How ironic you guys!

[Artist4Jesus89]

Okay so after me and my ex broke up... well it wasnt the best.
So anyways this guy that i have known for like 6 months was there for me the entire time and whatever.
Well he is this homegrown country boy and im a city girl, i never thought what happened next would ever happen!
Okay so the other day me and him talked to our outreach pastor and well acctually, John (the guy that was a really good friend and had been there for me for the breakup) talked to Delbert (the outreach pastor) and i talked to Delberts wife Becky.

Well before i get to far into that part of the story, i had been feeling since me and John had started dating that he was the one but i had had that feeling before so i really really really didnt want to say he was.
But i knew he was in love with me and had been since we met, and i found myself falling in love with him, and trust me it wasnt because he is some drop dead gorgous guy and my hormones are raging, i know that this is true love because when i first met him i was so NOT attracted to him.
Well after i got the feeling that he was the one, God told him that he was, and he hadnt told me.
Well the day we went to Delbert and Becky's house is the day that we found out for sure.

Delbert told him that we should get married and then Becky told me that she thought we had a really good thing going.
Well after that i talked to my grandma and told her everything, after all, i am living with her even if i am 18! lol.
Well she told me that she knew it a long time ago.
She knew that me and John were meant to be.
And that totaly explained why she didnt lecture me when i started dating him!

(Truth be told, even though im a hypocrit for doing this, i made a promise to God years ago i wouldnt date until i found the one guy for me, but i always seemed to break that promise, even my last bf was a break on that... Thank God that he is faithful even when we arent!
But the point of this little paragraph is to say that every time that i dated someone new, my grandma would lecture me and say "you shouldnt be with him cause he isnt the one and you know it!" but this time she didnt.)

Anyways the point of this little thread thingy-ma-jigger...
That country boy who i never thought i would even be slightly attracted to and who i swore id never get with... well that country boy and i are now engaged and we are going to get married in a year.
I know it seems sudden for it all but yeah we are taking all the steps nessicary in order to be ready, although i wonder, if ill ever be ready.
Anyways though i need advice ... advice from married women, advice from married men.
PLEASE!!!

Thanks you guys

Heather Lea

[Puguni]

I'm kind of jealous that you have the certainty that you are truly in love. Congratulations.

[Mr. SmartyPants]

I'm just going to flat out say that you're taking this way too fast. You're like what? 18? You've known him for 6 months and he's already proposed to you? I'm sorry, but that's just asking for problems to arise. The last time I checked, 18 year olds hardly know a thing or two about responsibility, let alone getting ends to meet to live independently. Sure some people do (I can name a few), but for the most part, your average young adult doesn't know jack on how to support themselves.

i know that this is true love because when i first met him i was so NOT attracted to him.

That hardly constitutes as "true love". Just because you're not attracted to someone at first glance but end up having a relationship with them does not mean that it's "true love". "True Love" is built over the course of many years of having a relationship with someone, not a 6-month thing. Oh and other people "confirming" God's plan is such an overused excuse so many times. I had a friend that constantly kept saying "Oh this is God's plan for me", only to say that God had a new plan for him every month or so later. (No offense to you, lol)

I'm sorry if my skepticism has offended you or something, but I am fairly certain that this "engagement" is nothing but a farce that will only lead to more emotional hurt. My advice: Withdraw from it while you still can. Unless you can prove to me that you and your new boyfriend have the maturity and the responsibility to go on with an engagement at such an early age, I'm going to remain skeptical.

[ChristianKitsune]

I kinda have to agree with MSP on this one...:/ I mean... wow, you are only 18!!!! D: Are you sure you wanna settle down THIS quickly? I mean...what about college? What about other things? :/

I don't really believe that 18 year olds are mature enough to make decisions like this.... I can guarantee that life will not be easy for you...

I am not trying to offend you either...but I dunno... Six months isn't enough time to fall in love with someone, and expect it to work...I really think it's a bit too fast. I mean this is real life, not some movie...

Maybe this is God's plan for you, and if it is, I am sorry...but I seriously think you might want to pray a little bit more about this....

Again, sorry to offend or hurt you...

[Yumie]

Congratulations, A4J! I'm not going to say that it couldn't work because I have known several people to get engaged at your age or younger (two of my cousins were eighteen when they were engaged, and I have one friend who was only seventeen) and all are several years happily married, both of my cousins with two children. So I believe it could work. But I definitely encourage you to continue seeking wise counsel from adults, dear. People who know you both really well and know where you are in your walk with God. It sounds like you're already involving your pastor and his wife, which is good. I also believe it is also good that your letting the engagement last an entire year-- there's no rush. Just make sure that you're very carefully seeking God's will in everything, and that you're open to whatever he leads you to do. He knows you better than anyone. So I'll be praying that you both make a wise decision concerning your future.

[Sakura15]

Congratulations, A4J! I'm not going to say that it couldn't work because I have known several people to get engaged at your age or younger (two of my cousins were eighteen when they were engaged, and I have one friend who was only seventeen) and all are several years happily married, both of my cousins with two children.

I feel the same, who am I to say it can't happen? it's just a very rare thing..especially if you've only known each other 6 months, it's good that you're engagement is for a year though..it'll help you in knowing whether you really want to go through with this or not, and if it's what God really wants. I used to think it'd be cool to get married at 18..but when I think about it..that is quite a young age, you've got a lot of life ahead of you so like everyone else has said just keep praying and seeking advice from your pastor and his wife ^-^

[Radical Dreamer]

I won't say it's impossible, because my great aunt and uncle literally bumped into each other on the street one day and were married nine days later (not something I suggest, mind, but it worked for them. XD). They had six kids and have been happily married for more than 50 years, maybe even 60. I WILL say it's improbable, but if it's God's will, then it's God's will.

I would definitely suggest praying about it a LOT first, though, and make sure you give yourself enough time to mature and realize that you'll have a LOT more responsibilities living on your own with a spouse than you'll have living with your parents. Basically, just be sure that it's a wise decision you're making. Praying for your choice.

[LadyRushia]

I agree with Ryan; it seems that you're rushing into this. Think seriously about your decision; you have to consider everything from every angle. Best of luck to you, but just make sure you're being wise about it.

[Cognitive Gear]

First of all: Congrats! I hope that you both have a wonderful, happy marriage!

I will, however, recommend that you consider a longer engagement. There are a few things that are important for both of you to learn, that tend to get missed when things are done quickly. Amoung the things you may want to consider doing before setting a date:

Get out into the world, and live the "single" life. I don't mean for you to break up with him, but that you should go get a job and support ourself living away from the parents/dorm for awhile. There are a TON of things about living on your own that most people don't think about. Doing this before getting married can help you get a more realistic idea of many things, which include, but are not limited to:

1. Who you are.
2. How to handle those paycheck to paycheck months.
3. How strong your faith really is.
4. How stressful personal freedom can be.
5. How to handle your own money.

All of these are things that really, really help you if you know them prior to your marriage. (Or so says this unmarried fellow...)

Let it be noted, however, that my older sister got married at 19, and that she and her husband have a great marriage with 2 children. My brother-in-law is now the pastor of a continuously growing church in Hollywood. It was what God wanted, when He wanted, and He has blessed them accordingly. I pray that God blesses you in much the same way He has blessed them.

[silver_wolf454]

Hey, my parents got married at 17 and had me at 18 and their marrige is just fine. ^^

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Hey, my parents got married at 17 and had me at 18 and their marrige is just fine. ^^

My parents got married in their 30s and now they're separated and live in different states.

My point is that nobody is saying "Getting married later = more success". By itself that's not necessarily true. I'm saying that younger people generally don't have the maturity nor the responsibility to be able to sustain a committed relationship throughout the rest of their lives. By the same token, there are older people who can't do that, and younger people who can. But of those two, there is less of the latter.

[SP1]

I think I agree with Cognitive Gear on the paying attention to the "details" of living together someday. There's nothing wrong with longer engagements.

That said, Congratulations! This is so romantic. ***dies***

[GeneD]

First off, big congratulations to you guys! Since I’m nowhere near marriage I won't try to give you any advice apart from you to keep on praying and such that the others have already mentioned.

My sister is 23 and her husband 30, so their ages are far from yours but they also had a very short dating relationship and engagement so I thought I’d mention them.

She and her husband started going out in October last year, got engaged in July this year and got married 1 Dec 07. Although their engagement was basically just long enough for us to plan the wedding, they did know each other for a few years before they started going out (he started working as the pastor of our school the year she finished, then they lost contact but met again at a school and family trip). My sister did however not even consider him as husband material a few months before they got together.

This, to me, proves that the Lord works in mysterious ways (with match-making help from my friends and I, well I'd like to think so ) and I know their marriage is blessed and is what the Lord intended for them. I guess I’m just saying this to you to encourage you

Good luck and I pray God blesses your relationship abundantly!

[Artist4Jesus89]

Hey everyone, thanks for the advice, even the constructive critsism... Okay well i know its Gods will, its i know that i know, and i totaly understand that it takes a long time to build up a relationship and love, i do love him though, and we arent getting married for a year, so we can go through conseling and all of that stuff, so trust me i know i have things to work on but he and i are going to work together to become the best we can (BTW he is 22)... He is a powerful man of God and he is an amazing guy, and anyways like i said i can see where yall are coming from but i talked it over with my grandma who raised me from a baby and i was like "Grandma do you think i am really ready for a serious relationship?" and she told me that she thought i was, and honestly you guys, i know that just because i wasnt attracted to him at first doesnt mean that its true love, i just know that i love him, i want to make him happy and focus all of my heart (Other than that which is to God) on making the rest of his life the best it can be!


College, well he is making me go to college, we are planning that out right now...

I have been praying and talking to all the spiritual parents that i have, and they all think its a God thing and i know it is...
My friend and spiritual parent, as well as my boss, (same person here) got with her husband around my age so yeah she is happy and she has given me TONS of advice.

And thanks you guys for the congrats.
But yeah another thing i didnt say, when me and him both recieved the word about us supposed to be together we were in my grandma's car and on our way home from my moms grave and i felt the Holy Spirit so strong you guys it was amazing and then the second that i grabbed his hand, God filled both of us, we both started laughing at nothing (the joy of the Lord is my strength) and we both felt the Holy Spirit.

so yeah like i said its going to be a year long engagement unless plans change and if they do it wont be any shorter than 6 months im sure!
Anyways though yeah thanks you guys again!

[bakura_fan]

wow! congrats! lol. you guys sound like micah and I. he's country..I'm city. We actually got married when we were 19. his grandmother always referred to me as Micah's wife and everyone had to tell her "no...not yet" and she told them "I'm sorry, but it's what God's been telling me." (she died a couple months before the wedding) Let me back up a bit, I was with another guy when I met Micah, but I didn't want to be with that guy anymore because we was starting to talk violently (guns, killing people, etc.) so, Micah being a friend helped me to be strong in what I had to do...break up with that guy. I did, he didn't take it to well, but he got better. He actually has grown alot more in Christ (as have I) since we seperated. Now, about half a month later Micah and I got together. For the longest time I had felt that God was telling me that Micah was the one for me, but I was afraid. So, one way or another the subject got brought up on IM. He said he would need a day to pray about it. The next night he told me it was a yes. We talked for a good while before he said "oh...yeah. When I asked Him about us...I asked Him to let it only be a yes, if you were the one I was to marry." Well, that confirmed what had been in my heart. We've been married a year now and so far it has been wonderful. ^_^ So, I'm sure that if this is God's will for you that He will open the path, so go for it.

[Tyrel]

Hmm.. Everyone seems to be saying that it seems early for most 18 year olds. I think this is partially true, but more and more it's outdated advice. I'm 21 and I've already been a groomsmen at one wedding, and attended at least one other in the past year off the top of my head. All marriages and proposals being people under 25. I find the maturity level of this generation to be quite surprising. Generally, I would say that 18 is too young, but I don't know of any 18 year olds who pretend to commit. That's an outdated fashion.. I guess I'm calling the rest of the board old fashioned {or worse, old timers }, but I have to say, if he proposed, and you are working at it together, with you pastor involved and everything, I don't see any problem whatsoever.

If you and him have the maturity needed for now, then just continue down the path you're headed. I might suggest you take the whole marriage thing really really slow, and be reverent about it, but people have their own Pace.


The reason I say this is that often people, I find, tend to look down upon newly married couples of 20 years old. One of the most successful couples I know {now old} met and were married in something like 6 weeks, when they were very young. Still happy together. Why? Because they were mature enough to recognize what they wanted, and go about it correctly. "That's not a typical case", most respond. Sure, but I would respond to that "Any marriage proposal before the age of 25 isn't a common case in our generation". I think we need to recognize people who decide to get married around 20, as proper and mature couples, capable and willing to commit. To look upon them with a prejudice isn't always for the worst, but I think that the Ideas we have about younger people are becoming less and less accurate to the young people of today.

I'm just throwing it out there that I think we should be less quick these days to say these things to younger people, that's all.

[Azier the Swordsman]

I would recommend at the very least taking a few marriage counseling sessions with your pastor beforehand. When my dad was pastoring, it was a requirement before he would marry a couple and for good reason. Even if you haven't considered it, it could be extremely beneficial to you later on down the road, especially as a couple who have only known each other for such a short amount of time and are already going down the path of marriage.

Much luck to you both.

[Artist4Jesus89]

Hmm.. Everyone seems to be saying that it seems early for most 18 year olds. I think this is partially true, but more and more it's outdated advice. I'm 21 and I've already been a groomsmen at one wedding, and attended at least one other in the past year off the top of my head. All marriages and proposals being people under 25. I find the maturity level of this generation to be quite surprising. Generally, I would say that 18 is too young, but I don't know of any 18 year olds who pretend to commit. That's an outdated fashion.. I guess I'm calling the rest of the board old fashioned {or worse, old timers }, but I have to say, if he proposed, and you are working at it together, with you pastor involved and everything, I don't see any problem whatsoever.

If you and him have the maturity needed for now, then just continue down the path you're headed. I might suggest you take the whole marriage thing really really slow, and be reverent about it, but people have their own Pace.


The reason I say this is that often people, I find, tend to look down upon newly married couples of 20 years old. One of the most successful couples I know {now old} met and were married in something like 6 weeks, when they were very young. Still happy together. Why? Because they were mature enough to recognize what they wanted, and go about it correctly. "That's not a typical case", most respond. Sure, but I would respond to that "Any marriage proposal before the age of 25 isn't a common case in our generation". I think we need to recognize people who decide to get married around 20, as proper and mature couples, capable and willing to commit. To look upon them with a prejudice isn't always for the worst, but I think that the Ideas we have about younger people are becoming less and less accurate to the young people of today.

I'm just throwing it out there that I think we should be less quick these days to say these things to younger people, that's all.

[SIZE="3"]Thanks Tyrel!!!![/SIZE]

I would recommend at the very least taking a few marriage counseling sessions with your pastor beforehand. When my dad was pastoring, it was a requirement before he would marry a couple and for good reason. Even if you haven't considered it, it could be extremely beneficial to you later on down the road, especially as a couple who have only known each other for such a short amount of time and are already going down the path of marriage.

Much luck to you both.

[SIZE="3"]Yeah we are def doing counseling, we started monday before last and our first official counseling session was this past monday, it was really good, Delbert (Outreach pastor/Counselor) Started out with finances, which is something that i already knew about because i talked to my married friend (Shes been married for like 9 years) but John really needed to think about lol and we are doing counseling ever Monday until we geth through 2 more things people fight over and then Love and Respect and the 5 Love Languages, and then well be done, and im praying by then we will have the money for a house and he will finaly get his car!!! (Long story there ... lets just say God had a plan for him to move down to crescent again in order to meet me evidently otherwise what happened wouldnt have happened!)[/SIZE]


We are getting a bank account together well acctually he is putting me on his because im honestly better at handling money than him and he is a better cook than me (heck i cant cook much lol thats pretty sad) and anyways we still havent set a date, i think he will want to do that when we get things all settled with house, car, and counseling. Ill update later for sure!