Getting to know someone better/ ie, i need me some christian advise :p

[king atlantis]

[color="Red"]and so i am here :p (also- please dont even click here unless your a female. thank you)

Ok, a little back-drop:

ive never had a 'close friend' (ie: girlfriend/courting partner/ whatever you like to call it). Ive just never realy found anyone that, well, i like enough to be around allot with.

---also, until very recently, i belived 'dateing' to be frivolous, becuase people put on false fronts; meaning that i put off my feelings for quite a while.. But recently i have read a book, actually, a few books (two were from the 'every man's battle' series, one was of the likes), and realized that HEY! i just have to find someone with like-intrests and no 'goo goo ga ga makeout paradise' ''relation ship'' in mind.

and so i am at a stand still. Thier is a girl in my youth group who i 'like' (in '___' marks because of the following). She has the same moral values as me, we have known each other for a while now (a few years...ok, around 6 or so ) and we both go to the same church. she is dedicated to God, and nice to hang around. I just enjoy being around her...feelings are a strange thing.
--now here is the weird part. Having belived 'dating' was not for me, i sort of just realized how much i liked her. Now, were not 'good friends' in the sense that we do allot of stuff together (which i think makes it better, taking out the 'weird' factor) but in the sense that, from the time i have spent around her (3 or so times a week, thanks to youth/church/etc) we get allong quite well. We can hold conversation, and joke etc.

+now heres the real qs:

---i 'like the girl'. should i take it any farther, or try and let it naturally progress? im allittle afraid of the later- for myself. For the reason being that she isnt 'seeing' anyone at the moment, and id hate for that to happen. OR for what generally happens to me: friend zone. no, i generally dont mind it, for reasons i have stated above, but this time, well, it might hurt a bit. also, by taking it 'farther' i mean to say 'sharing my feelings and hoping she recives,in which case we could spend more ime togather'.

---what does it imply to be a christian boyfriend, if it is to 'go the way i hope it could'? i DEFINATLY do NOT want to be whats all over tv and my public high-school: sex, lies, makeing out, false pretences, etc. (not that i should have to worry about any of these...) its all about 'sharing yourself', correct?

---what would be the best way, as a dumb-inexperienced, yet older-than-15 guy to get 'past the friend' point and into 'i like you and would love to get to know you better' point.




to clarify:
-i dont want, nor need, physical stuffs in a relationship. i dont plan on it until im married, so this is nothing i have to concern myself about.
-i dont plan on 'dating' one-on-one type thing, nor the 'courting' type thing...at least i wouldnt think of it that way. more of a 'hang out together with family, fiends, and youth (the same as before) but in a more 'now lets know each other' sort of way'.

on a final note, i would much appreciate it is more girls/women/females posted here.

9also, unlike more 'dorks' i dress well, excercise daily, and take regular showers. i have been told that i am handsom, but that is mostly from 40+ people, so im not so sure if that counts...:lol::cool:

(and, im coming here for, um, a few reasons: i need christians advise. i would go to my youth pastor, but turns out he her father (lol). Plus all my christian friends go to my church, so, i dont think that would be...the correct thing to do. oh! and i DO NOT want to ask my non-christian friends this sort of thing. i need CHRISTIAN FEMALE advice, lol :p[/color]

[SolidÃ…rmor]

Question do you think "Male" advise to be no good? I'm only curious seeing how you're being specific in the gender you're looking for advice from....kinda limiting yourself to what options may be out there.

[king atlantis]

[color="Red"]because, from what ive found out, males dont know what females want, in general :p


if you think you can help, go ahead, but ill more than likely go with a womans advice, considering the original message, lol :p[/color]

[SolidÃ…rmor]

Hint...you're young. I'll lay this on as simply as I can. NO ONE knows what women want. It's a fact...I'm married and I can say that with the upmost sincerity. You can't ever "know" what they need, only learn what you can give to them.

If you want to get to know this girl better then you have to take a step into going out with her quite possibly in a group setting that isn't in a threatening way. There are only 2 outcomes to this...1) you'll either find out that maybe there is chemistry there. Or 2) you're better off as friends. You never know unless you're willing to take the risk. Not to mention if you have respect for this girl as you say, you'll ask her father for permission to take her out first.

You can chose to take my advice or not...I have the experience in this matter and speaking with that experience.

[Popsicle]

[color="DeepSkyBlue"]1) Pray about it first.

2) Become good friends with her before you ask her out or anything. Hang out with her, go to lunch, go to a school football game, etc. (as friends). This sorta thing helps if you bring another friend too. A good friendship is a good basis for a relationship and that way if you do breakup later on, then you can still be friends and have it not be so awkward.

3) If you do ask her out, don't get your friends to do it for you. Be confident and don't be afraid of rejection because as Christian girls, we don't like hurting you guys and we don't want you to feel bad.

4) Start with some double dates. Have her bring a friend and you bring a friend and it won't be so awkward for anyone there.

Hope this helps you...if I think of more advice I will post it. [/color]

[SolidÃ…rmor]

[color="DeepSkyBlue"]1) Pray about it first.

2) Become good friends with her before you ask her out or anything. Hang out with her, go to lunch, see a movie, etc. (as friends). This sorta thing helps if you bring another friend too. A good friendship is a good basis for a relationship and that way if you do breakup later on, then you can still be friends and have it not be so awkward.

3) If you do ask her out, don't get your friends to do it for you. Be confident and don't be afraid of rejection because as Christian girls, we don't like hurting you guys and we don't want you to feel bad.

4) Start with some double dates. Have her bring a friend and you bring a friend and it won't be so awkward for anyone there.

Hope this helps you...if I think of more advice I will post it. [/color]

Good advice, but no movies....you can't hold a conversation watching a movie. Going to youth group outings and such wouldn't be a bad thing. But you have to communicate with her, treat her with respect, and don't go into it expecting anything.

[teen4truth]

Well, I agree with the posts above. Essentially, courtship is technically what has been advised-hanging out primarily in group settings. You can see how she acts around her other friends, other guys, and there won't be as much pressure on you to 'be a fun guy' so she can enjoy herself.

As far as taking the awkward step from 'ok friends' to 'something between us,' after you pray about it and decide that you truly think you two have something going for you, you probably will need to kind of let her kno...treat her special. I go to eat lunch now, but I'll talk more about that later.


Done with lunch!
Alright, let me warn you, girls can get pretty high maintenance. As I'm sure you know, overall we're rather emotional.
>remeber that guys were designed to need a lot of respect from their wives, and girls were designed to need a lot of love from thier hubbies. If you plan on having a true, lasting love relationship with this girl-or any girl-rember that.
>read 1 Chorinthians 13, 'the love chapter,' to get a good understanding of what she'll need from you.
>Pay attention to her. I mean, don't be excesive or anything, but if you decide to pursue a relationship with her, you better treat her like a princess. Every man should treat his lady like a princess. At first, of course, giving her attention could just mean asking for her number and calling her to talk about basic things like school, movies, hobbies, whatever. And that brings me to my next point:
>don't hesitate to write out what you plan on talking to her about, it won't make you a dork. If your nervice its good to prethink some good basic conversation topics. Also, you might want to make a list of convictions you'd like to discuss with her.

I don't have time to reread this so hopefully I didn't mess anything up!

[Raiden no Kishi]

Here's a question: What are you looking for that friendship can't provide?

.rai//

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Here's a question: What are you looking for that friendship can't provide?

.rai//

Answer: A shot at attempting a relationship that includes mutual romantic love?

Really, the best you can do is try to be the best friend you can with her. Be a sociable person and be someone that's really warm and caring.

I'd say more but I'm exhausted at the moment.

[termyt]

Since you are not doing research for a book or movie or whatever, "What women want” is irrelevant. Figuring out what women in general seem to like will not get you very far when dealing with this girl specifically. You should concern yourself with what this girl not only wants, but needs. I point this out because the first step is getting to know this girl as an individual and not as a class of people. In some ways, she will be just like every other girl, in some ways she will be like no other.

If you want to date her, you should ask her out. I like your statement about hanging out rather than one-on-one dates. It relieves a lot of pressure. If you get “I just want to be friends” response, it means she isn’t interested in dating you. If you get that, back off but don’t give up. People change all the time, so take her up on the friend offer. As your friendship develops, both of you will grow and change. Maybe you will not want to date her anymore. Maybe she will want to date you. Whatever happens, be real and honest. You’ll never be the guy she needs you to be if you are only trying to be what you think she wants you to be.

I'm not a girl, but you want to be a man, not a woman and not all of us are lost pigs with no idea what girls want. I'm glad you stated you are not looking for a sexual relationship. I know it's in the back of your head. You're male. But your commitment to wait until marriage is a strong sign of character. Stick with it.

[king atlantis]

[color="red"]ok, thanks all [/color]

Answer: A shot at attempting a relationship that includes mutual romantic love?

[color="Red"]their ya go :p[/color]

[mitsuki lover]

Obviously the first thing you need to do is simply to talk to her and see how she feels about you.

[Raiden no Kishi]

Answer: A shot at attempting a relationship that includes mutual romantic love?

Okay, going with this, here's another question for the original poster: Are you actively seeking a mate? If not, what would you describe as the purpose of romantic attachment outside of the search for a spouse?

All right, that was two, but still. I want some insight into your thought process and motivation here out of curiousity as much as anything.

.rai//

[king atlantis]

Obviously the first thing you need to do is simply to talk to her and see how she feels about you.

[color="Red"]yeah, easier said than done :p

im working on it though :p[/color]

[Mr. SmartyPants]

Obviously the first thing you need to do is simply to talk to her and see how she feels about you.

Mmmmm, that's actually not the best idea. That could easily lead to friendship problems.

[king atlantis]

[color="Red"]bleh...i think ill just wait...if it turns into anything, let it be :p

if not, so be it as well :p[/color]