! Bob this is harsh but I am speaking as a girl that is girls like that who give the rest of us a really bad reputation

[xblack_x_rosesx]

...then I must be in that little percent of girls who DON'T. Seriously, just the thought creeps me out, at least for now. It's like, "OMGosh, stalker!!" you know?

--

XD
I don't think pursuit meaning... stalker.
I think pursuit as in... you know, making the moves.

I could be wrong too.
I think it just means that the guy should be making that effort to show he's interested.

Sometimes there a line, and if guys come off as too intense... they cross it. =\

Again, could be wrong.

[ As for the "Firstly, flocking is something a group does, not an individual." I beg to differ. I flock. Oh, how I flock. And I flock alone. XP It works if one has multiple personalities I suppose =P ]

WOW! Bob this is harsh but I am speaking as a girl that is girls like that who give the rest of us a really bad reputation

--

Meh.
I dunt know. That's general. The human race does a lot of stuff that gives "us" a bad rep if you ask me.

I dunno Bob, that blows, but I dunno. Maybe you are doing something wrong. Maybe you're not. Maybe exhibit A of a girl thought you were pursuing her romantically, but she was interested in someone else at the time and didn't want to jeopardize the situation.
Who knows.
I don't think it's something you should dwell on though.
Everyone strikes out, it's supposed to happen. And ideally you should learn from them, or something of the such. 9.9

[Radical Dreamer]

Most girls like being pursued. =)

Not to be a downer or anything, but I think it mostly depends on who's doing the pursuing. XD My take on it is that a girl will like being pursued that a guy she likes; if she doesn't like the guy, or if she only likes him as a friend, she's not going to want him pursuing her. XD

That's my experience, anyways. XD

[xblack_x_rosesx]

if she doesn't like the guy, or if she only likes him as a friend, she's not going to want him pursuing her.

--

True dat.
If he isn't extreme it could be flattering though =P

[Mr. SmartyPants]

[quote="Radical Dreamer (post: 1263372)"]Not to be a downer or anything, but I think it mostly depends on who's doing the pursuing. XD My take on it is that a girl will like being pursued that a guy she likes]
Well duuh. Of COURSE it has to be a guy of some interest. I was hoping that would be automatically assumed.

[Fish and Chips]

You're talking to a guy with The Yes as his avatar for relationship advice.

You're talking to a guy with The Yes as his avatar for relationship advice.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

You're talking to a guy with The Yes as his avatar for relationship advice.

You're talking to a guy with The Yes as his avatar for relationship advice.

YES!

[ADXC]

Im just so sorry Bob! You just seem to have just rotten luck. Cheer up dude, you'll find the girl of your dreams somewhere.

I don't know, I think I may not even try to pursue anyone after hearing all of this.

[Tsukuyomi]

Just because you pursue doesn't necessarily mean you're automatically means you're going to get the girl, and it doesn't necessarily mean you're doing anything wrong. You have to keep in mind, maybe it's just the girl. Maybe she's just not interested. Or, sometimes if girls (not speaking for all) feel overwhelmed and get the "I want a relationship" vibe.. It will turn us away >_>, but that could just be us over thinking things ^__^; Buuuuuut, then again, some girls like persistence ^_^

The same can be said for us girls as well. Just because we pursue doesn't mean we'll get the guy. Just as if we come on too strong, that will turn a guy away.

It all depends on said person.

[Aedin]

All I have to say, is Bob, that's exactly how things usually go between me and girls, Only difference is, the girls that things happen like that with, I wasn't pursuing them romantically, I was just trying to be friends.

[Bobtheduck]

My brother had this to say about my problems:

Man, if there's one thing I have learned, it's that you can't fight nature. If women aren't attracted to you, then there is nothing that can be done. Women have their own minds and thoughts, and whether or not it is fair, some people just aren't cut out for relationships. I have made peace with this, and am MUCH happier.

I think girls can just smell Gene on me (my bio-dad). He's a massive creep and whether or not I act like him (I think the only behavior I inherited from him is my wanderlust) they just sense the absolute creep in my genes (pun recognized and joked about a lot) and make themselves safe. "Good blood" my backside.

Now, as for how the middle brother managed to get married (twice, once to a bipolar, abusive freak of a woman, once to a very beautiful Morman woman... oh, yeah, he's morman, if I didn't mention that) I don't know... There are always exceptions, I suppose.

[Tsukuyomi]

Just be patient and the time will come Just keep your eyes open for when it does Don't rush things (be friends first.. that's the best way), but don't move too sa-looooooooooow (y'know what I mean) ^__^

[Bobtheduck]

Just be patient and the time will come Just keep your eyes open for when it does Don't rush things (be friends first.. that's the best way), but don't move too sa-looooooooooow (y'know what I mean) ^__^

Don't go too fast, don't go too slow. Apparently too slow is saying hi, and too fast is being friends for 2 years.

Timing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndxkQMttWJY (this is an anime ending, which I would have posted except part of it may be considered a bit fanservicy, so I posted the music video)

As I've said before, I don't have a chance if it's about timing and a natural sense. And my brother is 38 and has been waiting all this time, too...

On the bright side, I swam a lot today, and I came out with my voice all gruff sounding (don't know why... Dehydration?) and I sounded like Solid Snake. I figure, if I do that every day (have a hard swimming session) then eventually I'll sound like Solid Snake, and I'll have a sexy voice that will get me girls </tongue in cheek>

I know a guy named Shawn. He's from Australia, but he's been in the US for about a decade. He's been looking for a wife for a couple decades, and he's 39 or 40 now... He's not a bad looking guy, he takes care of himself, is really nice, not to mention he's got the "accent" (sort of, you know those things fade over time, and he sounds like an American to all his friends and family at home) that a lot of girls go crazy for (I know, I've seen it many many times)and is generally well liked... platonically... He has the same problem as I do... Girls just RUN when they can tell he's looking for anything more than friends. He's 40... He's been at this for a LONG time... He can take care of himself (in a foreign country, no less), so it's not like he's just not responsible enough...

If that's the kind of patience that's asked of me, I don't want anything to do with it... Another 14 years of being lonely and having rejection after rejection ripping out any scabs left by previous rejections... No way...

By the way, I don't mean for any of this... frustration to be aimed at you. It's just that I'm really frustrated right now, and hearing "wait it out" seems like a huge joke to me... I've been at this for a while, and the waiting has meant so much hurt... I can't take it.