Hanging On

[Nozomi]

Hi. My name is Neil. Known on this site as Nozomi. I am in need of help, in two main areas.

1. My family's health: my grandfather is recovering from 2 surgeries and a stroke in the hospital. Due to this, my mom resigned from her job (she needed to anyways), my aunt is moving back down to SoCal (where I live) from Oregon after only being there for a year, and stress levels have increased across the board. Also, my sister, who attends college in Texas, is suffering from some rare disorder that makes her unable to eat a lot of certain foods. Today she found out that it wasn't what the doctors thought it was (Celiac's Disease, tests for it came back negative), and it could be something else. I just hope it's not cancer or something worse than the first disease they tested for. I have close relationships with both my sister and grandfather, so to lose them anytime soon would be devastating to me i think. So prayer for my family is needed.

2. My own situation: To begin with, 'tis the season of twitterpation. For those who don't know what that means, watch the clip of the movie Bambi dealing with that word. It basically means the time around the start of Spring where everyone starts getting together in romantic relationships. That being said...

I have never had a girlfriend. And I just turned 21. Please, do not give me arguments about how 21 is still young; I'm just giving a factual statement. I have come to terms with the fact that if God wants me to have that sort of relationship with someone, He will present that someone to me.

Unfortunately, with my human flaws, I tend to forget this and other similar points from time to time... and that's when it gets hard. Really hard. And I keep telling myself these things to remember, but it doesn't always work. So I am under spiritual attack on this matter. Lies come at me from all angles, specifically pride issues and God's timing issues, usually the two are linked together.

My problem with the opposite sex is as follows: I am in a cycle of crushes that I can't seem to get out of.
1. I get into a crush
2. The crush falls out over time and lack of intimacy or I get rejected
3. I swear off of crushes forever until the God-appointed crush comes along
4. Repeat steps 1-3.
I currently don't have a crush on anyone, and I'm striving each day not to think about my situation with relationships. But the debating in my heart/mind/soul wears on me, a lot. The main debate currently arises when a talk is made about the being a man of God and the attributes thereof, like this:
"Hey, those are some cool attributes."
"Those are the things I do."
"I'm a man of God."
"Then where is your woman of God?"... and the debate rages on from there.

It doesn't help that in the past 2 weeks I have discovered about 4 new God-centered relationships have sprung up around me in my friends. Granted, those discoveries bring me joy, and I am glad for my friends. But it doesn't help me personally.

It also doesn't help that I'm not in contact often enough with sisters in Christ. That sort of presence, though ironically a threat due to femininity's attractiveness, really helps. I mean, yeah my brothers in Christ are great, I live with 6 of them in a house. But they only help so far as in providing advice and possible solutions to my situation. Not that that stuff is bad, it's just that that's all I get. I don't seem to get much... empathy, or sympathy or whatever. And that's what really makes it hard: I feel like I'm all alone in this, just me and God (even though I know that's not the truth, it's hard not to believe it).
I'm not sure what exactly to pray for from this situation; there's a lot... but God, I'm sure, will let you know what pray for in it.

In other news, better news though...

I changed majors in college recently, from Civil Engineering to Geographic Information Systems. God led me to it, and it fits like a glove. I love my new major. So pray that I finish well in Spring of 2009.

I'm involved in Campus Crusade for Christ, and I have been accepted to Santa Monica Summer Project, which will be for 8 weeks starting in June. 8 weeks of building Christian community with 60 other college students from around the nation, evangelism and community service, and a full-time job... I can't wait! It costs $2500 to go though, and that comes through support-raising. So prayer is needed there on finances and in general, and praise God that I got accepted there!

That is all.

Neil
(Nozomi)

[SailorDove]

Neil,

I agree with you in prayer for your family, your sister & grandfather's health and the feelings you're dealing with. As well as thanksgiving in the change in your majors and request financial support.

God, please help Neil with all this stuff. And thank you for all your help with everything. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.

[Tenshi no Ai]

Praying for it all...

[rsnumber2]

I've been praying for you since Chat last night. I will continue to do so. If you need anything PM me.

[K. Ayato]

Praying, dude. I know how you feel about the season of twitterpating.