Two things

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Haii all.
I'm back to question and complain =P

So, two things on my mind lately:

1. Sex, again. [warning]

So, I'm STILL planning on waiting until marriage, God is still my main priority in life, even though lately I haven't been at all showing it. (For some reason i can't find a forte' with my religion. I can't worship at church, because we don't have any "clean" ones, and I find it really hard to worship by myself, but for the most part I think my morals are good and I have met at least minimal requirements if you will =P) Anyway, my boyfriend (1.5 years) and I have been doing stuff a lot lately, I don't know... hormonal imbalances make me really aroused or something, and we've gone as far as we can go without having intercourse, in a very literal sense.
For some reason I used to be not at all ok with doing stuff to the extent we're doing it now, just because I felt like I was disappointing God. I mean, he said no sex before marriage, so I wasn't sure if he meant intercourse or just sexual pleasure in general.
But one night it hit me- I KNOW my boundaries, so that's just what I need to concentrate on. I trust my gut- I trust what Jesus tells me, and what I do doesn't feel wrong. I know when to say no.

I was just wondering if that should be how I'm feeling- trusting my gut about the boundaries. I'm not relying on how I feel emotionally (love and blah blah blah) or what I analyze as right or wrong, but what FEELS right or wrong from that little part of me that's never let me down before.
It feels right, I was just wondering what other people thought of it?

2. GETTING BEAT UP.

I know this is weird, but the other night I fell asleep on my fist, so currently I have a black eye.
Everyone thinks I got in a fight =P
Anyway, for some... really strange reason I have this urge to... well, get in a fistfight with someone and just get beat up.

I like how my black eye looks, I like how it feels.

I've never gotten into a fight before, and I figure (I think it was in Fight Club they said this), "If I've never gotten into a fight before, how much do I REALLY know about myself?"
So I talked to my friend, Alanna, and she's cool with the two of us just beating the tar out of each other sometime this weekend.
I'm wondering if this is... abnormal or something?
Cos I mean, I know lots of people who like to fight, just for the rush of it, but most all of them are... well, guys, and I'm a... well, girl.

Is it odd?


AND

On another note, my dad has agreed to talk to my boyfriend about faith. My boyfriend is currently nonreligious (bad experiences in the past), but I'd feel we could be a lot closer if he shared my faith. My dad was able to convert me back when I lost all my hope in God, and went down a ... bad way... and my dad is just one of those people who isn't a biblethumping nut, because he's pretty much been in every situation possible, so I'm hoping that he can at least get my boyfriend to consider what's out there.
So, I'm praying for the best ^^

That is all, thanks

Britt

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Well first thing is that worshipping God isn't a feeling. It's a choice. Despite how you may feel, often times you have to go against that feeling and do it anyway. =)

[Nia-chan]

I was just wondering if that should be how I'm feeling- trusting my gut about the boundaries. I'm not relying on how I feel emotionally (love and blah blah blah) or what I analyze as right or wrong, but what FEELS right or wrong from that little part of me that's never let me down before.
It feels right, I was just wondering what other people thought of it?

You seem to be becoming desensitized. At one point you say you would have been uncomfortable with how far you've gone, but now you say it feels right. I would definitely cool things down.

Anyway, for some... really strange reason I have this urge to... well, get in a fistfight with someone and just get beat up.

lol

So I talked to my friend, Alanna, and she's cool with the two of us just beating the tar out of each other sometime this weekend.

lol

Is it odd?

Not if you like boxing :3

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Hehe.

I was thinking about doing the boxing thing actually.

I just don't want my lovely teeth to get messed up =P.

As for the cooling things down thing, I'm aware of that. I'm working on strength. I'm fine saying no to him, its just... telling myself that I can't have something I want is harder.

[Nia-chan]

Mouthguard

And you remind me of a song called "Temptation" by Shei Atkins.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

My thoughts exactly
I think boxing is way cool anyway. My brother was Rocky for Halloween last year, so maybe he can give me some tips =P Mind you he's like... 8.

I'll check it out for sure. Maybe it can give me an answer =P

[minakichan]

Getting beat up is very therapeutic, if done in the correct setting =D

MASOCHISM IS NOT, HOWEVER.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

[ read the lyrics. Totally fits the situation. I like the line "I'm fighting so hard cuz i want you". I'm definitely rethinking it now. I know my boundaries, but I do need to slow down or else one day it'll just happen. ]

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Getting beat up is very therapeutic, if done in the correct setting =D

MASOCHISM IS NOT, HOWEVER.

--

=P

Masochism? Meaning... bondage and such? To the extreme... domination I guess? Naw, I doubt Alanna would be into that =P. However we did have this phase where we bit each other till we broke skin a lot... (don't ask)... I don't think that derived from any place sexual though =P

[MangArtist]

Well as far as the first thing. I think if it feels wrong, you shouldn't do it. Just my 2 cents.

Haha, I'm the same way.(I'm a guy, though) I wanna punch my bros, kinda, but, with my brothers and me, if we get punched we punch back. O_o So if I punched them in the face they'd most likely give it back. XD I like my teeth the way they are. =B
So no. I don't think it's odd. As long as you don't punch a complete stranger. XD There's some girls at my youth group who are quite violent. XD Punching out of anger, obviously, is wrong.
So yeah, 1 cent more.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Yay! 3 cents!

I'm doing some serious thinking about it. I know what needs to be done, I just need strength to deploy it. Deploy. Hehe. I feel like a liferaft.

XD Nice.
I can't punch any of my sibs. Cos I'm the oldest and its a "bad example" =P. Not to mention "unfair" cos I'm so much bigger then them.
And ya, I wouldn't beat anyone up out of anger =P. It'd just be... one of those... therapeutic things, I guess.
You have no idea what a relief it is to know it's not "some sick medical condition that needs to be treated by a licensed professional" that I just wanna get beat up XD.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Well as far as the first thing. I think if it feels wrong, you shouldn't do it. Just my 2 cents.

--

Oh, as far as that goes too, I mentioned before, lol, but I didn't actually say what I was planning.
Its really hard to just "not do it", y know? Like, I am extremely attracted to this fellah, and being that I'm almost 18, my hormones are everywhere, so its hard when my body is going "YESYESYESITFEELSSOGOODANDRIGHT" and then this little tiny part of my brain is going "-coy and shy- uh... maybe you... oh... uhm.. i'll ... erm... no? ... uhm... I'll just catch you at a better time to think about this sort of thing..."

yknow?
-sigh-
I just need to get my life in order.

[MangArtist]

Ah yeah. I know whatcha mean.
I get that sort of thing, too. T_T

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Darned chemicals in the body.

I'm so acutely aware that it's happening too.
Last night I was on the phone with one of my friends, who... is literally a nympho, and he was like "Matt should totally break up with you if you haven't had sex after being together one and a half years".
I laughed, but I admit, I get a lot of pleasure from it, and so does he, and I love nothing more then making him happy =\
It feels right and wrong at the same time, which makes it so bloody complicated.

[MangArtist]

Yeah. T_T Bunch of little freaks.

Mhm.
Uh yeah. No offence, but your friend should rethink things a little.
Yeah. Kinda know what you mean.
Gosh darn it all!

[xblack_x_rosesx]

XD

I know, I know. He's a good friend of mine. He's very against religion, and does hard drugs, and has a serious sex addiction (to both men and women), but I can't get him to change. I love him for who he is, and it hurts me to see him that way, so all I can do is pray for him =\

><
I know! GOSHDARNIT!

[xblack_x_rosesx]

(For the record, I have a very... wide range of friends, so don't judge me as some sort of freak who hangs out with the wrong crowd. I have gay friends, I have friends who have had abortions, I have nympho friends, and I have a satanist friend. But I also have christian friends, who are smart and supportive, and for some reason, all of us get along just fine =] . Wanted to clear that up =P )

[MangArtist]

Mhm. Yeah. Pretty much, for now, you can only be his friend. (I'm not saying DO that. I'm just saying that's pretty much all you can do for now, besides praying)

What should we do about this?! D8<

EDIT: Yeah, I'm not shooting you down for that. You're showing them the love of Christ, which I don't have AAANY problem with. XD If I did..... well, you could shoot me. =P

[ChristianKitsune]

Okay... call me a prude about the first couple of questions you have... whatever ^^;

I have like. ZERO experience when it comes to relationships and all the lovey dovey hormonal stuff that comes with it.

But I think as long as you aren't going "TOO FAR" then I suppose just pray about it, and ask what God wants you to do? We are only human though, and a lot of times what "Feels right and good" really isn't...

I've also believed that we shouldn't give our hearts away so easily you know? I mean if things don't work out between you and your boy friend in the future... he might not be yours but someone else's you know? Painful to think about I'm sure...and I hope that you guys will stay together...but yeah. Just keep in mind that you could be dating someone's husband... And someone coudl be dating yours right now...

Your friend seems a bit...well nympho so I wouldn't take her advice very seriously. ^^;

About you wanting to get on a fight intentionally... I think that's kinda strange ^^; I've never heard of hurting oneself intentionally as being therapeutic, (unless it's an actual boxing or wrestling match, but even THEN I'm like "WHY!?" XD)

Maybe I'm just a crazy little hypochrondriac and the fact that I freak out if I get hurt... I wouldn't do it personally, because you could get REALLY hurt...and that wouldn't be good.

I dunno, call me out for being blunt about my reply, I'm sorry if I offended...

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Ya =P. Meh. He moved away 2 years ago, so I hardly see him, we just talk on the phone a lot, so it's not like its any burden to be his friend.

....
Remake the human race?

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Maybe I'm just a crazy little hypochrondriac and the fact that I freak out if I get hurt... I wouldn't do it personally, because you could get REALLY hurt...and that wouldn't be good.

--


XD. And no, your reply didn't offend me at all =P

Meh. I like taking chances, for some reason it's given me a lot to live for and makes things exciting. I wouldn't have such passion for the things I loved if there wasn't risk.

I'd probably have rules, like no punches to the teeth or nose, but I'm pretty sure if we're throwing shots those won't be very effective =P

Preference I guess, but duly noted ^^

[ChristianKitsune]

Maybe I'm just a crazy little hypochrondriac and the fact that I freak out if I get hurt... I wouldn't do it personally, because you could get REALLY hurt...and that wouldn't be good.

--


XD. And no, your reply didn't offend me at all =P

Meh. I like taking chances, for some reason it's given me a lot to live for and makes things exciting. I wouldn't have such passion for the things I loved if there wasn't risk.

I'd probably have rules, like no punches to the teeth or nose, but I'm pretty sure if we're throwing shots those won't be very effective =P

Preference I guess, but duly noted ^^

>_< sounds like a painful hobby.... Go...read a book?

Maybe take some martial arts classes instead?????? Something productive?

[xblack_x_rosesx]

I do read books!

And I used to take kick boxing, but I got bored.

I think just... fighting IS productive. I dunno, I know it'd make me feel better. =P
fight club neone? =P

[Kunoichi]

Heh

well i have experience with the fighting things. And I have had the urge to fight as well. I used to do a lot of full contact stuff and if you guys are going to fight, I suggest mouth pieces, gloves and a head piece or at least mouth guard and gloves (if you punch incorrectly you can break your wrist and knuckles and you can just say a no head rule)

In my mind, fighting is only fun until you start getting hit hard lol So just be careful and no kidney shots - too many and you can get fatal injuries.

That's my thought

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Heh

well i have experience with the fighting things. And I have had the urge to fight as well. I used to do a lot of full contact stuff and if you guys are going to fight, I suggest mouth pieces, gloves and a head piece or at least mouth guard and gloves (if you punch incorrectly you can break your wrist and knuckles and you can just say a no head rule)

In my mind, fighting is only fun until you start getting hit hard lol So just be careful and no kidney shots - too many and you can get fatal injuries.

That's my thought

--

=P
I know I know.

I want to get a black eye and a fat lip.
Its weird, I just need it.


XP

[Warrior 4 Jesus]

I suggest you stop doing all the sexual stuff. You don't want to cause yourself to stumble more. That's like putting your finger in a bear-trap to get at the honey inside. I'm not going to pretend lust isn't easy to give into, it is, but we have the Holy Spirit to help us out.

[chibiphonebooth]

i'm gunna throw in some advice here about your first part. I'm not super experienced with relationships- i've only had one bf once before.
But i remember before i dated i had drawn a line in my head on where i did not want things to go to- and i remember when i was dating my boyfriend, we crossed that line. not super far- but we crossed it. at the time it didn't feel wrong cause i really liked him blah blah blah.

but when we broke up, i felt so dirty. seriously. and i knew in my head that i had crossed that line and even though while i was dating him i was thinking 'ohhhh its not that bad blah blah' but in reality it was like... more temptation and after i felt really ashamed.

i agree with warrior for jesus here. The more you allow yourself, the harder it is to resist sex. for example, if you kiss a lot, you are tempted to make out. if you make out, you are tempted to go further, if you go further, you are tempted to go even FURTHER. and so on.

now i'm not saying you CANT KISS OMGGGGG KISSING IS EVILLL AUUUHHHHG IF YOU KISS YOU WILL HAVE SEX. i'm just saying watch your boundaries. if you had boundaries set up, stick with them. you know deep down where to stop and what is conviction. If you sit down with your boyfriend and explain them, i'm sure he will understand.

I also have a whole bunch of friends who have gone really far with guys or had sex with them cause they were in the moment and it felt good. But i can't tell you how many times they called me after and said they regret doing that and they made a mistake.

i think you know where you want to draw the line. just think of it like sweet food. sweets taste soooo good and you can eat them all day. but you know what happens if you eat sugar all day and all the time. you get a stomach ache, you get a tooth ache, etc. (corny comparison, i'm sorry, but it was the only one i could think of. XD )

anyway, now i'm rambling. XD
i hope i helped.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

Again, very aware of it.

Its just hard to tell myself no. It's something I want really badly.

[termyt]

1. Trusting your Gut. When your heart and mind, body and soul are in synch, you gut reaction will not betray you. It will be the right course of action every time. However, when you are internally conflicted, your gut can betray you. (Hence the proverb "a double minded man is unstable in all his ways." James 1:8)

There should be boundaries set using your ability to reason while not in the heat of the moment. What is truly OK? Do you feel clean in the presence of God while engaging in that activity? Truly, your boundaries are between you, your boy friend and the living and unblinking and never absent God you serve.

2. Physical violence is usually enjoyed more by males than females, but just because you do not fit the typical stereotype does not make you odd. Well, actually, I guess it does make you odd, but there nothing wrong or unnatural about it.

However, getting a black eye in your sleep is a lot different from getting one while you are awake. You may not enjoy it so much. If you do enjoy fighting your friend this weekend or whenever such an event happens (sell tickets – you’ll make good money) then you should seriously consider picking up an organized sport like boxing or wrestling. It’s tougher to find other girls to do such things with (wrestling more so) but it will be good exercise, a positive outlet for your emotions, and a great way to meet people and beat the tar out of them without the police showing up later. I don’t ever want to see you on one of those police video shows.

[xblack_x_rosesx]

1. Yes. Well, for some reason WHILE we're doing stuff, I don't feel dirty. It goes through my head that "God is watching" but I feel like saying "I'm passionate about this, and he knows that I wouldn't do anything that I'm not comfortable with" so ya. But the second it goes beyond forplay, I do stop because it feels dirty.

2. SELL TICKETS? Fab idea. =P I need the money. Doubt anyone would wanna pay to watch a couple of skinny dorks duke it out though =P. I'll see how it goes.