A deep question....

[Hitokiri]

K guys htis is very deep, even for me..

I've been witnessing to my friend since the startin gof the year, ok? He says that he's just not sure but he does have some questions though and so I told him I would try to answer him. So I'm not truly going full witnessing cause he's not ready for that and I don't want to lose him from faith so yeah I've baacked off froma full frontal witnessing operation

So anyways...He's asked me a couple of questions until this friday when he asked me a question which I had no idea of 1) how to respond and 2) the answer

He understands absitnence and that Christians wait until thier married to have sex. He asked me "Is it wrong after you're married with your spouse to have alot of sex."

I kinda stammered and alot of well...umms...and ashhs...and I said I will have to get back to him on that.

What do you guys think?

[CobaltAngel]

Uhm... probalby just as long as you don't obsess over it. Dang, that is an akward question. O.o

[TwilightKissC3]

It's not persay "wrong" i dont think. As long as both parties agree. God gave man the ability and just because you wait doesnt mean you cant when you want after your married. Once you married and in God's will part of God's Will is to have childern. Sex is a gift from God. but today's image messes things up so this question is quite hard to answer i hope this help you in anyway and i hope you friend comes to Christ.

[ShiroiHikari]

I think...that as long as sex isn't the dominating factor in the marriage, then it's fine. And that's all I'll say for now. *sits back*

[Spiritsword]

As long as it doesn't come before God in the marriage. Sex is a God-given gift to promote intimacy and a closer bond between a husband and wife.

[Shao Feng-Li]

as long as it doesnt rule ones life after marriage. theres nothong wrong. (Right?)

[Staci]

Side question: am I the only one who prefers the term "love making" as opposed to sex?

Anywhoo, back on topic. I thoroughly agree with everyone else on the thread. Making love is perfectly good within the bounds of matrimony, just as long as you are not: thinking about it all the time, forcing it on your spouse, becoming addicted, letting it get in the way of other obligations, etc. etc.

[Enthralled]

I know that somewhere it does say to wait awhile between each occasion, so as not to be given over to lust. What Akaida said pretty much.

[Omega Amen]

Let me see if I can reason this out. My reasoning is going to focus on the relationship between the husband and wife since I have this hunch your friend is not really focusing on the children issue in his question. I only have my reasoning to go with since I cannot recall at the moment an explicit example in Scripture that addresses this. So I am putting my usual disclaimer on this: This is my opinion.

I believe that ultimately what matters is that the marriage, the bond between husband and wife, should become closer and stronger because of the sexual intercourse. I believe that means sex should be done with intention to strive for a closer, emotional, and spiritual bond between the spouses. I do not believe that sex should be done just to get a "high" or a "thrill." That is because in that case, the spouses are taking advantage of God's gift for their own selfish purposes, and they are not honoring what God has given them (their marriage). Also in that case, they are viewing each other as their sex object/toy, which is just removing someone's dignity and is wrong. By having sex with the purpose of honestly strengthening their marriage, the spouses can differentiate their sexual act from sinful sexual acts such as sex with a prostitute or masturbation. (Notice in those sinful cases, the only objective is to get a "high" from the sex, like a drug, and the persons involved have become objectified in the act.)

So, now the question is "Can having 'a lot of sex' strengthen a marriage?" Well, it is possible I suppose.... But, if I were married, there would be a few fears I would have with having a lot of sex with my spouse.

First, am I taking advantage of my wife? That is, if the frequency of sex makes it so that I see it as an opportunity to just relieve my stress or satisfy a sick desire, that would be taking advantage of my wife. In that case, I am viewing her as a sex object, and that is just wrong.

Also, if I just married her just to "escape" the sin of pre-marital sex, and thus now see this as an opportunity to just have sex with a woman as much as I want and supposedly be "sin-free", then I would be dishonoring her, the marriage, and thus God.

Of course, there is the sex addiction possibility, and the forced sex (which is rape) possibility. I do not think I have to explain why these are wrong.

My main point is that sex is a gift from God with the purpose of strengthening marriage and to receive the blessing of children. Thus, if having "a lot of sex" strays away from this purpose and thus is used to fulfill the spouses' selfish desires of merely getting a "high," then that is probably too much sex.

Well, that's my take on it. I am curious if our married members have any opinions on this issue.

[Saint Kevin]

[quote="1 Cor. 7:5"] Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer]

Paul says in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 that it is destructive for a married couple to deprive one another of sexual intimacy. But nothing is said about the other extreme. Provided it is not a substitute for intimacy and communication, I don't see a problem with it.

[SVD997]

At my college (I goto a Christian College) we just had a series of messages on sexual purity. I believe there is absolutly nothing wrong with sex after marriage, no matter how much you do it. Here is the question though: Is that his only reason for getting married? If the answer is yes, then he is approaching marriage from a whole different perspective. Does he realize that marriage is meant to last a lifetime, and that after 20 years or so, sex does not become the primary focus of affection? The idea of marriage is two people deeply in love with each other, and more importantly, God.
[img]C:\Documents%20and%20Settings\Chaddog\Desktop\GMF.bmp[/img]
Here is a diagram a buddy of mine showed me. It represents how our relationship should be. If you notice, if you focus on God, you get closer to your signifigant other. I may have gone to deep here. Sorry about that.

[SVD997]

Sorry the picture didnt show. Let me try this instead.

-----------------------------God
------------------------------/\
----------------------------/==\
--------------------------/====\
------------------------/======\
-----------------------========
---------------------GIRL---------GUY

I hope this is kinda clear.
Ok here we go... finally:)

[Hitokiri]

thanks guys tommorow I'm gonna pretty much sum up what all you guys said.

I agree with you to, as long as sex doesn't rule the marriage but God rules the marriage.

[true_noir_chloe]

Having been married for 16 years all I can say is, sex is definitely part of marriage. *hehe* I'm sorry, but you're friend gave you a really loaded question. You need to tell him, in as loud as possible, "How am I supposed to answer a question like that?" "What does that have to do with Chrisitianity?" And then laugh, really loud. A guy shouldn't be asking you questions like that - it's rude.

Now, I'm not going to talk to you kiddies about what married couples do on this thread. Let me tell you this: When you have a great relationship with your Lord it translates in a great relationship with your spouse. And that is in the marital bed, as well.

I might think about what to add, but I think that's all I can think of, without going into details.

[DrNic]

Lol, that is a tough one. Umm...I believe that a lot of sex is ok. Seriously! Its if God is telling you to tone it down a bit that its bad, if you get me. So basically, if God is happy, its ok. If its bothering you then its probably God letting you know he has a problem with it.

That probably doesn't make any sense...I was always bad at explaining things...
PM me if you have questions (I like people PMing me ^_^)

[CDLviking]

I think Omega Amen gave the best answer on here. I agree with his position 100%.

[Michael]

<Is it wrong after you're married with your spouse to have alot of sex.>

NO! Were do baby's come from?

[Omega Amen]

I think Omega Amen gave the best answer on here. I agree with his position 100%.

Alright, I got the CAA official "Seminary Otaku" to agree with me!

*clears throat*

Anyway, my reasoning is mainly about the intention of a married couples' acts. Are they being done to strengthen the marriage, or are they attempts to try to take advantage of one another (which is not really marriage)?

true_noir_chloe, if you were addressing my curiousity on married members' opinions on this, I did not mean to pry into details of your marriage or anybody else's. I felt I should clear that up.

And loaded/rude question or not, questions like these are asked by non-believers. If a good answer can be provided, I think it should be stated.

[Angel37]

Read 1st Corinthians 7:4-7 That has all the answers
-Angel

[true_noir_chloe]

That was a good scriptural reference, Angel37. There's an even better scripture to use, which is what I advise young marrieds, and those who are single, to read. It is Ephesians 5:21-33. This is my favorite verse in the Bible regarding how husbands and wives should treat each other. And, it is even more beneficial to read the context of this scripture, which is covering how we should all treat each other. A man and woman in marriage are equal. One is not the servant of the other. In verse 33 it emphasizes how women should respect their husband and how men should love their wives as themselves.

Also, we realize the marriage is a another way God shows His love toward us. The husband is representative of Christ and the woman is representative of the church. In this, we see how a husband cherishes his wife, even giving up his life if needed; and the wife, she worships and revers her husband. Now, I don't mean in reality the way she would Christ, but in the way she is submitting of herself to her husband as the church does to Christ.

If you have any walk at all with the Lord, you realize the beauty of this. Think about your relationship with a loving Savior. How He gave His life for you. How He continually watches over you, nurtures you, cares about your every need. The husband has an awesome responsibility, since he is representative of Christ in the marriage.

Now, if a man thinks that a woman is just his servant, whom bows down to him and doesn't act anything the way our loving Savior acts toward us, then he would become an abusive ogre. I think, possibly, many men in the church today think this way.

Marriage is give and take. And by far, the man in the marriage is the one who gives the most. In return, if he is married to a godly woman, he will be blessed with her complete love, honor and devotion.

Omega Amen, I know I was not serious with my first answer. In fact, I hadn't even read your response until right now. I cannot totally agree with your response.

I think to weigh so much on a couple is wrong. Once you are married you are your beloved, and your beloved is yours. Within the marriage, if you're following the guidelines laid out in Ephesians, then what you do in the bedroom is between you and God. And I still stand firm in my earlier statement. I think this guy is trying to rile Hitokiri up with something that has nothing to do with whether he believes in Jesus Christ or not. I've heard so many arguments through my years witnessing on college campuses. It's a ruse, and I stand by my thoughts that's the only reason this young man asked this, was for shock value.

[true_noir_chloe]

I have to add, sorry for the double post, that my husband understands his Ephesians husband role and is the greatest blessing in my life. We grow to understand the scripture more every day. ^_^

[CDLviking]

Omega Amen, I know I was not serious with my first answer. In fact, I hadn't even read your response until right now. I cannot totally agree with your response.

I think to weigh so much on a couple is wrong. Once you are married you are your beloved, and your beloved is yours. Within the marriage, if you're following the guidelines laid out in Ephesians, then what you do in the bedroom is between you and God. And I still stand firm in my earlier statement. I think this guy is trying to rile Hitokiri up with something that has nothing to do with whether he believes in Jesus Christ or not. I've heard so many arguments through my years witnessing on college campuses. It's a ruse, and I stand by my thoughts that's the only reason this young man asked this, was for shock value.

Actually, I think that Omega Amen's response is more like a blueprint to living out Ephesians 5 and Genesis 2. If a married couple is truly to image the relationship between Christ and the Church, then they must never use each selfishly, but always seek to grow closer in unity, into the one flesh union. Omega Amen's argument is very theologicaly sound. Marriage is not a license to sex, but the doorway to right relationship with your spouse and God. I have been warned against getting too theological so I'll leave it here, but if anyone wants to ask deeper questions on the theology behind this feel free to PM me.

[Omega Amen]

It is Ephesians 5:21-33. This is my favorite verse in the Bible regarding how husbands and wives should treat each other....

*gives a huge, honest smile... a rarity.*

Oh, thank you! I was trying to find that verse! My parents told me that passage really outlines the key to a good marriage. Thank you.

*continues reading eagerly.*

Marriage is give and take. And by far, the man in the marriage is the one who gives the most. In return, if he is married to a godly woman, he will be blessed with her complete love, honor and devotion.

My parents (and I) agree completely with you.

Omega Amen, I know I was not serious with my first answer. In fact, I hadn't even read your response until right now. I cannot totally agree with your response.

My apologies. I have this problem of taking nearly everything I see seriously. I honestly thought I might have unintentionally insulted you. I was trying to make amends in my second post. Sorry for the confusion.... Forgive me, that is my fault.

Disagreement?

I think to weigh so much on a couple is wrong. Once you are married you are your beloved, and your beloved is yours. Within the marriage, if you're following the guidelines laid out in Ephesians, then what you do in the bedroom is between you and God.

I guess I did not form my first answer very well, because I also agree with you on this point. (This is not surprising since I wrote my first post on the fly, and not being able to find the Ephesians passage.)

My concern is possible abuse of sex, that they become focused only about themselves (I mean that singularly not collectively, i.e. husband only cares about himself and not his wife), and do not "become one flesh," and the husband starts becoming like "an abusive ogre" where he does not nurture or care or respect his wife. If the "a lot of sex" leads to this abusive relationship, where there is no "give and take" at all, where it fails to follow the Ephesians passage, where the husband does not follow Christ's example in loving the Church, then I believe it should not be done.

That was what I was trying to get at. I am not trying to dictate what a married couple does in the bedroom. Of course, it is between them and God. Note: when I say strengthen the marriage, I really do mean follow the guidelines in Ephesians. (That passage has been hammered in my head by my parents, but I keep forgetting where it is located, and yes, I am ashamed I keep forgetting where it is.)

At this point, I am really worried on how my first post does not follow the Ephesians passage. That passage is probably the biggest lesson that my parents gave me and one of the most dear to my heart. true_noir_chloe, if you can PM me on where it strays from the Ephesians passage, I would be very, very grateful.

And I still stand firm in my earlier statement. I think this guy is trying to rile Hitokiri up with something that has nothing to do with whether he believes in Jesus Christ or not. I've heard so many arguments through my years witnessing on college campuses. It's a ruse, and I stand by my thoughts that's the only reason this young man asked this, was for shock value.

I have the same suspicions as you have about the motivations of the person who asked the question. In my life, I have been constantly bashed for my faith, and questions like this one were precursors to the bashing. I developed some pretty thick skin because of that.

I also have no problem with your firm stance. However, personally, if I had to do it all over again, I would still answer those type of questions. I would not argue after I state my answer, in fact, I have never allowed the argument to develop. Answering a question is possible without starting an argument. I have done it many times, and yes, I have left people in the cold to argue with the air around them.

My parents' marriage is essentially what made me believe in the existence of God and that Christ's love is genuine. If it weren't for them, I would have never been a Christian, period. It is the love they demonstrate in their marriage is what makes them my heroes. It is their love that makes me put "Believer" in my custom user title.

Therefore, if I were to meet this guy Hitokiri mentioned, and he asked me this question, even with the intent to shock, I would still answer it. Why? Because it deals with marriage, even if it may be immature, and if I get a chance to express the beauty outlined in Ephesians and make a statement against destroying marriage, even in the silly context of "a lot of sex," I am going to do it. Marriage means too much to me....

However, I will not blame anyone in not answering those type of "shock" questions with the mention of marriage. I am used to the attempts to shock and to bash. I am almost numb to it.

...my husband understands his Ephesians husband role and is the greatest blessing in my life. We grow to understand the scripture more every day. ^_^

I sincerely mean this. I am very happy to hear that. I really am.

Hitokiri, sorry about this. But marriage means a lot to me. You have decided what to do anyway.

I have said more than my fair share here. I will not post again in this thread.

[Fsiphskilm]

[quote="Akai

[true_noir_chloe]

My concern is possible abuse of sex, that they become focused only about themselves (I mean that singularly not collectively, i.e. husband only cares about himself and not his wife), and do not "become one flesh," and the husband starts becoming like "an abusive ogre" where he does not nurture or care or respect his wife. If the "a lot of sex" leads to this abusive relationship, where there is no "give and take" at all, where it fails to follow the Ephesians passage, where the husband does not follow Christ's example in loving the Church, then I believe it should not be done.

That was what I was trying to get at. I am not trying to dictate what a married couple does in the bedroom. Of course, it is between them and God. Note: when I say strengthen the marriage, I really do mean follow the guidelines in Ephesians. (That passage has been hammered in my head by my parents, but I keep forgetting where it is located, and yes, I am ashamed I keep forgetting where it is.)

At this point, I am really worried on how my first post does not follow the Ephesians passage. That passage is probably the biggest lesson that my parents gave me and one of the most dear to my heart. true_noir_chloe, if you can PM me on where it strays from the Ephesians passage, I would be very, very grateful.

I'm sorry Omega Amen, I should have gone back and edited what I said. You were right; the wording could have been changed just a bit, and that's what got me. I'll pm you and we can talk about this further if you like. Honestly, I see nothing wrong with your post and it was my mistake in reading it incorrectly.

It sounds like you have some great parents, and that is so wonderful to hear these days.

[YesIExist]

I take a similar stance to what others have said. As long as sex doesn't define the marriage and consume it, it shouldn't be a problem. God created sex. Just don't abuse what God created.

Besides, if you waited until marriage to have sex, it would be my guess that some people would spend a lot of time getting it out of their system, lol. It takes a LOT of restraint to wait until marriage. Kudos to those who can do it.

[kaji]

Haveing only been married for a short time I am by no means a professional husband. Though I do my best, I find I am learning new things every day about my wife and our relationship.
I would have to say I agree with much of the essays provided by Omega Amen and true_noir_chloe.

But there is another important issue that can be applied to this question.
(The question being: When you are married, can you have to much sex with your wife/husbend?)
Some times sin can be differant for differant people. For instance, I have a friend who stugles with eating to much. They are about my size and eat no more than I do, but have a serious conviction that they eat to much or eat when it is not nessisay. To them this is a serious problem, and is sin in their life. Though I live the same life style, I have no conviction in this area.
Simmilarly it is possible to be completely devoted to your spouse and have no selfish embitions in your sexual relationship yet still be convicted that you are having to much sex, in that case it can be wrong. At the same time, if your spouse has such a conviction and though you may not, being of one flesh, their concern becomes yours and you would be sinning to ignore their conviction. Again, this is assuming that your relationship with your wife is infact pleasing to God.

You could also relate this to other subjects that are within the moral will of God. There is a family that goes to our church that strongly believes that you should not go out to a resturant on Sundays or do anything that would cause another to work on the sabboth. While their conviction in this area is very strong, I have no such convition. But were I to have such a convition and then go against it (that is eat at a restaraunt on Sunday), I would be sinning.

Well, thats all for now.

[madphilb]

I have the same suspicions as you have about the motivations of the person who asked the question. In my life, I have been constantly bashed for my faith, and questions like this one were precursors to the bashing. I developed some pretty thick skin because of that.

There is still a wide feeling too that "sex" is "dirty" and whatnot when it comes to Christians.

I don't think the secular world understands how you can have modesty, virtue, and restrain.. yet still find "sex" enjoyable within the "confines" that God has placed for us.

Maybe I'm wrong on this, but this might be part of where this sort of thing came from.

[Azier the Swordsman]

Sex is a GIFT from God TO married couples. It's something that is allowed to be used freely in the confines of marriage, as long, however, as that's NOT the only purpose for having gotten married in the first place. Do not marry someone you do not truly love with all you heart. The reason I have never had a girlfriend is not because I don't want one, believe me, I have wanted one for years, but because I have never fallen truly in love with one. Love is the most important quality in any relationship to me.

But believe me, It's very doubtful I'll be straying far from the hotel room for an extended period of time on my honeymoon.