KingdomCome webmanga

[uc pseudonym]

Hmmm... that must be made clear. I really should help you doing that, but I'm void of ideas at the moment.

By the by, I overall liked chapter 3. More about Doug. Good line about praying. Cliff hanger of sorts. I'm not certain I have any important feedback, nor did I feel the dialogue was particularly weak.

[mechana2015]

Oops!
I thought they were on the webpage he he .
Found em, and its awesome! Some really good lines in there.

[Mave]

Hi all,

As you can see in my signature below, I will be away from CAA for some time. Nasty stuff came along in my work, which greatly demands for my utmost attention and concentration. I, therefore, announce that there will be no updates from KCome for at least 2 months. Thanks for your attention and understanding. Until then, all your artists and writers of CAA, keep doing your best for Him!

Cheers,
Mave

[uc pseudonym]

Actually, due to recent hacks, we cannot see your signature.

However, it can be easily viewed at: http://www.christiananime.net/showthread.php?t=5268&page=1&pp=10

Thank you for informing us. I look forward to whenever you return, and will do my best to pray for you.

[Mave]

Oops, sorry if you thought I had new manga chapters for you all.

The truth, I haven't even started on the Chapter 4 since I was having such a bad time the last academic semester. However, summer is here and I have more time!

I just wanted to announce that I will be starting to work on KCome again. ^_^


So, I don't really have much to offer this time...let's see, what's new? I decided that I'll make Kim wear this long trenchcoat thingy, except that it's got a hood on it. I've been remodelling Kim a little, due to the bishie craze that has resurfaced (no thanks to the bishie contest & bishie art contest!).

And I realized that I was unconsciously using Tsuzuki Asato (Yami no Matsuei) for my modelling of Kim. Is that scary or what??!! The big trenchcoat, loose tie and white shirt, long fringe and innocent eyes. Arrrgggghhhhhhhhh What have I done??!! .....But is that really bad? Tsuzuki is an exceptionally cute and cool bishie, both looks and character-wise. ^_^;;;; *mutters something about hating Muraki, "Keep your dirty paws off him (and Hisoka too), scum!!!!" Confound those blistering yaoi fanservices!! Grrrr...* Sorry, Muraki fans, I can't watch Yami no Matsuei because of the despicable things Muraki does. Anyway, I did a very rough sketch of Kim with his coat. It's kinda redundant putting it here since I'll redo it eventually. But oh well....

I also drew a "Civil War version" of Doug and Kim. Don't ask why, just check it out at the gallery OK? Link to weird drawing

[uc pseudonym]

Behold, I post so that none shalt be deceived regarding KingdomCome Chapter 4. I, on the other hand, was pretty certain you wouldn't have done that much in such a short period of time.

Meanwhile, I like the trenchcoat thing. It most likely looks much cooler with the hood down, but perhaps that is just my personal preferance.

[wiggins]

Great picture of Kim! Umm... maybe it's just me... but I think he looks weird with the coat cuffs...
I agree he looks better with the hood down too.
For some reason I thinking of Aoshi Shinomori...

[Mave]

Hi all,

I hope everyone can forgive me for popping up with a new story. It's supposed to be a side story of KCome since some characters will appear in KCome eventually. However, I found that it can also stand as an independant story.

Artwise, I focused more on inking and less screentoning. Story-wise, it has less bishies and is quite suited for the general audience (no cussing, blood and sex). There is one slightly scantily dressed young lady in the first chapter though. Religious references only enter in around Chapter 3 onwards (I think). The whole story is contained within 5 chapters and I hope to get all of them done by the end of this year.

I have yet to place it in a "reader-friendly"format so pls patiently click on each link I've provided. There are 21 pages in Chapter 1. I was shocked by the number of pages, myself. >_<;;;;;;

HOME: Chapter 1 only

MANGA PAGES: (pls click)
Coverpg1pg2pg3pg4pg5pg6pg7pg8pg9pg10
pg11pg12pg13pg14pg15pg16pg17pg18pg19pg20pg21Notes

FEEDBACK

Please lend me your thoughts...I'm seekin honest opinions and healthy criticisms. I know I have much to learn but I can't learn without your feedback.

Here are some questions I will appreciate being answered:
1) I used less screentones and more inking. Do you prefer that or not?
2) Would the "bishie/pretty boy" element deter you from reading a manga? Do you think there was any bishies in HOME: Chapter 1?
3) Was it easy to read?Is the panelling decent?
4) Was the girl pretty enough to qualify as a bishoujo?
5) What direction do you think this story is going at? Pls predict for fun! I want to know what type of impresion I've given ppl with Chapter 1 so far.
6) Feel free to add any other comments.

Thanks! ^__^ I look forward to your answers.

BAD NEWS:
I have to look for a new place to host my newer manga chapters. My university account just ain't gonna hold for long. Any suggestions, anyone?

PS:
Wiggins, coat cuffs? *wonders what he means* I plan for the hooded trenchcoats to be used in a future alternative world manga I'm planning, which UC ought to know....unless he forgot. LOL

[Chapel]

You rock and will always rock, now i want to do fan art for this one. Oh Mave always keeping me on my toes.

Chapel

[SwordSkill]

1) I really don't prefer any form over another as long as its well-executed, which it seems to be.
2) Bishies? Bring 'em on. It's nice to see a pretty face once in a while, though too many of them would make me rather suspicious. Erm, the boys in the manga look pretty good, but I can't say they're my type of bishies. ^^;; Just a personal opinion, of course.
3) Yes, it was readable.
4) I...think so, yes.
5) Er...well, forgive me, but I thought it was rather soap-opera-ish, lol, so what comes to mind is that Boy and Girl eventually do end up together after Boy discovers, struggles, and finally comes to terms with a certain event or current situation in Girl's past that transpired after they separated, an event that Girl happens to think is not very flattering to her reputation and may actually damage Boy's if he gets involved with her. Or something equally melodramatic, lol. On the other hand, you may not opt for the typical story, so hey, surprise me. ^^
6) Storywise, I think the part of Miranda and Francis knowing each other came too much of a bombshell. That bit just jumped out of the story too blatantly and kinda ruined the pacing to the point that I wasn't quite sure whom to believe. I think the fact that they had something to do with each other could have use some foreshadowing earlier in the story before Francis' "epiphany" - one important factor (as far as traditional storytelling is concerned anyway, so you may or may not buy it) of keeping a reader interested is having him/her emotionally involved with the story. Since this thing between Francis and Miranda was completely out of the reader's "worldview" which is solely based on F's expressed thoughts, the reader was forcefully excluded from the conversation between F and M from pages 12- 14. I guess my point is that foreshadowing really does help a lot for unity in the story, unless you were really planning a plot twist, which could happen, of course. But I don't think that revealing the connection between them was originally meant to be a twist in the sense that it was meant to completely turn around all the reader's expectations. ^^;; I may be wrong, but twists normally don't come this early in stories.

Anyway, that's just me. Props for the manga. Nicely done.

[mechana2015]

1 Home looks pretty cool. the style works and dosnt lose much from the lack of ST.
2 Nope on the first half of the question... dosn't phase me a bit. And I dont really qualify charachters as pretty boys...so I cant answer Q2pt2
3 I like the paneling... I forgot to read it in R to L format so I was a bit confused at first... mebbe a note would help.
4 X3 yeah... she's pretty
5 An attempt by Francis to find out why she (miranda) left.
6 Francis actually reminds me of me a lot.... kinda funny to read.

[inkhana]

Well, lessee...^^

1) I used less screentones and more inking. Do you prefer that or not?

It didn't bother me one way or the other. I tend to prefer light screentones for sheer aesthetic, but either way is fine.

2) Would the "bishie/pretty boy" element deter you from reading a manga? Do you think there was any bishies in HOME: Chapter 1?

Never bothered me before...XD Francis isn't bad looking at all...

3) Was it easy to read?Is the panelling decent?

I do have one suggestion here: the font was difficult for me to read (no shock, this is a terrible monitor, after all). You might want to switch to a broader font that's not so tall. (If you want some of mine let me know... ) The panels seemed fine though.

4) Was the girl pretty enough to qualify as a bishoujo?

I'd say so. But I think a guy would be more qualified to answer that...

5) What direction do you think this story is going at? Pls predict for fun! I want to know what type of impresion I've given ppl with Chapter 1 so far.

Oh, I have no idea...O.o Swordskill gave a good suggestion, but I didn't immediately leap to any conclusions plotwise.

6) Feel free to add any other comments.

Can't think of any...^^;;

[true_noir_chloe]

Francis is soooo cute. That's all I have to say....... LOL

As always, I think it's great. Lemme try and answer yer questions:

[color=#8b0000]1) I used less screentones and more inking. Do you prefer that or not?

[/color]

[color=black]I don't think I noticed it enough. The inking looked very nice. Screentones may have even added more of a dramatic element and I'm sure it would have made it more polished looking. However, the inking stood alone.[/color]
[color=#000000]

2) Would the "bishie/pretty boy" element deter you from reading a manga?

[/color]
AHHHH, never! The bishie is what keeps me reading. Okay, maybe not.

[color=#8b0000]Do you think there was any bishies in HOME: Chapter 1?

[/color]

[color=black]Read what I first wrote here.

3) Was it easy to read?Is the panelling decent?

I thought you did great on paneling this one. I have to agree with Ink on the font. You really need more of a comic sans font I think.

4) Was the girl pretty enough to qualify as a bishoujo?

Yes, she was very cute. Reminded me of somebody.:eyeroll:

5) What direction do you think this story is going at? Pls predict for fun! I want to know what type of impresion I've given ppl with Chapter 1 so far.

I hope in the direction I want it to go. However, I see the long-haired guy getting in the way. Probably someone else will enter the scene.

6) Feel free to add any other comments.

[/color]Actually, the father and son conversation seemed a little odd and out of place. I think it's unreasonable after all these years for the dad to say that Francis likes Miranda. I think he might wait to see if something more developed. It just seemed like the timing was off on their conversation.
I just need to add that I liked your notes at the end. It was clever and I enjoyed reading it. Please, always include notes. ^___^

Thanks Mave, looking forward to reading the rest.

[Ducky]

1) I like it the way it was.

2)Love the bishies, so no they could never keep me from reading the manga... and yeah francis was definately a bishie.

3)yeah, other than the poor resolution of my screen on the fonts it was easy to read and follow.

4)I'm not exactly the top judge of bishoujoes but I think she was.

5)ummm... I am gonna take a wild guess and say that Francis is going to meet up with an ex member of berserk somewhere in there. And then just to be totally unreasonable I suppose they are all sucked into a time warp and find themselves as pirates in the 1860's.

6)I really like this... I hope the next chapter is done soon. I can't wait until Miranda's deep dark secret is revealed.

[mikas]

1. I'm not an art person but i like how it was drawn, whatever combination lead to that final product was good.
2. bishies never get in the way of anything... ever. just kidding, but only a little bit. besides i think it's mandatory for 90% of the characters in anime/manga to be bishie/bishujo, or at least it happens alot so no worries.
2a.yup just yup
3. the paneling was fine, and since i had been warned in Kingdom Come about the right to left thing i didn't even get confused this time!
4. as far as i can tell she was
5. ummm lots of emotional trauma for all the characters hopefully? sorry but truama of any sort entertains me, i'm rather twisted. I'm also contridictory bucause i would love a happy ending, happy endings are the best!
6. *does happy slave dance* yah love this one and Fancis is really awsome, the hair and the way he stands ect. says "i'm cool" sorry obsessing anyway, good job

[uc pseudonym]

Here are some questions I will appreciate being answered:

This message was created in 4-5 seconds. With one hand. If you aren't Mave, you won't understand this.

1) I used less screentones and more inking. Do you prefer that or not?

I liked this format marginally better than the former style. If it is a lot more work, I'd suggest dropping it, because it isn't worth it (to me, by my opinion). However, if it isn't a problem the overall look seems slightly more professional.

2) Would the "bishie/pretty boy" element deter you from reading a manga? Do you think there was any bishies in HOME: Chapter 1?

In simplest form: no. As a male, I really couldn't care less about said aspect, though I do like cool looking characters. Doug did the job, and I like Francis' glasses.

While I would like to leave it at that, perhaps it would be better to be completely honest and thorough. What would make me apathetic about everything surrounding the manga would be fangirls gushing over said bishies. That strikes me the same as, and annoys me almost as much as, well, the boys trying to hit on Miranda near the beginning.

3) Was it easy to read?Is the panelling decent?

Decent, certainly. Never did it interfere with my reading, which is a sign of sufficient panelling skill. In general, it was much better than decent]4) Was the girl pretty enough to qualify as a bishoujo?[/quote]

...

I'm not the right person to ask.

5) What direction do you think this story is going at? Pls predict for fun! I want to know what type of impresion I've given ppl with Chapter 1 so far.

Hm. Generally I hate doing this, but since you asked, I will make an effort. Christianity-wise I have basically no opinion, though Francis does not really strike me as a Christian.

Conversely, Swordskill's impressions more or less mirrored my own.

6) Feel free to add any other comments.

Overuse of the term "hot chicks." There are plenty of other degrading terms that could be used for a bit of variety.

I liked the line "I have no sorrows to drink away. I'm not going."

The boys were sufficiently annoying.

What is with the asterisk on page 13? It's the same issue]I plan for the hooded trenchcoats to be used in a future alternative world manga I'm planning, which UC ought to know....unless he forgot. LOL[/QUOTE]

Hardly. Will I ever get any more information about that? Last time we got a bit sidetracked discussion another anime you referanced and I wasn't familiar with... I don't think I've ever given you a true respond.

Hooded trenchcoats.

[Xavier249]

1) I used less screentones and more inking. Do you prefer that or not?

I do not consider myself a good judge of this kind of thing, but I liked the more inking, when you had screentones it looked a little artificial, but either way you are a inspiration to me, your art rocks!!!

2) Would the "bishie/pretty boy" element deter you from reading a manga? Do you think there was any bishies in HOME: Chapter 1?

Probably not deter me at all. . . I read and enjoyed Marmalade boy, and some others mangas that were very bishounen in origin.
Umm. . . maybe there were some maybe there weren't not a good judge of this sort of thing..

3) Was it easy to read?Is the panelling decent?

Yes I found it easy to read. I think the panelling showed a little too much black but that didn't bother me too much as black is my fav color...

4) Was the girl pretty enough to qualify as a bishoujo?

I really want to say yes, but she is not a bishoujo in comparison to Linda. Miranda came accross as more angsty than cute/pretty, but a little too flashy on the dance floor to be cute. Still she looked awesome though.

5) What direction do you think this story is going at? Pls predict for fun! I want to know what type of impresion I've given ppl with Chapter 1 so far.

A whirlpool is gonna kill them all?
No. . . Really I would hope the two reach amends through some way, assuming Christiantity or Berserk would be good.
Hmm what I think is going to happen though is nothing like that. If they got together, so to speak, all the conflicts would vanish and then there is no story. I can only speculate as to what is bothering her, but assuming it is family related. Umm... I quit wildly speculating.

6) Feel free to add any other comments.

WOW! The art is just awesome.. I am not worthy to comment on that.

The story bothers me a little, you have the Francis with almost feminine qualities while Miranda is the one with a tomboyish attitude. For some reason that bothers me, and I am not sure why.

Other than that I'll await in patience the next installment. I hope to start my own manga someday.... . . . it might take awhile though. All the stories I have written involve action scenes and I cannot draw those well enough, yet.

[Mave]

Hello everyone,

wow, awesome response and very interesting comments! XD I'm forever in debt to you guys. *bows* I have much to learn, as always. Here are my replies to everyone who responded to this thread.

Chapel: I look forward to your fanart. XD Hey, answer my questions! hehe
Swordskill: I learnt that I tend to lean more toward shoujo style and suspect that may be the cause of the soap operish element LOL But your insight is great and you're pretty close in predicting some parts so far.
Mechana: hehe that's pretty interesting, I hope you'll still like and can relate with Francis in the later chapters.
Inkhana: I think I could definitely use some good fonts! Yeah I'll consider changing fonts...I wasn't really crazy about this one but I thought, "what the hey...?"
Chloe: Yeah I thought that conversation between Francis and his dad was a little....eh...weird but I wanted to know what everyone thought first. I thought it was kinda unrealistic...0.o OK I need to have someone read my script first before submitting the manga next time. *hint hint* ^_^
Ducky: I love your prediction, it's so wild and fun! But nope, no time travelling! Sorry
Mikas: hmmm....emotional trauma huh? *plans on torturing her characters* We'll see, we'll see..hehe
UC: 4-5 seconds? LOL I knew you could do it! But yeah I didn't realize that placing the asterisk was redundant (no, you guys aren't stupid , you know I think of you guys highly). Thanks for pointing that out. About the annoying guys and hot chicks, I confess that I was making fun of the stereotype image of the young testerone-filled male. It was there just for comic value...well, kinda. I would make more comments on Francis but I would rather not reveal too much at the moment. And yeah one more thing, this inking method is a lot faster than what I'm currently doing. I think I'm keeping this style.
Xavier: Whirlpool? LOL Francis feminine and Miranda masculine, wow that's a new one. XD I'll be looking out for your manga *hint hint* "Hurry up and get on with it already!" hehe

Thanks guys, I'll do my best and keeping working hard. I know I'll never be perfect but I know that by practice and the guidance of your kind comments, I'll improve.

[Mave]

Ah the joys of resolving one's webhosting....

I'm still a little stressed out from figuring out webhosting/webprogramming aka how-to-have-a-cool-webmanga-homepage solutions but hey, I managed to clear my university account (hehehe)

Here is Chapter 4 of KCome. This series was greatly delayed due to the events in my personal life (I was very stressed out last Spring and 1st 1/2 of the Summer semester due to my research work). Also, I was dealing with a major plothole and hesitated to continue until I could fill it up.

I used this chapter to practise my screentoning skills and hope that this chapter is at least better than the previous one (artwise if not plotwise). Kudos to Inky for giving me more authentic manga screentones samples. ^_^ Thank you so much!

Chapter 4


All comments/feedback are welcomed as usual. God bless, everyone~

[inkhana]

Looking awesome, Mave! I'm glad the tones helped you out. You use the tones so much differently than I do...*nodnod* Looking forward to the next installment, of course!

[ShiroiHikari]

wow, it really looks great ^_^ yay!

[Gypsy]

An update? Yay! *goes to read*

*EDIT* Nice! Very professional looking!

[Ducky]

Great new chapter. In my not quite anything approaching expert opinion the screen tones were really good. But now I really want to know what's going on with Linda.

[RoyalWing]

It's no fair!! You end each chapter with a Cliff-hanger!! (I think that's the word for it!)

I want to know what happens next!! I'm going to become like the fangirls you drew (that was funny~)!! I guess maybe that is the advantage of an online comic? You can't go look for spoilers! T - T;;

[uc pseudonym]

This thread unfortunately slipped from my list. I'll have to check out the update now...

1) The beginning was well done. No recap (which I despise), but I immediately recalled what was going on despite the length of time it has been.
2) Page 8 was funny in a strange way (a good strange).
3) Kim and Linda's boyfriend have too similar of hair. It doesn't matter when they're together in the same scene, but hair tones change slightly from place to place, and that can become confusing.
4) Decent cliffhanger.

[b0redx3]

greatly done on chapter 4~!
no~ why the cliffhanger..? >.<
;-; its torturing!

[Mave]

*hugs* I'm in a glompy mood today. Thanks, everyone. I must admit I'm facing the slightly shaky part of the story (so do expect more "strange" parts from me, like what UC said ). Hopefully, no one tears their hair and screams "Ahh no logic, my brain cells are dying!", and instead, think "oh well, anything happens in anime/manga" in the next few chapters. Anyway, I hope to get over that and move on to the more well-thought 'other' parts of the story. Yes, I do have an idea of how I wish the story to run until the end. XD

Inky, God bless you for your kindness ^_^ UC, good point about the hair. Your comments are always helpful. I tend to draw characters somewhat similar. 0.o I shall consider a darker shade for one of them or make out something more distinct. As for cliffhangers, I kinda like doing that, guys, sorry. ^_^;; Do expect a big one even for the next installment of "Home." I shall persevere and keep working hard, yeah! ^____^

[true_noir_chloe]

Mave, I love your new avatar - it makes me wanna dance. ~_^

Excellent new section *hugs* and I agree with UC on the two guy characters being hard to tell apart - maybe one of them needs a haircut or new facial growth LOL. Other than that, whoo a cliffhanger. I love cliffhangers! XDXD

I think your art looks great and your story is staying on track - very good. ^__^

[teepanee]

Hey Mave~! I love your art style, especially in Ch. 4 -- the screentoning and details -- nicely done! The storyline is coherent (I could only imagine how difficult it would be to keep focused), and what a cliffhanger -- I'm so eager for more! ^_^ Continue to use your artistic abilities for the Lord and He will work through you, just as He has already. =) w00t!

[Little T-chan]

OMG Mave!!! This is so....beautiful!! I've been looking for your manga for a while now and I finally found it [thanks to true_noir_chloe]!! I lubb Doug!! He's so cool!!! And your art is truly gorgeous. <3 Keep up the fantastical work!!!!!! <3 <3 <3 I can't wait til Chapter FIVEEEEE