Relationship woes

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Uh, this such an immature, middle school sort of thing that I'm kind of embarrassed to bring it up (no offense to those of you in middle school, of course ) but...

I have a friend, whom I happen to care for a great deal. We get along very well, we share a lot of the same passions, she's interested in most of the same things as me, she loves anime, she's just a very kind, caring, Godly person. Basically, I like her a lot and REALLY wish the relationship was more than friendship.

Problem: There is little indication that she's looking for any sort of romance, and even if she was, there's even less indication that it'd be with me. Worse, it's becoming very clear to me that most of these feelings I've got are VERY self-centered and immature in nature. Even WORSE, the frustration of the mess is starting to warp my friendship with her and my other friends, and it's REALLY wearing me out spiritually.

So, I actually already know what I need to do: I've GOT to sit down with her and come clean about this whole rigamarole. No, I haven't told her how I feel yet, partially because I'm just a gutless coward, but also because of the conviction God's been placing on my heart about it all. I can't let go of the hope that this could somehow give way to a wondrous romance, but I'm (unhappily) coming to the conclusion that I just need her to tell me "No" so I can move on. Either way, this present emotional state HAS to end soon.

...but I still don't WANNA do this! Being a shy, introverted MALE, it's hard for me to talk about such touchy feely things to anybody, let alone her. Plus, I really cherish this friendship like few others. God has used her to have a major impact on my life, and I guess I'm struggling to muster up the faith that God will keep doing good things after whatever needs to happen happens. And yet, I still know that this has to get talked out and soon.

Wow, this turned out much longer than I expected. So, anyway, please pray God to grant me wisdom in dealing with this situation and that, no matter how things turn out, that I'll have gained some level of maturity. Thanks.

[Alexander]

Long? I write three pages worth of stuff sometimes in one post! XD

And Blitz, believe me, a lot of boys including myself have been there. And controlling those feelings, even though I myself like to think about them (points at avatar) can be quite a balancing act.

As for my own advice, I honestly will never have very much experience with love. However, I can give some advice on making a decision. And I will pray for you.

If you honestly love this girl, but you want to still be friends with her and keep the feeling back, telling her your true feelings might not be a good strategy. She may or may not, but most likely will, want to distance herself from you if she doesn't accept your feelings.

It is possible to keep your feelings inside and never let them out while preserving your friendship, something I've done once with a girl I knew, but if you can't contain them or let them settle, then I would suggest you take the risk with her.

It's really up to you and God with what you should do. There's no completely right or completely wrong way to approach this.

You're in my prayers too. Best wishes for you.

Edit: I wasn't exactly sure whether you wanted to go through with this or were reluctant, so I kept my advice to both ends. If you'd like to talk to me privately, I have a number of IM names or you could always drop me a PM.

[K. Ayato]

I'll be praying, bro. Regardless of how she may feel towards you, you'll be doing the right thing in letting her know how you feel.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Thanks guys.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Okay, update time guys: I finally talked things out with the girl, and I was right. She's not interested in me, or anybody else for that matter. And you know what? Things are good! Talking it out with her really helped me come to terms with how shallow my feelings actually had been ("Hey, it's a pretty girl who likes anime and loves Jesus! I guess if I'm gonna have a girlfriend, it should be her, right?"), which makes getting past them much easier. Plus, she'd pretty much figured out what was going on with me on her own, so it wasn't anywhere near as awkward to bring up as I'd feared.

But here's the part that's really amazing me at the moment. She admitted that when we first met, she was thinking the same sort of stuff about me: "Christian Anime Boy! MUST DATE!" However, seeing that's way more mature than me, she realized much sooner that she was having to MAKE herself look at the friendship in romantic terms and gave it up. Aside from the fact that it made the talk even easier, it's causing me to REALLY thank God that He kept me from acting on these feelings the moment I started stirring them up. If we had actually started dating on the sheer giddy thrill of actually finding Christian anime fans, only to realize later on that didn't count as true love, we'd have had to go through the nastiness that is breaking up and things would have gotten VERY unpleasant between us (looking at myself honestly, there's no way I'd have weathered that sort of thing gracefully at all). Instead, God's seen to it that this whole thing was been worked out while keeping our friendship intact.

So, I praise Him for all this, but I would still appreciate some prayer on the subject. Pretty much the whole time I've known her I've only thought of her through the potential girlfriend filter, and I'm kind of a creature of habit, so please pray that the Lord will keep my thoughts and actions towards her honoring to both her and Him. Thanks!

[K. Ayato]

I'm glad everything went smoothly between the two of you. I'm impressed with the way she handled her feelings. I'll be praying.

[Blitzkrieg1701]

Dude, I'm really impressed too.

[HiddenWoodchuck]

I'm glad things worked out in a way that you were able to tell her your feelings, and remain friends through it all. I really wish I had acted as maturely in the last relationship I was in, because we had both rushed into the whole thing, simply because we were both Christians and had similar interest in some things... but we ended up both getting hurt pretty badly when things didn't work out, and the friendship has... well, it isn't the same anymore. I want to cry about it every day, but it made me see that you just shouldn't rush into things like I did... but my mind was so focused on the idea of a relationship and not the friendship.

It's so hard sometimes when you think... man, this is the one! She likes the things I like... she is pretty... this is it!

I will pray for you. It's great to hear that it went well though. I'm glad you told her when you did and things were talked out. God Bless

[Blitzkrieg1701]

See, the one relationship I was in before this whole thing started up, I DID rush into for exactly those sorts of reasons, and it had exactly that end result. It was the memory of that exerience that God used to keep me from rushing into THIS relationship for the wrong reasons. Too bad I didn't KEEP remembering that, it could have saved me even more grief lately...

But yeah, if you guys could keep praying for me, I'm still feeling a little bumed out. Not about her, specifically, but just in a general "Dang it, why don't I have somebody?" way. I guess my impatient, immature heart still can't grasp the concept of waiting on the Lord's timming.

[Kamille]

I thank God for your courage Blitz. It is an inspiration to me. A little over a year ago I asked a girl out for the first time in my life. But she wasn't interested in dating at the moment, and because I liked her and I thought we were close I was pretty devestated. Then a while later I asked another girl out, but the same thing happened. I was pretty heartbroken for a while and for a second some old thoughts started to resurface in my mind that I thought had died in me - namely the idea that I would live and die alone.

But after a while I realized these "rejections" happened for my benefit. They helped to strengthen my relationship with Christ. I just recently came to the Lord, and back when I was looking for a girlfriend I didn't check their religous affiliation one way or the another. Plus I was baptized in May, but I had to take classes in my church to do so. If I had been concerned with a relationship at the time I probably wouldn't have got around to thinking that I need to be baptized, and I would almost definitely not have put in the work to do so.

Now I'm at the point where I occasionally get lonely, especially since I've never been in a relationship. But that feeling pales in comparison to the love I have for God. I'm so glad I took (and am still taking) the steps to get close to Him. Testimonies such as yours and HiddenWoodchuck's remind me to wait on God's Word and to become good friends with a girl before I ask her to be in a closer relationship with me.

[Sheenar]

I understand how you feel. I'm 22 and have never even been on a date. I too get impatient sometimes. But I'm willing to wait --I've seen so many girls settle for much less than God's best for them--and it hurt to see them get hurt so badly by those relationships. I'm willing to wait for God's timing.

My youth pastor used to always say "Why settle for Spam when you can have a T-bone steak?" Funny, but at the same time, it makes you think.

Hang in there, Blitz. God has a plan. He knows what He's doing. He is in complete control.

Keep us updated.