I don't know what to do . . .

[Raiden no Kishi]

Life is really frightening and stressful for me right now. I'm halfway through my first semester at college, and already I feel that my brain's overloaded with knowledge. The bad news there is that I can't recall it all. It's really come to a head here with one of my midterms. I got a 78 [a C+], and I know I should have been able to get an A or A+. I've been an A student with good SAT and other standardized test scores for all my life, so I know that's what my parents are used to. In fact, though I doubt they'd ever say it to me, I'm pretty sure it's what they expect, no matter how much they say "only do your best and that will be enough". I know I also got a low grade [the professor won't tell us yet] on another midterm, which was my mistake for not studying earlier. I'll be honest ~ I'm lazy. I find it very, very hard to be motivated. Once I am motivated, I can't be stopped, but it's almost as hard to get me going ~ and it's harder for me to motivate myself. I'm also not a very quick-thinking person and I'm easily distracted, due to being able to learn equally in many different ways. I also have poor recall skills, and I have a lot of rote memorization that I have to do. I can remember useless things like you wouldn't believe, but when it comes to all I have to know for Greek and History, etc., I have a very hard time making the information stick.
Long story short, I'm struggling. I'm getting generally rather good grades [except for those two midterms], but I'm miserable. I never have enough time to do everything I need to do, and I don't have the willpower to develop habits so I don't have to think about them. Right now, it's 1:45 AM, and I have to be able to give the translations for several Greek sentences. I haven't even finished translating them, much less working through them so that I understand them. Every other lesson, we have charts of new words/word endings and lists of vocabulary to memorize, and I'm scared to death because I can't remember it all. I'm scared that I won't be able to make up for my two bad midterms and that my grade will dip below the 3.5 necessary to maintain my scholarship, which I know will make Dad and Mom furious. I also have absolutely no direction in life. I've stopped asking God about it because He's never answered the question and it's maddening to keep asking someone a question who won't help you, but still writes you a book about how they love you. Bitter? Yeah. I feel like I'm all alone against an enemy I know I can't defeat, but am expected to all the same. My parents have always told me that I was a bright kid ~ but everyone's bright here, and most are brighter than I am. I'm sick of hearing people tell me how smart I am, because I know it's all bull. I'm just another human being. On a practical level, I'm not a very good thinker. I'm sick of hearing my parents tell me I'm smart, because all it says to me is that the bar is higher. More is expected of me.

I'm sick of college. Shoot, I'm sick of life.

.rai//

[K. Ayato]

I'll be praying for you, bro. Feel free to vent in a PM or on AIM when you need someone to listen while you get stuff off your chest.

[Danderson]

I'll be honest ~ I'm lazy. I find it very, very hard to be motivated. Once I am motivated, I can't be stopped, but it's almost as hard to get me going ~ and it's harder for me to motivate myself. I'm also not a very quick-thinking person and I'm easily distracted, due to being able to learn equally in many different ways. I also have poor recall skills, and I have a lot of rote memorization that I have to do. I can remember useless things like you wouldn't believe, but when it comes to all I have to know for Greek and History, etc., I have a very hard time making the information stick.


.rai//

Man, I thought I was the only one who went through that. Know exactly how you feel in that area.....and, to tell you the truth, the only way I've been able to cope with that and at least attempt for a B in my classes was, and is, by asking God for help as well as motivation.....

And sometimes, that motivation doesn't come, and nor does an answer.....or at least that's what I think....You've probably heard this, but motivation is a choice as is choosing whether to follow our emotions...

And don't give into the lies that your not smart. I know that I don't know you personally or anything, but it sounds like you've done some amazing things that have given others who trust you the impression that you really are smart and no joking. It doesn't matter if everyone is smarter or just as smart as you at college.....

...what matters is what you do with that smart.....

...Know that I am praying for you....

[termyt]

It's very common to feel this way durring your first semester especially. College is a big adjustment from High School. It was the same for me. I got good gradesd in High School, but I was not a good student. In other words, I did not have to study in High School to be an A/B student. In college, I quickly dropped to B/C and lost my scholarships. In my second or third semester, I scored two D's - I'd never scored that low in anything before. It caused me to re-evaluate what I was doing - which was choosing which classes to take together in the same semester very poorly.

Long story short, it's not the end of the world. I still made it through and I learned a thing or two about taking good notes and studying.

How many credit hours are you taking?
Note: This varies based on whether you are on semesters or quarters and on what kind of college you are attending (some colleges require a lot of out-of-the-class work such as research projects and the like, but these still are mostly for upper-classmen).

I went to a state college on semesters. The recommendation there is that you do not schedule more than 60 hours of activity in a week broken down thusly:
For each hour in class, plan two hours of out-of-class study. So, if you have 16 hours in class (which was a normal load for my college at the time), you should expect 32 hours of study for a total of 48 hours. That leaves 12 hours for anything else you may want to do - clubs, work, etc.

If you want to work more hours, you should scale back your class time accordingly. I went to schools with a guy who had already been there for four years when I started and was still there five years later when I graduated. I passed him up in credits during my third year (his 7th). His plan was to work full time and go to a few classes a semester so he'd graduate with no debt. I'm not recommending that, but just giving it as an example of the other extreme.

[Kaligraphic]

Try scheduling time with other students in your classes. Get together to study, and you may find it more motivating. Teach parts of the material back and forth. I'll tell you, I never cared as much about accounting as when I basically had to teach my project group. Not only does it help you learn the material, but it helps you express it - which definitely helps with exams.

[K. Ayato]

It also helps to find the kind of learning style you prefer (hands-on, visual, etc.) and keep that in mind during studying and teaching your classmates.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

I'm in no position to offer anyone advice about studying and I've got the dismal grades to prove it (especially where Greek is concerned, you've got my pitty, dude), but I'll be praying for you just the same.

I want to challenge you regarding soemthing, though. You say that you've been asking God for an answer but you haven't gotten one. I know as well as anybody how frusterating this sort of situation is, so I won't insult you by acting like you can just "get over it" and everything will become clear. Still, I know from experience that God doesn't "not answer," we either don't hear or won't take the answers we get.