Day In The Life of the GRG

Postby **Zilch** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 12:20 pm

Okay, peoples...I have the next to last scene of the first act written...BUT I LEFT IT AT SCHOOL!*sob*...I'm sorry...I'll post it on Monday...

Postby **The_Marauding_Maniac** » Fri Apr 02, 2004 3:07 pm

Don't worry. We forgive you... UNLESS YOU DO IT AGAIN! (jk)

Postby **Zilch** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 3:24 am

okay, I PROMISE the next scene will be up today...hey...you guys can stop cringing now...uhh...anytime...

Postby **Zilch** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 12:29 pm

Finally...

The REAL Scene 16
...and all return to dust...

(The scene returns to Alliance members celebrating the victory, devoid of a certain CAA admin dancing around in a fanservicey suit.)

Inkhana: Everyone okay?

(Ekul runs up with a troll with its mouth over his head, Icarus running behind Ekul trying to get the troll off with a cattleprod, and CobaltAngel following the two, laughing her head off.)

Icarus: Hold still!
Ekul: GAAAH! NONONO! IT'LL HURT!

(CobaltAngel trips Ekul and sits on him.)

Coby: Take your medicine like a man, bro!

(Icarus misses three times before roasting the troll. Inkhana dispatches the pre-fried fiend with her Great Fairy Sword.)

Ekul: ...ewww...troll droll...
Skynes: (collecting the droll in a bottle)hmmm...very nutrious, however.
Calbhach: That...is...NASTY!

(This conversation is interrupted by the sound of steel being ripped away from the outer walls. CAAers, AAers, and GRGers look up in utter horror at the sight that greets them...worse than Rosie O' Donnel in a bathrobe...okay, let's not go THAT far...but it IS pretty nasty...anyway, the radiation has formed the remaining troll into a 120 foot creature with multiple limbs, eyes, and mouths. It promptly starts rampaging through CAA.)

Shatterheart: (eyeing the monster cooly)...looks like Phelgmesis from Residential Evils 3...
Coby: GAH!(OOC:I really like that exclamation) That thing's HUGE! We can't take these barrages, Spence!
Spencer: I know...if only a hero would save us...(silence, Spencer tries again, a bit louder)...if ONLY a HERO would SAVE US!...(somewhere, a hamster dances...)...HEY! KIANNA(aka churchgirl111)! YOU'RE UP!

(Kianna strolls in with donuts shishkabobed on her katana.)

Kianna: Yeesh! Can't a samurai take a coffee break around he-(looks up at the troll bio-mishap) OH, BANANA!...I mean...OH, SPOOT! Time to take this bad boy down!

(She shakes off the donuts from her sword and bounds up one of the beast's numerous legs. Flipping up onto its hand, she manages to slice off a few digits before being shaken off her perch. Inkhana pulls out dual Uzis Lara Croft style and unloads on the thing's feet. Calbhach whips out shurikens and flings them at the monstrosity's face, taking out three of the fifteen eyeballs. Ekul, CobaltAngel, Skynes, and Kirakira wrestle with an earlobe. Master Kenzo finds Kianna's donut stash and chows down with a vengence. Spencer pulls back with MasterDias and Zilch, trying to figure out, something, ANYTHING, to stop this enemy's advance...)

Spencer: Whew! Any ideas, guys?
MasterDias: We form up our troops, get in formation, and very cautiously run around screaming for our mommies!
Spencer:...hmm...that sounds good...
Zilch: SPENCER!
Spencer:...huh?...oh, right!..one thing left for me to do...RAIN OF SWORDS!

(Spencer gathers electric energy in his cutlass(don't ask me how, he just does), leaps in the air, and unloads it on the troll in sword-shaped lightning form. The effects are less than desirable. It only succeeds in shocking the Guild members fighting on and near it, and making it grow a few feet. Roaring, the thing charges straight for Spencer, MasterDias and Zilch. Spencer draws his weapon, bracing for the worst. Just as the monster is upon them, it stops short and falls to its knees. With one last swipe of its hand, it flings its killer through the air, then dies with a ear-shattering screech. Zilch races to the twisted body.)

Zilch: Kianna? KIANNA!

(With great effort, Kianna turns onto her back and smiles weakly at Zilch.)

Kianna: It was a good throw, wasn't it, Zilchy?

(Zilch breathes a sigh of relief.)

Zilch: Thank God, you're okay! MEDIC!

(Kirakira and Ekul limp over making ambulence noises and carry Kianna off to safety. Zilch walks over to the troll and begins pulling on the katana still stuck fast in the beast's body.)

An all-too-familiar voice: Hmmmph...pity...my troll army has fallen...I suppose I'll have to take you mortals myself!

(Zilch grasps the katana more tightly)

Kefka: She's going to die, you know...
Zilch: Shut up...
Kefka: She's giving her life for a vain pursuit...dying for nothing...
Zilch: I said SHUT UP!
Kefka: Oh, dear, have I made someone angry?

(With the sound of rending troll flesh, Zilch rips the katana from the giant's body and charges the unholy mass.)

Zilch: SHUT YOUR SPOONY PIEHOLE, YOU SPAWN OF HEEELLLLL!!!

Postby **Zilch** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 12:41 pm

Scene 16, cont.

(Swords clash, feet and claws grapple for purchase on the rocky ground as the epic duel ensues. Zilch unleashes a barrage of blows upon his enemy. The demon, suprised at the onslaught, recovers with a counterattack of his own, knocking Zilch to the ground to gain a moment's breath. Bringing himself to a kneeling position, Zilch succeeds in slashing the demon's leg open. Stauching the sulfurous blood seeping from his wound, Kefka takes up his stance once more. Zilch gets up, breathing heavily, picking up his Gunblade while tossing the katana behind him. Kefka sees an opportunity over Zilch's shoulder. Stunning Zilch with the butt of his blade, Kekfa bulls Ekul and Kirakira over and puts his blade to Kianna's throat.)

Kekfa: Calbhach! Dissolve the Guild of Redeemed Gamers or the girl dies!
Calbh:...
Kefka: Well?

(Zilch grunts in pain as he picks himself up.)

Zilch: You forget something about gamers, Kefka...
Kefka: What's tha-

(Kefka's question is cut short by the Great Fairy Sword that seems to grow through his chest. Inkhana's weapon is followed by a cutlass, C4, a hammer, four shurikens, and finally, a katana.)

Kefka: *gasp* h-how...why...me?

(Zilch limps up, Gunblade ready.)

Zilch: You...forget that...gamers...prefer...MULTIPLAYER!

(The last thing Kefka sees is the Gunblade going through his head. The former horde leader dissolves into suflur. Zilch sways...and blacks out...)

Postby **The_Marauding_Maniac** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 12:52 pm

YES! Thank you! Kefka is now a spootpile.

Postby **CobaltAngel** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 1:08 pm

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN! *runs around laughing evilly* *people stare*

Postby **uc pseudonym** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 1:14 pm

Not a bad ending to the arc at all. Multiple final bosses, various battle types. Good work.

Postby **Zilch** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 1:24 pm

Thank you guys. I really appreciate the compliments...

Postby **Icarus** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 7:07 pm

A cattle prod... This should come in handy.

Oh, Convoy!

Postby **kirakira** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 7:14 pm

*clapclapclap* Hey...can I keep the flamethrower? *pulls it out of the computer screen and wonders if it will fit in her closet*

Postby **CobaltAngel** » Mon Apr 05, 2004 7:23 pm

*goes out to buy Kira an 'I'm a Pyro' t-shirt*

Postby **Zilch** » Thu Apr 08, 2004 6:13 pm

Scene 17
The End?

(Zilch awakes back at the Guild, members crowded around him to check on him.)

Zilch: (rolling over) 5 more minutes, Mom...
Calch: C'mon, Zilchy! You're going to miss the awards ceremony!

(Zilch rubs his eyes and sits up.)

Zilch: How long have I been out?
Spencer: (walking in) Well...it's been almost a week...but...both the Guild of Redeemed Gamers and the Christian Anime Alliance are awarding you for your bravery.

(Zilch hits the ceiling attempting to bounce out of bed.)

Zilch: GAH! Re-really?
Spencer: Yup. They're all waiting for you.

(Later, at the ceremony...the leaders of the respective groups are standing on a platform thronged by members. Ashley comes to the podium first. The PA system immediately decides it doesn't like her, and promptly begins generating feedback of sumo wrestler proportions...)

Ashley: (squeal) I want to th-(squeal) you all for comin(squeal). It's been a rough (squeal) and I hope that everyone (squeal) the battles and you won't be (squeal). We have come today to (squeal) to (squeal) those who (squeal). I want to personally thank (squeal), for his heroic (squeal). (squeal) you.

(Members uncover their ears as Calbhach takes center stage.)

Calbh: It's been hard hasn't it? If not for the brave actions of you members, there would be no groups standing here today. This battle here will forever be commemorated as..."This Battle Here Will Forever Be Commemerated As...". We shall erect a memorial to the heroes lost and the deeds done in sacrifice. And, in closing...I wish to do this... I, on behalf of the administrators and moderators, would like to honor Zilch, for defeating the demonic leader of the assault on our beloved online homes. Zilch, could you come here please?

(Zilch stands up and walks to the front of the stage. Calbhach hands him a key and points to a large building to her right.)

Calbh: Zilch, within that building lies your reward. Please, accept it as our token of gratitude.

(Zilch nods, waves to the crowd, and runs off like a junk food addict out of a natural living center, all in one motion. He quickly runs inside and slams the door behind him. Inkhana quickly locks the door behind him. She looks inside a fusebox on the building.)

Inkhana: Hey, Calbhy, what am I looking for here?
Calbh: ...hmm...I believe it's labeled "Authorical Powers"

(Inkhana looks down the breakers.)

Inkhana: ...lessee..."General Goofiness of GRG" is on..."Adminstrative Masssage Chair Privileges"...that's on..."Juggerknot's Spell Check"...that's off, no suprise there..."P.I.E Successful Mission"...that's off...ah, here it is, "Authorical Powers"...OFF!

(Inside, Zilch tries to find a lightswitch.)

Zilch: Phew! It stinks in here!
Spencer: We know.

(Zilch finds the lightswitch...and he wishes he hadn't...troll carcasses line the whole building. Half decayed, they put off a stink like a certain Democrat that didn't win the election in 2000...)

Zilch: GAH! WHAT IS THIS!?
Calbh: You have to clean this building out for the VFW meeting tonight, and you ain't coming out until it shines like the top of the Chrysler Building, you hear?
Zilch: YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I HAVE RIGHTS! I AM AN AMERICAN CITIZEN! I AM A MEMBER OF THE PTA SPY NETWORK! I AM THE AUTHOR OF THIS BRILLIANCE! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! WHAT KINDA REWARD IS THIS?!
Calbh: This is your reward for making yourself the hero of your own story!
Inkhana: And making me say Lightbringer was hot!
Ashley: And making my mic squeal!
Shatterheart: And making me dance around in a skimpy little suit!
Spencer: Umm...Shatterheart?
Shatterheart: Yeah?
Spencer: You still have it on...
Shatterheart: ...oh...spoot...(he scurries off)
Calbh: Anyway, this is what you get, Zilch...
Zilch: OKAY!...NOw...I aM AngRY! RoooAAArrr! I'm GoNnA MAkE yoU alL INtO FaNS OF SnoW FaIrY SuGAr and PAcMAn and ScOOBy-DoO!

(Zilch realizes that his powers are useless...as the Guild members walk away laughing and enjoying smoothies. Our last shot is of Zilch grabbing a mop and going to work...)

END OF ACT ONE!

Postby **CobaltAngel** » Thu Apr 08, 2004 6:35 pm

Uhm... *pats Zilch on the head* LOL!Juggernot Spell Check... *cracks up*

Postby **The_Marauding_Maniac** » Fri Apr 09, 2004 7:11 am

Yay! Act 2 will be patiently waited upon, as Act 1's ending was awesome!

Postby **uc pseudonym** » Fri Apr 09, 2004 7:21 am

Zilch wrote:Calbh: This is your reward for making yourself the hero of your own story!

Right. Good work. I trust that Act I means there's another act, however...

Postby **Icarus** » Fri Apr 09, 2004 1:37 pm

An there is not, I'm certain that particular Admin can convince him of the error of his ways.

Postby **Zilch** » Fri Apr 09, 2004 8:07 pm

It's good to know my work is appreciated. Act should be started within the next week or so. Again, thank you guys! As Working Designs would say, without you guys, there is no game(or in this case, story).

Postby **kirakira** » Sun Apr 11, 2004 7:00 pm

*pats Zilch on the head* Don't worry, just think, by the time you're done cleaning, you'll have arms of steel from all that mopping. *lol* *runs off to polish flamethrower*

Postby **Zilch** » Mon Apr 12, 2004 3:27 am

what would you guys think if...

[SPOILER] The Guild somehow got thrown into a few games, namely Final Fantasy X and Halo?[/SPOILER]

Postby **JediSonic** » Mon Apr 12, 2004 3:32 am

Halo sounds good :evil:

Postby **uc pseudonym** » Mon Apr 12, 2004 5:37 am

Inversely, Final Fantasy X sounds good as well. I'd support having none of the original characters in the game, everyone having been replaced.

[spoiler]random spoilerization[/spoiler]

Postby **Zilch** » Wed Apr 14, 2004 1:28 pm

...hmm...great idea, UC...mwahahaha...that'll make for some laughs...

Postby **kirakira** » Wed Apr 14, 2004 5:32 pm

oo, cool idea, Zilch! ^^ oi loike it, yois zurr, burr aye! *lol* *cartwheels*

Postby **Zilch** » Sat Apr 17, 2004 4:24 pm

OOC:Burr aye, miz Kirakira, you'm be a moler loike oi, hurrhurr!

Now for the second act to the second most critically-acclaimed play in CAA history and first in GRG history...

Days In The Life Of The GRG, Act TWOOOO!

Scene 1
So It Begins...

(Another boring day at the Guild. Calbhach walks downstairs with her Frappachino in hand, waiting for another pleasant day of leading her now-74 member flock. She comes to the bottom of the stairs and finds Duckie, Ekul, CobaltAngel, Kirakira, Spencer, Zilch, Inkhana, and for some odd reason, UC Psuedonym crowded around a giant metal box. Pushed by her curiosity, she joins the throng.)

Calbh: What's going on, guys?
Ekul: 'Tis my new invention! It lets you become a part of any video game you want as any of the characters from the game!
Calbh: SWEEEET!

(Calbhach unconsiously speeds forward and throws all the switches she can find. There's a shudder, a clank, a bang, a very timid "oops", followed by

KAZOOOOOTTTTTTT!

The Guild members wake up in the sand. Calbhach picks herself up and checks for broken appendages and various vital organs...and realizes...she looks exactly like Tidus from Final Fantasy X...in fact...SHE IS TIDUS!)

Calbh: I'M A SKINNY WHITE BOY! GAH!
Dark Voice: Don't complain...
Calbh: Lulu?

("Lulu" looks around at the still-conscious people)

"Lulu": Actually...
Calbh: What? Who are you?
"Lulu": ...I'm UC...
Calbh: U-SEEEEEE?
UC: Yes...
Calbh:...well...that dress is very flattering on you...
"Wakka": Oh, man, my head...

(to be finished later, I need to go)

Postby **uc pseudonym** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 4:56 pm

Wr'd dese Redwall allusions be from, wot?

Nice, nice. I didn't expect that, but hey, this is a story meant to be funny. It's not like it would really matter if I was Auron, anyway. At least I have spells... and a belt skirt, for some bizarre reason. May I change dresses? Please?

Postby **inkhana** » Sun Apr 18, 2004 5:06 pm

I'm almost scared to ask what comes next...O.o

Postby **mechana2015** » Mon Apr 19, 2004 11:16 am

UC... as Lulu...<gasp!> Too funny to talk in ... a normal ... sentince.

Postby **The_Marauding_Maniac** » Mon Apr 19, 2004 12:05 pm

Yes! Thank you for updating and.... MWAHWA! *Points the contraption at a machine gun and transfers it to LoZ

Postby **TheMelodyMaker** » Mon Apr 19, 2004 7:59 pm

I can only imagine which character I'd end up being... *glances at avatar* ...except that you guys don't know who she is yet because I have yet to release the game. :lol:

Day In The Life of the GRG

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