Family Splitting Up

[Angel37]

I called my house last night to schedule a day Mike and I could come and spend time with everyone namely because of my grandparents being in state and wanting to see us. Everyone was gone except mom so I ended up talking to her for awhile, and I decided to subtley try to bring the conversation around to talk about dad to see if what I've heard from my sister (Chu-Chu on CAA) is as bad as it sounds.
It's worse.
My mom is officially planning on divorcing my dad. She's started slowly moving her stuff into my old room, and she sleeps there now. She's been looking for apartments that accept dogs in the Lakeland or Trinity area and has discussed with my sisters her desire to gradually move out and separate this summer. And the impression she left me with was that there is nothing my dad can do or say to change her mind. She's 100% done with him. She even gave me the whole, "I still love him just not as a wife" speech. Now my dad doesn't know she's planning this yet, but she says she's trying to do it slowly as to not cause a big fight and to trick him into coming to the conclusion of divorce himself so he'll think it's his idea. The problem is with him telling Chu he'll take the sisters places as long as mom doesn't come...it sounds like the idea could be appealing to him. He's even accepted mom's moving into my room without a word. In fact, Chu and mom both told me they don't talk to each other anymore.
Needless to say....I'm shocked. I mean I knew stuff was bad, but I've seen them go through worse and come out ok. I thought my mom would still be holding on to some hope or condition my dad could meet and they'd stay together but....nope. She is done. The way she talked last night, she is through. She wants to talk to my grandparents about it, has already warned Chu and Micki about it...
Unless God does a miracle....my parents are getting divorced.
I cried last night about it because I want them to stay together. It's the right, Biblical thing to do. But that's the only reason I want them to.
I just feel betrayed by my father. He's been such a lying jerk. Mom even said that at marriage counseling sessions a time ago he admitted to not wanting family responsibility. And even I've noticed that he only acts involved in our lives when company's around.
So now I wonder if my dad ever really cared about us. And that hurts.
I love my dad alot. Some of you know that with the crap my mom's pulled, I'd always have my dad's back. My relationship with my mom was so bad, I used to try to reach out to my dad though not much happened there. But I always thought we were cool. Now I'm questioning whether he ever wanted us to begin with, because he acts contrary. He practically lives at work, lies to mom, refuses to help with the housework and cooking when my mom's RSD and my sisters' schoolwork keeps them from doing any of it, he never wants to be around them unless company's there, and he even chewed out Chu for calling him at work when she needed something. She was really hurt by it too because he was really nasty about it. And Chu never calls him at work anyway.
So....please pray for my family. Like I said, unless God produces a miracle...my parents are going to get divorced. And pray for me. It's alot for me to deal with as my image of my father is painfully cracking, and I don't know what to think.

[Radical Dreamer]

Man, that's rough. I'll definitely be praying for you and your family in this.

[Doubleshadow]

Praying for you.

[Mithrandir]

Wow. Just... Wow. You are in our hearts and prayers, Angel!

[Sheenar]

Will be praying, Angel.

[Angel37]

Thanks guys. I really appreciate as prayer is really needed. It's all that can be done. My parents have seen loads of counselors but nothing works. I'm just praying God does something.
The worst part is how this taints Mike's and my marriage bliss. We haven't been married a month yet and my family's splitting up. It just puts a damper on our whole wedding and new married life...but it's also given us new zeal to stick together as now we'll both be children of broken homes in need of stability. So I guess there is one silver lining....
But thank you all for your prayers and support. They really mean alot to me (and Chu though she's not been on here for awhile).
Speaking of, those of you who knew Chu-Chu here on CAA, pray for her. She's suffering the most from this to the point of emotional apathy, and she really needs our prayers and comfort too.
Darn this....it hurts too many people...not just the couple involved....

[SP1]

I sometimes wonder in cases like this if the parents have been staying together just until the children grow up. Some sort of attempt at maintaining normalcy. The children pay for this later, however. My parents divorced while I was away on vacation one summer. I came back home to a different house, completely clueless as to why.

I'll be praying for you, Mike and Chu.

[K. Ayato]

Praying for you all, Crash. *hugs*

[Danderson]

You and your family have my prayers....

[Angel37]

An update:

Friday night, I think, my dad did not come home until 3am. My mom was flipping out and when he wasn't home by midnight, she tried calling him but he wouldn't pick up. At 2am she finally left a message that said, "If you don't call back in 5 minutes, I'm calling the police." He called back and guess what he said? He was walking the streets of Ybor City DRINKING. MY FATHER. DRINKING! At all hours of the night! Let me explain to you the reality of this situation:
-My father never drinks except for the VERY OCCASIONAL beer. The last time (and first time) he got drunk was during Y2K at our house with his friend, and he got so sick he didn't touch the stuff again.
-Ybor City (for you non-Floridians) is the hubbub of clubs, bars, gangs, basically a very rough area for a guy in a business suit to be walking around in drunk.
-My dad "said" he was ok to drive cause he'd had a large glass of water and he told my grandma he only drank like 2 beers...c'mon...it does not take from 7 pm to 2am to drink only 2 beers. And my dad's driving sucks when he's sober! I'm surprised he got home at all!

Needless to say my mom was angry beyound comprehension. She told my grandparents (his parents) and apparently my grandma chewed him out royally complete with the statement, "When things are bad you shouldn't turn to beer! You should turn to the Lord!". I would've paid to see my grandma flip out though. For those of you who've met her, it's not an easy thing to imagine. XD Chu also told me apparently my dad's been neglecting my sisters in ways he shouldn't be. He left Micki alone at Gasperilla (for non-Floridians, Gasperilla is our version of Mardi Gras where it's rumoured shirtless women abound) for lengths of time (he shouldn't have even TAKEN her there), and he even asked Chu to locate a building for a piano concert they were going to in the middle of Ybor at night while he bought tickets. Good girl said 'no'. No one smart lets their 17 year old walk Ybor alone. BAD IDEA.

However, my mom's been no shining angel. I can tell from how my sisters talk that she's adamantly turning them against my father in ways that overshadow HER wrongs (like how she constantly puts Dad down, doesn't try to understand him at all, etc.) I mean the verbal neglect and abuse goes both ways, but she's trying to make it LOOK like it doesn't. Plus she's taken to watching this show called "Snapped" which is about wives who've murdered their husbands. She says she watches it because she saw her friend on it once (no lie, her best friend from high school killed her husband), but when you're already fuming at your husband, watching that type of show is NOT something you want in your head. Not that I think she'll directly kill my dad, but it does not help her train of thought toward divorce, which she now says will happen if things don't change by the end of the school year.

My grandma is very concerned about my dad. She said she thinks he's close to breaking down and that what happened in Ybor is proof of that. She said he thinks he's a failure at everything: job, family, friends and that he sees no way out. You know what this sounds like, right? I asked her point blank if she thought he was suicidal. She said that, as things are right now, she thinks he is. And that scares me. Scares her too though she doesn't say it directly, the things she *DOES* say prove it (like her asking me to talk to Dr.Cox on my dad's behalf since Cox counsels him). She called today and said things sounded better at home when she called, but she's still worried. She calls him every night now putting Bible verses in his head and has been asking his brother to do the same. But she told me she can't get through to my mom. Mom's determined to divorce him and convinced no amount of counseling will help them (we really want them BOTH to see Dr. Cox because the guy she's seeing is ENCOURAGING the divorce).
I talked to my dad and he kept evading my question of whether or not he'll fight for the family to stay together. The most he said was he's going to see how things turn out and that he and mom are "still friends". This does not encourage me.

My #1 worry is that if mom leaves, dad will feel he has nothing to live for. He has no friends, he hates his job, his family will be gone, and I can tell he doubts his faith. If mom divorces him and he does something drastic, I know she'll regret it, but by then it could be too late. Guys, I am really scared for my family. Please pray for a miracle. God needs to put SOMEONE in their life to direct them or cause their hearts to turn back to His ways and His love and example. Before it's too late.

[Sakura15]

Oh my gosh Crash, this is so awful! and I'm so sorry to hear this is happening to you..as you know there is something similar happening to my family..but not nearly this drastic, my dad is getting help and going to church.

I'll definitely be praying for you and your family. I can't imagine how rough this must be for you

[bakura_fan]

wow. thanks for the update. I'll keep up the prayer.

[Tsukuyomi]

When something like this happens, it's not very fun u_u No matter how old you are it's not. I had my family close to breaking up a few times. Especially when I was younger u_u/ All you can do is hope and pray things will get better My dad was the same way. Jerky, didn't care (I remember my mom telling us stories of when they lived in Thailand. My dad wasn't even there for the births of my sisters. He was out partying), only put up a show in front of guest. That all changed only a couple of years ago when he became ill. After that he got his act together. He stopped drinking and smoking. I'm glad he changed for the better ^ ^

Just keep hope alive. You know you have my prayers

[SP1]

I was hoping that this would have stabilized by now. Praying.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I was essentially in your same position a few years ago, and I can 100% relate to your experiences. I think the biggest trial on your part will be when you have to let go of the bitterness and forgive your parents for their wrongs they have committed towards their family and God.

I am really sorry that this is happening. =( But continually remind yourself that you always have a father that will never leave you, will always provide for you, and will always love you more than anyone else in this earth can do.

Many times, I always wondered how life would be if my mom and dad were happy and together. Many times, I continually ask myself why I had to be a victim of a dysfunctional household.

When I look back, I realize how much of a better person I have become due to how much of a dysfunctional family situation I had. I do my best to be a selfless man; and it is because I use my own father as an example of what not to be. You can always have God make you a stronger person by the burdens that you carry.

And of course, I am always praying for you.