Seleana: From Lesbian, to Drooling Sensless over Bishounen XD

[Nikolai Melodie]

Well CAA, I never thought that I’d be posting this for sure… and that goes for a few things. For one I never thought that I’d get around to typing up my, “How I found Christ,” testimony in my hectic schedule…
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Then, this happened, and suddenly, I’m blowing off my Creative Writing homework on a Sunday night at <st1:time minute="30" hour="10">ten thirty</st1:time> because I just need to write this down. It’s amazing how things like this can change someone—and all I have to say, is that hopefully my Creative Writing will understand. Without further a due, here we go.
<o:p> </o:p>
Two months ago, I posted a testimony, one that thankfully gained little attention and went over without any members fighting. This testimony was a bit of an odd story, which contradicts itself in many places. It speaks of the fact that you can be gay and Christian—I’m not saying any different now. I think that you could, in fact, be gay and Christian. I’m going to address this again at the very end, but this isn’t what I want to write about really.
<o:p> </o:p>
I’m here to talk about how I went from being a complete and total Lesbian, to being,
’unsure,’ and being ‘me again’.
<o:p> </o:p>
Even as I finished that testimony two months ago, doubt filled me. As I posted it, I wasn’t sure if this is what I had truly wanted. I knew that deep down, something was amiss…, but I wasn’t sure what quite yet, even though I’d known that something was indeed amiss for a very long time.
<o:p> </o:p>
At the very end of my Freshmen year I said goodbye to all of my trashy, liberal, druggie friends. Each one of them had claimed to be bisexual, bi-curious, or Lesbian (or if they were male, Gay). I separated myself from them not because they were gay, but because all of these friends hated Christians and Christianity had recently sparked an interest in me. Secretly, I had begun to once more read God’s word—for the first time in years, I wasn’t looking for reasons to call Christians arrogant close-minded cuss words. I was looking for the message of God.
<o:p> </o:p>
From the very moment my interest in God sparked, my alternative sexuality began to dwindle. In general, I became less of a sexual creature, more of a person who sat around at home and read books, and less of a “stay-out-all-night-and-paaarty!” girl. I was unable to see the changes in myself.
<o:p> </o:p>
My summer was a busy one. Outside of what I saw my sister doing on the site, I never even thought of CAA. I traveled all over! I saw <st1:country-region><st1:place>Germany</st1:place></st1:country-region>, <st1:city><st1:place>Amsterdam</st1:place></st1:city> (Interesting place…), <st1:country-region><st1:place>Canada</st1:place></st1:country-region>, <st1:state><st1:place>Florida</st1:place></st1:state>, <st1:city><st1:place>New York City</st1:place></st1:city> (and a Broadway musical!) and all together, I just saw so much stuff with my family that I never really wanted anything to do with my old friends. By the time I finally got back home (as in, was home for more then three weeks) it was time for school to start, and I started using CAA again.
<o:p> </o:p>
I still proclaimed my homosexuality… but, I didn’t know anymore. I confessed to many friends that I supported homosexuals, but I wasn’t sure if I was able to call myself one anymore. I realized that I was in a rather neutral state, and that I had been there for quite a long time. The first time I made one of these proclamations was to my sister in June—right after I began reading the bible again. I wonder, could it be possible that the Lord was already slowly working in me even then?
<o:p> </o:p>
Well guys, it happened very quickly, and I’m sad to say that I’m a complete dork when it comes to relationships.
<o:p> </o:p>
Sophomore year reared it’s ugly head on <st1:date year="2007" day="4" month="9">September 4^th, 2007</st1:date>, and on that very day I met a young man. He invited me to sit with him at lunch, which I did. Within a week, I already had a bit of a crush on him—a bit. I didn’t even really think about it, but from what other’s have told me, the fact that I ran around talking about him every five minutes was no way of hiding it.
<o:p> </o:p>
Then, just this weekend, heartbreak. He’s interested in another girl, actually, one of my friends, and not me. I was saddened, and I didn’t even realize why until just two days ago, while cooking my family dinner. It was after school, and just thinking over the words, “Hey, uh, Kelly, do you know if Maria is…available,” made me teary. He was so nervous that he obviously had wanted to know for quite some time, and later revealed to me that he’d had a huge crush on her since freshmen year! D’oh! That alone made me cry, and it wasn’t until hours later that I realized that there was anything odd about that. I mean, whoa, fifteen-year-old girl crying over a boy—what’s new?
<o:p> </o:p>
But, the fact was that… I was crying over a boy. Not a girl, and I hadn’t cried over a girl in over six months. I couldn’t even vaguely remember the last time that I’d wanted a relationship with a girl. Since school had started, I only had eyes for guys!
<o:p> </o:p>
I have no clue when I changed, but I know why—GOD!
<o:p> </o:p>
When I decided to devote my life to Christ once more, all of my sexuality issues began to just melt away. When I converted, I thought I would be like that forever. I believed that your orientation was just natural to you and was how God wanted you to be… but that is simply not true. Well, I guess I was right about one thing—God would have me the way he wanted me to be, lol .
<o:p> </o:p>
Now I understand that this is who I am, who God wanted me to be.
<o:p> </o:p>
As for my friend, Maria, I hope she’ll be happy, because she’s got herself one swell guy there now. For me, well… I know that at some point down the road, I’m going to meet (or maybe I already know o.O) a really awesome young man who’s gonna end up being my husband. He’s cool enough to wait for, so, I probably won’t start dating anybody until college. I hope that God will give me a sign when I run into him down the road~~ xD!
<o:p> </o:p>
Anyway guys, I know this was very long and I’m thankful for everyone who read it. I appreciate it.

Edit: I said I'd come back to it at the end, so keeping this short, I'll just say that I do think it could be possible to be gay and Christian, if God wanted you to be gay. However, the Word makes it pretty clear that he doesn't want it that way, so it isn't possible. I mean, a gay person can become a Christian, but I'm almost certian that down the road at some point they'd experience what I did and become straight. I have no evidence, of course...

[ChristianKitsune]

What
an
AWESOME TESTIMONY. WOW How amazing that God revealed that to you, Seleana! How cool.

I almost started crying as I read this...for I have a very close friend who JUST accepted Christ like a year ago...and he is gay.. I don't know what to say around him or anything, but this gives me a lot of hope. I mean he isn't any less of a person for being this way...but I wonder does being this way...like hinder a close relationship with God? This has been something that I have been wondering. Because I really want my friend to be as happy about Christ as I am...but maybe that will come with time?

Thanks for sharing this, Seleana! ^_^

[Nikolai Melodie]

What
an
AWESOME TESTIMONY. WOW How amazing that God revealed that to you, Seleana! How cool.

I almost started crying as I read this...for I have a very close friend who JUST accepted Christ like a year ago...and he is gay.. I don't know what to say around him or anything, but this gives me a lot of hope. I mean he isn't any less of a person for being this way...but I wonder does being this way...like hinder a close relationship with God? This has been something that I have been wondering. Because I really want my friend to be as happy about Christ as I am...but maybe that will come with time?

Thanks for sharing this, Seleana! ^_^

I suppose it depends on the person. With me... I tried not to think of homosexuality as something that was stapled on my eyelids and always there, and more of an inborn trait. I know that's not true now, but I know a huge problem for many gays interested in Christianity is that they see their sexuality as a wall between them and God.

I had a lot of really AWESOME Christians in my life from CAA and from a few places in real life, so I wasn't affected by this "wall thing" very much, but I know that many are. A lot of Christians-- not all of us, but still, quite a number, forget that we should never hate the Sinner, but only the sin. Because of this, a lot of gay Christians or gays interested in seeking Christ feel it's pointless to look for Christ, because either way, they're going to hell.

They don't know about stories like mine, I guess, or are stubborn like I was...

^_^;; Sorry that I'm rambling like this, but what I'm saying is that it really depends on your friend and his situation. I hope you understand what i'm saying.

[K. Ayato]

Bring out the dancing bananas!!!

Now, everybody, all together! "Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!"

Sorry it's so random, but I'm just in a crazy hyper mood to celebrate. Kudos to you, Seleana. Thanks for sharing. That was AWESOME!

[Nikolai Melodie]

Bring out the dancing bananas!!!

Now, everybody, all together! "Hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah!"

Sorry it's so random, but I'm just in a crazy hyper mood to celebrate. Kudos to you, Seleana. Thanks for sharing. That was AWESOME!

^_^ No problem, K. I'm just relieved that this part of my life seems to finally be over... I can't wait until Yashua reads this.

-ponders- I wonder why the Bananas never dance on my browser...

[ChristianKitsune]

I suppose it depends on the person. With me... I tried not to think of homosexuality as something that was stapled on my eyelids and always there, and more of an inborn trait. I know that's not true now, but I know a huge problem for many gays interested in Christianity is that they see their sexuality as a wall between them and God.

I had a lot of really AWESOME Christians in my life from CAA and from a few places in real life, so I wasn't affected by this "wall thing" very much, but I know that many are. A lot of Christians-- not all of us, but still, quite a number, forget that we should never hate the Sinner, but only the sin. Because of this, a lot of gay Christians or gays interested in seeking Christ feel it's pointless to look for Christ, because either way, they're going to hell.

They don't know about stories like mine, I guess, or are stubborn like I was...

^_^;; Sorry that I'm rambling like this, but what I'm saying is that it really depends on your friend and his situation. I hope you understand what i'm saying.

He actually asked me during the summer if he was going to hell because of this...and my sister and I were like "Um...well no, not if you accepted Christ..." So he knows that he isn't....and I have reminded him that no matter what God will always love him.

I am just so scared that whatever I say will turn him off to God completely...
I feel like I am walking on eggshells when I am around him. XD

thanks!

[Okami]

Awesome testimony, Sel. Simply amazing, and very inspiring ^_^

I think I gotta do a dancing banana too

You go, girl!~

[AsianBlossom]

Great story, Seleana. And praise God!!

What I was getting from your story is that peer pressure might have induced you into thinking that you were a lesbian. We all have a desire to fit in, and sometimes, we may consciously or unconsiously become more and more like those we are hanging out with, just because we don't want to be shunned out of a desire for friendship. But, God is much greater than any group or groups of friends we have or wish to have; and He wanted you to see yourself as the beautiful young woman He created you to be.

[USSRGirl]

Wow, I just wanna say that your testimony has really inspired me, Seleana. I remember reading one of your posts about the homosexuality issue (I never commented much because it looked like you had more than enough comments as it was and I didn't wanna get into mudslinging debates XD) and even further back your post saying you were leaving CAA. Just hearing that from you now is really... wow. And I sound like a moron because I can't think of anything else to say but wow. XD

This is such a great testimonial for anyone who doubts that God is actively working in people and will sort at all the things in your life in His time - and for all those "Christians" who all but say God gives up on certain people. I also second AsianBlossom - I'm always skeptical of how homosexual teens claim to be and how much of it is just something they picked up from peer pressure or friends or whatever. Sometimes it's just a matter of growing up and having God drop a cute bishie in your path.

Great story, girl.

-Temulin

[Nikolai Melodie]

Wow, I just wanna say that your testimony has really inspired me, Seleana. I remember reading one of your posts about the homosexuality issue (I never commented much because it looked like you had more than enough comments as it was and I didn't wanna get into mudslinging debates XD) and even further back your post saying you were leaving CAA. Just hearing that from you now is really... wow. And I sound like a moron because I can't think of anything else to say but wow. XD

This is such a great testimonial for anyone who doubts that God is actively working in people and will sort at all the things in your life in His time - and for all those "Christians" who all but say God gives up on certain people. I also second AsianBlossom - I'm always skeptical of how homosexual teens claim to be and how much of it is just something they picked up from peer pressure or friends or whatever. Sometimes it's just a matter of growing up and having God drop a cute bishie in your path.

Great story, girl.

-Temulin

Ah, yes, the mudslinging debates. I have to say I wasn't really 'avoiding' the confrontation when I first arrived, and even more frequently, but I guess... I've improved.
If you are able to dig up my old intro thread from the first day I came here, you'll find that I was a Shinto-dabbling yaoi fan... with a fondness for the same sex. [Little did CAA know what was happening in the real world, ...]
>_> I really wish I could go back and rewrite that thread now but sadly, I think I have to wait for one thousand posts.

And yeah, Temmy, I did leave CAA for awhile. I came back after I decided to actively seek Christ again. So, through various connections, mods were contacted and I was unbanned.

Thanks to everyone who has been so supporting of me. I really appreciate it. I love you guys

[termyt]

That is a beautiful story - and well written, too. I'm sure you do well in Creative Writing.

I believe yours is the kind of story God likes to tell time and time again. It’s amazing the effect He can have on your life when you honestly and truly seek Him.

I’m afraid we, who proclaim to be His children, do a very poor job of introducing people to Him. We tend to flavor His message with our own ideas and politics. But God is so much bigger than that. Thank God for you, Selena. I fear your struggles are not quite over yet, but He will guide you through them.

[Nikolai Melodie]

That is a beautiful story - and well written, too. I'm sure you do well in Creative Writing.

I believe yours is the kind of story God likes to tell time and time again. It’s amazing the effect He can have on your life when you honestly and truly seek Him.

I’m afraid we, who proclaim to be His children, do a very poor job of introducing people to Him. We tend to flavor His message with our own ideas and politics. But God is so much bigger than that. Thank God for you, Selena. I fear your struggles are not quite over yet, but He will guide you through them.

I'm human, and a Detroiter-- my struggles are NEVER over. XD

However, I do know that this experience was for the best. I mean, it may have been a rocky couple of years for me, but I know that for the rest of my life, I'll be able to witness much more effectively. Even when I'm not witnessing, I'll be much better able to relate to those struggling with my problem. That alone is a huge blessing, I guess...

If one person is saved as a result of everything that's happened to me, then I think everything has been worth it, eh?

[Okami]

I'm human, and a Detroiter-- my struggles are NEVER over. XD

Quoted for the sad, sad truth!

[K. Ayato]

Even if it never gets past one, the reward is still great .

[rocklobster]

What
an
AWESOME TESTIMONY. WOW How amazing that God revealed that to you, Seleana! How cool.

I almost started crying as I read this...for I have a very close friend who JUST accepted Christ like a year ago...and he is gay.. I don't know what to say around him or anything, but this gives me a lot of hope. I mean he isn't any less of a person for being this way...but I wonder does being this way...like hinder a close relationship with God? This has been something that I have been wondering. Because I really want my friend to be as happy about Christ as I am...but maybe that will come with time?

Thanks for sharing this, Seleana! ^_^

Yes, it will come with time. Don't force it. Just treat him as you would anyone else. Take it from me, I have personal experience.

[josh_manga]

That is an awesome testimony indeed! Praise God for it!

I have a brother (and i use the term in the surrogate sense of the word) who was gay. We met him at our church, and i bet he'd have a thing or two to say on the subject, but i don't really know, so i won't presume to speak for him. Anyway, Godspeed through highschool and college (or are you in college now? i got lost on that point) and i hope you find your man someday. Our Father's blessings and strength on you as you fight the good fight in the name of the Spirit each day. I know you'll need it, i need it too.

Quick aside on the gay christian topic, my own view. From what i've read of scripture, there is only one unpardonable sin, and homosexuality isn't it. Those who remain in sin, unrepentant will have some reckoning in the hereafter, we are still judged acoording to our works, but our works will not earn us salvation. Liars can be saved, killers can be saved, adulterers can be saved. One of the saddest sights i've ever seen was at a funeral for a christian young man who died in the service of the military in Iraq, and there were people from that church in Arkansas or Kansas (i forget now) who were preaching that he died because America has gays in the army, and that God hates gays. That just made me sick. Homosexuals can be saved, it is a sin, but it is also covered by the Blood of the Lamb, all debt is paid, and all transgressions are atoned for. What you do afterward is still your choice though, and you ought to choose to conform to the image of Christ. (sorry, i'm using 'you' as a general statement). I guess what i'm saying is, all sins are equal, and we shouldn't be casting stones, only encourage each other to be overcomers, not to dwell in the sins that Christ died for.

Donno if i'm gonna catch flack for saying all this, just wanted to get it out. I know homosexuals think poorly of the church, but the church has made a pretty bad example of itself in turn. Both sides are getting the criticism that they deserve, but it's all vain anyway, because criticism just leads to hardened hearts, on both sides.

[Nikolai Melodie]

That is an awesome testimony indeed! Praise God for it!

I have a brother (and i use the term in the surrogate sense of the word) who was gay. We met him at our church, and i bet he'd have a thing or two to say on the subject, but i don't really know, so i won't presume to speak for him. Anyway, Godspeed through highschool and college (or are you in college now? i got lost on that point) and i hope you find your man someday. Our Father's blessings and strength on you as you fight the good fight in the name of the Spirit each day. I know you'll need it, i need it too.

Quick aside on the gay christian topic, my own view. From what i've read of scripture, there is only one unpardonable sin, and homosexuality isn't it. Those who remain in sin, unrepentant will have some reckoning in the hereafter, we are still judged acoording to our works, but our works will not earn us salvation. Liars can be saved, killers can be saved, adulterers can be saved. One of the saddest sights i've ever seen was at a funeral for a christian young man who died in the service of the military in Iraq, and there were people from that church in Arkansas or Kansas (i forget now) who were preaching that he died because America has gays in the army, and that God hates gays. That just made me sick. Homosexuals can be saved, it is a sin, but it is also covered by the Blood of the Lamb, all debt is paid, and all transgressions are atoned for. What you do afterward is still your choice though, and you ought to choose to conform to the image of Christ. (sorry, i'm using 'you' as a general statement). I guess what i'm saying is, all sins are equal, and we shouldn't be casting stones, only encourage each other to be overcomers, not to dwell in the sins that Christ died for.

Donno if i'm gonna catch flack for saying all this, just wanted to get it out. I know homosexuals think poorly of the church, but the church has made a pretty bad example of itself in turn. Both sides are getting the criticism that they deserve, but it's all vain anyway, because criticism just leads to hardened hearts, on both sides.

I have similar beliefs, so do not be afraid
The Westburo Baptist Church of Topeka Kansas are a sickening bunch... for a long while, they were the few who deterred me from Christianity. Who would want to be allotted with those nuts? Not I, nor any of the other persons on this board, or so I should hope.

I agree with you in some ways. For a long while I held the belief that so long as a homosexual was celibate, he or she wasn't sinning... more or less, because if you are truly celibate, then you really don't have a 'sexuality' at all. Also, I consider it rather noble to surrender all of your lust issues onto the Lord and do what he wants, rather what you would want.

So, I agree that homosexuals could go to heaven, as it is only a sin just as any other forgivable deed, but I do think that homosexuality is curable+.

+ Curable, meaning not that it is a disease, but that with prayer it can be fixed. I hope this isn't misunderstood.

[minutz3]

Well, according to my faith, as a Christian true to The Church (yes, the Roman-Catholic Church) I think it is wrong to commit homosexual actions, but it is not wrong to "be" a "homosexual" (or "bisexual", "transsexual" or so forth for that matter either), if that's the case.

Personally, I think all this "sexuality" thing is just rubbish, I don't believe in it. Period.

[All 4 Him]

Praise God!! Reading your testimony almost made me cry...but I'm so proud of you! For seeking Him out like that, regardless of what your friends thought...Hallelujah! This testimony makes me so happy!! ^__^

[Yokuo]

Praise God! That truly is wonderful to hear! Just stay close to God and build that relationship with Him, and you'll keep changing into what He wants.

God Bless.

[Nikolai Melodie]

Thank you all for such continued support n.n

I had no idea anyone was still reading this thread x.x

God Bless you all :]

[Sanji07]

I had no idea that God worked miracles like these. It's amazing at what he can do. ^-^ God bless you Seleana! *does Numa Numa dance* Whew different fad. =P

[marcjames07]

Indeed, how God was able to change someones lives!!

Maybe you should start attending churches or find yourself a ministry here at CAA!!

[jon_jinn]

that's a very powerful testimony, seleana. i am truly happy for you, and it really is awesome to see what God is doing in your life.

[Tyrel]

Seleana,

I had almost exactly the same story... except different... you know...

Just wanted to let you know, you aren't the only one who went through something like this. Congrats.

[LittleShepherd]

Hello, Seleana. Wow, you are pretty young to have gone through something like this already. I'm a bit older(26), and I became a Christian about 3 1/2 years ago, and I had homosexual desires from about the age of 10. Perhaps I can share with you some of what I've learned. In a nutshell:

Homosexual desires are like any other wrong desire. It's not having the desire -- but rather how you react to the desire -- that determines whether you've sinned or not. Like any other desire, it may or may not go away as you grow, but you always have a choice of how you react to it. Most importantly, having any wrong desire, including homosexual desire, does not mean God doesn't love you, or that you are in peril. It's sad, but many people get this impression, and it's wrong -- it's very bad theology. If you are committed to Christ, and you are doing the right thing in spite of how you feel, then you are fine! If your desires have truly changed so much so quickly, I am happy for you. I've experienced some change myself, but it's not happened quite as fast as I'd like, and I have a couple friends who struggle with it much more than I do so I consider myself very fortunate. I don't know what the future holds for you, or if your desires will remain this way. If you do struggle with it in the future, though, please remember what I've said here.

I would agree wholeheartedly that one can have homosexual desires and be a Christian. As I said, having the desire is not the problem. There are some people who truly worry me, though, and that is practicing homosexuals who claim to be committed to Christ. The ones who know what the Bible says on the issue of homosexual acts, choose to do them anyway, and most importantly feel no conviction about what they do. It's the lack of conviction of wrongdoing that worries me the most, far more than the committing of the acts itself.

I participated in a discussion on this very issue at CAA's affiliate site TheologyWeb. Since we are affiliates(I say we because I am a moderator at TheologyWeb), I assume that it is alright if I link to the discussion in question. This discussion is in one of the public areas, so you do not need an account in order to read it. If you read the entire thing, you'll notice things get heated between me and another member, infide. I believe he is dangerously wrong, and react accordingly. What I want you to read most of all, though, is post #98 in that thread. I think that sums up my position on the issue better than anything else I've ever written, and I've had a number of conversations on this issue over the past few years since I became a Christian. Click here to see the discussion at TheologyWeb on this issue.

[Doubleshadow]

Seems like there are a couple of us with same struggle. I think people forget just how strong temptation is. Culture has a tendency to say that all feelings and impulses, with few exceptions, should be followed and that makes it that much harder to battle off feelings you know are lies.

Praise God that you saw through to the Truth.

[minakichan]

I see homosexuality as no different from any other sin. I am a perpetual liar; sometimes I lie just to see if I can get away with it. I know it's wrong, but I don't even try to curb it. There is no way that a homosexual is worse than me in any way. I think there's a bit of a yuck factor that makes people judge it, but it shouldn't be the case.

I do think it's possible to be homosexual and Christian, though, simply because some homosexual Christians do not actually believe that the Bible condemns it (they cite translation differences, for example, or other kinds of loopholes). I do not know if that is justified though. But at any rate, if homosexuals act like that and feel no guilt about it, I don't see how it's any different from bankers-- usury is a sin too, but most banks don't think they're doing anything wrong.

Not sure is "drooling over bishounen" is a better alternative to lesbianism though XD Nevertheless, I was glad to read this testimony, it's a really nice story.

[Reba]

Edit: I said I'd come back to it at the end, so keeping this short, I'll just say that I do think it could be possible to be gay and Christian, if God wanted you to be gay. However, the Word makes it pretty clear that he doesn't want it that way, so it isn't possible. I mean, a gay person can become a Christian, but I'm almost certian that down the road at some point they'd experience what I did and become straight. I have no evidence, of course...

I Support you on this belief.
I believe you are right in believing this, I believe that you cannot be a Christian and gay (Or lesbian), It says plainly in the bible you can't, Sodom and Gomorrah? Of course God can save a gay person. But until thatI would not think that the person was a christian.

[king atlantis]

i wish i could get my friend to read this...
she just came out thats shes bi, stopped going to church, among other things...


anyway, awsome testimony