Zilch's Portfolio of Random Ruminating Writings

[Zilch]

Hey. Started a new thread for my poetry. I'm posting my previous stuff too, for archiving...

Fly

I say hello to the ceiling again
It's been so long...
When did I last call you my Friend?
Let alone my Father?
Can you really hear me
When I yell?
When my cries echo back at me?
Will you listen when I'm angry?

Are you there, somewhere above
These rafters that keep me
From flying to you
From flying into your arms
I feel so alone...
Could you reach down
And at least let me know you care?

I speak softly to the sky so blue
When was it that
I last looked in awe at your creation
Instead of asking
Why is there pain
In this life?
When will I feel at peace again?
When will these shackles break?

Are you there, somewhere above
These rafters that keep me
From flying to you
From flying into your arms
Could you reach down
And at least let me know you care?

The roof is deaf
The sky is bleak
But I know the One above this earth
And He cares
And He cries
With me

Are you there, somewhere above
These rafters that keep me
From flying to you
From flying into your arms
Could you reach down
And at least let me know you care?

But you're still faithful
As you see where the road takes me,
And you smile
Knowing it's worth it
Even if I don't...

Inside These Eyes

Can you see the pain
Past my sympathetic eyes?
If you could look closer
You might see what's inside
But I can't let you in there
No one can go there
I can't let you see there

Chaos
Disorder
Never will you see
This side of me

Can you feel confusion
In my writings on a page?
Although outside, I'm still young
Inside, I've seemed to age
But I can't let you in there
No one can go there
I can't let you see there

This is the door I slam in your face
This is the door that hides my disgrace
This is why my eyes are laced
In pain

Hide(obviously written when I was extremely depressed)

Trying vainly to put my thoughts
Into words to tell you
How much pain I feel inside
And how shortly it grew
Into a cancer racking my soul
In horrible convulsions
Caused by the hatred of my skin
Recoiling in utter revoltion
I don't remember this being me
When did I last feel You?
When did I start this falseness,
And then ceased to be true?
My knees buckle under the weight
I can't take living this lie
I stare at the knife I hold in my hand
And wonder if release is to die
I can't tell them, because they
Will only downplay my pain
No one takes me seriously anymore
Blood stains where I have lain
I run because I can't look back
Covering my head in shame
So many things now haunt me
They wonder why my soul is maimed
They don't see me
They see the shell
How do I escape
This hell before hell?

Despite Beginnings

It's not your fault
That since last night
Because of a sin
You carry a life
But just because he has sinned
You have no right to kill within
She breathes and lives
A beautiful start
Within eight weeks
You'll hear her heart
No matter how shameful she did begin
You have no right to kill within
A seperate life
Depends on you
Someone will love her
Just follow through
And as unjust as it may have been
You have no right to kill within
Your indecision
Inside will grow
When you have seen
Tiny fingers and toes
Above all of the pro-choice din
You have no right to kill within
Even though her life began with sin
You have no right to kill within

These next ones I wrote about a girl that came to our school from NYC(TO MAINE!?!?!), escaping her past. She had it pretty rough, so I wrote these two for her.

Transparent

I see your shell
I feel your pain
You're all alone
Are you to blame?
You did nothing to deserve
The burden you carry
Although you seem to think that
That smile you wear
Is just a front
I see through you

It's not your fault
I want you to know
What doesn't kill you
Helps you to grow
It's only a time
And when it's through
His heart's desire
He'll show to you
Let go of your load
He'll carry you

Fight of Your Life

Everyday a battle
Locked inside your mind
You take no help from no one
You're a fighter 'til you die
A victim of your beginnings
Hit the ground and run
Living life on the edge
Down the barrel of a gun
You made the wall around you
For that, I can't you blame
I know why you cry at night
As the pain inside you flames
Another power in your head
For the good and for the right
And for the first time ever
You now know why you fight
You fight against yourself
Against the anger and the strife
You send your pain below
And keep on fighting for your life
How long will this batttle last?
Don't ask me, I can't tell
But I always stand next to you
As you fight against your hell

Prolix

Are you saved from hell?
Washed in the Blood?
Pre-trib, post-trib, mid-trib?
Was Job before the Flood?
Baptist, Methodist?
Seventh Day or Catholism?
Penecostal, Lutherian
Can't use any euphanisms?
We chase around theologies
Never to agreement
Congregational psychology
Don't use the New Testment!
Hardcore is of the devil
Singing only hymns
Arguing fellow clergymen
On the existence of cherabim
When we focus purely
On the trifles of Christianity
What you believe must be wrong
According to the Millenial theory
We forget the unsaved people
As we squabble and debate
We've ignored our entire mission
Hopefully, it's not too late...
One day's a thousand years
A thousands years, a day
We forget matters black and white
And focus on the gray
And all the lands were one?
That's no the point, you see
Stop discussing The Screwtape Letters
Stop your animosity!
If you think the way to Christ
Is proving your doctrine
We're all the same, saved by grace
Delivered from our sin
So, when you're done debating
Armies, camels, Babylonia
Will you surmise a cure
For denominationalphobia?

[Zilch]

Move

You move in our lives
You move in our hearts
Come to this place
And fill us once again
We're hungry for Your truth
We're thirsting for Your love
Satisfy our soul's desire
Fill us with Your power

As we worship
We are on our knees
Perfectly safe inside your arms
As we worship
We raise our hands
Be beside us now
As we worship

Silent Screaming

Heart was beating
Fingers moved
Showings of a creation
Now limbs are gone
Skull is empty
Professional mutilation
Mouth open
Nothing forthcoming
Known as the silent scream
Silence, quiet
That hangs in your ears
Haunting all your dreams
Bothersome
Just extra baggage
Something you don't need
You won't take
Responsibility
It's another mouth to feed
You protest
It's your body
It's the choice of the mother
You killed a person
The heart was beating
You're a cruel, heartless murderer

Murderer!
Murderer!
If the silent scream
Won't reach you,
Maybe mine will
Murderer!

Morning Thinkness


Woke up Monday morning
Got tangled in the sheets
Snooze won't work
Can't go back to sleep
Guess it's gonna be
One of those days
I try to bury my sorrows
In a milk-sodden bowl
Of Cap'n Crunch
Cereal's a little old
Milk's a bit lumpy
Guess I'll have to chew it
Shower is being grumpy
Unless you like freezing cold water
Or how about boiling hot?
Dropped the hair dryer in the tub
Fifteen minutes before work
Plenty of time to think

Funny how sometimes we forget
That were all on the same side running this race
In our diversity we still serve the same God
The old saints in their suits and ties
They won't understand you if they tried
All they see is a person
Wearing clothes they never thought to wear
When they were my age
They won't look past my style of life
If I want to reach God
I'll have to sit up straight
Would he see me any different if I did?
They stick their noses up at us
And all our "devil music"
They forget one small thing
Jesus never said "Come, but take a shower first."
He said to come as you are
Not as you should be

So as I try to live for him
Don't try to deter me with your stuffed-up religion
We are who we are for Him
Not for your benefit
Not for your personal critisism practice
God sees us all the same
Whether we wear baggy jeans
Trousers, ties, trench coats with smurfs on the back
Capes, half-shirts, mini skirts
God sees all the same
And lucky for us
He loves us all the same
So don't try to make the narrow road
More narrow than it already is

Are we rebels?
Maybe.
But only in your eyes.
Watch us in our daily life
As we uphold Him always
Then maybe
Just maybe you'll change your mind
Just maybe you'll change your mind

Unforseen Consequences of Your Edicts

You made the law fourty years ago
You'll always reap what you will sow
Take God away so we can't pray
And ask why we blow each other away
Take away the base, the building will fall
In a sense you killed Cassie Bernall

Ash's Song

Hey, Ash
Just sitting here
Thinking that life's not fair
Why does this world around us
Seem to dump everything
On a singular thing or person?
It feels like me
But we both know
That that's not true
Because half the time
I slouch out of this load of mine
God gave you a divine purpose
And that's to keep my carcass
Moving down this road
He's paved for me
I don't know how I came to deserve friends like these...
Hey, Ash
Just one more thing
Why did you pray for me
I didn't know you were
Always there to catch me when I fall
Why didn't you tell me this before?

Juggernaut

Anger bred by sorrow of lonleliness
The pressure of his anger
Is an unholdable rage
The juggernaut is gaining momentum
To go on a killing spree
Unstoppable force
So much remorse
Drives this killer onward
Don't get in the way
Don't whisper, don't say
Something to set him off

Holding back a river
With a toothpick dam
Splintering to pieces

Welcome to the aftermath
Of a hurting soul's wrath
A simple remark broke
The barrier holding back his emotions
Flooding all in his path
Unstoppable force
So much remorse
Drives this killer onward
Don't get in the way
Don't whisper, don't say
Something to set him off

Once loved, once felt, now gone, soul melts
The juggernaut was set off by you
Just watch your back
When he's coming through

Crawling

I'm sorry I left You
I'm sorry I strayed
I'm sorry I ignored You
My spirit was frayed
I love You, my God
I am on my knees
Begging for forgiveness
I constantly need
I'm sick of the running
Sick of the pain
Sick of my feelings
That constantly change
Thank You for coming
To die in my place
So I can come back
After I spit in your face
You are my God
You're all I need
I fall on my knees
Forgiveness I plead
Please keep me tonight
And help me to say
That I will not leave
In your shadow I'll stay

Staring

I'm sorry I stare
But I'm so afraid
That if I don't
I'll miss seeing the blue core
Of your shining eyes
I'm sorry I stare
But if I don't
I'll miss your glance
When I need it most
To keep focused on my goal

Second Chance

I ran on my own free will
Now I come crawling back again
The further I climbed
The more I realized I was just a man

Jesus
The name will never get old
Jesus
It means a second chance
For the runaways untold

The world threw me on the road
I found myself lying on my back
The further I climbed
More was the weight of my lack

A God of second chances
You will always be
Stand beside me now
For all eternity

Succumb

This desire is rising within me
So fierce of a delight
My past will rise to haunt me
If succumb to it this night
It promises me happiness
If I follow it to sin
But after tonight will I
Try to quench the guilt within?
Instant pleasure seems a goal
Worthy of my time
I just don't like to see
Any reason besides mine
What happens if I sacrifice
My love, my trust, my hope
Will You be there to hold my hand
In darkness that I grope?
I see the clear reasons
I see the obvious signs
Wrong or right, lies or truth?
To be straight or misaligned?

My Friend, Anger

Anger is my friend
It lets me unleash
Anger is my friend
It lets me release
Anger is my friend
It destroys my enemies
Anger is my friend
It kills my feelings
Anger is my friend
It lets me wreak havoc
Anger is my friend
It loathes me when I have it
Anger is my prision
It is my curse
Anger is my prision
It is so much worse
Anger is a liar
It is a disgrace
Anger is a liar
Hope to never see its face
Anger is a killer
It has no remorse
Anger is a killer
Death follows in its course

The Reject

Point and laugh at the reject
Try wound him, "he won't care!"
Although you don't see it often
His worn and saddened stare
Out of your gaze, he wanders
This road, tries not to cry
He thinks too much of things
He's always asking "Why?"
His load of care you won't see
Beneath his baggy clothes
You're pious enough to judge him
Increasing his heavy load
He won't act just like you
You wonder why he's alone
But you won't care or help him
Your hearts are made of stone
This is he, the loner
Trials have worn him to the bone
Why is it, he is persecuted?
He calls his mind his own
He stands against the crowd
Like a star against the sky
He knows the One that holds him
The God that gives him wings to fly

No End To Love

My mind wanders at the thought of you
You're out there, somewhere
To think of how perfect you'll be
The wait seems too long to bear
God has set you aside for me
And he's done the same for you
My prayer is that you will save
To each other, we'll be true

Our hearts will become one
Nothing will break us
Nothing will shake us
Love will take all

My mind wanders at the thought of life
Together, we will stand firm
Until the world has fallen
To the curse of rust and worm
Fot the rest of our lives
We'll be deep inside
Ours will be a bond so strong
It will take even death in stride

In my mind's eye
I can see you
Walk my way
I can feel you
Take my hand
I can sense you
You're everything I am

[Zilch]

Die To Me

I see you and my pain flares
Pain of my past
Of what I did to you
Pain of my guilt
I can't live with me
With what I did to you
Die to me
I see you and I forget
My forgiveness
That I'm free of this
My unforgiveness
Of myself, my actions
The way I hurt you
Die to me
I see you and I hate
My carnal mind
That whispers madness
My carnal dispostion
That caused me to do this
The way I killed you
Die to me...

Aftermath

Why they've have gone we'll never know,
God decreed they had to go
Fighting to the bitter end
Country and innocents they did defend
You came back home, now we see
The payment for our liberty
The scars you bear we'll never know
We're just glad you made it home

Dedicated to the American soldiers who made the ultimate sacrifice to preserve our freedom.

Somebody's Secret

Something harmful haunts you
What is it, exactly?
Is it fear?
Is it pride?
What are keeping from me?
Something keeps you from telling me the truth
It kills me inside
Why won't you drop that burden on my shoulders?
My yoke is easy
My burden is light
You're struggling
I, of all people, see that
But why do you hide it from me?
I love you enough to die
But you won't let me help?
Why do you run from me?
I love you too much
Even though chastisment may be in order
You will always be
My son

Zombie

Falling
Crashing
Burning
Living while dying
Can you hear my scream?
Stress becomes me
To a point of breaking
Despairing...

Ground
Beaten
Despised
All by mankind
Can you hear my cry?
Burdens becomes me
To a point of pain
Despairing...

(untitled as of yet)

You took my breath away
And I'm still standing here
Not willing to move unless
I can conquer all my fear
You are the one I think of
Every day and every night
I don't mean to be obsessive
I don't mean to cause you fright
My good intentions are hidden
Behind my hard blue eyes
You don't see the pain I feel
Because I never cry
I feel completely stupid
Just talking to you now
I used to think you liked me
Now I'm wondering "How?"
I used to have a hope
It's all gone I guess
I'm feeling quite worn out
Unloved, unliked, useless
So I ask forgiveness
For all the times I stared
And I thank you for the times
You were the only one there
Although I wanted more
Friendship's all I have to give
So I guess I can leave now
I have a life to live...

[Reverie]

Nice poems!

[Zilch]

Thanks, (points upstairs), it goes right to Him.

[Zilch]

New stuff!

Defender of the Faith

I stand on this battlefield
My chest is heaving
The bodies of my former adversities
Litter the ground
I scan the horizon
And wipe the blood off my weapon
This is my life, I am a warrior
To the core of my being
I can't rest until my life
Will come to an end
Because I am made to fight
Forever, if neccessary
I scan the horizon again
I see the hordes of Hell marching
I take up my stance
And I will hold
Until my Commander relieves me

-dedicated to VEGETA and the Armed Forces of the USA. Hooah!

[Zilch]

I haven't updated for awhile but...

Broken Armor

I saw you here tonight
Standing there
It was all I could do
To stay
Here
Away from you
I'm alone tonight
But that doesn't mean
I won't dream of you
As soon as my head
Hits the pillow
Funny...
I thought
It was going to be hard on you
Not me
I guess it's hard
To let go of things
You've become so attached to
But, before I leave tonight
I want to tell you
Without doubt
Without fear
You have broken the shell
Over my heart
And I can't help
But love you...

[kaji]

Good stuff Zilch-man.
Keep with it.

-kaji

[Zilch]

Oh, wow! Something new! Sorry about the bump...

Aversion

Deep inside
This heart of mine
Lay these scars that
Layer my life

Time again
These memories rise
Giving pain to me
Long received

Unresolved
I lie alone in bed
Dying inside
Again and again

Cold steel
Pressed on my head
Pain will end
Or is there a different way?

One hope
Burning in my mind
One God above
Hearing me

On my knees
Sobbing out my anger
Against myself
Healing me

Aversion of a self-inflicted crime
Has happened here tonight