Have you been diagnosed with depression or something similar?
I was close to suicidal during high school, but I can honestly that I'm happy with the way things are now. I like my life now. I just get anxious sometimes because as they say, college is the best time of your life! IT ALL GOES DOWNHILL FROM HERE.
I find that most people are passionate at what they're good at because other people value them for their talents in that area. In school, this can be difficult because you hang out with a lot of other people in your major area. Because they are all good at the same things you are good at, it seems as though they don't quite value you for your talents as much as you think they should. Thus you lose your passion for the subject and think you should seek something else out and leave that area behind. But if you were to go there, then you'd find that those individuals would find your old area of interest to be of value and your new area of interest would be the same as theirs and... well you'd be in the same place you were.
You know, I think you've hit something there. I used to love science because I was making great grades in it in high school, but then I started to hate it in college when my grades plummeted . In terms of business/finance (my major), I majorly epic fail at it, so it makes me sad =(. I suppose passing off that "passion" to a prospective employer could just come down to sitting down and studying more.
What you are experiencing is called existential vertigo, and it happens when you climb the summit of possibility and look down at the myriad of possibilities that lie before you and feel a sudden rush of doubt, fear, and anxiety. While it's no fun and certainly full of anxiety to go through such times, I wouldn't worry about it like it was something abnormal. Truth be told, I think it is difficult to go through one's college years without experiencing at least some measure of existential anxiety. I'll be honest here: sometimes I wish I was dead, but like I always tell myself, life is troubling and uncertain, but I'm willing to risk it. So then, how does one get back down from the high mountain and get passion? Quite simply, by making real decisions. Go out and take risks, make goals and do them, make plans and do them, get things done one by one over and over again until the things that army of ones can do is unthinkable, struggle and persevere against everything that stands in your way until you become a heaven-bent force unstoppable by any power on earth, and most importantly of all, learn from Kierkegaard that "to need God is a human being's highest perfection." Oh, and while you're at it, you should go and purchase The Essential Kierkegaard and start reading stuff by Soren Kierkegaard like The Sickness Unto Death, Either/Or: A Fragment of Life, Fear and Trembling, and The Lily in the Field and the Bird of the Air. Kierkegaard knows very well the kind of things people like you and I go through, and he'll help you grow through it in ways you could never imagine.
The risk-taking thing sounds REALLY cool. I've definitely been stuck in my comfort zone, and maybe it's just the stagnation that's getting to me. At the same time, I don't quite know what kinds of exciting "real decisions" and risks I can make in college. ._.
As for Kierkegaard, I don't really like him that much, but maybe that has to do with the fact that I had to make a boring presentation about him in high school. Hahaha...
HI. I STALK YOU. No, not really, but you've posted quite a few of these. Not that it's a bad thing, because it's important.
I don't think it's about changing attitude. I think it's about changing your life to satisfy your attitude. It's not about brainwashing either, because you're still lying to yourself. Then you'll hate yourself, unless you're a masochist.
Isn't it scary that I know you're studying accounting? I think you are, at least. If not, then whatever. I find it kind of amazing that you study accounting at MIT of all places. MIT. Where you have musical stairs. Don't you have other hobbies that's not directly art related? You like to talk a lot about how you're sure you're not going to like your job but you're going to force yourself to like it because it's good for you to do so. Why can't you find another job that is equally as lucrative, but you'll hate less? I'll wait for you to answer that.
I'd like to reiterate that you go to MIT. College is supposed to open doors to more opportunities, not close more.
I'M SORRY! I'm being emo and... well, all of these posts seem to coincidentally fall around the same time of each month. Let's just put it at that. I'm always really repetitive and I know it gets really annoying (most of my friends totally tune me out now), so I'll try not to do this anymore.
Not accounting (God, no), but Finance. Which is pretty much just as dull, but it makes a lot more money. MIT's like #2 in the nation for undergrad business or something, so I guess that's my motive. I don't really have any interest in any other fields (I hate science, I'm not really artsy enough for humanities). When you say "Why can't you find another job that is equally as lucrative, but you'll hate less?" Hahaha, that's business. It's my last resort. I was going to be an engineer during a particularly misguided phase of my life. And honestly? No, pretty much all of my hobbies are anime-related... XD;;; Right now, my hobbies are what's keeping me going, and I love that. At this point, I still think anime can keep me from doing drugs or whatever, but I keep getting warned that I won't get a good job if I'm not passionate, and that's what scares me. (Also, we have musical stairs?)
I'M SORRY in 3 days my emotions will be all balanced out and I'll read this thread and be like "Dang, what the heck was wrong with me?"