General Depression Prayer Thread

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Really? Thanks for saying so, it makes me feel a lot better about my postings, because I was afraid I was either making no sense or sounded stupid. I try to let my experiences and my trust guide me to coming up with the right words to say/type... sometimes I say something stupid, but that is my fault in not thinking and praying about what I said first... I get in a hurry... I know I won't always have the right thing to say, but my prayer is that it will help someone... I'm praying for all of you, thanks for reading my typings.

[Sheenar]

Woodchuck,
You have been very helpful and encouraging to many people. Don't beat yourself up. I say stupid/rash things too--I have Asperger Syndrome, so sometimes my social conversations are just plain awkward (we should really petition for an awkward turtle smilie...)

Anyway, hang in there. Keep pushing your comfort zone --just be careful not to push it too much, too soon. I have anxiety too --but mostly in huge crowds in small places --like the Dealer Room at Oni-Con --Oh gosh, that was awful--crazy shoving people--I had to go out and sit in the hall --I just couldn't take anymore--the adrenaline was too much.
Maybe not try something that crowded to push your comfort zone, but try a smaller gathering like a small group Bible study or a church function. I tend to function pretty well in situations like those --enough people to push myself a little (especially around people I don't know) but so many that I go into panic mode (like at Oni-Con..ugh)

Hang in there, friend. You are an encouragement and God can, will, and is using you. Thanks for being there...

[Alexander]

I'm going to see someone tomorrow in the afternoon at my church. I don't know how well they can help me or what advice they can give me, but my desperation is reaching a critical point.

If I don't get out of this prison, I won't see my 19th birthday.

[K. Ayato]

Easy, Alec. Just be yourself when you go talk to this person. Don't let any pre-conceived ideas and beliefs get in the way of a chance to have someone in real life care for you and help you out.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

Woodchuck,
You have been very helpful and encouraging to many people. Don't beat yourself up. I say stupid/rash things too--I have Asperger Syndrome, so sometimes my social conversations are just plain awkward (we should really petition for an awkward turtle smilie...)

Anyway, hang in there. Keep pushing your comfort zone --just be careful not to push it too much, too soon. I have anxiety too --but mostly in huge crowds in small places --like the Dealer Room at Oni-Con --Oh gosh, that was awful--crazy shoving people--I had to go out and sit in the hall --I just couldn't take anymore--the adrenaline was too much.
Maybe not try something that crowded to push your comfort zone, but try a smaller gathering like a small group Bible study or a church function. I tend to function pretty well in situations like those --enough people to push myself a little (especially around people I don't know) but so many that I go into panic mode (like at Oni-Con..ugh)

Hang in there, friend. You are an encouragement and God can, will, and is using you. Thanks for being there...

Thank you very much for your kind words! You are also very encouraging and helpful. That is a good idea... I think the biggest thing for me a few years back was getting a job... I had been thinking I would be too afraid to do a good job at work, but it enabled me to improve my social skills and help that social anxiety not to come out full force all the time... it still happens, I panic, but God has enabled me to be in situations that have really played a big role in taking away a lot of my panic and improve my social skills quite a bit. I think that it is very important to understand that God gives us opportunity to overcome, rather than just *poof* and everything is okay... when I realized what I needed to do, I started seeing Him open many doors for me, ones that had always been there, but I was too blind to see! It's so amazing when you trust Him, just how much more clear things become... granted, we never see with eyes wide open it seems, we stumble, but the more trust we put in Him, the more we see what it is that we need to be doing. This is what I have experienced.

I know what you mean about not pushing the comfort zone too much at once, thanks for reminding me, because that can really be bad, since if we try to take on too much, we can sometimes break easily and get overwhelmed in certain situations.

I think my middle name should be awkward, because I feel that way the majority of the time I have a conversation with anyone I don't know really, really well. I feel so different from most people I talk to lol awkward turtle smile... I'd use that a lot.

I don't like really large crowds in small places either... especially like, when I went to an event before... a friend of mine had this mic, and he said he brought a friend and said my name while pointing to me, so everyone looks at me, and they ask me to tell them about myself... that sort of thing makes me want to run the other way screaming. I'm sure that is shyness, but it used to bring on panic attacks and make me feel really bad, just like if you were unwell. I'm hoping this will change through time, as I try to push what I can do, but again, not going too far all at once. That's very good to remember and I am glad you mentioned it.

Well, praying for you! Thanks for reading! God Bless.

Alexander, you are in my prayers buddy... like K. Ayato said, just be yourself. Trust God to use this to show you something, and if it doesn't turn out for the better, don't lose hope, there is something God is planning in your life, just know that. He wants to see you experience real happiness! You are strong to remain hopeful still, you just hang on and don't lose that hope you hear?

[Sheenar]

Sorry, but I'll have to make this short. I'm really exhausted and my body needs rest...

During the sermon this morning at church, I had another couple of flashbacks and then I felt the angry feelings coming back about how no one did anything about it --then the tears started coming before I knew it.

I have no idea what brought it on. I know it's part of healing, but it's just so dang hard and I don't like it! I feel totally emo!

Please continue to be in prayer for me. My sleep has been off lately and I've been falling asleep in class --I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I just want to rest --but can't b/c of finals, papers, etc... (but I did get to take a break today to play w/ a Wii for the first time!)

Ahhh!!!!! I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas to get here!!!

Off to bed I go. Seriously, if you guys catch me online posting after say, 10:30 on a weeknight, tell me to go to bed...I really need to get back into my normal sleeping...thing...

[Nate]

When I posted earlier, I was sincere in my request, but I was doing it mostly to bury an offensive troll thread title. I shall go into a bit more detail about it now, because it's really tearing me apart inside. :\ I will unfortunately have to be purposely vague about a lot of things, but I think I can get the general idea across.

There's a girl I have feelings for, and it causes me great pain. Not because she's with someone else, or because I have no chance with her (it's true that I don't, but really that's beside the point). No, it's because I have really low self-esteem. I completely loathe myself, and well, this girl, she's a really sweet girl. And I hate myself for feeling this way about her. She's far too awesome for a disgusting person like me to have feelings for her. So this only feeds into the self-hatred.

I have no chance with her, for reasons I can't discuss publicly. I can't confess my feelings to her. That is the LAST thing I can do, because I have no chance with her, and if I told her about it at best she would say "Oh, well, I'm sorry," and at worst she would feel uncomfortable around me and our friendship would dissolve.

I'll be honest and admit, for a while, I was really selfish. And I wanted to keep these feelings for her, even though I knew I had no chance with her. In the end, I think, it's because even though I know it can't work, I still wanted the false hope. False hope, well, it's better than no hope. But it's gotten to be too much to bear lately. I almost broke down crying at work the other day, because it's hurting me so much.

I've come to terms with this, and I've asked God to strip these feelings away from me, no matter how much I resist. It's kind of like, you know how you need something to get done, but it's painful, and you tell the person doing it "Stop!" but you don't really want them to stop, so you tell them even if you tell them to stop, not to stop. It's kinda like that. I've told God, to take these feelings away, and even if later I say "No wait, I want them back!" to not listen to me, because this is for the best.

But until these feelings are gone, I have to live with this pain, and it's really frustrating and uh...painful. So that's about the size of things.

[K. Ayato]

I'll be praying, dude.

Please keep me in your prayers. I'm going through a tough time finding out where God wants me to be and what He wants me to do (shocking, isn't it?), and it's very frustrating. I'm praying hard about this, but to the best of my finite knowledge, I'm not getting any answers.

[Okami]

^^^^^

Words cannot describe...but if you want me to try, PM me.

[Sheenar]

Well, today was a rough day. My emotions are still swinging. I started crying this morning at work b/c a co-worker snapped at me even though I didn't do anything wrong (I was assured by a supervisor that I didn't). I was so upset and so afraid of setting her off again, that I couldn't focus on my work. I basically was having a panic attack like I would have after my mom would yell at me. It made me start to wonder if I should be on drugs or not --it was like I lost my ability to function there for a while. I guess part of my subconscious or whatever still expects the retaliation my mom would give even though I know in my mind that none of my supervisors or co-workers are going to hit me or say I don't have worth.
But I haven't sunk into a depressed period yet. Just been struggling mostly with anger, flashbacks, crying spells......
I lost my temper with Pebbles this afternoon when I was trying to brush her teeth. She clamped her teeth shut on my thumb and I lost it --I didn't hit her, but I gave her a piece of my mind...

Please continue praying for me. I know this is temporary and like the other trials I have been through, it will eventually pass. Pray that I don't sink into myself but continue to fellowship with others and keep encouraging b/c that's what encourages me.

What's cool is: At our leadership meeting tonight at the BSM, I found out that a friend of mine also went through abuse and has experienced a lot of the same after-effects as me. So that is encouraging: I'm not the only one here who has been through it.
My Bible study also comes in the mail this week! Woot!

AND I am going on a women's retreat with my church this weekend! AND one of my new close friends is coming too! AND it's in Galveston Island! AND we're staying in a super nice hotel. AND one last and: we may get to stay and sight-see around the island afterwards! It'll be a nice break from all the of school and life in general... Plus, my church has some pretty dang cool older women! They are so encouraging and just awesome!

AND (hahaha...one more...) I'm going to a friend's bridal shower the next day! I found the perfect gift for her and her husband-to-be. They both are really into Japan and Japanese culture (He plans to get his Ph.D. and teach English there), so I bought them 2 pairs of silver chopsticks with a case. They're so beautiful! Just have to wait for them to come in the mail...

So even though I'm struggling, there's still many blessings God is giving me right now...

God is good all the time. All the time God is good.

[Kamille]

I'm praying for all of you. Nate, I empathize with you, and I ask you to hang in there. I used to feel that self-loathing pain everyday. And to make matters worse I tended to fall in love way to quickly. In fact during the darkest parts of my depression I fell in love with just about every woman I met regardless of age, which led to a downward spiral that increased my self hatred greatly. Now my self-esteem is much better, but not necessarly because I completely love myself (I'm still working on that). But it's because I love that which is inside of me (1 John 4:4). Although it may seem like an obvious solution, this is a fact I just realized very recently (a few weeks ago). Just thinking about God in me has positively increased my self-esteem, and until I finally love myself for all of my thousands of problems, I have faith that I'm gonna keep thinking better about myself.

Sorry if this doesn't help you. But I'm still praying for you.

[Sakaki Onsei]

I guess I should join in with everyone on this, and leave my old thread at the wayside.

I'm Miles. 28 years old. And I suffer with depression. Before yesterday, my last major episode was a year and a half ago, in the springtime. I was down for a day, then I was doing really well for about 7-10 days, then it came crashing down on me. At the time, a lot of it was because I felt like I was alone...no one to share my experiences with. That was later to be found as not true. God gave me good friends who have been helping me.

Last night, however, was a different story. It started as I went to sleep. I couldn't get to sleep. I kept thinking about how I was not feeling well, and I worried a lot about things...job stuff since I'm graduating in December, getting my papers done for midterms, worried about not having any finances left after December. And, it all just came rushing downward.

I mentioned it in an earlier post, that I know when I'm about to overflow with emotion. My left index finger starts to hurt when it happens. And it happened last night and this morning as I was working. So, I'm still fighting, even though things seem alright for now.

There is a praise throughout this whole thing. My supervisor at work is a believer, and a great brother in Christ. He sat with me for 10 minutes and prayed with me at the end of my shift. Needless to say, it helps to have a believer for a boss.

I'll update more as time goes along, but keep me in prayer...that the chemicals and emotions, and the stirrings of my soul, all can be brought back together in God's good harmony.

[Kamille]

I guess I should join in with everyone on this, and leave my old thread at the wayside.

I'm Miles. 28 years old. And I suffer with depression. Before yesterday, my last major episode was a year and a half ago, in the springtime. I was down for a day, then I was doing really well for about 7-10 days, then it came crashing down on me. At the time, a lot of it was because I felt like I was alone...no one to share my experiences with. That was later to be found as not true. God gave me good friends who have been helping me.

Last night, however, was a different story. It started as I went to sleep. I couldn't get to sleep. I kept thinking about how I was not feeling well, and I worried a lot about things...job stuff since I'm graduating in December, getting my papers done for midterms, worried about not having any finances left after December. And, it all just came rushing downward.

I mentioned it in an earlier post, that I know when I'm about to overflow with emotion. My left index finger starts to hurt when it happens. And it happened last night and this morning as I was working. So, I'm still fighting, even though things seem alright for now.

There is a praise throughout this whole thing. My supervisor at work is a believer, and a great brother in Christ. He sat with me for 10 minutes and prayed with me at the end of my shift. Needless to say, it helps to have a believer for a boss.

I'll update more as time goes along, but keep me in prayer...that the chemicals and emotions, and the stirrings of my soul, all can be brought back together in God's good harmony.

Hallelujah! What a great boss. You're truly blessed. I'm praying for you.

[Sheenar]

Hang in there Miles. As a fellow college senior, what you're experiencing won't be far off for me (May 2009? Please?)
I've had many friends who graduated still not knowing what they were going to do afterwards --and God took care of them. Lean on Him. He has a plan and has a way of changing ours...

Thank you guys for praying for me. Today went much better than yesterday and my emotions were a lot more stable. And I got good sleep (finally!).

God is good all the time. All the time God is good.

--Sheenar

[Alexander]

I'm afraid not very much is better on my part.

The church leader couldn't even begin to understand my problem as it was so unique to him. Eventually it turned out that I had a better understanding of myself and how to help myself (which is very little really). Seeing that he couldn't help me, I thanked him for his time and left.

From here now, I honestly don't know what to do. I've been told going into volunteer work for people who are in my exact same position will help me a lot. And because, or so I've been told, college has such a variety of people, there's a good chance I'll find someone there.

Interestingly, even though all my hope and faith in my future is gone, I don't have enough incentive to end my life anymore. The reason for this I can't explain.

I honestly don't know if I should take anymore prayer requests. It appears that nothing happened to change my outlook on life and my future only continues to look dim. Perhaps that I lost the will to commit suicide? If so, I thank you for that.

So, I suppose that's everything for me. I don't know whether to be happy or sad with the end results. And internally I don't feel much better. It's like when a horrific incident happens in your life and you feel so terrible that you don't want life, but after the incident, you don't feel hopeful but somehow I made it.

*sigh* I wish I could end this with a more positive message. And more then likely my story isn't finished. But for now, one part of it seems to be coming to a close.

Thank you all for your time, support, and prayer for me. Regardless of what happens today or in the future.

[K. Ayato]

*Hugs* We all love you, Alec. Keep hanging in there.

[Alexander]

*Hugs* We all love you, Alec. Keep hanging in there.

Whatever it is I'm hanging on to.

At least Sheenar and Okami are doing a lot better. I can be reassured that God is still affecting some people's lives.

(Ick. With my emotions in a dead state, I feel like a life-less organism reporting my life not because I enjoy it, but more of a responsibility to this the only friends I have.)

[Okami]

Hey Alec, if God's gone and done something this crazy in my screwed up life, He can, and will, certainly do the same for you. We all mess up, and there are consequences for those actions. To my pride, lust, and self injury, I got nearly three months of depression, and am now several days into backsliding and fighting voices in my head. But by His grace, I am also much happier now, because I can pray for what's needed again--not of myself, but for those around me. The trials I face now won't let up, but as I fell into sin, they have raised me up to see what truly matters--God.

Keep the faith, my friend. You have my earnest prayers; and hey, even if it doesn't soak in, like it wasn't for me, continue reading the Word, He might lead you to some awesome stuff. Isaih 43:1-9 really showed me some perspective, if it helps at all.

[Gabriel 9.0]

Whatever it is I'm hanging on to.

At least Sheenar and Okami are doing a lot better. I can be reassured that God is still affecting some people's lives.

(Ick. With my emotions in a dead state, I feel like a life-less organism reporting my life not because I enjoy it, but more of a responsibility to this the only friends I have.)

Don't give up man, after learning that my dad has HIV, seeing my parents divorce afterwards ( thankfully God kept me, my bro and mom from getting it) I was still very sad that it happened, and wanted kill myself. I though cashing in by using a gun, a knife , a hammer and other bad ways. God will help you through this trial, just hang in there. our Lord has brought me tenfold of happiness and hope for my future, surely he can do the same for you and others . God Bless. Feel free to pm me if you wish to talk about anything.

keep this scripture along with others in mind. They really help. Here is a quick one: Psalm91
A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.
Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.
Because thou hast made the LORD, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;
There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

[Sheenar]

Alexander,
Don't give up. God has great plans for you! Use this time to grow closer in your walk with Christ and wait on the Lord. Pray for friends and He will bring them to you in His timing. I know it's hard. Read God's Word. All the answers are in there.
Remember, God is with you. Even when everyone else leaves you, Jesus is still there and will never leave you.

Hang in there, friend.

[Kamille]

Just adding my name to the people praying for Alexander.

[Okami]

I'm going to my youth pastor tonight after group (Yes, and after 4 months, I'm moving on; I'm going back there) and I'm confessing everything. Please pray all goes well, I'm nervous. Lust and depression are hard topics for me to talk about, even if I do talk often of them, online or elsewhere...especially for the first time...

[K. Ayato]

Praying, hon.

[Okami]

It all went well, we talked for a while and I explained myself and he prayed for me and everything-gave me his business card, that was pretty cool (first one, yo!) and, even though he was surprised, didn't really know how to help me (cutting is not in his major abilities to help with) but he said he'd give me some Scripture over myspace, so we'll see how that goes...

Anyways, I saw the music video to this song today on GMC and it was really hard to make it through dry-eyed....but I think you guys know how I relate to it, at least, I think you will.
KJ 52 - Fanmail

My arms are sliced up but I’m not embarrassed
It’s the only way I get attention now from my parents
It’s not like they really take the time to be caring
They just use me to watch the baby when they run they errands
My name is ______ I got a friend named Karen
She gave me your CD with the track for Eminem
You wrote a song called #1 fan I listened and
I wanted to know if you can help me like you was helping them
She had something even harder to be mentioning
Like every single day I struggle just with fitting in
Plus the boys won’t give me no attention and
I get teased and made fun of by all my friends and then
See I’m feeling like I’m wishing now that I could end
My life cuz I’m sick and tired of all the time I spend
Trying to figure out how I could be worth anything
Can u help me KJ from your fan

I’m writing this letter
Cause I have to tell ya
I need some help from you
I’m writing this letter
I hope that you get it
I need some help from you

I live with my mom ever since my parents split
And At home I spend my time on the Internet
Looking at porn Im addicted and I’m sick of it
Myspace dot com is mostly where I’m getting it
On top of that there’s videos that I can watch
And I really wanna quit but its like I can’t stop
See I’m scared that I’m just gonna get caught
And when I see a girl all I think is dirty thoughts
And its not that I don’t know that it’s really wrong
But its right there for me every time I’m logging on
I got all your CD’s I really like your songs
Well I downloaded em but anyway moving on
My screen name is KJ-52 is the bomb
I want to do a website KJ rock’s dot com
I really some help cuz I can’t tell my Mom
Oh by the way my real name is ________

I’m writing this letter
Cause I have to tell ya
I need some help from you
I’m writing this letter
I hope that you get it
I need some help from you

I took the time just to write you
We play you every Wednesday at my youth group
I love your music and we all think that you’s cool
But I been struggling ever since I moved to a new school
See everybody thinks that I’m the perfect Christian girl
I had a hard time trying to believe that God is real
I’ve been on mission trips and camps the whole deal
My dad had cancer tho I prayed that God would heal
But he died anyway so it’s hard to feel
Like he cares about me so was it God’s will
To take away my dad I really got a raw deal
Sometimes I just want to swallow all my mom’s pills
When I pray I really doubt it
I’ve lost my way or maybe I’ve never found it
I been smoking and drinking nobody knows about it
By the way my name is _____ don’t mispronounce it…

If I could write to every kid that’s out there
Every kid that’s hurting feels like nobody cares
I would tell them that God can wipe away tear
And he's right near and I would say it quite clear
Your here for a reason you’re not a mistake
You are a special creation that God himself made
To the victims of abuse to every girl that was raped
You can live you can be free from your pain
And find strength and no longer be ashamed
You can find peace and hope In Jesus name
You aint gotta live with this hurt every day
Christ came to give you life in a much better way
To every kid right now that’s full of hate
And bitterness I'd tell em just to give it all away
To the one that came to take all the blame
That’s what I’d write here’s what I’d say

[Sheenar]

Oh wow...that song is hard to get through dry-eyed...I can relate too...wow...I especially love that last verse. Christ sets us free!

Glad your meeting went well Okami! Keep us updated, friend...

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Glad to hear it, Okami!

Alec, just remember that life is a big, BIG thing. As much as we might want or feel like we need something to happen right away, it can still take a long time for us to understand it. Letting go of our own desires to focus on God's is a very hard thing to do, but it's worth it to see what He's actually up to.

Nate, our situations are probably kind of different, but I still can identify with how hard it is to not hold on to feelings you know you need to give up to God. I'll definitely be praying for you.

Speaking of which, if you guys could keep me and my own much-lamented romantic woes in your prayers, I'd really appreciate it. I'm still feeling really mixed up, trying to unlearn ways of thinking that I really don't know how to go without.

[Kunoichi]

...........I don't want to live anymore...if it wasn't for my boyfriend...let's just say i'm done.

[K. Ayato]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll be praying. Also, try not to put so much trust in your boyfriend. I'm sure he's a great encouragement to you and a good friend, but he's unable to be your savior in all things. Only God can fill that role.

[Kunoichi]

...he is the one that points me to God...He keeps that light within me.. I should have said if it wasn't for my boyfriend and God...I dunno...Satan is attacking with Insanity I think..

question: ..does anyone know what it might feel like to be Bipolar...I"m wondering if I am

[K. Ayato]

I understand. I apologize if I went too far.