Family or love?

[Roxas2210]

Hey all. I need some advice. I found a [person] a few months ago, and i fell in love. We had so many laughs and crys, it was hard not to love [them]. I have never loved anyone more than I loved [them]. I was ready to spend my life with [them], and not care about anything else. But about 3 weeks ago, my mom caught me telling [them] that i loved them, and she fliped. She made me delete the account that i was using to talk to [them]. I didnt even get a chance to say goodbye or anything, and i have felt so guilty about it. I want to love [them] without having to worry about what is right and wrong. Can you please help?

[Raiden no Kishi]

You're 16. Hold off on these sorts of relationships until you've done some more growing up. You'll be better off for it in the long run. Also, you should never do anything without considering right and wrong.

.rai//

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Roxas, what do you think love is?

[Roxas2210]

Love is the un-compareable and indiscribable connection two people make only once or twice in their life.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I'm inclined to disagree a little. Not saying that you're wrong, but not the answer that I was looking for nor the answer which I could conclude that you're ready for anything serious.

In all seriousness, you'll have many good laughs and cries with others, but at the same time it is wise to carefully guard your heart. Similar to what Rai said, I do consider 16 to be a too much of a young age for such relationships. From what I see it, this is someone you know from the internet. No offense to anybody, but I don't consider most online relationships to be truly legitimate nor do I see them working out in the long run, especially after knowing them for only a few months.

I know you're feeling down, but I know that you will get better. You, like me, are still young and there will be more opportunities for you in your life.

[Raiden no Kishi]

The best thing you can do when considering the subject of "love" is to read what Christ says about love. You may be surprised.

.rai//

[Roxas2210]

I have been questioning Christ lately. I dont get why he would have me move so much, meet the [person] i fell in love with, lose [them], then move again, never staying long enough to even consider a serious relationship. I know I am young and will have more opportunities, but I feel like I dont have much longer. I found [them] and I started to not care about the negetive in my life. It was bliss, even for a short while.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

It's simply because his plan for you is different and vastly superior to what your feeble mind can conjure up.

He wants the best for you, he knows what is the best for you, and as long as you are receptive to his Word, then you will get to experience his total plan of awesome-sauce.

When I was your age, I met a few girls where I felt "omg I am in love this is THE ONE and if I am not with this person than I will be depressed for the rest of my life yadda yadda yadda bbq".

Yeah right. Looking back now, I've learned to grow from my experiences and I am glad none of them really worked towards my [past] favor.

And to be blunt, the fact of the matter is that with your current inability to properly cope with this (not saying that you're doing anything wrong. You're only sixteen. You will learn a lot in four years) gives me further inclination that attempting to maintain such a serious relationship now may not be the best idea in the long-run.

Patience is key, my friend.

[Raiden no Kishi]

I have been questioning Christ lately. I dont get why he would have me move so much, meet the [person] i fell in love with, lose [them], then move again, never staying long enough to even consider a serious relationship. I know I am young and will have more opportunities, but I feel like I dont have much longer. I found [them] and I started to not care about the negetive in my life. It was bliss, even for a short while.

You don't know that they were "the one". You felt they were. That person will change, as will you. The teenage years are a tumultuous period of great change in your life and in who you are. I'll be 21 this Thursday, and I'm still doing a lot of growing and changing, especially recently. As to opportunities, like I said, you're 16. Regardless of how you feel, these are the facts. We must value facts over feelings if we are to make progress.

Questioning Christ is your prerogative, but consider this: Who do you think is wiser - the son of God Himself or you? Trust Him. He is your Creator - he knows you perfectly.

Again, this kind of relationship isn't the sort of thing you need to vex yourself about. You're young - enjoy that while it lasts. It won't last long.

.rai//

[LadyRushia]

Roxas, what do you think love is?

It had to be done.

With that out of the way, I have to agree with Ryan and Rai. I'm only a year older than you and though I've anguished many MANY times over the fact that I've haven't found anyone special, and though I think I'm mature enough to be in a long-lasting relationship, I'm most likely not ready. For whatever reason, God is just holding it off. Anyway, you're young, I'm young, we're all young and even though it feels like the end of the world, we do have a long time to meet someone.

[Roxas2210]

But how do I stop feeling neglected by Him?

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I think it's you that is neglecting him. (Maybe consciously or subconsciously) He's open arms. It's your job to hug him back. =)

[Roxas2210]

I find it hard to hug back when I have no clue what my life is doing, but I will try

[Bobtheduck]

[them][person][them][them]?

May the problem lie in those words you've left out?

In any case, you should honor your parents... But Love isn't a feeling. Love is a choice, and it isn't about doing what feels good, it's about doing what's right for the other person (as well as yourself, but the other person comes before you) What's right isn't always what feels the best or makes you happy temporally.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

What Bob says is true. =)

[Raiden no Kishi]

[them][person][them][them]?

May the problem lie in those words you've left out?

In any case, you should honor your parents... But Love isn't a feeling. Love is a choice, and it isn't about doing what feels good, it's about doing what's right for the other person (as well as yourself, but the other person comes before you) What's right isn't always what feels the best or makes you happy temporally.

THIS. This is the true, essential nature of the phenomenon we call "love". Truth is, love is meant to be a verb. It is action. It is not a feeling, for then the verb is "feel". It may be accompanied by feelings, but not necessarily.

This lesson is part of the growing up that all need to do before they are ready for serious relationships.

.rai//

[Roxas2210]

I feel like the whole religion thing is too monarchy-like for me. I know that God exists and He loves me, but some of his rules seem just so tyrannical. I feel oppressed sometimes, and it hurts alot.

[goldenspines]

If indeed one could "feel" love as you say. You have not felt it until you have experienced God's unending, unconditional love. That, my friend, is the best thing in the world and can't even compare to the love down here on earth.
Now, as Rai and Bob mentioned, love is not a feeling. It's not the little warm fuzzies we get when someone says they like us. Love is an action(or verb, in the case of DCtalk. ^_^). I'm very sure you had a thread about love before. Go read it through again and actually consider what is said there.

Now, legally speaking, your parents have power over you until you turn the age of 18. They could send you off to an all boys boarding school if they wanted and you could do nothing about it. Or, they could take away your computer and internet and make you commit those next two years to getting a 4.0 GPA. My advice, be honest with your parents about your life and what you do online. This will save you a whole lot of trouble if you run into something bad, and it will help build trust with your parents(probably one of the most valuable things to have).

And, by the way, love is patient, love is kind, is does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs(sins). Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perservers. (Paraphrased from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

Now, read your first post again. And forgive me for being rather blunt, but you only care about yourself and what you want. That's not real love, especially if you are willing to go to the heights of not caring about what you do is right or wrong.

In conclusion, if you want to be loved, truly loved. Go to God. Like, Ryan(MSP) mentioned, He's waiting for you, arms open wide. All you have to do is turn around.

EDIT: I might get shot by someone for this, but Christianinty isn't suppose to be filled with all those "rules" as you mention. Being a christian is just following God, giving and trusting your life to Him, and that's it. There's nothing else that's "required" granted, there's a lot of good things to do, though. ^_^

[Roxas2210]

*wipes tears away* Thank you for that goldie. but for one, sending me to an all boys school would prolly worsten the situation. [person] [them] = guy, him/he. I know that i just have to turn around, but i am scared to let go. I would give anything to make him happy, but i also feel like i would give anything to make Him happy. im torn and i feel like i cant get out. i feel like i cant breath.

[Raiden no Kishi]

I feel like the whole religion thing is too monarchy-like for me. I know that God exists and He loves me, but some of his rules seem just so tyrannical. I feel oppressed sometimes, and it hurts alot.

. . . God . . . kind of is the boss, y'know? Truth is truth. Facts are facts. Gravity accelerates you toward the earth at a rate of 9.8 m/s^2 (ignoring air resistance, etc.) whether we like it or not. You say that you know God exists and that He loves you. Then trust Him that He knows what's best. He's God and he's looking out for you. You know this - you said so. Life would be full of misery if there were no "rules".

His "rules" are actually unbelievably simple. Not necessarily easy, but simple. Matthew 22:37-40: "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets."

Simple. God comes first, then other people. Following these commands is hard, but He is with us.

EDIT: Also, if you really want to do anything for this mysterious person's sake, then focus on becoming the best person you can be. I don't know if there will be a woman that I am supposed to spend my life with, but in the meantime, I am working to become the best man I can be so that I'll be ready when I meet her. Whoever she is, I love her, and that is why I do what I do. Part of this is waiting for God's timing. He loves us - you said so yourself.

[Etoh*the*Greato]

It had to be done.

Baby, don't hurt me.


Roxas, In all likelyhood the person you met will not be that person in six months, a year or two years. You are in the most volatile and unstable phase of your life and it will not end until you're well in to your twenties, trust me. It will take you many broken hearts and many MANY relationships to learn what love actually is, and sometimes people don't ever figure it out. That indescribable feeling you described is nice, but it doesn't last. It fades. Quickly. TRUE love is what comes after that initial infatuation. Get back on the horse and trust that your parents are probably doing what's best for you.

[GeneD]

Roxas, In all likelyhood the person you met will not be that person in six months, a year or two years.

I understand from your first post that you met/know this person over the internet, so if you haven't met them in real life yet I want to add that in all likelihood the person you met is not the same person right now, never mind how they change over time! The internet is a giant mask and we choose what part of ourselves we display here. There are probably many things about someone that you will never know just over the net, even if you've known them for a fairly long time.

"Religion" is too monarchy-like. A loving relationship with God (as goldenspines said: following God, giving and trusting your life to Him) is not. The "rules" are there to protect you and should be followed out of love for Jesus and willingness to live for Him, not because of guilt or anything else.

[Bobtheduck]

I feel like the whole religion thing is too monarchy-like for me. I know that God exists and He loves me, but some of his rules seem just so tyrannical. I feel oppressed sometimes, and it hurts alot.

Babies feel oppressed when they're told not to touch stoves, too. In reality, God sees much more than we do, and what he says is the best overall. When he tells us not to play in the freeway, we may see the boundless playground in which we can escape our front yard, he sees the semis moving 70 miles an hour that may not see babies crawling on the road in time to come to a stop. Catch my drift?

There's nothing tyrannical about God's laws. Every last one is to protect us, either from ourselves or from each other, and the laws about Homosexuality are there because, in reality, it's not love. Ever. It may be a desire for friendship corrupted into something else, but it is not love.

There is nothing wrong with close friendships with people of the same gender, even those that are platonically physical. I mean, John rested his head on Jesus' chest, for crying out loud. When it extends to romantic interest or anything sexual, that's a distortion of what God has for us.

[Roxas2210]

You are saying that I can see a good looking guy in, say, the mall, and say "wow, he's really cute" and it will be ok, as long as I dont have any sexual or romantic meaning behind it? And would telling your very good friend that you loved him (but meant it in a brotherly way) is ok to do, as long as they dont beat the crap out of me?

[minakichan]

Wait, Roxas, are you a girl? O_O I mean, it's OK if you're not ahahahaha.

Personally, I'm always up for some filial rebellion (OHOHOH I AM SUCH A BAD INFLUENCE), but in this case, dang. People say "oh, you're only 16, you don't know what love really is yet," but I say hogwash-- there's a 60% divorce rate in this country, so most ADULTS can't even figure out what love is. People who were passionate about each other for years and full of boundless love on their wedding day still split up in fury at each other. I'm not going to say it's inevitable (since there are happy couple-peepulz on this forum). But you've known this [person] for a few months?! That's hardly enough time to make a life decision, or at least one on this kind of magnitude.

I think your views are really idealized-- I personally think that doesn't necessarily have to do with youth, but that's just me. Your mom was still pretty tyrannical there, but (unless you're talking about brotherly/sisterly love ohohoho) them's some big words you been spoutin'. If you can love that [person] as a really great friend, maybe your mom will be OK with it.

[termyt]

To view God as a tyrant is to misunderstand His place and yours. A tyrant abuses the power granted him for his own best interests. To accuse God of tyranny is to attempt to bring Him down to our human level as if He has power granted to Him and He wields that power unjustly for His own good at our expense. No one grants God power. All power and authority are His so it is impossible for Him to abuse His power.

Even still, the argument that He does everything for His benefit and our loss remains – as a child may break his own toys to amuse himself, but that argument falls apart under the weight of the cross. Was it to His own benefit that He should be made into a man and suffer and die on a cross? What tyrant gives up his station to experience life and death at the hands of those he persecutes?

God’s laws are not death and destruction (although our disobedience to them leads to our own ruin). By following God’s Law, we see not a simple rule book but a path to peace and harmony with each other. We tend to lose sight of that preferring simple yes and no answers to complex personal relationships, but that is our failing, not God’s.

If you read the news, how many victims of disease and crime and broken relationships are doing something they should not be doing or are in a place they should not be searching for something they should not find? That’s a lot of the crime and sadness that would be eliminated by following the plan God laid out for us to live by.

See, God’s Law is not a “How to Please God and Avoid Hell” handbook. By following His examples, we learn to love and live at peace with our neighbors. To truly know God is to know love. Love is not something you come across once or twice in a lifetime, it’s something you have the potential to exchange with every single person you meet every day. When you help someone with a heavy load, that’s love. When you let the car trying to change lanes in front of you in heavy traffic in, that’s love. When you treat a complete stranger like you would your best friend, that’s love.

Your parents are trying to protect you (because they love). The internet is a dangerous place. It’s really no more dangerous than the world itself, but it is an excellent resource for those who would abuse to find victims they would not be able to otherwise reach. Trying to monitor who contacts you through the internet is no different from locking your doors at night and making sure they know your plans for the evening when you are away from home. It is one thing to make friends online, it is another to fall in love. How much do you really know about this person? Is it possible this person is much different than they’ve lead you to believe? Perhaps older, perhaps not even the gender they claim to be? This is what is scaring your parents. Be open and honest with them. They may not understand your experiences, but you may be surprised - they have been through the same emotions before.

[Roxas2210]

Why must such a love be forbiden? Yes I know that guys arent built to have babies and such like that, but does love have to be physical? Why cant the couple take in one of the millions of orphans that are out there and house foster children occasionally? Why cant the couple be a normal, productive part of sociaty? Why does it have to be frowned apon? I know that if every one was like that, the human race would end, but im not talking about the whole world. Im talking about the hand full people who can make it work for their whole lives.
P.S. I dont view God as a Tyrant, i see some rules as tyrannical

[Radical Dreamer]

Why must such a love be forbiden? Yes I know that guys arent built to have babies and such like that, but does love have to be physical? Why cant the couple take in one of the millions of orphans that are out there and house foster children occasionally? Why cant the couple be a normal, productive part of sociaty? Why does it have to be frowned apon? I know that if every one was like that, the human race would end, but im not talking about the whole world. Im talking about the hand full people who can make it work for their whole lives.
P.S. I dont view God as a Tyrant, i see some rules as tyrannical

The plain and simple answer: because homosexuality is a sin. Your body isn't built for that kind of thing. Regardless, I'd rather this didn't turn into a debate on homosexuality and I've got a class to run to anyways; for now, keep it civil and don't let it turn into a theological smackdown.

[Tsukuyomi]

With all the doubt you've been feeling, are you sure all of this isn't just infatuation?

May I ask which feelings are stronger?

[Dante]

Given your age and the situation (particularly that the relationship was "deletable" suggests that it was online or over a distance, or the internet) I would say that your parents did the right thing. The internet is an extremely dangerous place, especially for someone like yourself. They, your parents, are only trying to protect you and are doing this because they love you.

That stated, don't throw away the love that you already have for them for this (Not that you really have a choice at your age anyways ).

Overall, Jesus isn't a snobbish tyranny as the old world liked to portray him (and certain elements of the modern world as well). I mean, you can tell this just by reading about him. Is the tyrannical Jesus the same Jesus that said he would get nails hammered through his hands and feet for you, (with the only thing in it for him being that you MIGHT actually say he was your friend and call him up on a prayer once in a while?). Was the tyrannical Jesus the same one that showed us that he valued being able to serve more then being able to rule? Was the tyrannical Jesus the same one who called us his family?

I don't think so. Maybe you have higher standards for what it takes for you to consider someone to be your friend, but you'll not find any whose put in more for you than Jesus has. Garunteed. After Jesus, your parents are probably the second highest on that list. This decision they made concerning deleting the account was probably for the best, your to young and unwise to the world for such things.

And that I believe, is just how the cookie crumbles.
-Pascal