I kinda have a problem....

[~darkelfgirl~]

Um, well...there's this dude that's been stalking me off and on for months (I think). He used to stalk my friend, and now he's stalking me. Oh no--not like 'breathing behind your back' stalking, but just following me. Well, that's the same thing ^^'. Some days, I know he's following me without having to turn around--it's like a sixth sense O.O.

The first time I noticed this was when my best friend yelled at him and his friend, telling them to stop following us (in October, I think). I thought that was the end of that.

The first time he approached me, he asked me if I liked him. I was like...."uh, I don't know you." He offered me his phone number, but I didn't take it. It's been off and on, the same thing over and over again.

It happened again, today, and he seemed kinda depressed about the whole thing. I told him the same answer--"I don't know you" but he said, "I'm trying to know you." I ignored him and saw my fellow anime freak guy friend up in front and ran to him for cover.

You see, I don't want to stomp all over his heart (God knows how many times my heart's been stomped all over) and yell at him to go away like my friend did when he stalked her (well, that was successful...). Hey--I'm a bleeding heart. I don't want him to kill himself, either (God forbid!)

I mean, I'm flattered and all, but he's not my type, and plus, I'm not looking for a guy (kinda sick of them as of the moment, hehe). But it seems like the hints aren't getting through. I don't want to be harsh.

He doesn't seem like the type that would stop you in an alley and slice you up into pieces then dump you off a cliff or something. But then again....O.O

I think I told Temulin about this guy, already....

Anyone been through this before? Advice is appreciated !

(I'm asking you guys because my school friends' advices...ur...)

[Sparx00]

Hmmm.... Have you told him that he isn't your type?

[~darkelfgirl~]

Hmmm.... Have you told him that he isn't your type?

Not exactly, but I told him he was wasting his time today. I told him I didn't want his number and that I didn't want to give him my number, and walked away (and he followed). I didn't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel like he isn't good enough for me, but I guess I have to spell it out for him, then. *shrugs*

[Shao Feng-Li]

Tell your parents?

[~darkelfgirl~]

Tell your parents?

You see, I don't want to blow it out of proportion. They're overexaggerators and my dad'll get his gun . But in times like these...that seems like a great idea.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I would say that this is a typical case of "guy infatuated with girl and does not know how to properly make a social advance to get to know her well".

I would also say that this guy lost his chance with you, lol. Don't be afraid to "stomp on his heart" or anything. The best thing for you to do is to be flat out straight with him and say that you don't want to be near him nor do you really want to get to know him. Of course, you should definitely do that in a respectable manner, but you should also keep your ground and not let his emotions sway your thinking. He'll adjust, get better, and learn from his mistakes.

If he continues to follow you and even reacts violently towards you, that's when you contact the proper authorities.

[Shao Feng-Li]

What Ryan said.

[~darkelfgirl~]

I would say that this is a typical case of "guy infatuated with girl and does not know how to properly make a social advance to get to know her well".

I would also say that this guy lost his chance with you, lol. Don't be afraid to "stomp on his heart" or anything. The best thing for you to do is to be flat out straight with him and say that you don't want to be near him nor do you really want to get to know him. Of course, you should definitely do that in a respectable manner, but you should also keep your ground and not let his emotions sway your thinking. He'll adjust, get better, and learn from his mistakes.

If he continues to follow you and even reacts violently towards you, that's when you contact the proper authorities.

Ok, thanks MSP! That sounds better than the violent advice I've been getting from my friends XD.

I hope he doesn't go into severe depression or suicide, though. He looked really bummed today. Like about to cry.

[USSRGirl]

o.O Hrm... sounds like the subtle/civil approach hasn't really been working with your creepy stalker guy. Aside from the borrowing a meat cleaver from the butcher down the street and walking around with ketchup smeared all over it to deter following, I would give him one last talk if he follows you again and just spell it out to him loud and clear: "I'm not interested in you. I don't want to get to know you. Leave me alone now, or I'm reporting this to a teacher as harassment." Like MSP said, it will be for his own good in the end because being nice to him is obviously not working - it sounds like he's almost encouraged because you haven't just hacked off his limbs yet and still thinking he has a chance with you. It's better if you're harsh and forceful with him, otherwise he just won't get it. He'll probably be scared off if you threaten to report him, and you may shock him into getting a grip on what is not acceptable when trying to "get to know" someone.

If you pity him and try to make friends, it will only get worst. Just remember that he isn't your project to fix, whatever is going on in his life. Yeah, we're supposed to care, but you have to draw the line. I think the best saying I ever heard about having too much pity was that apparently when a lifeguard saves someone who is drowning, the first thing they do is kick them away so they don't grab onto them and pull them down with them. People like him need to learn to respect a "no." He sounds like he's being an immature idiot and needs to cool it.

If he still doesn't get it after that, I'd tell a teacher and let them end it.

[Peanut]

Originally I wasn't going to post anything because MSP pretty much covered what I would suggest and the only other ideas I had involved Mace and talking about marriage...however I then remembered something my ethics professor suggested. If he approaches you again and you don't want to stomp on his heart, tell him your testimony and/or talk about what God's done in your life recently. It could lead to his salvation...or it could make the situation worse because you've now talked to him and added fuel to the flame.At that point, doing what MSP said is probably a good idea...

[~darkelfgirl~]

o.O Hrm... sounds like the subtle/civil approach hasn't really been working with your creepy stalker guy. Aside from the borrowing a meat cleaver from the butcher down the street and walking around with ketchup smeared all over it to deter following, I would give him one last talk if he follows you again and just spell it out to him loud and clear: "I'm not interested in you. I don't want to get to know you. Leave me alone now, or I'm reporting this to a teacher as harassment." Like MSP said, it will be for his own good in the end because being nice to him is obviously not working - it sounds like he's almost encouraged because you haven't just hacked off his limbs yet and still thinking he has a chance with you. It's better if you're harsh and forceful with him, otherwise he just won't get it. He'll probably be scared off if you threaten to report him, and you may shock him into getting a grip on what is not acceptable when trying to "get to know" someone.

If you pity him and try to make friends, it will only get worst. Just remember that he isn't your project to fix, whatever is going on in his life. Yeah, we're supposed to care, but you have to draw the line. I think the best saying I ever heard about having too much pity was that apparently when a lifeguard saves someone who is drowning, the first thing they do is kick them away so they don't grab onto them and pull them down with them. People like him need to learn to respect a "no." He sounds like he's being an immature idiot and needs to cool it.

If he still doesn't get it after that, I'd tell a teacher and let them end it.

XD (Oh, it wasn't your funny advice that I was referring too when I was talking about violent advice. I know you were just being your dictatorish self).

That lifeguard thing is so true. So true.

I'm hoping he got my point today and doesn't come back for the final tango. But I bet he will. *sigh* What I don't get is that he's done before and got a harsh result. I guess he's a glutton for punishment.

Originally I wasn't going to post anything because MSP pretty much covered what I would suggest and the only other ideas I had involved Mace and talking about marriage...however I then remembered something my ethics professor suggested. If he approaches you again and you don't want to stomp on his heart, tell him your testimony and/or talk about what God's done in your life recently. It could lead to his salvation...or it could make the situation worse because you've now talked to him and added fuel to the flame.At that point, doing what MSP said is probably a good idea...

Yeh...I don't think the testimony thing will work the way it should in this circumstance...

[LadyRushia]

I'd say contact authorities the next time he approaches you. Don't give him anymore chances, especially since you've already been clear with him. You don't have to be harsh with him, but still tell someone.

[Roxas2210]

I suggest, having my heart ripped into shreds on many occasions, that you tell him the truth, that you want nothing to do with him and you will report him if he dose not leave you alone, but do it in a softer way than some of the others are suggesting. He may cry, but let him. That is the best thing for him is to just cry and get over you. Do not, I repeat, do NOT show any sign of pity for him, for this will make him think that you are his friend. If he continues, call the police, not just the teachers. It may seem a bit harsh, but it will teach him that this is not the way to make friends or lovers.

I hope I helped in some small way.

Yours

Roxas

[GeneD]

Jeez, some guys! (Okay I know it's not always just guys, but I've had to deal with a lot of psycho guys lately, so please forgive me.)

I don't want to scare you, just trying to motivate you to talk to someone in authority, even if it's your parents and they overreact. A friend of mine's roommate was in a similar situation a while back, with a guy following her around and rocking up at her flat. My friend kept telling him to leave them alone and eventually he started harassing my friend for "getting in his way". To cut a long story short, it got so bad that they had to have him arrested.

I'm not saying this might happen in your situation, and I'll pray that it won't, but please know that your safety is your first priority. Also, if he bounced back so "well" from your friend telling him off, don't worry too much about his feelings, he'll survive. And hopefully he can learn from his mistake as well.

[Tsukuyomi]

Awww, poor Elfy o.o I had a similar, but yet not similar experience o.o My stalker situation happened here.. online.. it even followed me here -_- I tried to be nice and tell him he wasn't my type and I was just not looking for a relationship. He took no heed to what I said. He then persisted. Constantly bugging me to give him a chance. It made me feel so bad, but I just wasn't feeling him u_u After he didn't get the answer he wanted from me, he tried creating other identities to try to make me jealous and make me want to ask him out. Psshh, all that got him was at date with himself,"I'll give you three days to ask him out.. THREE DAYS!"

Me: "Why don't you ask him out yourself then? Why wait three days? Why not do it now?"

Wow, I can go on and on about this, but meh.. I won't ^^;

Yes, it is flattering, but what does he hope in doing? The more he pushes the more he's going to push you away o.O If he wants to know you then he should approach you as a friend first. Not follow you around, hiding behind things in hopes you don't see him o.O Be it real life or just online, if he doesn't stop.. then it's time to tell the authorities o.o I'm sure everyone has already said that, but you should. Especially, since it's been going on for a while now o.o

[termyt]

Yeah. You are being too vague. Guys do not understand subtlety when it comes to this kind of thing. You think you are being nice, you are actually leading us on in a way. As much as he does not want to be rejected, it's even worse to hang around hoping when there is no hope.

I think a kind way to get your point across is to be very direct. Something like, "I understand you are interested in me, but there is no chance that I will take your phone number or give you mine and following me around decreases your chances dramatically."

If you are concerned for his feelings, you still need to be very direct with him. You can be kind by not telling him off in front of a very large group of people, but any indirectness will be interpreted as a sign of hope for him and will encourage him to continue.

[Roxas2210]

Too true

[minakichan]

<s>Restraining order</s>

<s>Act really gross and unappealing in front of him</s>

<s>Tell him you're only into 2D men</s>

<s>Tell him you don't lean that way</s>

Grab some random guy in the hallway and proclaim to your stalker that SAID GUY is your boyfriend, using subtle facial expressions and womanly telepathy to threaten SAID GUY that if he doesn't play along, he face will become one with the ground.

VICTORY. SHOUJO MANGA IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING.

OK, in all seriousness, I do agree that sicking these mysterious "authorities" on this poor guy is really extreme, but just talking to him gently is not extreme enough. Hmm... if he's already moved on from stalking someone else, you're probably not going to be he last... maybe a relief? o_O Do you know if there was any impetus for him to stop stalking your friend?

[Tsukuyomi]

Try telling him that you aren't interested and not looking for a relationship (I kinda feel the same way to be honest.. or at least starting to u_u). Does he seem like an over all nice guy? If he persist with the pushing, you may have to tell him off and embarrassing him in front of a big crowd (as Termyt put it). That may sound cold, but if he's not getting the point then that's sounds like something you should do. Rather then telling him in private o.o

Start by telling him that you're just not interested in a relationship nor with him o.O

[Mr. SmartyPants]

the subtle/civil approach never really works with guys.

Fixed.

[USSRGirl]

Fixed.

Ugh... truthful irony.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I'm the exception...

Okay, not really.

[~darkelfgirl~]

Lol, thanks so much guys. Guess I'll have to be direct. If this continues (and I hope to God it doesn't) I'll tell the school admins. Judging by their eagerness to discipline lately, they'll be sure to handle it.

When I told my best friend today, she said that he does that to a lot of girls. One would think he would learn from the shouting, but I guess not. I didn't see him today because I had to go to my locker. Days when I don't go are when he follows me.

<s>Tell him you're only into 2D men</s>

XD Maybe if I show him some of my favorite anime bishies he'll get scared and run away. *Pulls out Loz pic* I'll tell him I'm married to him.

As for your question, Mina, my friend shouted the daylight out of him. She gave me the same advice today lol. I'm...not going to do that, though. I'm not a shouter, and I have regard for people's feelings (hence the bleeding heart comment).

Does he seem like an over all nice guy?

He does, but I don't see him a lot. He seems like the quiet type.

[Roxas2210]

Then tell him his approch is all wrong. If he wants friends or girlfriends, he needs to just say hello and see if they want anything to do with him. If he continues to stalk people the way he dose, it will cause serious problems for him in the not-so-distant future. If you explain this to him, he might change his ways. If he dose, do you think he might be a good friend?

Yours

Roxas

[RobinSena]

Then tell him his approch is all wrong. If he wants friends or girlfriends, he needs to just say hello and see if they want anything to do with him. If he continues to stalk people the way he dose, it will cause serious problems for him in the not-so-distant future. If you explain this to him, he might change his ways. If he dose, do you think he might be a good friend?

Yours

Roxas

Honestly, if he's been stalking her, she should cut it off completely. Giving him advice like that is just going to make things worse, IMHO.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Then tell him his approch is all wrong. If he wants friends or girlfriends, he needs to just say hello and see if they want anything to do with him. If he continues to stalk people the way he dose, it will cause serious problems for him in the not-so-distant future. If you explain this to him, he might change his ways. If he dose, do you think he might be a good friend?

Yours

Roxas

If she explains it to him, he's going to continually make numerous attempts to her the way he thinks she would appreciate it the most. i.e. He's going to go up to her and say "hello how are you? " and try to get to know her better.

Realistically, he probably lost his chance with her. Most people don't end up being close friends with someone that used to stalk them.

[Tsukuyomi]

If she explains it to him, he's going to continually make numerous attempts to her the way he thinks she would appreciate it the most. i.e. He's going to go up to her and say "hello how are you? " and try to get to know her better.

Realistically, he probably lost his chance with her. Most people don't end up being close friends with someone that used to stalk them.

This is true what MSP says u_u/ He has probably lost his chance with our Elfy o.o Perhaps it is wise to let some kind of authority figure know about him o.o He may be targeting others. Even if he did want to start over and become friends, there still may be the chance he will use that as a means of hooking up with Elfy o.o

[termyt]

This guy doesn't sound dangerous. More along the lines of shy teenager who has no idea how to approach someone. But still, the activity he's engaged in is dangerous and may lead him down a very dark path.

It's often nice to know why you are being rejected, but you should only do what you feel comfortable doing. Confront him and be direct. Tell him he's lost any opportunity he may have had to be friends with you by following first your friend and now you.

But, while I believe you need to be very direct with him, you only need to be very direct with him, once. After that, speaking with school officials is absolutely the best thing you can do. They can stop him from harassing you and they may be able to help him change his behavior to something more productive before it is too late.

[TriezGamer]

It looks like you're on the right track. It seems cruel to actually DO it, but a guy who can't learn to socially function SHOULD be pushed away, and you'll be doing him a favor, even though he doesn't realize it.

A semi-aside:

Why do people insist on being 'nice' to others when it comes to (termination or rejection of) relationships and dating? It causes nothing but problems for everyone involved, and in the long run causes more pain than the pain that was being avoided initially.

There's only two ways a relationship can end: You break up, or one of you dies. If it's not working out, and it's not going to work out, someone needs to take the initiative and call things off -- even if it has to be done before the relationship starts.

Those afraid of heartache confuse me too. Heartache sucks, but EVERY relationship EXCEPT a permanent one will wind up as a painful experience -- but you can learn from it. And since you can only have ONE permanent relationship, it's EXTREMELY unlikely that it will be your first one (especially since you aren't getting any experiences with the stresses of a relationship, nor what you might not see going into a relationship). For most people it will be a 6th, or even 20th relationship that leads to a permanent, happy life of marriage.

In other words: Don't fear the heartache. It hurts, but what you learn from it is important to your future married life.

/off-topic

[Tsukuyomi]

It looks like you're on the right track. It seems cruel to actually DO it, but a guy who can't learn to socially function SHOULD be pushed away, and you'll be doing him a favor, even though he doesn't realize it.

A semi-aside:

Why do people insist on being 'nice' to others when it comes to (termination or rejection of) relationships and dating? It causes nothing but problems for everyone involved, and in the long run causes more pain than the pain that was being avoided initially.

There's only two ways a relationship can end: You break up, or one of you dies. If it's not working out, and it's not going to work out, someone needs to take the initiative and call things off -- even if it has to be done before the relationship starts.

Those afraid of heartache confuse me too. Heartache sucks, but EVERY relationship EXCEPT a permanent one will wind up as a painful experience -- but you can learn from it. And since you can only have ONE permanent relationship, it's EXTREMELY unlikely that it will be your first one (especially since you aren't getting any experiences with the stresses of a relationship, nor what you might not see going into a relationship). For most people it will be a 6th, or even 20th relationship that leads to a permanent, happy life of marriage.

In other words: Don't fear the heartache. It hurts, but what you learn from it is important to your future married life.

/off-topic

Off topic, but very true. No one likes heartache. Nor, do they want to cause it, but does that mean they have to suffer through their own just to spare another of theirs?

Ok, that was also off-topic.. heh heh heh >_>;

Just tell him what's up and if he doesn't seem to grasp it, then that's his fault u_u The more you're forced to tell him off will only cause him pain, so he should stop if he doesn't want to be shot down anymore u_u He should really think about how you're feeling to. Besides for being creeped out, he's making you feel bad for making him feel bad o.o

One of the many vicious cycles out there U_U