Can't think.

[Bap]

This... is a really odd issue on my part, so sorry about the... ambiguous-ness of it. xD;

But I just... have this problem. Where I constantly "what if" everything around me. In my head. And then I get all paranoid, wanting to fix the "what if" in my head, not wanting to get use to it, and I spend lots of time reasoning it out and thinking on it and fixing it...

And when it first started, it was stuck in my head a lot (if anyone remembers my thing about 'thought stickies'...) and I constantly had to remind myself it was this way and not that way, but... yeah. It wasn't as bad as now. I could still think. And take my mind off it...

But recently, it's constantly stuck. I'm constantly "what if"-ing things, I can't think at all, and my mind has had a hard time resting... I've even started to think of and correct them in my dreams.

It's... aggravating. I haven't been able to focus on anything. I haven't been able to think on my schoolwork, and I feel like I'm always having to be on my mental toes, so to speak, trying to fix the "what if"s.

I think it's also starting to stress me out. All those rage spasms I have... It's... yeah.

What freaks me out the most, is this has pretty much been an every day thing since like... August of '06. I'm just. Scared. That I won't ever be able to get rid of these "what if"s and... just. The way I've been lately? I really, really don't want this to get any worse.

And 'cause of these thoughts, I've had a hard time praying. And I know, some people are going to say stuff like, "God's listening," and "You can trust God," but it's not God I have the problem with. I know He knows. I know He'd listen. I'm scared that I might not be directing it at God.

...It's. Just a really weird problem.

And that's really. All I can describe it as at the moment, and ask for prayers. xD;;

[freerock1]

I'll be lifting you in prayer. The thing you gotta remember is that God is faithful, even when we're not (2 Timothy 2:13). He hears our prayers, not because they're well spoken or even because they're always focused. (God knows my prayers aren't always focused. ) He hears them because He promises to hear them (Matthew 7:7-11 and 21:22, John 16:24).

And even when we lose focus and just can't seem to pray, we've got Jesus and the Holy Spirit both interceding, praying to the Father for us (Romans 8:26-34).

As I said before, I will be lifting you up. Know that you're not alone in this fight, my sister.

[Doubleshadow]

Try reading Matthew 6:28-34.

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life[b]?

28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Jesus is talking here. You need to find a way to live in the now, the moment of existence that is. The vast majority (80%) of what people worry about is what has happened and can't be changed, or what won't happen at all. I'm sure you are aware of this, but reiterating may help. From your comments on your prayer life, I'd say since the enemy has a foothold in your mind, he's exploiting it to keep you from getting your relationship with God from getting stronger (since all relationships require communication). You could try getting a prayer brother or sister to pray with you to help you pray through the resistance. If you can't think straight, it could help to go tot a psychologist to give you perspective.

DS

[Danderson]

U have my prayers.....

[ShiroiHikari]

Hrm, that's always a yucky place to be. :\

This will sound irrelevant and out of left field, but...do you drink a lot of water? I used to have a lot of problems like this before I started drinking a ton of water every day. You never know, it could work. Plus, it won't hurt. XD;

[Bap]

Thanks all. @__@; I really do appreciate this a lot, and I'm trying to get back into praying, so all of this is appreciated.

@Shiroi: I'm not sure what constitutes as a ton, but I think my water drinking days peaked during the past few months. xD I haven't been lately, but maybe it will help.

[Bap]

this is an unrelated problem, but since I've got a recent prayer thread in here anyway... xD;

um... ...I've kinda got this thing? ._.; I don't really have any Christian friends in my life. And... I don't know. Sometimes when it comes to God stuff, I just feel really alone? Coming here helps a bit, because you guys are seriously awesome when I ask for prayer and stuff. <3 but... my thing. Is that like... I don't know, for some reason, Christian friends scare me. ._.; Like... the thought of it? I don't know why. It's like. I need it. But I'm afraid of it at the same time.

And then it just gets depressing, and with all this thought sticky stuff I can't go off and day dream and kinda push it away.

I dunno. ...Am I weird? xD; I don't feel like a real Christian sometimes, you know? ._.; I have so many ups and downs and augh. why would a real christian be afraid of having christian friends. Dx

sry. ._.; that's my little ramble.

[freerock1]

Are you involved with a church youth group? Or is there a Christian group in your school that you can get involved with? If not, I'd encourage you to find one, because having committed Christian brothers and sisters beside you in the battle can be such an encouragement. If you don't find the right one right away, keep looking. It may take a while, but when you find the right one it will be well worth it. Ask God to lead you, keep at it, and I'm sure you'll find the right one. God never meant for you to walk this Christian road alone.

Again, I'll be lifting you in prayer, my sister. Be encouraged.

[Bap]

I kinda am. @_@ For the youth group, I'm really on and off... There's a Bible Club that meets sometimes at my school, but it's always in the morning, haha. >_>; Maybe I should suck it up and try it some time...? xD;

Thanks. <3