Searching For The Light

[12praiseGOD]

- this story is about a young girl going through a very hard time in life. Over her journey in life she comes to realize that she is not a toy to GOD. That GOD has a reason for the better of things in everything HE does. Cecile Anelle Greenfield, is the main character (young girl) and the story is written from her point of view. Hope you like it! Comments and suggestions are greatly welcomed. GOD BLESS YOU!!!:thumb:

SEARCHING FOR THE LIGHT
prephase
[font="Comic Sans MS"]It all began on the eleventh morning of October 1859. My happiness was turned to anger, my joy to hate, and my heart was torn in half. Never did I think this swollen wound in my heart would ever heal, and never would I love again. That morning, I remember as though it was yesterday, The morning of my father’s and grandma’s death. There had been rumors around the village of plots to kill the king and all of the royal family. These rumors seemed distant from my family and I, yet we knew not that death was knocking at our front doors. We did not think much of it, for we were mere peasants living on the outskirts of town.
Chapter 1
That morning I arose at the crack of dawn to go and milk the cows. I awoke my father, gave him a big hugh, and went on with my chores. With bucket in one hand, and a rag in the other I left the house. It was a descent walk from here to the barn, but still a beautiful one. With fall right around the corner, the trees shone in all their glory. The air was fresh and the weather just right. A breeze swept across my face and in the distance I saw a familiar figure. It was none other than my sweet granny. “Well, hello there grannyâ€

[yukoxholic]

Well, I have to say after reading this I like how your writing style gets directly to the point and doesn't dither off into tangents or unnecessary (run-on) description.

Being that this is the first chapter of the story I do feel that in some areas there needs to be a bit more information, like when the character's father and brother were standing there with a cake, maybe instead of abruptly ending it with "We prayed, sang, and danced to our hearts content." possibly elaborate more on the celebration, adding a few notes of the father's day so it transcends well with the guards showing up. It would definitely help to build the story further and add a little character development!

Another part would be in the middle while the character is dressing in her deceased Mother's dress, maybe go into a bit more detail on what caused the death or possibly add a fond memory within the scene.

Other than that I really love the start of your story! It reads almost like a fairytale. I look forward to reading future installments! ^__^

[12praiseGOD]

thanx for the advice yukoxolic! here is some more to the story!

Chapter 2

“You must be mistaken, my father would never do that, and he is a Christian of good faith!” I screamed. Then from the inside of the house my father came forth. He laid his hand on my shoulder and said, “hush sweaty, it’s alright. I’ll go with them and clear up all confusion, okay? Now go on in the house, and I’ll see you as soon as possible.” With a fake grin on my face I turned around to go back into the house as they lead my father away. Just as my foot stepped into the door, a scream came from the darkness behind me. I heard the clashing of swords; the shedding of blood, and that dreadful silence that comes after someone has been killed. I quickly went into the house, grabbed a candle and a knife and ran back out towards the shadows. What I saw could have never been worse, there I saw my father and one of the royal guards lay dead, a knife by my fathers hand, and a trail of blood that lead around the house. Shaken by the matter, I proceeded to follow that trail of blood. It leads all the way around our old, shabby house to the back door and into the living room. My father’s death had already taken me breathless, but what I now saw tore my heart in half. On the living room floor I saw my grandma bleeding to death. I went to her, crying desperately for help, yet no one came. From a dark corner of the room I heard the evil laugh of a man, but when I turned to face this man, all that I was able to see was the second guard running out the back door. Rage flew through my blood; senseless I began to run out the back door, till I heard the cry of my grandma. “What am I doing?” I taught and ran back to my grandma. I told her everything was going to be okay; tears cascading from my eyes. I arose and went to get a rag to help the bleeding. When I got back, I tried to help, but she would not let me. Instead, she said with her very last breaths, “ Learn to forgive, d-don’t let this consume you. You hear me missy? Promise me, promise grandma.” “I promise, I promise grandma, just stay with me please!” I screamed back, “Please! I need you” With that, said she put her hand upon my lips and said, “hush sweaty, I’m going with Jesus, I l-love you my little princess” Then she took her last breath, and I was left alone in this cold world. Left to roam the streets, trying to survive from day to day. That very night, death seemed so much sweater than life, yet I remembered that promise, and did myself no harm. I wept all night, and eventually fell asleep. When sunlight came forth, the villagers arose as from a spell. The old wise lady came for a visit and what she saw frightened her to the bone. She saw a royal guard, a man, and an old woman dead, with a crying girl in the corner of a dark room. Not for one minute did she think of my innocence, not for one minute did she consider my grief. She rushed back to the villagers and told of me. They came as though in a mob of ragging pigs. They pulled me out onto the streets and threw me on the ground. “That child of Satan has killed her own family!” some screamed. While others said that I was a witch and should be burn. And even others wished to stone me at the very spot. Lost in confusion I laid on the ground weeping and ragging with anger, never did I think my heart would love or trust again, never.

[12praiseGOD]

Here's some more of the story!!!

Chapter 3- Searching for the Light
Unexpectedly an elder’s voice rang out from the back of the crowd. “Leave her alone, if she were guilty she would have run, but since she is the survivor and three people have been slain, she must leave this town. If she were to stay she would cause us trouble, for our peasant testimony would not count in her favor in court,” he said as he approached me, and reached out his hand to help me up. I held his hand and arose. Then he said, “go now, pack whatever you need, and never return to this town, you understand?” With a nod, I ran in the house; passing the corpses, I grew tenser. I ran up the flight of stairs, my heart feeling like it would stop at any minute. At the top of the stairs I ran to my room. From my closet I pulled out a bag to pack my things. I had never used this bag, so it was brand new. I hurried up and packed my things. I gathered some clothes, a Bible, a stuffed toy, some money, food, and the tiny present I had yet to open from Grandma. Face still covered in tears, eyes as red as blood, I headed out of the house. When the crowd saw me leave the house, they split and made a passageway for me to go through. I began to run, knowing that the crowd was watching my every move. Once I had reached the borders of the village, I began to think how dumb I was. I realized that I had never been on my own and would surely die of starvation. In fact, I had never left this tiny village for more than three hours.

The one time I had gone out was with my father on his business affair. I was only six when he began selling cattle. I had to beg to go with him, for I had heard rumors that the prince; who was only three years older than me, would be in the nearby village. He finally consented to let me go with him. We rode the horse up the mountain and down into the next valley. Entering town, a huge crowd was around the town square. There I saw the 9-year-old prince riding a beautiful white horse along the side of his royal guards. All the most gorgeous girls in town surrounded him. People had come from hundreds of miles away to simply get a glimpse of him. I didn’t particularly like him, but I still wanted the bragging right of seeing the prince. My father and I watched from the back of the crowd. Little did I know that this would be the most embarrassing day of my life . Out of the blue, a snake crawled across the feet of my horse, and immediately I was thrown off. The crowd began to laugh so loudly, I couldn’t even think of my pain. Then from behind, the prince came through the crowd and helped me up. That almost won my heart over. I was daydreaming for the next month or so.

Now I began on my second journey, not because of some wonderful dream of meeting the prince, but because of the royal family’s involvement in the death of my family. I was now a homeless orphan on the most dangerous streets of England looking for a safe place to hide. The night I left the village was the most frightening night of my life. Darkness crept from every corner as the day faded into night. Hate overwhelmed me, and my thoughts were unclear. All I knew was that I hated the royal family and someday revenge would be mine. I knew not why God had failed me, but as I lay in the cold darkness I screamed in desperate cries, for anyone to see me out of this torturing pain that now ran through my veins. This beautiful dream of becoming a princess was now shattered. My only crush had become my most hated enemy.